Current Events > Have you ever had a complete mental breakdown?

(+) Yeah! (+)

If so, tell CE about your experience.
---

Yeah, actually. I had a really bad panic attack in 2012. I was suffering from really bad anxiety and was in my bedroom and my head just started, exploding? I can't really describe it but I was on my bed in the fetal position rocking back and forth with the biggest knot in my stomach and my head "exploding". I tried to call the mental health line but didn't really get anywhere, so I found a razor in my bathroom and cut myself on both arms a few times. It wasn't a suicide attempt, it just felt like what I had to do at the time? It actually really, really calmed me down.

Then I had another slightly less bad panic attack in 2013 in a psych appointment, explaining how my anxiety thought process worked and went on this rambling sentence about how I couldn't ask the person in the kitchen in the office to move so I could get my coffee because I would be worried about their reaction and then they'd go and tell other people in the office about it which means people would think I was rude and I wouldn't be able to make friends, etc etc.

I have everything under control now. I still get some physical symptoms of anxiety, the knot in the stomach, exhaustion, sweating underarms, but mentally I'm on top of everything.
---

I'm actually thinking about 2012-early 2013 now. Man, I was messed up lol
---

Probably? Like, psychosis, anxiety/panic attacks, paranoia, suicidal ideation, depersonalization/derealization. I didn't really have insight at the time how bad it was. Lasted, oh, several months.

Still have no clue what caused it - my lupus, or medications, or major depression, or trauma I wasn't able to cope with well. I didn't tell anyone what I was experiencing because I was afraid they'd section me and dope me up with toxic antipsychotics, so it's hard to pinpoint anything.
---

who hasn't
---

When the PlanetSide servers closed

TheMarthKoopa posted...

When the PlanetSide servers closed

nearly spat coffee all over my computer at work lol
---

Multiple, maybe post some later
---

Had a pretty bad bout of depression and a bit of a crisis after HS where I didn't know what I wanted to do. The fact that a major relationship had also recently come to an end didn't help. For months (probably from June to December) I was a mess emotionally and just kinda went on autopilot. The worst feeling was that stereotypical depression feeling where you can't picture yourself getting better or feeling happy ever again.

When my "marriage"* fell apart I had a crisis and just wanted to leave everything behind. I left my phone at my house and pretty much just drove away wanting to leave my life behind. Got about a day or so away and calmed myself down. Called friends and family from a payphone to assure them I was fine then went back home.

*wasn't a marriage on paper but a common law thing.

Next one came a few months later when I got my cancer diagnosis. Kinda knocked me on my ass. The initial hearing about it and maybe the week or so before starting chemo was the worst part. The sheer amount of fear I felt was paralyzing.
---

Spent a month as an inpatient when I was 15 and on the third night I was really out of it and couldnt get words to come out of my mouth so I just started banging my head on the door to get somebody to notice. I remember laughing at myself hysterically for wanting to cry but I felt like I deserved it so I just kept banging until they opened up.
---

Oh another time in 2012 I was on my way to a party and I just froze and I couldn't go, I had to ring one of my friends to pick me up from a park on the way to the party and drive me home
---