Current Events > I've wasted my life

(+) Yeah! (+)

What do I do to turn this fucker around?
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Get off this site, to start.
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Take two slices of bread, put it around the business end of a firearm, and then go talk to a therapist and figure out what would make you happy and pursue it.
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http://salmonofcapistrano.com
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EwokCommanda posted...

Get off this site, to start.

Definitely for CE but I have people I'd call friends on other boards. I've been coming to this site through so many moves and lost friends irl.

I suppose I use it as a crutch, though.
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I feel like it's too late for that
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MasterGakke posted...

Take two slices of bread, put it around the business end of a firearm, and then go talk to a therapist and figure out what would make you happy and pursue it.

First part sounds redundant, but I'd love to speak to a therapist. My insurance doesn't cover it, though. I'd like to look for a good one.
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MedeaLysistrata posted...

I feel like it's too late for that

>:-(
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How old are you?
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It depends

What's the full story/details?
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berlyman101 posted...

MedeaLysistrata posted...

I feel like it's too late for that

>:-(

I mean for me... but maybe for you too
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berlyman101 posted...

MasterGakke posted...

Take two slices of bread, put it around the business end of a firearm, and then go talk to a therapist and figure out what would make you happy and pursue it.

First part sounds redundant, but I'd love to speak to a therapist. My insurance doesn't cover it, though. I'd like to look for a good one.

Are you sure your insurance doesn't cover it? Maybe call them and ask them if they will if you get a referral from a PCP? There are shitty insurances but that seems kinda unlikely that it's impossible.
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same
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Crayon_Lover posted...

How old are you?

27

REMercsChamp posted...

It depends

What's the full story/details?

The latest details are that I'm about to lose my job which I hate anyway, am in a small overpriced apartment in a major city, have no friends here and a useless bachelor's degree. I have some job experience for big companies but they all made me miserable and I don't want to be like the people I've worked with.

No long term girlfriend ever, no car, some health issues I've worked through by traveling far and wide for jobs and doctors. I have good ideas but was always too much of a wuss to pursue the things I found fun.
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berlyman101 posted...

Crayon_Lover posted...

How old are you?

27

REMercsChamp posted...

It depends

What's the full story/details?

The latest details are that I'm about to lose my job which I hate anyway, am in a small overpriced apartment in a major city, have no friends here and a useless bachelor's degree. I have some job experience for big companies but they all made me miserable and I don't want to be like the people I've worked with.

No long term girlfriend ever, no car, some health issues I've worked through by traveling far and wide for jobs and doctors. I have good ideas but was always too much of a wuss to pursue the things I found fun.

Okay - not sure what the health issues are but the rest of the stuff can be dealt with...depends how motivated you are. These are things a lot of people deal with at some point.
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The past is written and cannot be changed. Tonorrow can be the start of the rest of a life you want to live.

REMercsChamp posted...

berlyman101 posted...

Crayon_Lover posted...

How old are you?

27

REMercsChamp posted...

It depends

What's the full story/details?

The latest details are that I'm about to lose my job which I hate anyway, am in a small overpriced apartment in a major city, have no friends here and a useless bachelor's degree. I have some job experience for big companies but they all made me miserable and I don't want to be like the people I've worked with.

No long term girlfriend ever, no car, some health issues I've worked through by traveling far and wide for jobs and doctors. I have good ideas but was always too much of a wuss to pursue the things I found fun.

Okay - not sure what the health issues are but the rest of the stuff can be dealt with...depends how motivated you are. These are things a lot of people deal with at some point.

The health issues aren't debilitating. I've had some really unpleasant stuff and a few surgeries but apparently that's fixed. I could probably use some physical therapy and mental therapy as well but I can't afford that.

What motivates me is being admired, having autonomy and being useful. I always admired my friends who are engineers and solve big tangible problems but I didn't have the patience for that kind of stuff. After school I worked a bunch of odd jobs while living at home and saved up enough to move anywhere I want. I've worked contract jobs and hate how they make me feel. I think I work hard but it's never enough to get hired full time. I had one great one but the company closed my branch within four months of me starting.

