Current Events > My kitten died from FKS and I can't cope.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have 2 kittens I've been caring for since they were 4 weeks.

The second kitten was a runt. I checked on him after going outside for 3-4 hours and he was solid (rigor mortis).

I'm absolutely devasted. I don't know how to cope. I just want to punch somebody.

He was literally the sweetest thing I've ever come across in my life and he died and I'm in tears.
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Sorry for your loss.
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you still have one kitten

Life can take some heavy duty dumps on you man. Well most certainly that kitten. You'll bounce back though.
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Kaiganeer posted...

you still have one kitten

@LockeMonster
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So sorry for what happened to the kitten. Take solace in the other kitten and love the hell out of it.
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I'm very sorry, that sucks

Yeah I've been through that ... not necessarily FKS. Just, my mom decided to punish one of our cats for peeing on the floor by throwing him outside in the snow. My sister and I tried to get her to renege on it because that's just cruel as a response, we even went behind her back and let him in for a while to at least warm up...probably would've defied her altogether if my mom didn't have a history of being violent and all.

He was dead by morning, something with his heart. I've still never forgiven the bitch for that, I loved the hell out of that cat. I was crying pretty much the entire way to school that day and several times during when I could avoid making a scene ... still fucked up about it.

... I could go on about a couple of other cats that died but I don't want to be an attention whore.

Just... I understand where you're coming from TC, I know it hurts a lot. *hug*
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Im so sorry TC :(
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@_Lyonidias posted...

Im so sorry TC :(

Why you say sorry?
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Touya999 posted...

@_Lyonidias posted...

Im so sorry TC :(

Why you say sorry?

What kind of dumb question is this?
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Thank you for the responses. I fucked up even more last night.

I went and got shitfaced after making this topic last night and it didn't help at all. I have a huge hangover now and I destroyed my standing lamp and wall by smashing it into the wall and causing a hole in the wall. I've never had any violent outbursts and I remember thinking that being a main reason. My mind kept saying "just do it, you're in pain, it's ok this time". I don't even drink much otherwise.

That's a $200-$300 loss, but I don't even care right now. I'm just thinking about my guilt and how I could have possibly saved it had I not gone outside. Going outside was one of those things where I wasn't go to say yes to my friend, but last minute, I said screw it and went. Now I keep repeating how I should have just said no and how it was just a split second thing.

The other kitten is also very depressed. He's not eating and hiding in his little box hideout. I took him out and tried petting him and he just kept crying for his brother. I'm gonna pull out all the delicacies and stuff they liked and see if that helps. He's probably extra on edge because he likely heard me crying and bashing the wall last night (he was locked in my bedroom, so he didn't see anything).
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Eevee-Trainer posted...

Yeah I've been through that ... not necessarily FKS. Just, my mom decided to punish one of our cats for peeing on the floor by throwing him outside in the snow. My sister and I tried to get her to renege on it because that's just cruel as a response, we even went behind her back and let him in for a while to at least warm up...probably would've defied her altogether if my mom didn't have a history of being violent and all.

He was dead by morning, something with his heart. I've still never forgiven the bitch for that, I loved the hell out of that cat. I was crying pretty much the entire way to school that day and several times during when I could avoid making a scene ... still fucked up about it.

... I could go on about a couple of other cats that died but I don't want to be an attention whore.

Just... I understand where you're coming from TC, I know it hurts a lot. *hug*

That's horrible and I don't even know how I would react. And yes, please. I would like to hear the other instances. Not many of the people around me have lost pets so other experiences will definitely help in understanding and moving on.
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LockeMonster posted...

The other kitten is also very depressed. He's not eating and hiding in his little box hideout. I took him out and tried petting him and he just kept crying for his brother. I'm gonna pull out all the delicacies and stuff they liked and see if that helps. He's probably extra on edge because he likely heard me crying and bashing the wall last night (he was locked in my bedroom, so he didn't see anything).

Yeah, spoil the little guy, be gentle with him, and try to give him some love. It'll help take the edge off.

I always find it dumb how some people say animals don't have emotions as complex as us yet here is the little guy, grieving for his brother. (Or at least knows something's wrong.)

LockeMonster posted...

That's horrible and I don't even know how I would react. And yes, please. I would like to hear the other instances. Not many of the people around me have lost pets so other experiences will definitely help in understanding and moving on.

The other cats is a bit more of a complicated issue...

A couple of years ago, my parents divorced. I was in college, living in a dorm at the time, so I was completely blindsided by this. (Frankly they needed to divorce but I assumed neither would have the balls to go through with it.) Still, even though I was in a dorm, it wasn't far from home; every few weeks I'd come home. Sure, family life was shit, but free food, free laundry; plus I could see my sister. But I think the main reason I would actually come back were the cats.

There were three in all. This really old gray female, and a couple of brothers: one black and one with a tortoise-shell sort of pattern on his fur. We called them Zoey, Midnight, and Lil Bit respectively.

Zoey was probably the one most hurt by me going off to college. (I would've taken her given a choice but the dorms don't let us have non-service animals.) I think the entire family hated her, for some reason. I guess it was because she was getting old and messy: throwing up a lot, occasionally peeing where she shouldn't, etc. I was the only one she'd cuddle up with and all, sometimes for hours at a time. I guess it's because I didn't really care about the messes; sure they were annoying, but I would just clean them up and move on with my day. Not like she meant harm by it, you know?

