Current Events > Ugh... Wife wants another kid, I'm dead set against it. What to do?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have an 11 year old from a previous relationship, and we have a 3 y/o together.

She recently came off of birth control (some little metal rod on her arm... Idk the details), and recently I keep hearing about how she wants another baby. I explain my reasoning for not wanting one, and she gets upset.

I mean, it's not fair to deprive her of what she wants, but it's not fair to myself to do something I don't want either, especially a lifelong commitment.

Any advice?
---

Just say you don't think it a good idea. Simple.
---

babynames.com
---

Let me marry your wife. I will help out.

@Lord_Wombat
---

Happy wife, happy life.

In all seriousness, it's best to have an honest discussion about it, maybe throw in a "right now" to the mix...if that doesn't work, I honestly have no idea.
---

Divorce the slut
---

I'll have a kid with her.
---

_OujiDoza_ posted...

Just say you don't think it a good idea. Simple.

I mean, it's not really that I have a good reason to not want one, I just... Don't. I'm 32, if she got pregnant today I'd be 33 when she had it, which means I'd be 51 when it's 18. That's pretty damn old to be trying to keep up with a teenager.

I also don't want to go through the bullshit that newborns/babies bring, which I admit is pretty selfish. We do pretty well financially, but holy shit does it take a lot of money to keep a baby supplied with it's needs...

I brought up adopting a slightly older child, but "it's not the same". I explained that it would be good for her, great for the kid getting a stable home, etc, but it's a no go.

*Sigh*
---

Just give it to her, and say after two that's it.
---

Spread your genes.
---

DarkFists posted...

Happy wife, happy life.

In all seriousness, it's best to have an honest discussion about it, maybe throw in a "right now" to the mix...if that doesn't work, I honestly have no idea.

Yeah, like I said I'm already 32, and not getting any younger. Idk, we've discussed it logically a few times, but it always devolves into "omg whatever".

She's great, I love her, but dude... I'm not doing it.
---

Lord_Wombat posted...

which means I'd be 51 when it's 18. That's pretty damn old to be trying to keep up with a teenager.

As long as you stay in shape that's fine. My dad was 51 when I graduated high school 8 years ago.

My father in law is 47 and had a surprise kid 5 years ago. He's in great shape though so has no trouble keeping up with him.

And honestly more and more people are waiting til their 30s to have kids. By that point they're generally well established adults (good point in their careers, own a house, etc)
---

Get snipped
---

Lord_Wombat posted...

_OujiDoza_ posted...

Just say you don't think it a good idea. Simple.

I mean, it's not really that I have a good reason to not want one, I just... Don't. I'm 32, if she got pregnant today I'd be 33 when she had it, which means I'd be 51 when it's 18. That's pretty damn old to be trying to keep up with a teenager.

I also don't want to go through the bullshit that newborns/babies bring, which I admit is pretty selfish. We do pretty well financially, but holy shit does it take a lot of money to keep a baby supplied with it's needs...

I brought up adopting a slightly older child, but "it's not the same". I explained that it would be good for her, great for the kid getting a stable home, etc, but it's a no go.

*Sigh*

Anyone who would say "it's not the same" is not in the right headspace to raise any child, biological or adopted. Set your foot down about what you want and how this will affect the whole family.

littlebro07 posted...

Lord_Wombat posted...

which means I'd be 51 when it's 18. That's pretty damn old to be trying to keep up with a teenager.

As long as you stay in shape that's fine. My dad was 51 when I graduated high school 8 years ago.

My father in law is 47 and had a surprise kid 5 years ago. He's in great shape though so has no trouble keeping up with him.

And honestly more and more people are waiting til their 30s to have kids. By that point they're generally well established adults (good point in their careers, own a house, etc)

a man's prime goes away around 60 years. still have 10 years to enjoy after the kids are onto college.
---

You're not selfish, man.

No one has a right to make you feel bad about this.

Another kid will just bring misery and deprive you of free time.