It's s clear to me that I don't want to be an employee. I screw around and basically hate the culture at these places. I never set out to work at a Fortune 500, I just took the jobs recruiters set me up with. I always show up and get the job done but in a way sometimes I don't show up for myself. Now my job is ending and I don't want to be a vegetable like the last time I was unemployed. I have some money saved up but it will go fast. I've interviewed for a few decent analyst (read : jack of all trades) jobs but I feel like I'll never get ahead at this rate.
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to simplify:

I've accomplished a few things, such as starting out on my own from scratch, saving an emergency fund, not dying, earning a degree in something I'm not good at doing.

Things I'd like to do: not have to move back home approaching 30, build satisfying relationships, find meaningful creative work to sustain me ans eventually do it my own way (probably the hardest)
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berlyman101 posted...

Crayon_Lover posted...

How old are you?

27

REMercsChamp posted...

It depends

What's the full story/details?

The latest details are that I'm about to lose my job which I hate anyway, am in a small overpriced apartment in a major city, have no friends here and a useless bachelor's degree. I have some job experience for big companies but they all made me miserable and I don't want to be like the people I've worked with.

No long term girlfriend ever, no car, some health issues I've worked through by traveling far and wide for jobs and doctors. I have good ideas but was always too much of a wuss to pursue the things I found fun.

Sounds pretty normal tbh. You're figuring things out now. You should think positively about your future.

Job = you hated it anyway and didn't want to become your coworkers

overpriced apartment in major city = actually a GOOD thing. Try dating in the middle of nowhere. It's not fun. So much fun to do in a major city.

Useless bachelor's degree = life of the majority of college graduates. Outside of a few STEM degrees, they're all "useless." Having a bachelor's will allow you to get a high paying job and get promoted quickly though, always remember that

No long term girlfriend ever = pretty normal for your age and time period. Did you really want to have an unfulfilling temporary relationship anyway? How many of those high school prom dates do you think ended well? And if you're a guy, at least if things don't change, you will always be able to date twentysomethings.

No car = you don't really need a car if you live in a big city. Many people use ride share over cars now anyways

Health issues = this is the only thing I can't rationalize. Sorry you had to deal with that.

What I suggest:
- Find a hobby you enjoy that gets you outside in your big major city that 90% of the world dreams of being at.
- Position your bachelor's to a high-paying job or en route to a high paying job. Think less about how fulfilling the job is and more about how you can live a fulfilling life with the money.
- With a fun hobby and a sizable bank account, you will have no trouble finding a girl. Then you can have kids and watch your kids have the same issues as you. When that happens, tell them that no matter what, you are only one decision away from changing your life completely.
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berlyman101 posted...

I always admired my friends who are engineers and solve big tangible problems

I think you're undervaluing what you're doing and overvaluing what other people are doing.

Not every engineer is building the robots that go to Mars - a lot of them are doing mundane jobs that are very average. Even at places like Google, it's such a big company that most people are just cogs in the wheel, working on a small specific part of the business. It's a small percent of people that are innovating or making the next big progress in technology.
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berlyman101 posted...

Things I'd like to do: not have to move back home approaching 30, build satisfying relationships, find meaningful creative work to sustain me ans eventually do it my own way (probably the hardest)

You can do all this but I wouldn't write anything off as being beneath you as you try to get where you want in life. For example, you might have to take a lesser job that has an opportunity to advance your career to a better one, or yes maybe move in with the parents for a bit to save up if you need additional education or whatever.
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Assuming you don't already do this, you could start by getting fit or at least incorporating weekly exercise into your permanent lifestyle. You'll accomplish a few things here:

-set personal goals for yourself that you can achieve through discipline and dedication. you will feel satisfaction from achieving your goals and the discipline you achieve can be applied to other areas of your life outside of exercise

-as you get more fit and healthy you will literally feel better physically and mentally. after you get through the initial difficulty of getting yourself accustomed to doing it consistently, you should no longer feel a sense of dread around it but instead be able to enjoy the dopamine rushes from working out

-human beings are fortunate to be able to wield physical prowess in many different things. our ancestors were hunters and gatherers and had to survive in harsh environments. obviously in this age it isn't necessary to be akin to a tribal warrior, but enabling yourself to be a part of those who can use their body the way it was meant to traditionally throughout human history can be satisfying and empowering and assist you in other areas of your life

-get sexier over time and fight the adverse affects of aging

You can begin this without even getting a gym subscription. Even just going outside for a 30 min walk 4 days a week can make a big difference in your life. Just keep it up and make it a part of your lifestyle, not just something you're gonna do for a month and quit. Look up couch to 5k, a program designed for sedentary individuals who may not even be able to run a mile, and you can start out walking if need be. If you want to get into weight lifting, there's plenty of great resources online. I can recommend some if you're interested.

