Current Events > How do y'all feel about the advice given in this situation (Love letter advice).

(+) Yeah! (+)

Listen to this. The love letter and advice starts at about 1:20 and ends at about 5:15

https://www.kiddnation.com/im-not-sure-who-the-father-is/

TLDL - Girl is in relationship with Guy 1. They get into huge fight where he eventually tells her to leave. At this point, according to her, she felt the relationship was over. She ends up that night going to an old fling, Guy 2, and they bang but do use protection. She later finds out that she is pregnant. Apparently the week of conception is the same week that she slept with Guy 2. Guy 2 wants nothing to do with her or the baby. Guy 1 is willing to be there and continue their relationship. Problem is, Guy 1 has no idea that he could potentially not be the father.

The advice given to this person by the radio host was basically to not tell Guy 1 about him not potentially being the father until it's known to be absolutely necessary. Her advice is for the girl to do a secret DNA test once the kid is born so that she can find out for certain. If Guy 1 is the father, no harm no foul and she should never mention it. If Guy 2 is the father, then she should tell both of them. Her reasoning for this approach is that she feels that it doesn't make sense to potentially get Guy 1 angry for no reason if at the end of the day the kid ends up being his, particularly since chances are that it's his given that when the girl banged Guy 2, they used protection. The three other co-hosts, both male and female, agreed 100% with this advice.

Do ya'll think this is acceptable advice for this situation?
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I think women should stop thinking with their genitals when they're emotional.
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happibivouac posted...

I think women should stop thinking with their genitals when they're emotional.

Interesting
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If I'm being serious, and she is together again with Guy 1, then I think she should tell him. If this guy is going to be putting resources into caring for this child, then he deserves to know there's a possibility that it isn't his. It's not fair to him to withhold this information.

If they both end up wanting nothing to do with her, oh well. You have to live with your mistake.
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happibivouac posted...

I think women should stop thinking with their genitals when they're emotional.

Yeah, no shit. Both of my ex's went out and fucked some random friend because we had issues. Of course, I broke up with them as soon as they told me, but damn lol, seems like this is a common occurrence these days. Then they use the excuse that they weren't thinking straight.
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kinetika_ posted...

happibivouac posted...

I think women should stop thinking with their genitals when they're emotional.

Yeah, no shit. Both of my ex's went out and fucked some random friend because we had issues. Of course, I broke up with them as soon as they told me, but damn lol, seems like this is a common occurrence these days. Then they use the excuse that they weren't thinking straight.

Yeah unfortunately this happens more than we'd like to think.
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More of the girls I know have fucked someone immediately after some sort of break up than haven't. Women like that desirable feeling. I don't think it's an excuse, but that's the explanation I got.
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Whoops, meant to give my thoughts on the advice.

When I first heard this, it kinda angered me actually. Especially the fact that the two men sitting in the room agreed with it. I think the advice is 100% wrong and doesn't really consider the full situation, particularly from Guy 1's perspective.

First of all, she's telling the girl to basically do some sneaky/shady stuff. Since when is THAT ever the right answer in a relationship? If you think he'd be pissed about it now, imagine how pissed he will be after he's found that he's not the father, while putting in all these resources.

The problem here is that she's essentially making a choice for him. Instead of telling him the full truth and allowing him to make a decision on whether or not he wants to go through with the DNA, sign the birth certificate, pay for doctor visits, etc, she's going to wait until he's already invested time/money/energy/emotions into the child and then potentially blindside him. And what if the child ends up not being his? He's got his name on the birth certificate, it will be incredibly difficult to get it off after the fact. He's already wasted time and money on a kid that isn't his under false pretenses.

And how long exactly will it be before she gets this secret DNA test? Day 1? A week later? A month later? 6 months? Once again, potentially allowing him to invest tons of resources into a kid that he might not otherwise, while also legally having him by the balls because he signed the birth certificate.

Basically the only reason to not tell him is because she's afraid of the consequences. Well tough shit. You created this mess, now you have to deal with it as an adult. My feeling is that she should tell him. If he decides he wants to stick around regardless, well at least it's HIS choice. If he decides he doesn't want to do anything until he is sure, well once again tough shit, but don't have him potentially grow attached to a kid that may not be his.
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Twin3Turbo posted...

Basically the only reason to not tell him is because she's afraid of the consequences. Well tough shit. You created this mess, now you have to deal with it as an adult. My feeling is that she should tell him. If he decides he wants to stick around regardless, well at least it's HIS choice. If he decides he doesn't want to do anything until he is sure, well once again tough shit, but don't have him potentially grow attached to a kid that may not be his.

This is what they should have told her to begin with when she called. Why would they want to promote this shitty behavior?
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happibivouac posted...

Twin3Turbo posted...

Basically the only reason to not tell him is because she's afraid of the consequences. Well tough shit. You created this mess, now you have to deal with it as an adult. My feeling is that she should tell him. If he decides he wants to stick around regardless, well at least it's HIS choice. If he decides he doesn't want to do anything until he is sure, well once again tough shit, but don't have him potentially grow attached to a kid that may not be his.

This is what they should have told her to begin with when she called. Why would they want to promote this shitty behavior?

The logic of the main "love adviser" is consistent with other advice she's given, particularly about cheating. She feels that if you cheated before realize it's wrong, it's in the past, and you don't plan to do it in the future, that it's usually best practice to not tell your partner. At least if you are truly sorry for it and plan to live out the rest of your relationship making up for it. In her eyes it's your guilt to live with and by telling your partner, you're putting that burden on them and will ruin your relationship most likely. If you listen to the audio here, she expresses similar sentiment. I 100% disagree with that approach but those are her thoughts.
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