Current Events > CYOA: You've jammed your arm into a Pringles can.

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HotLap
02/24/18 12:46:13 AM
#1:


You lost your job about a month ago. Your boss said it wasn't your fault. After all, all you did was type numbers into a computer for eight hours a day. Unfortunately, another company was willing to type numbers at a lower rate than your company, so you lost your client and got laid off.

Losing your job put you in a bit of a depression, so you've been eating a lot more and moving a lot less. Your life is now video games and collecting unemployment checks. Your friends have tried boosting your spirits by expressing their jealously that you don't have to go to work for a while, and you've been putting on a brave face by calling your new, sad life "funemployment". But your brave face is a lot jowlier than your old face.

You reach for another short stack of salty comfort food but your arm stops before you can grab the few remaining chips at the bottom of the can. Determined, you take a deep breath and shove your arm further into the Pringles can. God, it's really wedged in there now, but the chips still avoid you, mere inches away. "To hell with it, I'll just take my arm out and pour the chips onto the table like a quitter," you think to yourself.

You attempt to yank your hand out of the can but it doesn't budge. You strain and pull a little harder this time but to no avail. You clutch the can with your meaty thighs. With a slew of grunts and grimaces, you try to free your hand from it's cylindrical prison. Nothing.

"Fuck I might be in some trouble here," you call out to your empty apartment, voice cracking from panic. You head to the fridge and find the butter. You lather up your arm in a desperate act of makeshift lubrication. You instinctively give the butter on your arm a small lick. "No!" you scold yourself. That's how you got yourself into this mess in the first place. Lubing up your arm offers no hope, however, as your arm is still firmly one with the canister. You stare your new mustachioed god in the eyes. "Fuck you," you whisper defiantly.

It's 11 AM on a Tuesday. While everyone else is at work, you're stuck inside a Pringles can.

What do you do?

A) Call your girlfriend at work and ask her for help.
B) Grab another can of Pringles from the pantry.
C) Check your email about potential job interviews.
D) Attempt to break the can by smashing it against things in your apartment.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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Anisoptera
02/24/18 12:47:37 AM
#2:


A) Call your girlfriend at work and ask her for help.
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HotLap
02/24/18 1:45:13 AM
#3:


Bump before bed.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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Two_Dee
02/24/18 2:21:42 AM
#4:


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CarlGrimes
02/24/18 2:48:17 AM
#5:


E. Pretend I am Mega Man.
---
You'll get a funeral if you don't wise up and call me....Carl Poppa.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9aM9Ch97U8
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HotLap
02/24/18 2:58:22 PM
#6:


Bump.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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Bass_X0
02/24/18 2:59:14 PM
#7:


CarlGrimes posted...
E. Pretend I am Mega Man.


I've always done this with empty Pringle cans. Not every time though, obviously.
---
"Well, it's not a bad game. It's made by Capcom, so how could it?" ~ AVGN
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SSBBSB
02/24/18 2:59:23 PM
#8:


A
---
All humans are creepy in their own way. - ggghhh3
3DS FC: 2294-4506-7568
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nevershine
02/24/18 3:00:05 PM
#9:


D
---
"There are no men like me. There's only me."-Jaime Lannister
https://m.imgur.com/fpLYQa3
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Eevee-Trainer
02/24/18 3:19:46 PM
#10:


Bass_X0 posted...
CarlGrimes posted...
E. Pretend I am Mega Man.

I've always done this with empty Pringle cans. Not every time though, obviously.

This, back when I was a kid. >.>

.

Anyhowwww... D
---
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Vicious_Dios
02/24/18 3:26:03 PM
#11:


B. For symmetry.
---
S / K / Y / N / E
Twitch/YouTube/GT: Adzeta
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LordFarquad1312
02/24/18 3:29:38 PM
#12:


CarlGrimes posted...
E. Pretend I am Mega Man.

And if that's not an option, B
---
The force is my ally
"If you are tired of fear from links... Let Kirby's Nightmare protect you."
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teepan95
02/24/18 4:17:20 PM
#13:


D
---
I use Gameraven and you should too.
#desisoyboy
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nikko004
02/24/18 6:40:35 PM
#14:


D
---
How to open a door, Step one: http://i.imgur.com/EWKRS.gif
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ShotgunSilencer
02/24/18 6:43:53 PM
#15:


LOL mega man
Yesssss
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HotLap
02/25/18 1:38:32 AM
#16:


D) Attempt to break the can by smashing it against things in your apartment.

You grab your phone and think about calling your girlfriend for help. Would she have to leave work to come to your apartment and rip a junk food container off your arm? Yeah, probably. Has she expressed concern and polite, but stern dissatisfaction with your new sedentary lifestyle and additional pounds? Yes, absolutely. Do you think your problem is more important than whatever she's working on? Maybe. That question would be a lot easier if you knew what she did for work. You should know this. You rack your brain to try to find the answer but all you can think of is the word "gingo". You're like 90% sure that's not even a real word, and if it is, it sounds like it'd be a racist one. You don't know towards who. Back to the matter at hand, how would your girlfriend react if you made her leave a job that you can't identify to tug a Pringles can off your arm? She'd probably call you a lazy gingo and dump your ass.