You don't have to take this advice but I recommend it because I truly believe not only should everyone aspire to incorporate exercise into their lifestyle for all the aforementioned reasons but because you don't need much at all to start. It can be as easy as developing discipline in walking 4x a week for 3 months and then incorporating other kinds of training in the future when you're ready. Nothing is stopping you asides from physical handicap or disability
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Mitch_Haniger posted...

berlyman101 posted...

Crayon_Lover posted...

How old are you?

27

REMercsChamp posted...

It depends

What's the full story/details?

The latest details are that I'm about to lose my job which I hate anyway, am in a small overpriced apartment in a major city, have no friends here and a useless bachelor's degree. I have some job experience for big companies but they all made me miserable and I don't want to be like the people I've worked with.

No long term girlfriend ever, no car, some health issues I've worked through by traveling far and wide for jobs and doctors. I have good ideas but was always too much of a wuss to pursue the things I found fun.

Sounds pretty normal tbh. You're figuring things out now. You should think positively about your future.

Job = you hated it anyway and didn't want to become your coworkers

overpriced apartment in major city = actually a GOOD thing. Try dating in the middle of nowhere. It's not fun. So much fun to do in a major city.

Useless bachelor's degree = life of the majority of college graduates. Outside of a few STEM degrees, they're all "useless." Having a bachelor's will allow you to get a high paying job and get promoted quickly though, always remember that

No long term girlfriend ever = pretty normal for your age and time period. Did you really want to have an unfulfilling temporary relationship anyway? How many of those high school prom dates do you think ended well? And if you're a guy, at least if things don't change, you will always be able to date twentysomethings.

No car = you don't really need a car if you live in a big city. Many people use ride share over cars now anyways

Health issues = this is the only thing I can't rationalize. Sorry you had to deal with that.

What I suggest:
- Find a hobby you enjoy that gets you outside in your big major city that 90% of the world dreams of being at.
- Position your bachelor's to a high-paying job or en route to a high paying job. Think less about how fulfilling the job is and more about how you can live a fulfilling life with the money.
- With a fun hobby and a sizable bank account, you will have no trouble finding a girl. Then you can have kids and watch your kids have the same issues as you. When that happens, tell them that no matter what, you are only one decision away from changing your life completely.

Thanks for the advice. I definitely need to find hobbies. I tried meetups but I always stuck out as awkward and clueless.

Now... that in itself isn't a problem for me as an adult who can push through that. Lots of people are nice and trying to do the same thing as me. I got discouraged when one person who was making me feel good and connected with me after that turned out to be an Amway/MLM bot. I could see it coming a mile away but ignored it until I was sure.

Of course this isn't an excuse to shut in but it highlighted to me that I have a short tolerance for these things. I moved into this apartment and started a new job at the same time which has been emotionally exhausting.

As for the career, I know I'm as capable as the next guy when it comes to getting a better job with what I've done. Just add a few skills here and there. But, I always end up in these situations where I'm failing, make silly mistakes, arguing with managers publicly, and in general not convincing anyone to promote me. As someone who has seen a lot of things not work out, I don't think it's the best path for me.
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REMercsChamp posted...

berlyman101 posted...

I always admired my friends who are engineers and solve big tangible problems

I think you're undervaluing what you're doing and overvaluing what other people are doing.

Not every engineer is building the robots that go to Mars - a lot of them are doing mundane jobs that are very average. Even at places like Google, it's such a big company that most people are just cogs in the wheel, working on a small specific part of the business. It's a small percent of people that are innovating or making the next big progress in technology.

This is very true. Many of the smartest people I know are unhappy with their jobs. My friend has a master's in engineering with honors, interned at NASA and dreamed of engineering racecars. He now works in manufacturing for a soap company. Pays well, very stable, but unsatisfying to him. So, he's going to become a teacher instead.

REMercsChamp posted...

berlyman101 posted...

