Current Events > I'm in the midst of a depression spell. I need encouraging words.

(+) Yeah! (+)

TC, people are superficial in dating. It sucks but that's how it is. Especially when you're looking at people who are just looking to date.

It's sad but your disability will often be an issue even if they won't admit it.

What you need is not just a girlfriend to date. What you need is a companion. Someone you can share everything with and grow old with. And it has to be someone who wants and needs the same thing you do. Someone who truly wants and needs that will look at another side of you.

She's got to be out there. I don't know what to suggest, but there's no way that someone like that doesn't exist.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. I don't mean to offend.
---

Aeriis posted...

What are your favorite qualities about yourself?

I'm resilient mentally and physically. I genuinely want to help others. I'm a great writer and problem-solver. I never give up on things I truly want.
---

frozenshock posted...

What you need is not just a girlfriend to date. What you need is a companion. Someone you can share everything with and grow old with. And it has to be someone who wants and needs the same thing you do. Someone who truly wants and needs that will look at another side of you.

She's got to be out there. I don't know what to suggest, but there's no way that someone like that doesn't exist.

You're right. I need external support because I'm...haunted by inner demons. It helps me somewhat to talk things out.
---

SSBBSB posted...

frozenshock posted...

What you need is not just a girlfriend to date. What you need is a companion. Someone you can share everything with and grow old with. And it has to be someone who wants and needs the same thing you do. Someone who truly wants and needs that will look at another side of you.

She's got to be out there. I don't know what to suggest, but there's no way that someone like that doesn't exist.

You're right. I need external support because I'm...haunted by inner demons. It helps me somewhat to talk things out.

do you have a therapist maybe thatll help
---

Viola posted...

do you have a therapist maybe thatll help

I hate her waiting room.

Aeriis posted...

You sound like a great person. I am sure that there are women out there that would love to be with you.

Thank you. As petty as this sounds, I constantly seek external validation. To my inner demons, a relationship is the gold medal of external validation.

I just want to feel worth a nickel.
---

Now that you don't have your e girlfriend backing you up and you feel like shit, will you still continue to harass @Pepys_Monster about his "relationship" ?

BlazeJordan648 posted...

will you still continue to harass @Pepys_Monster about his "relationship" ?

No.

Nothing substantial comes from trolling.
---

MorningRose posted...

Ranzoh posted...

Daeum. How can two people into games not have shared interests?

He's a Nintendo fanatic and I am not, to name one thing, >.<

Oh dang, so it has to come down to similar tastes. Nintendo's not bad though. You can't say the older consoles weren't classics. You just can't...but it's your opinion. :)

As has been said thousands of times here, it's a numbers game. People aren't going to just be compatible due to common interests or a mutual desire to be with the other person. It's more subtle than that. Opposites attract, but so do similarities. There's no special recipe for success other than meeting lots of people until you're both like "ah, okay, this feels right" and then build something together.

When I was in my early twenties, I had lots of girls interested in me, but regardless of trying to sometimes force it, my heart just wasn't in it and things always went down in flames. It sounds clichd, but you'll just know. "Liking somebody else a lot" means absolutely nothing on its own, and a huge mistake people tend to make is in thinking they can convince the other person's feelings to change. Heads are bad at talking to hearts in this particular way, and any success born of it will not be lasting.

While a disability can be a lot of baggage some people do not want to take on, that just means those people weren't right. My dad's cousin got into a car accident as a teenager and became paralyzed, but he eventually married a nice single mom and things just work for all involved. From what I recall, it took her a while to decide if she was able to cope with things long-term, but they've been together for years now.

I think a big roadblock for a lot of people is simply not knowing how to get started properly and then never really getting off on the right foot. You need to go on bad dates and have your heart broken to figure out how it all works. I'm not saying this necessarily applies to you, but I don't know so I'm putting it out there. A lot of guys on here seem to be too afraid of rejection, and take it way too personally. If they aren't interested, they either don't know you or aren't compatible anyway. Next.
---

Damn morningrose breaking hearts.

Its okay TC...shes mean to me too :(.
---

TheCyborgNinja posted...

I think a big roadblock for a lot of people is simply not knowing how to get started properly and then never really getting off on the right foot.

Teach me.

Or, is it an instinct thing?
---

Ryetoast posted...