You put the phone back down on the kitchen counter. Better not. You lean against the fridge door and sigh. The worst part about this situation is that, like.... you weren't even done eating chips yet. You definitely wanted to eat more chips than you ended up eating. You plop your head on your shoulder, cheek being pushed up to force your eye halfway shut, and give the pantry a sidelong glance. There's a fresh tube of Sour Cream and Onion in there. You can finish what you want to do, and then you'll be motivated to free your arm. Right?

"No!" you shout to yourself. You piece of shit, remove the goddamn Pringles can that's probably cutting off your circulation from your arm. Your laziness has already gotten you into trouble since you lost your job. That first night you were walking into the kitchen and missed the light switch as you meekly flopped your arm at it on your way by. You stopped dead in your tracks and swiveled your head around. The light switch was one step away. All you had to do was take one step back to illuminate the room. Instead you trudged onwards into the darkness. You broke three toes.

Well, you've already established that you can't slide this thing off of you, so you figure you'll have to smash it. However, you'll have to be careful. When you lost your job, your lost your health insurance. You can't shatter the can, but also break your arm. You walk over to the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room. You rear back and ram your arm into the living room wall. A cloud of drywall and plaster explodes from the wall as you make contact. "Aw shit," you curse as you stare into the five inch hole you've created in your living room, then down to the perfectly intact Pringles can.

"I should have found a stud before I slammed my arm into this wall," you mutter. You spend the next few moments gently knocking on the wall to the left of the hole. Finally satisfied, you exclaim, "A-ha!" before bashing an even larger hole into your living room. "Fuck, I don't... I don't know how to find studs."
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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HotLap
02/25/18 1:38:44 AM
#17:


The wall's clearly not working. You go back into the kitchen. The fridge looks pretty sturdy you suppose with a shrug. You're never seen someone put a hole in a fridge before. You swing your arm at the side of your refrigerator and hear a loud thud as the canister collides, followed by several smaller thuds as the appliance shifts in its alcove and the food inside shuffles around. You inspect the damage. None to the demented potato prison of your own creation, but thankfully, also none to the fridge. "Alright," you smile. As long as the fridge can take a couple more hits, you should be out of this in no time at all. You smack it a little harder this time. The familiar thuds you expected were immediately joined by a sharp crack, as the bottom hinge of the door snapped off and shot across the door. The bottom left hand corner of the door plummeted to the tile floor, leaving all your food fully exposed to the world.

"God dammit! This fuckin' thing," you cuss as you flail your arm about wildly in frustration. You grit your teeth and stare again at the mustachioed mascot on the packaging. "WHO THE FUCK EVEN ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO WITH CHIPS? FUCK YOU!"

You're slowly destroying your apartment. It might be time to take a break from smashing.

What do you do?

A) Soldier on. This thing's gotta break sooner or later.
B) Attempt to duct tape your fridge shut so your food doesn't go bad.
C) You're getting sad and frustrated. Join a support group for the physically handicapped.
D) You can't go to the hospital, you don't have health insurance. Go to the police instead.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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Vortex_of_Hope
02/25/18 1:44:06 AM
#18:


D

Was just thinking about CYOAs earlier and happy to see this.
---
"Whether I'm alive or dead, I'm still just dandy."
3DS friend code: 2191-7740-4404 PSN / Nintendo Network ID: Vortex_of_Hope
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0AbsoluteZero0
02/25/18 1:46:36 AM
#19:


B -> D
---
-The Admirable
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Eevee-Trainer
02/25/18 1:53:16 AM
#20:


0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
B -> D

---
See me on Discord! ^.^
Eevee's Mystery Dungeon: https://discord.gg/V7hzcXd
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HotLap
02/25/18 1:55:09 AM
#21:


Vortex_of_Hope posted...
D

Was just thinking about CYOAs earlier and happy to see this.


Good to see you, old friend.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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Vortex_of_Hope
02/25/18 1:59:03 AM
#22:


HotLap posted...
Vortex_of_Hope posted...
D

Was just thinking about CYOAs earlier and happy to see this.


Good to see you, old friend.