Midnight and Lil Bit were warming up to me as well, if slowly. Midnight was probably the more playful of the three, and it was always fun making him run wild after a laser light or whatever. Lil Bit was somewhere in-between Zoey and Midnight - not quite playful, not quite loving, just doing his own thing I guess as cats do. Still, they were warming up to me too around the summer before I left for college. They would even cuddle up with me much like Zoey would sometimes; both Midnight and Lil Bit once tried to cuddle up with me at the same time, it was really cramped lol. But it was sweet, they rarely did that for anyone, so I liked it.

[continued]
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(Fun fact: we originally thought Midnight was a girl and didn't realize he was a guy until much later. Not sure how that happened lol.)

Weirdly during college things changed. Lil Bit would grow more hostile towards me. We had this one incident where he ran off outside (they're indoor cats) and I ended up cornering him and he was just growling like hell at me. I picked him up and he tried scratching me, even though he was clawless - he still managed to leave a mark, he scratched so hard ... no one could figure out why he changed his mood to me like that. (And no, declawing them was absolutely not my decision, and I recognize it's cruel and all that.) I think this might have been somewhat contextualized sometime later.

So a while down the road, my parents separated. My mom took Lil Bit and Midnight. My sister took Zoey and dropped her off with a friend (since, again, I'm apparently the only one that liked Zoey). I, meanwhile, was dumped at my grandparents insofar as "living arrangements when not at uni" goes - they already had a cat and Zoey could be territorial sometimes, so leaving Zoey with them was probably a no-go.

Zoey probably has died sometime in the interim. I wouldn't know, but she was old, and the friend kept her cats outside, so she's probably dead by now. Or ran off or something. She honestly probably didn't have much time left anyhow...

As for Midnight and Lil Bit. This gets weird. So apparently the guy my mom was cheating on my dad with HATED those cats. This is strictly speculation - we have no proof (otherwise I'd go to the cops in a heartbeat) - but from what my grandmother and uncle could dig up it sounds like my mom's boyfriend poisoned the cats, dropping some eye drops in their food. This might have even started as early back as Lil Bit's weird incident (which might contextualize his odd behavior towards me - but then, Zoey or Midnight weren't affected so I also somewhat doubt it).

Eventually the cat's just stopped eating, were having seizures, and eventually just ... died. Midnight apparently was found dead in the driveway, Lil Bit ... I don't know what happened to him.

I didn't figure this out until ... I want to say this past Halloween? They probably died a few months prior.

It bugs me that I've never had the chance to cry over any of them. I missed the hell out of them while I was at college - like I said, they were pretty much the main reason I'd come back home. When I heard I did cry a bit but not nearly as much as I wanted to (my grandparents are ass when it comes to emotions - since I'm not out about being trans, they think me as a guy, and in line with that I shouldn't feel emotions because stereotypes and shit, so they'd make fun of me). When I went back to uni that weekend I didn't because I didn't want to mess with my roommates or cause questions ... so I've just been keeping it all bottled up I guess... It just sucks.

I miss the hell out of those cats, I had Zoey since before I was a teenager, and had Lil Bit and Midnight for a good chunk of my teenage years too. To think that I'll never see them again, pet them, play with them, cuddle with them ... God i'm honestly just tearing up writing this as it is.

And part of me is just furious. I want to throttle my mother, her and her boyfriend, because ultimately this all really comes back to them in various respects. Throttle them to a bloody pulp because their idiocy led to the death of several loving animals, and to me losing very dear pets - the closest thing I had to IRL friends for most of my life.

It just ... It just fucking sucks man. It sounds like an understatement but I honestly have no better way to say it.
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Theres millions of cats.
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I hate cats
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LordMarshal posted...

Theres millions of cats.

you don't seem to understand. when a person gets attached to a pet and they die part of ourselves die.
took me 9 month's to get over my loss of my cat who was 10 years old. she had to be put to sleep because of cancer "i didn't want her to suffer anymore".

i still have my dog which i love to death but i'll be heartbroken if she ever goes.
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In response to eevee about pet emotions (can't quote the whole post lol >_>), there is a lot we don't even understand or realize. An example is the last 2 cats my parents had. My brother was playing with one and he got too rough (he was young enough to not really know better). No one saw what happened but we think the kitten tried to leave my brother's room and my brother held on to him to prevent it and squeezed too hard. The kitten was dazed and out of it and slight pink in his saliva suggesting bleeding. We took him to some place that was like a vet emergency room because our main vet was closed that day. He ended up being okay but he wasn't fully right after that and it was suspected that he may have been asphixiated a bit and suffered minor brain damage.

Anyway, that's just the preface, not the story. At some point after that, probably within a year, it was late one night. That cats were indoor only and had been declawed, and normally kept to the first floor and basement. I heard a cat shrieking somewhere in the neighborhood. Sounded like a fight. I was the only one still up. I didn't think much of it. Then within a few minutes, I heard scratching and meowing at my door. I found it odd because the cats rarely went upstairs. The little guy was at my door and he looked shook up and was staring at me like he wished he knew how to speak human. That's when it hit me that maybe his sister got out and that the cat fighting I heard was her (being declawed, she wouldn't have been able to fight back). I went downstairs and sure enough, when I opened the door, she bolted inside from under the porch where she must have been hiding after a neighborhood cat had attacked her. It was profound because he knew she was out there and in trouble, and not only that, but knew not just to get someone's attention but to get mine specifically, knowing everyone else in the house was asleep. Plus he had bonded with me more than my parents or siblings, so it's like he knew that I was the one he had the best chance of getting through to.

They're both gone now. He had a thyroid problem and the treatment unfortunately overcorrected, so he was suffering and had to be put down. She lived to be pretty old, outliving her brother by 4-5 years I think, but went partially paralyzed (they think from a stroke) one day and also had to be put down.
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