Wait, 33 is too old for kids? That's when most people get married nowadays.
---

It's never a good idea to bring a kid into the world if both parents aren't interested in the idea. Don't let her guilt you into anything, she's being the selfish one.

Your age argument isnt a good one. Men have new kids all the time in their late 30s and thru their 40s. The expectation is youll take care of yourself reasonably well. You probably wont depart until the new kid is in their 30s or 40s themselves. You really only have an argument as a guy to not have kids in your 50s on up...although you can still do it then too if you want. So yeah, hate to break it to ya but you got a long shelf life.

That being said, I feel for you I guess but having kids while possible is a pretty crucial aspect to hetero relationships and theres no easy answer.
---

fake your death, start over

Sit her down and actually reach a point of agreement.

This isn't the kind of thing you can fuck off about for a long time. Eventually something is going to happen.
---

masticatingman posted...

Your age argument isnt a good one. Men have new kids all the time in their late 30s and thru their 40s. The expectation is youll take care of yourself reasonably well. You probably wont depart until the new kid is in their 30s or 40s themselves. You really only have an argument as a guy to not have kids in your 50s on up...although you can still do it then too if you want. So yeah, hate to break it to ya but you got a long shelf life.

Also, it's kind of presumptuous to say "your argument isn't good" when it's based off what he wants at that stage in his life. If he doesn't want to be dealing with college road trips and such at 51, he's fine to feel that way. And, believe it or not, there is a pretty significant difference in how well most people feel at 41 vs 51. I'm watching that happen with my folks now.
That being said, I feel for you I guess but having kids while possible is a pretty crucial aspect to hetero relationships and theres no easy answer.

Actually, new studies are showing that men's sperm isn't as... "good," for lack of a better term, as they get up in age. It's not as bad as it is with women and eggs, but the quality you produce definitely declines.

Also,

Exactly my brother's situation, except the child from another relationship is from the wife's side, is about 9, and their together child is 2.

She wants a daughter. The kids are both boys. He doesn't want another. (Our family probably has a 2% chance at daughters. It sucks.)
---

vasectomy

Lord_Wombat posted...

_OujiDoza_ posted...

Just say you don't think it a good idea. Simple.

I mean, it's not really that I have a good reason to not want one, I just... Don't. I'm 32, if she got pregnant today I'd be 33 when she had it, which means I'd be 51 when it's 18. That's pretty damn old to be trying to keep up with a teenager.

I also don't want to go through the bullshit that newborns/babies bring, which I admit is pretty selfish. We do pretty well financially, but holy shit does it take a lot of money to keep a baby supplied with it's needs...

I brought up adopting a slightly older child, but "it's not the same". I explained that it would be good for her, great for the kid getting a stable home, etc, but it's a no go.

*Sigh*

You're not the one being selfish, she is as she is unwilling to compromise. That said, just get a vasectomy.

Get a vasectomy. Your body, your choice, right?
---

Raikuro posted...

It's never a good idea to bring a kid into the world if both parents aren't interested in the idea. Don't let her guilt you into anything, she's being the selfish one.

I agree that it's not a great idea, and I won't let anyone guilt me into anything, but I gotta say she's being no more selfish than I am, it's just opposing views/sides of an argument.

masticatingman posted...

Your age argument isnt a good one. Men have new kids all the time in their late 30s and thru their 40s. The expectation is youll take care of yourself reasonably well. You probably wont depart until the new kid is in their 30s or 40s themselves. You really only have an argument as a guy to not have kids in your 50s on up...although you can still do it then too if you want. So yeah, hate to break it to ya but you got a long shelf life.

That being said, I feel for you I guess but having kids while possible is a pretty crucial aspect to hetero relationships and theres no easy answer.

Indeed. Never said it was a "good" argument, but it's the truth. I keep in pretty good shape, but I just view it as... Well, not too old, but too old for me.

rodu_jr posted...

fake your death, start over

As far as a vasectomy, it sounds terrifying :V
---

LockeMonster posted...

