Current Events > Social anxiety just cost me a job promotion

(+) Yeah! (+)

I was one of two candidates being considered for a "senior aide" position at my youth center. They offered the other candidate (who was an outside applicant) the "program aide" position instead, leading everyone to believe I'd be offered the promotion.

Instead, they sat on the decision for over two weeks, in which time one of our former employees (who quit back in January) decided she didn't like her new job and reached out to interview for the "senior aide" position.

I met with my boss today, who told me that the reason they picked her over me is because I was nervous in the interview and because I get too nervous when talking to parents and misbehaving children.

I'm pissed about this on so many different levels that I don't even know how to process it yet...

I'm sorry.

I understand the pain - I've had SA since forever.
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Gotta let those kiddies know who the Chad in the building is
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Caution999 posted...

I'm sorry.

I understand the pain - I've had SA since forever.

I don't even know where to go from here tbh. I've been seeing counselors about it and taking prescriptions for it for years and thought I was doing really well at this point.

This set me back to, like... fuck, if I can't even get a promotion I should have had on lock, then what the hell can I do for a career?

I also can't tell how much frustration to place on my own failures vs. on how shitty this company has treated me (and pretty much everyone else).

ItsVince posted...

Gotta let those kiddies know who the Chad in the building is

I'm literally the only guy there. At least, the only male who identifies as a guy -_-

Why are you working at a youth center if you have anxiety

that seems weird
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TC how old are you
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Fair, next. It's unfortunate, but they made the right call.

Keep working on it, hopefully you can get the promotion in the future.
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Looked gf posted...

Why are you working at a youth center if you have anxiety

that seems weird

They asked me the same thing in the interview.

There's really two reasons for it. One is that kids are just a lot of fun to work with. Most of them either don't give a shit about you being socially awkward or don't even pick up on it. They just want someone to play games with and talk to.

The other reason is that I get a lot more nervous around people I don't know. At the youth center, we pretty much see the same kids every single day, so I always have a good feel of how to interact with each one. If it was something like retail, I have no idea who's going to walk through the door or how to successfully interact with them. I also don't see most of the parents every day, and half the time when I do, it's because their kid is in trouble and they walk in already on the defensive, ready to bitch out the staff.

DarkChozoGhost posted...

Fair, next. It's unfortunate, but they made the right call.

Keep working on it, hopefully you can get the promotion in the future.

Even if it is ultimately the right call, they went about it in the shittiest, shadiest way possible.

The period between January and about April was incredibly stressful, because we had both this staff and our Program Coordinator leave. I stuck it out with the other remaining staff to keep it going, introduced two center-wide policies that had noticeably positive results, and helped train our new Coordinator more than any other staff did.

Although I really do like the former staff member they chose and think she'd be great at it, it feels absolutely unfair that she could just walk out on us at the roughest point possible, then be welcomed back with open arms once things are sorted out.

I have zero motivation to even keep trying for the promotion at this point. I had to leave early today because I knew I wouldn't be able to take my mind off of this and I'm not even sure how I'm going to finish out the week.

What course did you take in school? I'm in the same boat with SA and might be heading in the same direction as well
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All the more reason you shouldn't have gotten the job
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I mean, your job is to not be nervous, it doesn't matter if it's your fault or not

A man with no hands shouldn't be a carpenter
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refmon posted...

What course did you take in school? I'm in the same boat with SA and might be heading in the same direction as well

Got my B.A. in Psychology as a stepping stone to law school. I did at least finish one year of law before dropping/failing out, but I quickly realized that I fucked up. It was the first time I actually met with a counselor and was diagnosed with social anxiety (and ADHD).

When I had to fall back on that B.A. in Psych, I realized there's pretty much jack-shit you can do with it besides work with kids. You're overqualified for general jobs, but not qualified enough to be a counselor/teacher/etc.
DarkChozoGhost posted...

All the more reason you shouldn't have gotten the job

Yeah, yeah. Pile it on and kick a man when he's down. Typical CE.
Colorahdo posted...

I mean, your job is to not be nervous, it doesn't matter if it's your fault or not

A man with no hands shouldn't be a carpenter

They had no problem hiring me the first time, and I was even more of a nervous wreck during that interview. I argued that I've gotten over it and had positive results in the times that I did actually interact with parents, but I guess that wasn't enough.

have you tried not being nervous
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have you tried equipping your +5 charisma gauntlets?
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Its not my fault its _________s fault.
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mario2000 posted...

have you tried not being nervous

I'm currently on three different prescriptions for it, so yeah, I'd say so.
myzz7 posted...

have you tried equipping your +5 charisma gauntlets?