Glad to see you're still posting stories.
---
"Whether I'm alive or dead, I'm still just dandy."
3DS friend code: 2191-7740-4404 PSN / Nintendo Network ID: Vortex_of_Hope
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LordFarquad1312
02/25/18 3:33:37 AM
#23:


B and D
---
The force is my ally
"If you are tired of fear from links... Let Kirby's Nightmare protect you."
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nevershine
02/25/18 3:37:04 AM
#24:


Eevee-Trainer posted...
0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
B -> D

---
"There are no men like me. There's only me."-Jaime Lannister
https://m.imgur.com/fpLYQa3
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nikko004
02/25/18 4:38:50 AM
#25:


nevershine posted...
Eevee-Trainer posted...
0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
B -> D

---
How to open a door, Step one: http://i.imgur.com/EWKRS.gif
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DocileOrangeCup
02/25/18 5:25:29 AM
#26:


nikko004 posted...
nevershine posted...
Eevee-Trainer posted...
0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
B -> D

I'm very happy to see you back ass Muff
---
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JE19426
02/25/18 5:33:54 AM
#27:


E. Get a safety knife and cut the can off.
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PlantLivesMatte
02/25/18 5:35:43 AM
#28:


I turn into the Hulk and break the puny can.
---
Plant Lives Matter:
https://youtu.be/1WUNCwBuT3M
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HotLap
02/25/18 12:36:51 PM
#29:


Morning bump.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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fire_bolt
02/25/18 12:42:22 PM
#30:


D

Please please please tag me for these in the future xD
---
If her hips don't break, you didn't "carry" hard enough" -SpunkySix
http://steamcommunity.com/id/bolt_thundara/wishlist
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teepan95
02/25/18 12:50:16 PM
#31:


nikko004 posted...
nevershine posted...
Eevee-Trainer posted...
0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
B -> D

---
I use Gameraven and you should too.
#desisoyboy
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LordFarquad1312
02/25/18 4:49:54 PM
#32:


fire_bolt posted...
Please please please tag me for these in the future xD

I would like to request this as well.
---
The force is my ally
"If you are tired of fear from links... Let Kirby's Nightmare protect you."
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Eevee-Trainer
02/25/18 4:51:39 PM
#33:


LordFarquad1312 posted...
fire_bolt posted...
Please please please tag me for these in the future xD

I would like to request this as well.

---
See me on Discord! ^.^
Eevee's Mystery Dungeon: https://discord.gg/V7hzcXd
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teepan95
02/26/18 2:21:44 AM
#34:


Up
---
I use Gameraven and you should too.
#desisoyboy
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fire_bolt
02/26/18 10:29:41 PM
#35:


Not trying to steal TCs thunder butt i know my bois and gurls are gonna want to C this xD

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/76358400
---
If her hips don't break, you didn't "carry" hard enough" -SpunkySix
http://steamcommunity.com/id/bolt_thundara/wishlist
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DrizztLink
02/26/18 10:31:46 PM
#36:


Eevee-Trainer posted...
0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
B -> D

---
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HotLap
02/27/18 1:33:24 AM
#37:


fire_bolt posted...
Not trying to steal TCs thunder butt i know my bois and gurls are gonna want to C this xD

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/76358400


Oh FUCK yeah I love Ponch CYOAs. I can't update tonight, so everyone read that.
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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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DrizztLink
02/27/18 5:16:20 AM
#38:


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teepan95
03/01/18 4:33:29 AM
#39:


Bump
---
I use Gameraven and you should too.
#lilteep
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Popcorn_Fairy
03/01/18 4:48:32 AM
#40:


B then D
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HotLap
03/01/18 3:11:01 PM
#41:


I can update either tonight or tomorrow.
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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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0AbsoluteZero0
03/01/18 3:15:05 PM
#42:


I vote tonight
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-The Admirable
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fire_bolt
03/01/18 5:23:09 PM
#43:


Tonight
---
If her hips don't break, you didn't "carry" hard enough" -SpunkySix
http://steamcommunity.com/id/bolt_thundara/wishlist
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HotLap
03/03/18 5:25:09 AM
#44:


Okay I lied, but soon.
---
You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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LordFarquad1312
03/04/18 8:09:17 PM
#45:


Emergency bump
---
The force is my ally
"If you are tired of fear from links... Let Kirby's Nightmare protect you."
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0AbsoluteZero0
03/06/18 12:49:31 AM
#46:


HotLap posted...
Okay I lied, but soon.

Pls respond
---
-The Admirable
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Eevee-Trainer
03/06/18 1:01:11 AM
#47:


0AbsoluteZero0 posted...
HotLap posted...
Okay I lied, but soon.

Pls respond

---
See me on Discord! ^.^
Eevee's Mystery Dungeon: https://discord.gg/V7hzcXd
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SmidgeIsntBack
03/06/18 11:47:15 PM
#48:


BD
---
Audio Theater: For discussion of podcasts, radio, audiobooks, and the like
https://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/1364-
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LordFarquad1312
03/06/18 11:55:13 PM
#49:


Bmp
---
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"If you are tired of fear from links... Let Kirby's Nightmare protect you."
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Eevee-Trainer
03/06/18 11:57:10 PM
#50:


Is TC the new pinky?
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