Wait, 33 is too old for kids? That's when most people get married nowadays.

Having kids outside marriage has become a norm
---

Buy a jacuzzi and use it for at least an hour every day.
---

Let me breed her.
---

freeze your sperm into an ice cube and then throw it at her every time she asks
---

Lord_Wombat posted...

I gotta say she's being no more selfish than I am, it's just opposing views/sides of an argument.

It's good to see you're being more mature about this than everyone here who's saying she's the selfish one and you're totally in the clear here.

If you end up splitting over this, it's because both of you were unwilling to compromise. Not just one.
---

either you give her another baby or Chad will. she pciked you cuz you were a proven breeder, don't act like you aren't all of a sudden
---

LinksLiege posted...

Lord_Wombat posted...

I gotta say she's being no more selfish than I am, it's just opposing views/sides of an argument.

It's good to see you're being more mature about this than everyone here who's saying she's the selfish one and you're totally in the clear here.

If you end up splitting over this, it's because both of you were unwilling to compromise. Not just one.

Nah, that's already came up, and wouldn't happen.

Well, obviously nobody is psychic, but as of right now it's not a possibility.
---

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc__RbIWYP0" data-time="
---

_Rinku_ posted...

Lord_Wombat posted...

_OujiDoza_ posted...

Just say you don't think it a good idea. Simple.

I mean, it's not really that I have a good reason to not want one, I just... Don't. I'm 32, if she got pregnant today I'd be 33 when she had it, which means I'd be 51 when it's 18. That's pretty damn old to be trying to keep up with a teenager.

I also don't want to go through the bullshit that newborns/babies bring, which I admit is pretty selfish. We do pretty well financially, but holy shit does it take a lot of money to keep a baby supplied with it's needs...

I brought up adopting a slightly older child, but "it's not the same". I explained that it would be good for her, great for the kid getting a stable home, etc, but it's a no go.

*Sigh*

Anyone who would say "it's not the same" is not in the right headspace to raise any child, biological or adopted. Set your foot down about what you want and how this will affect the whole family.

Missed this earlier.

It's not different because it's not biological, I guess it's different because she wants the little baby to take care of that depends on her and whatnot.
---

tote_all posted...

Lord_Wombat posted...

She recently came off of birth control (some little metal rod on her arm... Idk the details

Hey you sound great very caring she's lucky to have you.

It's a little metal rod that went in her arm that magically kept her from getting pregnant. I have no idea how it works, so yeah, I guess I'm just terrible
---

TFW your wife who claimed to never want kids gets pregnant and suddenly wants to have it

I know it helps to talk about it, but nobody knows your wife better that you...or so I hope.

You should be able to judge whether she's making a brash or misguided decision and act accordingly.

Other than that, I don't know what you're specifically going to get out of talking to us on here.
---

tote_all posted...

Lord_Wombat posted...

It's a little metal rod that went in her arm that magically kept her from getting pregnant. I have no idea how it works, so yeah, I guess I'm just terrible

no ure rite ur SOs medical history doesn't matter LOL who cares

I don't know the details on how it works, I didn't mean the details of when/why she got it or whatever. But based on your posts:

https://tenor.com/v7KI.gif
---

You come 1st. Don't do anything you dont want to.
---

Tell her your reasons why and how you feel about being 51 when the baby is a teenager.
---

Have another kid man. The more the merrier. As long as you can afford it
---

My wife wanted a kid and I didn't

So we compromised and had a kid
---

rodu_jr posted...

fake your death, start over

---

Take this to Reddit/relationships to actually get some serious responses and advice instead of a bunch of immature 15 years here asking if they can fuck your wife instead.

check your condoms for holes
---

MedzXVIII posted...

LockeMonster posted...

Wait, 33 is too old for kids? That's when most people get married nowadays.

Having kids outside marriage has become a norm

i don't believe in marriage very much, people just live with each other and have kids. if anything they just do it for the tax deductions.
---