Current Events > Pretty sure I'm going to be going through a break up in the next couple days

(+) Yeah! (+)

This sucks. Been dating for 4 years. Live together, 5 pets, etc.

Gonna have to find a roommate, split our pets, etc.

It's going to take months.
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Cant work it out? Ive been with my wife for 15 years so I know that Issues arise in relationships. Thats a lot to throw away. Obviously I dont know whats going on. But any chance you guys can figure it out?
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Whats going on? Is it fixable?

Fuck.

Like yikes, man. Im sorry to hear that. I wish you the best. Hopefully this is just a new door opening to better people and experiences.

Pro-tip:
Most of the time it is.
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We've worked out most of our problems over the years. Really only 2 issues now. One, is us having different sex drives. Next, is her thinking that the spark is gone. I'm more of the opinion that everyone gets over the honeymoon stage eventually.

She thinks we may be together out of convenience(due to us living together) and the petsv
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Sounds like you guys need some spontaneous sex somewhere new

Try to spice some things up and avoid the same old same old
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She wants to know what our end game is. She wants to get married, which is totally normal and I don't fault her for that.

Marriage has always just been a really weird thing for me. Maybe because I hardly ever see a successful marriage in my personal life, who knows. The idea of being legally bound to someone terrifies me. Commitment doesn't scare me, but being legally tied kind of does. Things change, people change, and you shouldn't have to jump through a ring of legal hoops to stop seeing each other.
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Put it in her pooper
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Lordgold666 posted...

Sounds like you guys need some spontaneous sex somewhere new

Try to spice some things up and avoid the same old same old

We're pretty into bdsm, so it's not just boring missionary once a month or anything.

We try new stuff somewhat often
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lww99 posted...

Marriage has always just been a really weird thing for me. Maybe because I hardly ever see a successful marriage in my personal life, who knows. The idea of being legally bound to someone terrifies me. Commitment doesn't scare me, but being legally tied kind of does. Things change, people change, and you shouldn't have to jump through a ring of legal hoops to stop seeing each other.

I know this won't fix all your issues with marriage, but if you're afraid of losing your assets get a prenup. It's a lot more common these days and really helps if you do end up splitting.
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Godnorgosh posted...

I'm going through that right now. It sucks.

Sorry to hear that man. We've gone through this once or twice before.

I'm really not sure what to say or do at this point.
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Master_Bass posted...

lww99 posted...

Marriage has always just been a really weird thing for me. Maybe because I hardly ever see a successful marriage in my personal life, who knows. The idea of being legally bound to someone terrifies me. Commitment doesn't scare me, but being legally tied kind of does. Things change, people change, and you shouldn't have to jump through a ring of legal hoops to stop seeing each other.

I know this won't fix all your issues with marriage, but if you're afraid of losing your assets get a prenup. It's a lot more common these days and really helps if you do end up splitting.

It's not really only about assets. But she did mention wanting a prenup before, so that wouldn't be an issue
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lww99 posted...

She wants to know what our end game is. She wants to get married, which is totally normal and I don't fault her for that.

Marriage has always just been a really weird thing for me. Maybe because I hardly ever see a successful marriage in my personal life, who knows. The idea of being legally bound to someone terrifies me. Commitment doesn't scare me, but being legally tied kind of does. Things change, people change, and you shouldn't have to jump through a ring of legal hoops to stop seeing each other.

If you care about your spouse, id figure out what id want to do fast, bc if not, sounds like shell be taking her cats and will find someone who will put a ring on it
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Once a girl says "the sparks gone" she might as well say "i REALLY want to fuck other people".

Ive been with my wife for 10 years and id be triggered af if she said that.
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VandorLee posted...

Once a girl says "the sparks gone" she might as well say "i REALLY want to fuck other people".

Ive been with my wife for 10 years and id be triggered af if she said that.

I don't think that's it. She's never once given me a reason to consider there's someone else.

Our sex is great when it happens, but she just doesn't crave it like she used to.
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VandorLee posted...

Once a girl says "the sparks gone" she might as well say "i REALLY want to fuck other people".

Ive been with my wife for 10 years and id be triggered af if she said that.

