Current Events > Being a gay Christian can be hurtful and gruelling. But I refuse to lose faith.

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https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/21/gay-christian-church-lgbt

I was at a comedy show in Soho recently, when my slightly too loud cackle attracted attention from the comedian. One thing led to another, and I ended up being teased affably about my love life as the audience laughed on.

Once my excitement about having spoken to one of my favourite comedians Mae Martin, if youre curious had died down, I realised something pretty significant had happened. I had said, I have a girlfriend in front of a room full of people without even thinking about it.

Granted, that doesnt really sound like a stop-the-press moment. Mae Martin is a queer performer, after all. And in theory, Im a strong, independent lesbian who doesnt care what anyone thinks. But any gay person who has experienced that niggle of anxiety before announcing their queerness will understand.

I came out almost five years ago, and the majority of people I interact with couldnt care less about the gender of the person Im dating. My family and friends adore my girlfriend, and I no longer have personal qualms about my sexual identity. Yet even when Im 90% sure the person Im addressing will be accepting, I still get that little jerky stomach-knot right before I say the words gay or girlfriend to someone new.

Growing up in the church has played quite a big part in these insecurities. The ultimate lowlight was confiding in a pastor about my sexuality when I was 18. He politely informed me that my feelings were from the devil, and went on to share our conversation which I had believed to be confidential with the church the following Sunday as part of his sermon on sexual immorality.

There was also the church member who arranged to meet me for coffee in order to say I needed to repent; and the friend who bought me a book on conversion therapy for Christmas. I could go on.

Most LGBT+ Christians Ive come across have similar stories to tell, if not worse. So why do we bother going back to these places and people that have hurt us? The simple answer is that I still believe in a loving God, and I still have faith that views will change, and things will get better.

I dont necessarily expect non-Christians to understand that. Plenty of queer people have been hurt by the church. Go to hell placards at Pride parades, conversion therapy and politicians such as Tim Farron havent exactly given Christians a good reputation among the queer community. During my undergraduate degree, I basically gave up going to church altogether because it felt like all the Christian students were hardened anti-gay evangelicals.

Theres a time and a place for what I call activist church-going: going to a church where you know you wont be accepted just to remind them that queer Christians do exist. I can work up the stamina to do this from time to time, but it can be incredibly draining to constantly place yourself in an environment where youre not really welcome.

Most of the time, however, the only way to navigate the world as a queer Christian is to find support. Becoming part of Facebook groups such as Diverse Church, Queer Christian Collective and No Fear in Love showed me there was a future for people like me. Meeting Christians who were happily in same-sex relationships even married with children showed me that the model of Christian marriage drummed into me throughout my childhood was not the only option. Now, my girlfriend and I go to an affirming church in London where I feel, for the first time in a long time, welcome.

This is a pretty interesting read imo. It's cool to see LGBTQ+ Christians be open and proud about both their sexuality and their faith in spite of the church's shitty track record with LGBTQ+ acceptance.
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I don't know or understand why sexual preference has anything to do with faith in a higher power. It shouldn't matter.
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MabusIncarnate posted...

I don't know or understand why sexual preference has anything to do with faith in a higher power. It shouldn't matter.

It shouldn't but a lot of churches are hostile to LGBTQ+ people.
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Wow, that was a great read. Really respect this girl, and it's inspiring considering I'm in the exact same position. I'm a gay man who was raised in an extremely conservative Christian household, and I still identify as Christian today. Unlike the author, however, I was kicked out of my house after coming out; my parents are very unaccepting and intolerant despite the fact that I'm in a loving, committed relationship, or that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

Despite this, I still very much believe in God and remain unshaken in my faith, even if I don't attend church at all anymore. This may sound like an oxymoron, and I know people judge, but to me, believing in a Higher Power is more important than being accepted by my parents or the church or even Christianity itself. Faith and spirituality is a personal, intimate experience.
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MabusIncarnate posted...

I don't know or understand why sexual preference has anything to do with faith in a higher power. It shouldn't matter.

I mean the Bible is pretty cut and dry on homosexuality as a sin. The issue I take is with church members condemning people instead of welcoming them. If youre gonna pass judgement on people and their lifestyle then you better have a squeaky clean record yourself first.
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I appreciate this person sharing their experience, but it's hard for me not to be at least a little sad that religion has such a strong hold on people that they would keep it even when it condemns them.

Catholic guilt is a thing
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Awakened_Link posted...

Wow, that was a great read. Really respect this girl, and it's inspiring considering I'm in the exact same position. I'm a gay man who was raised in an extremely conservative Christian household, and I still identify as Christian today. Unlike the author, however, I was kicked out of my house after coming out; my parents are very unaccepting and intolerant despite the fact that I'm in a loving, committed relationship, or that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

Despite this, I still very much believe in God and remain unshaken in my faith, even if I don't attend church at all anymore. This may sound like an oxymoron, and I know people judge, but to me, believing in a Higher Power is more important than being accepted by my parents or the church or even Christianity itself. Faith and spirituality is a personal, intimate experience.

Sorry to hear about how your family mistreated you but it's great to hear that you're happy now.
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MabusIncarnate posted...

I don't know or understand why sexual preference has anything to do with faith in a higher power. It shouldn't matter.

The Bible condemns homosexuality, so technically being gay goes against their religion. But I agree thats its dumb for them to preach about helping people and loving others while also saying that gay people dont deserve to exist
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I guarantee you the only reason she's Christian is because she was raised Christian
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Individual churches and denominations are a lot worse than the religion itself if you're gay. There are some churches/denominations that are accepting and some that aren't. And even in unaccepting churches, there will probably be individual people who are accepting.

Basically, don't let humans hurt your religious faith. If God is good and just, then he will do what is right in the end.
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Garioshi posted...

I guarantee you the only reason she's Christian is because she was raised Christian

You can say that about most Christians, I'd bet.
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Garioshi posted...

I guarantee you the only reason she's Christian is because she was raised Christian

This is such a condescending statement toward any religious group. You have no idea how much she's looked into her own religion, and given this article it's probably a decent amount, at least.
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Garioshi posted...

I guarantee you the only reason she's Christian is because she was raised Christian

I don't know there's a lot of LGBTQ+ people who were raised Christian who turned away from the religion because of being treated badly by homophobic Christians.
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Why the fuck would a loving God make his people suffer?

Holy shit faith is stupid.

She can believe in a higher power without trying to force herself into something where she doesn't fit. This is like a leather jacket-wearing meat eater trying to fit into vegan activism.
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Garioshi posted...

I guarantee you the only reason she's Christian is because she was raised Christian

pretty much how it was for me
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