Current Events > How to Win Friends and Influence People

(+) Yeah! (+)

This book is illuminating in the sense that I have been living my entire life as a bitter, self-important fuck head with zero regard for others. I have always assumed the worst in others, always acted in my own interest, and I wondered why nobody gave a shit about me.

I know that these are all problems that I have caused and must correct myself willingly, but I am dumbfounded that it took me 27 years to realize. I was able to glide through life without understanding that I have been the problem standing in my own way.

I don't know CE, it just seems like every day I realize I know less shit than I thought I did.

clearaflagrantj posted...

I don't know CE, it just seems like every day I realize I know less shit than I thought I did.

That means your gaining wisdom

"Fools claim they're wise, wise men know they're foolish"
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clearaflagrantj posted...

I don't know CE, it just seems like every day I realize I know less s*** than I thought I did.

This is the biggest step to true success.

Ask more questions than make statements because doing so improves your understanding.

That said, how has thia changed your day to day?
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clearaflagrantj posted...

I don't know CE, it just seems like every day I realize I know less shit than I thought I did.

Isn't that life? Glad you're growing and breaking free, it's time to shed yourself for new skin
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it's a good book. the vast majority of the advice in the book is stuff that sounds really obvious when you read it, but then when you reflect on your behavior you realize that you havent been practicing a lot of it.

for me i think a lot of my issues socially come from my anxiety & lack of self-esteem, i think that is the big hurdle i need to get past b/c my current state is not sustainable
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

That means your gaining wisdom

"Fools claim they're wise, wise men know they're foolish"

Tbh, I think people take that too far.
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u must lather a man before u shave him
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Aww yeah that was my first ever audio book purchase
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Anteaterking posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

That means your gaining wisdom

"Fools claim they're wise, wise men know they're foolish"

Tbh, I think people take that too far.

Elaborate and set it straight then.
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Elaborate and set it straight then.

It's really easy to say "I know nothing". Plenty of pseudo-intellectual people do it all the time, because they think that by saying they know nothing they appear wise.

You should have an accurate picture of your own intelligence. That means not overestimating too much OR underestimating too much. @clearaflagrantj is above average in intelligence in this country. And intelligence/knowledge is all relative. If he was overestimating his intelligence, maybe it's good that he's realizing that he doesn't know as much as he thought. But it's not good for him to not recognize that he knows plenty of things.
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Anteaterking posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Elaborate and set it straight then.

It's really easy to say "I know nothing". Plenty of pseudo-intellectual people do it all the time, because they think that by saying they know nothing they appear wise.

You should have an accurate picture of your own intelligence. That means not overestimating too much OR underestimating too much. @clearaflagrantj is above average in intelligence in this country. And intelligence/knowledge is all relative. If he was overestimating his intelligence, maybe it's good that he's realizing that he doesn't know as much as he thought. But it's not good for him to not recognize that he knows plenty of things.

I mean to me all acknowledging you don't know shit just tells me is that you're not gonna be one those people who deny new information cause you feel like you already have everything right. It shows you're open to growth. All that other stuff is extra that is gonna vary for each individual.
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*hi-fives OP*

Hooray for self improvement. I did similar at about the same age; great book for the people that need it and a wonderful exercise in empathy.
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Sounds like someone is gonna be top lobster soon

I read that book in my early twenties. That and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It had the opposite effect on me.

All this time, I thought I was the one with bad social skills, but it turns out everyone is an asshole. The majority of people aren't as kind as the book teaches. If you are that one person, who is, people are going to take advantage of you.

The world rewards slimey careerists. Not kind people.
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Hey TC are you still mad at me?
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What exactly does the book teach you?
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Veggeta X posted...

Hey TC are you still mad at me?

I was never mad at you, I give you shit for being fake Vegy but it's all in good fun

Squall28 posted...

I read that book in my early twenties. That and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It had the opposite effect on me.

All this time, I thought I was the one with bad social skills, but it turns out everyone is an asshole. The majority of people aren't as kind as the book teaches. If you are that one person, who is, people are going to take advantage of you.

The world rewards slimey careerists. Not kind people.

Yeah reading this I have to remind myself that I still need to keep my wits about me, Jordan Peterson actually has a healthy balance of the idealism to realism in comparison.

refmon posted...

What exactly does the book teach you?

I'm only like 30% through the book, but so far the main points I can recall are:

1. Never criticize someone for the sake of lashing out. It's okay to give constructive criticism, but most times going off on somebody only makes you feel better in the short term, and you don't know the circumstances why someone may be acting the way they do.

2. The best way to make people like you is to take a genuine interest in others instead of trying to get them to be impressed with you. Actually going out of your way for others and giving a shit shows you legitimately care about them. Everybody is craving attention, and showing an interest in them is nourishment.

3. To influence people and get them to do what you want, you must convince them why acting how you want them to act is best for their self interest. Nobody gives a shit about what you want, so saying "please do this because it will help me with that" is meaningless to others.

It's mostly just repeating the same theme, we are all way to focused on ourselves and need to look outwards

Veggeta X posted...

Hey TC are you still mad at me?

Do you go into topics of everybody whose upset you at some point and ask if they're still mad at you?
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No one upsets me
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I had a difficult time with the book. I agree with the vast majority of the content. I felt like I already had those social skills and the book reaffirmed my desire to talk and continue behaving like that. I mean, a lot of it was, don't be an asshole in how you talk to people.

What it did though, was make me not want to be someone that could be seduced and persuaded by how others talked. Like, I didn't want to be someone that others felt they had to walk on eggshells around in regards to how they talk.
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