Ive been with my husband 8 years and I can say that it can definitely happen. I dont want to be with other people. But he had stopped putting any effort emotionally or romantically in the last couple of years. He never took me out for date nights, or complimented me, barely talked to me when he got home, etc. Id just get grunts. He hardly did anything for special occasions. He was comfortable. But I felt like we were just roommates.

Its taken us months of marriage counseling for him to finally get the message and start putting more effort. Our marriage has been so much better for it.

TC, have you suggested couples counseling?

We've talked about counseling before, but it would be hard for us since our work schedules don't line up. Financially might be a struggle as well, not sure what sessions cost.

Worth looking into though, I don't want to give up on everything.
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Me and my wife are gamers. Not bragging but the shared interest/hobby usually keeps us talking on a normal basis and were always "hunting" games with each other.
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We both game, but play different games.

We had an N64 that we would play together at least once a week, but her brother asked for it back eventually. (He let us borrow it for a couple years lol)
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lww99 posted...

We both game, but play different games.

We had an N64 that we would play together at least once a week, but her brother asked for it back eventually. (He let us borrow it for a couple years lol)

We never play together but our setups are next to each other and we both help each other hunt the games the other wants.
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VandorLee posted...

lww99 posted...

We both game, but play different games.

We had an N64 that we would play together at least once a week, but her brother asked for it back eventually. (He let us borrow it for a couple years lol)

We never play together but our setups are next to each other and we both help each other hunt the games the other wants.

That'd probably help. Currently, we both have our own individual room to game in. It's nice to have your own space, but not so much that you end up falling apart
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We feel more like roommates than lovers. Sometimes we can go days without even kissing. So I get why she feels lonely
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My girlfriend of 4 years just left me too. I feel you bro.

Master_Bass posted...

lww99 posted...

Marriage has always just been a really weird thing for me. Maybe because I hardly ever see a successful marriage in my personal life, who knows. The idea of being legally bound to someone terrifies me. Commitment doesn't scare me, but being legally tied kind of does. Things change, people change, and you shouldn't have to jump through a ring of legal hoops to stop seeing each other.

I know this won't fix all your issues with marriage, but if you're afraid of losing your assets get a prenup. It's a lot more common these days and really helps if you do end up splitting.

This is pretty much what I was going to say
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The butterflies always dies out. If you or the partner can't accept that from the get go then you shouldn't be in a relationship, Love becomes tolerance.
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Veggeta X posted...

The butterflies always dies out. If you or the partner can't accept that from the get go then you shouldn't be in a relationship, Love becomes tolerance.

That's what everyone significant other wants to hear... " I tolerate you"
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Ive always accepted that a long term stable relationship is almost boring by nature so when its not exciting i fully expect that.

This sounds grim but its a logical and mature way to look at it. Thats why shared interests are important.
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Sad to say but that's actually very enduring.
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lww99 posted...

We feel more like roommates than lovers. Sometimes we can go days without even kissing. So I get why she feels lonely

Have you asked her what she wanted from you? Is it more affection? Being more spontaneous? Try having an honest conversation with her. Dont let it all be one sided either; let her know what you need too.

After 4 years, I highly suggest couples counseling before just walking away. There are always ups and downs in a relationship. If youre both invested, you should work through the downs.

Veggeta X posted...

The butterflies always dies out. If you or the partner can't accept that from the get go then you shouldn't be in a relationship, Love becomes tolerance.

Oh and ignore this. Its a complete load of crap.

It's not. People fall out of love all the time and instead of trying anymore they rather give up everything for some new and different.
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lww99 posted...

We feel more like roommates than lovers. Sometimes we can go days without even kissing. So I get why she feels lonely

So don't? Your issue is your sex drives aren't matching up, well women aren't men and the amount of effort you invest in the relationship will correlate. This obviously has been going on for a while. Put down the games occasionally, make time for each other.

Don't let there be four days gone by without kissing, don't take it for granted that it's there.
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My wife and myself had a similair issue, I was always rip-roaring to go but she put sex so low on her totem poll of needs/thoughts that we weren't matching up at all.

It sounds lame, but the whole thing was salvaged by the fact that we commit and make sure we have at least one night a week for each other, which MUST include sex. It has done wonders for everyone's mood I must say.
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