Things I'd like to do: not have to move back home approaching 30, build satisfying relationships, find meaningful creative work to sustain me ans eventually do it my own way (probably the hardest)

You can do all this but I wouldn't write anything off as being beneath you as you try to get where you want in life. For example, you might have to take a lesser job that has an opportunity to advance your career to a better one, or yes maybe move in with the parents for a bit to save up if you need additional education or whatever.

It's maybe a bit more complicated here than for some I. r. t. moving home. My mom has lived in my grandma's old house for years while taking care of her, but my grandma died so my uncles are giving her a move out date. She's looking for small apartments so it might be a couch type situation. An option, but a last resort. I want to miss that whole situation at least until it's settled and partially why I took the drastic move of dropping myself in a random city to start fresh. Dad's isn't an option.
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Holy_Pumpkin posted...

Thanks for the advice. I actually used to work in fitness and even as a trainer for a while. It's the advice I'd give to anyone else.

I've been a lazy wuss over the past couple years though and barely work out. I was pretty hard into it for a while but it always left me exhausted.

I started going for jogs again recently and it has kicked my ass but I used to be a competitive runner way back. I really miss that because I felt like a leader, someone who was admired for my discipline. I even got a fitness award in high school, lol. But it didn't give me satisfaction after a while. I really just wanted the admiration of my friends and family. I could have kept going with it and should have. I tell myself that if I could do that crazy stuff I can do lots of things, but life hasn't been simple.

One thing I've wanted to do is install a pull up bar but I'm worried it's going to be a major pain in the ass. I have to purchase the tools to do it and I'm not handy. It might be worth it, though. I don't have a door frame in my apartment so I'd have to drill it in my brick wall.
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EwokCommanda posted...

Get off this site, to start.

This x100
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Vita_Aeterna posted...

EwokCommanda posted...

Get off this site, to start.

This x100

I wonder if anyone could speak to this
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So far I've got :

Fitness
Hobby
Maybe get a better job
Appreciate what I have more

oh and leave Gamefaqs forever.
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berlyman101 posted...

So far I've got :

Fitness
Hobby
Maybe get a better job
Appreciate what I have more


oh and leave Gamefaqs forever.

You forgot one!
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berlyman101 posted...

Holy_Pumpkin posted...

Thanks for the advice. I actually used to work in fitness and even as a trainer for a while. It's the advice I'd give to anyone else.

I've been a lazy wuss over the past couple years though and barely work out. I was pretty hard into it for a while but it always left me exhausted.

I started going for jogs again recently and it has kicked my ass but I used to be a competitive runner way back. I really miss that because I felt like a leader, someone who was admired for my discipline. I even got a fitness award in high school, lol. But it didn't give me satisfaction after a while. I really just wanted the admiration of my friends and family. I could have kept going with it and should have. I tell myself that if I could do that crazy stuff I can do lots of things, but life hasn't been simple.

One thing I've wanted to do is install a pull up bar but I'm worried it's going to be a major pain in the ass. I have to purchase the tools to do it and I'm not handy. It might be worth it, though. I don't have a door frame in my apartment so I'd have to drill it in my brick wall.

Ah, no kidding! Well, there's not need to return to any glory days, so just ease into it so you can make sure you actually do it consistently. I actually currently have the same problem when it comes to cardio. I used to do a lot of long distance running as a hobby in my HS years but fell out of it post HS and could never get back into it. I'd try and get discourage because I wouldn't be able to run nearly as long as I used to but get twice as tired as ever before. I'm still relatively in shape because I go the gym 4x and lift weights (focusing on squat/bench/deadlift/ohp/pull ups) and have been at it for a couple of years, but I'm still trying to fit in the extra time to start incorporating cardio into my life and just deal with the extra exhaustion (I can't reliably get good sleep each night due to my work/life schedule and it fucks up my recovery sometimes). Even though I'm not getting the full benefits of being fit by incorporating cardio, I still feel like I get to benefit a lot from what I cultivate from my lifting. So that's my advice to you, just figure out what you can do so you can exercise consistently every week comfortably without it being a detriment, because I promise you the benefits will begin to compound and outweigh the negativity in your life.

If you have the finances and living space, look into getting a dip & pull up bar station. That way you just have to assemble the sucker and don't have to worry about drilling into anything, and then have access to doing dips as well!
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