Current Events > Idk if I'm in a bad relationship, or if I'm just a shitty significant other.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'll start by saying this is by far my longest relationship. Our four year anniversary is in April.

Every relationship prior wasn't that serious, or lasted under 8 months.

It started off great, but we're just so far from what we once were.

I'm starting to think we're together for the sure convenience of it. We have five pets together, have a house together(under my name), etc.

We've been fighting a lot. Mainly for me snapping at her for seemingly no reason sometimes.

We MIGHT have sex once a month, if I'm lucky. Even then, it's because she feels obligated, not because she wants to. We used to have sex multiple times a day.

She's convinced I'm seeing other people, but that isn't the case.
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What are you mad about that you snap at her for no reason
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You sound like a normal married couple except youre not married.

Separate ASAP.
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It sounds like an unhealthy relationship. One that you are also contributing to potentially significantly.
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Couple's therapy might be helpful if both of you are serious about making it work

lww99 posted...

I'll start by saying this is by far my longest relationship. Our four year anniversary is in April.

Every relationship prior wasn't that serious, or lasted under 8 months.

It started off great, but we're just so far from what we once were.

I'm starting to think we're together for the sure convenience of it. We have five pets together, have a house together(under my name), etc.

We've been fighting a lot. Mainly for me snapping at her for seemingly no reason sometimes.

We MIGHT have sex once a month, if I'm lucky. Even then, it's because she feels obligated, not because she wants to. We used to have sex multiple times a day.

She's convinced I'm seeing other people, but that isn't the case.

So you would be open to having sex a few times a week/month if possible right?
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Are you treating her like you did at the beginning?

As someone with a few long relationships under the belt, usually people stop teasing each other the same and get into boring routines. It's easy to lose interest
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Ive been with my wife for 4 years now too. Our relationship is nothing like yours. Ours is based upon constantly trying to do something to improve each others life. I honestly cant remember the last time we had a major argument. I thank God every day that we are together. She constantly shows me that my life was less before I met her. If that doesnt sound like your life, you arent married, and dont have kids, abort.
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masticatingman posted...

lww99 posted...

I'll start by saying this is by far my longest relationship. Our four year anniversary is in April.

Every relationship prior wasn't that serious, or lasted under 8 months.

It started off great, but we're just so far from what we once were.

I'm starting to think we're together for the sure convenience of it. We have five pets together, have a house together(under my name), etc.

We've been fighting a lot. Mainly for me snapping at her for seemingly no reason sometimes.

We MIGHT have sex once a month, if I'm lucky. Even then, it's because she feels obligated, not because she wants to. We used to have sex multiple times a day.

She's convinced I'm seeing other people, but that isn't the case.

So you would be open to having sex a few times a week/month if possible right?

Lack of sex is the main issue for me. A few times a week would be great, hell, once a week would be sufficient.

And yeah it does feel like we're pretty much married already.
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Eh. I feel like all relationships end up "running their course" sooner or later. After that you're just together for comfort and familiarity basically, maybe a little out of fear for loneliness and the uncertainty of being single and out in the dating world again.

Eventually romance, sex and passion are just things of the past and you both tend to annoy each other more than anything. I like the idea of marriage but not if this is always the end result.
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Perascamin posted...

What are you mad about that you snap at her for no reason

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Ultima Dragon posted...

Eh. I feel like all relationships end up "running their course" sooner or later. After that you're just together for comfort and familiarity basically, maybe a little out of fear for loneliness and the uncertainty of being single and out in the dating world again.

Eventually romance, sex and passion are just things of the past and you both tend to annoy each other more than anything. I like the idea of marriage but not if this is always the end result.

Marriage in general kind of freaks me out for this reason. Being legally bound to someone. Clearly things change, feelings change, etc. Not everyone is capable of that.
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lww99 posted...

Lack of sex is the main issue for me. A few times a week would be great, hell, once a week would be sufficient.

I doubt your situation is going to change. I mean shes the one who doesnt want to have sex, right? You cant force her, so its time to cut your losses and move on. You feel married, but you are not married. That makes things less complicated. Seriously, move on and find someone who will give you what you need. Do it as soon as possible before she or some fool here on CE convinces you to just bear with it, marry her and then be miserable for many more years.
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Perascamin posted...

What are you mad about that you snap at her for no reason

This

I'm gonna go off a limb here and day you're probably getting tired of her. I think it's time to end things with her imo
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You two need to break up asap
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l Dudeboy l posted...

Perascamin posted...

What are you mad about that you snap at her for no reason

We just got a puppy a month ago, and we're both more on edge because of it.

But honestly, it comes down to basically just comes down to lack of sex for me.

I don't think you should go a month+ without having sex with your significant other. It causes resentment, which builds daily. I'm not excusing myself, just the reality of the situation.

It's a vicious cycle
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lww99 posted...

l Dudeboy l posted...

Perascamin posted...

What are you mad about that you snap at her for no reason

We just got a puppy a month ago, and we're both more on edge because of it.

But honestly, it comes down to basically just comes down to lack of sex for me.

I don't think you should go a month+ without having sex with your significant other. It causes resentment, which builds daily. I'm not excusing myself, just the reality of the situation.

It's a vicious cycle

Have you ever communicated that to her? This seems like a sticking point for you.
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sounds like you both have communication issues
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This has been plaguing us for awhile honestly.

Why doesn't she want more sex? Well that's a good question. First it because because she wasn't getting off enough, so we fixed that. Then it was a confidence issue, so I tried to compliment her more. Then it was because you didn't want me to see your butthole? Then she felt like a sex object. Then I wasn't being nice enough. Idk seems like there's always going to be at least one reason.
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Maybe you stop trying and she doesn't find you sexually attractive anymore cause you don't try? I dunno dude tbh your OP is pretty shallow and doesn't tell us much. You'd think you'd have a lot more to get off your chest in 4 years >_>. Are you bad at communicating? Cause that's a huge part of keeping a healthy relationship. Also a relationship is never too old for compliments. I compliment everyone Im around cause if people around me feel good, they are more fun and less of downers.
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She doesn't want you to see her butthole? Abandon ship
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Bump
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thronedfire2 posted...

She doesn't want you to see her butthole? Abandon ship

This. Showing your butthole off is true love.
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lww99 posted...

Bump

Just gonna ignore me huh? Your relationship deserves to fail
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I feel you TC. The lack of sex in my relationship is making me kind of irritable
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Maybe you stop trying and she doesn't find you sexually attractive anymore cause you don't try? I dunno dude tbh your OP is pretty shallow and doesn't tell us much. You'd think you'd have a lot more to get off your chest in 4 years >_>. Are you bad at communicating? Cause that's a huge part of keeping a healthy relationship. Also a relationship is never too old for compliments. I compliment everyone Im around cause if people around me feel good, they are more fun and less of downers.

I feel like I'm trying. She says attraction isn't the issue. Idk it feels like we've had this same conversation 10 times over.

I should try to compliment her more
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MarqueeSeries posted...

I feel you TC. The lack of sex in my relationship is making me kind of irritable

I know I'm gonna get flak for this-

In a relationship, you're willingly cutting yourself off from an entire gender(or two), except from one person. You shouldn't be cut off from that person, too. Especially for months at a time.

Sex in a long term relationship is a NEED, not a privilege.

Hell, it's on the Heirarchy of Needs.
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