Yeah, but I guess that only puts me at 6.

Aelia posted...

Its not my fault its _________s fault.

I've already said I have at least some fault in it. But at the same time, all the steps I've taken to deal with social anxiety over the years apparently haven't worked.

They've worked, just to a lesser degree than you'd like. Don't give up; it's one opportunity. Keep working on yourself; more will pop up.
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Patchwork posted...

They've worked, just to a lesser degree than you'd like. Don't give up; it's one opportunity. Keep working on yourself; more will pop up.

I mean, there's a whole laundry list of opportunities I've lost because of it. My #1 goal in life was to play in a band, but I get so god damn nervous that I blow every single shot I've had to relate to other musicians.

I've just never had one so directly effect my work life before; especially in the sense that they've told me it was the one, singular reason why I didn't get the promotion. At least they normally find a way to tip-toe around the issue.

Probably TMI, but I set up an "emergency counseling" appointment tomorrow morning with my therapist's office.

I just honestly don't get how I'm supposed to keep caring about this job after getting screwed like this. I want to stay there for the kids I've built a good relationship with, but I know I'm not going to give a fuck in the long run.

Thinking about calling out for the rest of the week. Idk.

Find a new job if you are unhappy.
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Vertania posted...

I just honestly don't get how I'm supposed to keep caring about this job after getting screwed like this.

You didn't get screwed. You weren't fit for the job. Keep working at it
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DragonGirlYuki posted...

Find a new job if you are unhappy.

That's the plan. I have a family friend that works at UPS and recommend that. The benefits and what not seem great, but the work itself seems mind-numbingly boring. Beyond that, there's barely any other options in the area.

Ideally, I'd just move back to WA state and get my old job back, but there's far too many factors that keep me stuck in upstate NY now. Wish I could just bring everybody with me and move back to the Tacoma/Lacey area, but it's just not gonna happen.

@DarkChozoGhost posted...

You didn't get screwed. You weren't fit for the job. Keep working at it

So it's normal practice for a company to re-hire someone who left them when they needed them most?

Vertania posted...

@DarkChozoGhost posted...

You didn't get screwed. You weren't fit for the job. Keep working at it

So it's normal practice for a company to re-hire someone who left them when they needed them most?

It's perfectly well within the company's rights to choose a candidate that they feel is better, regardless of whether they left prior or not.

I know it sucks to hear this, because you are really close to it and it happened to you. And you feel like you haven't gotten a fair shake and that you've been working hard at your nervousness. But if they really felt that way, and that this person was a better candidate in speaking with people and not being nervous, then it really is just something that you'll have to work on.

I was in a similar situation in the sense that I had been hard working at a job, thought that I was going to get the promotion, interviewed for it, and rather then them hiring me, they hired someone from another store, who then had to be my boss.

What did I do? I became dejected, I was unmotivated, and I didn't handle myself well to upper management. And it hurt my reputation for a while.

When I look back on it, I realize that I was being immature and unable to accept rejection. I was unable to continue being motivated and working hard for the next opportunity, and it showed. You will be doing the same thing if you call out for the rest of the week.

Take the defeat and try to better yourself from it. Don't leave just to try to spite them. I know it sucks to hear, but there will be other opportunities out there in the future (whether with this job or another), and now's your chance to continue trying to better yourself and strengthen your confidence.
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Vertania posted...

I was one of two candidates being considered for a "senior aide" position at my youth center. They offered the other candidate (who was an outside applicant) the "program aide" position instead, leading everyone to believe I'd be offered the promotion.

Instead, they sat on the decision for over two weeks, in which time one of our former employees (who quit back in January) decided she didn't like her new job and reached out to interview for the "senior aide" position.

I met with my boss today, who told me that the reason they picked her over me is because I was nervous in the interview and because I get too nervous when talking to parents and misbehaving children.

I'm pissed about this on so many different levels that I don't even know how to process it yet...

Too nervous... sounds like a poor excuse. This is some straight up feminist crap.

What are you looking for on a video games message board TC.

Seriously.

Everyone's been screwed.

It sucks.

What are the magic words you're looking for to make it better for you?
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The best way to get promoted at a youth center is to win a contest to prevent a billionaire from tearing it down to build something commercial.
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