Current Events > Its crazy how many marriages end up falling apart, whether they divorce or not

(+) Yeah! (+)

We know several married couples, with kids, and after about 6 years of marriage, they just fall out of love. Like more couples have problems than those who do not. The ones who don't have problems are very happy people.
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A lot of people just settle eventually. It's not surprising they get sick of their partner.
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This is actually one of the reasons I don't like simply using the divorce statistics as a measure of marital success.

People try to use the non-divorced couples as a measure of marital success, when in reality a good portion of those marriages are in shambles. They just won't divorce for any number of reasons.
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How is it crazy? Wouldn't you get sick of the same person been around forever? Even if not, you falling out of love and you become more like family and less like lovers. I found it incredibly boring

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.
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Kazi1212 posted...

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.

It worked for most of recorded human history
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teepan95 posted...

Kazi1212 posted...

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.

It worked for most of recorded human history

Most people staying together only because of children, doesn't mean that they in love

teepan95 posted...

Kazi1212 posted...

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.

It worked for most of recorded human history

Not really
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Like I've seen it vary from things like, one dude is always going out, leaving his wife and kids at home. Ironically its with his wife's brothers and cousins that he hangs out. Even if he is at home, so often when everyone goes to bed, he'll end up going out with the guys at night. Usually just like local bars are stuff. Like comeon dude, go to bed with your wife like a normal person. Apparently they haven't had sex in months. I mean yes this is coming from the girls perspective but theres no way you can even spin that. Apparently this has been going on for years, and they've had many discussions and fights about it and he'll change for a week then go back to his ways. At one point she cheated on him, but it was only a 1 night stand with a coworker. At least it was just once, but still pretty bad. When I first heard that I was like, wtf she's a ho, I'd definitely divorce her. But then I realized if I was in her shoes, after years of bad marriage and trying to fix it and you get nothing in return, I might be driven in that direction too. But she has thrown out 'divorce' but it somehow keeps going. Its just a matter of time until she gives an ultimatum and follows through with it.

I've seen another couple where both people are stubborn, needy, and picky. So they have alot of standoffs. At one point they physically split and the husband stayed at a nearby apartment for a month. I just don't understand how that can happen. They have 2 kids and little love for each other.

The most extreme I've seen is this couple that seems all happy on social media but the girl is a known slut in the past, they have a baby together who is no more than 2 years old, but she's been cheating on her husband with her ex. I guess he found out and they still worked things out. I know both of em from undergrad, husband is truly a nice/good guy, was always socially awkward just a bit, but nevertheless he is decent looking, tall, and successful. But I had my doubts on this marriage from the start. They're still going tho.

I've heard the exact same statement from all 3 couples, word for word, that they are just "going through the motions" and theres "no love" between them.
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Eh yeah mine fell apart after like two years of marriage
Sucks for those who invest even more time and have it fall to pieces
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teepan95 posted...

Kazi1212 posted...

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.

It worked for most of recorded human history

To be fair, from what I understand women were considered property for much of recorded history, and even when they werent, they simply didn't have the same rights or same leeway as men. So I wouldn't say that exactly "worked" for them in the sense that those were loving marriages as we understand it.
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Theres too many marriages i know of that were great when they started but wernt strong enough to last 10+ years.

Some just decide they dont want to die with said partner.
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Lol at the bitterness itt

I love my wife, I would never want anyone else
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Colorahdo posted...

Lol at the bitterness itt

I love my wife, I would never want anyone else

Who is bitter in this topic?
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Colorahdo posted...

Lol at the bitterness itt

I love my wife, I would never want anyone else

No one is saying marriages never work. Just that people wildly overstate how often they do.
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BLAKUboy posted...

Colorahdo posted...

Lol at the bitterness itt

I love my wife, I would never want anyone else

No one is saying marriages never work. Just that people wildly overstate how often they do.

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.
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idk why people think you have to be "in love" 100% of your marriage or else it's a sham

every person in a "successful" long-term marriage/relationship will tell you they had rough patches(and most of them probably considered divorce/splitting). The difference is they got past it instead of letting it drive a permanent wedge between them. "Love" isn't going to get you past each others flaws for 50 years. At some point you have to improve as a person and put actual effort into growing your relationship(and that goes for both people, you can't have 1 person trying their ass off while the other puts in zero effort).
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halomonkey1_3_5 posted...

idk why people think you have to be "in love" 100% of your marriage or else it's a sham

every person in a "successful" long-term marriage/relationship will tell you they had rough patches(and most of them probably considered divorce/splitting). The difference is they got past it instead of letting it drive a permanent wedge between them. "Love" isn't going to get you past each others flaws for 50 years. At some point you have to improve as a person and put actual effort into growing your relationship(and that goes for both people, you can't have 1 person trying their ass off while the other puts in zero effort).

That sounds like my ex.
0 effort to improve the relationship, or trying to get through anything. Didnt really understand that marriages arent that lovey dovey feeling CONSTANTLY and thought he was bored and needed to sleep around (while with me) to explore other people and himself
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Its still early in the grand scheme, but Im crazy in love with my wife in Year 5 of being together. Its just gotta be the right person where you really want to spend your lives together, with no element of weve been dating a while so the next step is marriage. Dont wanna jinx it but I truly cant even imagine a world in which it falls apart. Were really dialed in.

Also, its corny, but holy shit is communication key. My wife and I never go to bed without talking shit out if its a rough night, and those rough nights are rare because we talk about everything as soon as it bothers us rather than suppressing any negative feelings. Keeps things happy because neither of us is ever just trying to ignore something thats annoying us.
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Colorahdo posted...

BLAKUboy posted...

Colorahdo posted...

Lol at the bitterness itt

I love my wife, I would never want anyone else

No one is saying marriages never work. Just that people wildly overstate how often they do.

The idea that its reasonable 2 people can be happy with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives is the real crazy notion here.

I didnt mean to imply marriages never work, but I can see how I came off hyperbolic. Just because an idea is crazy doesnt mean it won't ever wok out, just probably a rarity when it does. Its sorta like making a bet, in this case you're betting a situation where the odds just simply arent in your favor to succeed in the long run.
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halomonkey1_3_5 posted...

idk why people think you have to be "in love" 100% of your marriage or else it's a sham

every person in a "successful" long-term marriage/relationship will tell you they had rough patches(and most of them probably considered divorce/splitting). The difference is they got past it instead of letting it drive a permanent wedge between them. "Love" isn't going to get you past each others flaws for 50 years. At some point you have to improve as a person and put actual effort into growing your relationship(and that goes for both people, you can't have 1 person trying their ass off while the other puts in zero effort).

Thing is that when you're in love, you're willing to overlook your partner flaws. But once you fall out of love, you see these flaws. I don't feel like putting in effort in something that boring and iriritating. Its not like i want to be in relationships for the sake of not dying alone, it is about love for me

Couples therapy exists for this reason.
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