Its okay TC...shes mean to me too :(.

She wasn't outright mean.

She just...
---

Just....
---

Damn... I remember her mentioning something about having a boyfriend, and that it was a long distance, online only thing. I said something about it probably being a waste of time.

I doubt it was my words that did the trick, but still. Damn.

Sorry, TC.
---

bulletproofvita posted...

Just....

Not the right one.
---

Dyinglegacy posted...

I doubt it was my words that did the trick, but still. Damn.

Sorry, TC.

I rest everything on her head, not yours.
---

SSBBSB posted...

bulletproofvita posted...

Just....

Not the right one.

Now you know....
---

SSBBSB posted...

Thank you. As petty as this sounds, I constantly seek external validation. To my inner demons, a relationship is the gold medal of external validation.

I just want to feel worth a nickel.

That's not petty at all.

It's completely normal.
---

bulletproofvita posted...

Now you know....

Yeah...

I'm going to bed.
---

Ivynn posted...

That's not petty at all.

It's completely normal.

Okay, good.
---

@SSBBSB posted...

TheCyborgNinja posted...

I think a big roadblock for a lot of people is simply not knowing how to get started properly and then never really getting off on the right foot.

Teach me.

Or, is it an instinct thing?

Bad news. It's not really something easy for a stranger on the internet to fix... It'd be better if I was actually there. I mean, part of it will be nature, like everything, but that can be side-stepped to a degree and shouldn't factor in. I'm a massive introvert, but my ability to talk to people offsets that to the point they think I'm not. I will try my best to give you advice on this, but it's tricky. The TL; DR version is "additional experience can offset natural shortcomings."

My best advice to get rolling: meet lots of women but don't have any intentions with them other than making new friends. You can totally end up in a relationship that way, I did, but only cross that bridge when you come to it. The whole "friend zone" thing is rubbish some dudes tell themselves to preserve ego. Most girls that have crushed on me have been people I didn't act romantically towards. Easiest way to do this without looking creepy is common-interest groups that tend to have more females in them. Think of stuff you like that tends to fit that mold.

You're hitting two birds with one stone by finding common ground to build a conversation around while also being disarming and looking confident in the sense that you're secure enough to be there with a bunch of girls. They like men going out of their comfort zone but still "being men" while doing it. That's a very important distinction. "Nice guys" get confused and just turn into opinionless doormats because they want to win somebody's approval, not realizing that they're losing their respect instead. Instant fail.

Even online, just talking to lots of girls and generating rapport should build your confidence. After a while, you'll find you have a handful you talk to regularly. As fickle as it is, girls also attract other girls. For me it was instances of "nobody is interested" or "several are interested." It's funny how that works, but it's true in my experience.

I don't know if you've mentioned what your disability is here and I just missed it, but you'd be surprised what isn't a deal breaker once you know a person well enough. Things that would probably matter early on can be bypassed later once the problem is fully understood and less of a wildcard. Yes, I'm telling you to only make friends and keep your focus there to start, but that's because I really want to hit home that you'll be more relaxed and likely to succeed without setting any potentially unachievable goals for yourself only to feel defeated. Don't go in with the mindset of "my friend will be my girlfriend" because that's the same as "I am looking for a girlfriend" at the end of the day. I hope I articulated that clearly enough...

To change gears a bit, you definitely want to make sure you're taking pride in your appearance and smell. Getting attention without "asking" for it will help. Lastly, an added bonus of female friends is recon. They can give you insight that guys usually can't, if nothing else. I don't really have a ton to go off, so I hope this can help you or anybody else here.
---

Via a Discord message she, again, cited the lack of common interests as the reason. I'm inclined to believe her since I'm...not that varied. @TheCyborgNinja brings up a n interesting point. I figure I can meet folks by expanding my interests. The...wrinkle is that I'm unable to outright approach and converse.

Maybe the gene therapy will help.
---

SSBBSB posted...

Via a Discord message she, again, cited the lack of common interests as the reason. I'm inclined to believe her since I'm...not that varied. @TheCyborgNinja brings up a n interesting point. I figure I can meet folks by expanding my interests. The...wrinkle is that I'm unable to outright approach and converse.

Maybe the gene therapy will help.

I get that life is hard and you've been dealt a shit hand but therapy/medication etc will only get you so far

BlazeJordan648 posted...

therapy/medication etc will only get you so far

Explain.
---

Well?
---

SSBBSB posted...

BlazeJordan648 posted...

therapy/medication etc will only get you so far

Explain.

It's a catalyst.

But he's right. You still have to will yourself to do things, getting out of bed, showering, working (on FAQs daily for yourself), staying positive, being happy with yourself etc...it's a mindset as well as a disease. If you spend all your time lamenting over the things you can't control, or bringing yourself down because of a girl/other people you're naturally going to not progress.

Medication and therapy aren't going to fix everything, but it's a start.
---

Ryetoast posted...

being happy with yourself

I reckon you mean liking myself. There IS a difference between liking my own personality and being "okay" with being disabled.

I want to have my own brand of guides one day. I want to widely help others via my talents. I know this dream has nothing to do with my disability.

Things would be different if the drug company made things public...

I need a foolproof way to teach myself that my disability isn't my personality.
---

Ryetoast posted...

SSBBSB posted...

BlazeJordan648 posted...

therapy/medication etc will only get you so far

Explain.

It's a catalyst.

But he's right. You still have to will yourself to do things, getting out of bed, showering, working (on FAQs daily for yourself), staying positive, being happy with yourself etc...it's a mindset as well as a disease. If you spend all your time lamenting over the things you can't control, or bringing yourself down because of a girl/other people you're naturally going to not progress.

Medication and therapy aren't going to fix everything, but it's a start.

This is true. I have a bipolar 1 disorder, so let me tell you that willpower can count for a lot. For me, it was about finding a way to channel energy correctly to create motivation. You can't really "fake it till you make it," you've got to actually believe. It's a matter of finding your own formula that allows you to move towards some kind of goal.

At the end of the day, any successes I've had were because I just forced myself to try or do something different. In this regard, you're kind of on your own to figure that out. It'll be something personal you'll have to realize with an epiphany one day. At least that's how I was.
---

TheCyborgNinja posted...

something different

I lack the courage.
---

bump
---

Hey bud. **** situation, I get it. I can relate to SOME extent. Few months ago diagnosed with a tumor at age 26, nearly killed me. Got a pretty nasty brain injury along with it cause it was dropping my blood sugars. Had it removed via surgery. Thankfully everything seems to have worked out, getting back to normal. So, I know what a struggle it can be dealing with medical crap thats out of your control and has a significant impact on your life.

All I can say is, keep on trucking. Life can only get better, ya know? Do YOU. Work on the things that you're good at and enjoy. I agree with what I believe some people have already said. Expand yourself a bit. Do your best to get involved in activities. Don't even think about getting a girlfriend. Think about meeting new people, gaining new friends, forming meaningful relationships. Things tend to roll from there.

I also agree with seeing a therapist. Aside from talking you through things, might also be able to help you with meeting new people, getting you in contact with other resources to help with that.

EDIT: If you ever need to chat, send me a message. There for you.
---

Scody posted...

All I can say is, keep on trucking. Life can only get better, ya know? Do YOU. Work on the things that you're good at and enjoy. I agree with what I believe some people have already said. Expand yourself a bit. Do your best to get involved in activities. Don't even think about getting a girlfriend. Think about meeting new people, gaining new friends, forming meaningful relationships. Things tend to roll from there.

I also agree with seeing a therapist. Aside from talking you through things, might also be able to help you with meeting new people, getting you in contact with other resources to help with that.

How? I'm limited to my computer. I can't mingle. All I can do is type.

...Yeah, I need to start seeing my psychologist again.
---

What makes it so you can't mingle? I get that you can't walk, but you can talk right? (just not loudly?) Also like I said, psychologist or therapist. They might be able to assist you in getting set up with resources to do just that.
---

I didn't read much beyond the first page of the topic so fair warning.

Holy fuck DMs are a thing for a reason. >.>

And I'm speaking as someone who has a nasty habit of dragging my drama into public forums. No one wants to see that shit.
---

Scody posted...

you can talk right?

Not clearly or loudly
---

the only way you will not find the relationship you are looking for is if you stop looking for it.

if you don't give up then you will find someone. it may come in an unexpected form and at an unexpected time, don't miss it!
---