Current Events > Hey, Bisexual Community, It's Time We Forgave Dan Savage

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https://hornet.com/stories/dan-savage-bisexuality-community

I was introduced to the work of Dan Savage only two and a half years ago, once I came out publicly as bisexual and became a writer who focuses on LGBTQ issues. Thats when I started listening to Dans podcast, Savage Love. In nearly every episode he discusses the bisexual identity in some form, and he always does so in a manner that validates bisexuality while showcasing how diverse members of our community are.

A year ago, when I openly discussed my adoration for Dan Savage with another bi activist, my friend was dumbstruck. Do you know what he used to say about bi folks, particularly bi men? he asked.

The truth? No, I did not. So I went through the archives, and saw that Savage was on-record saying some ignorant and offensive things about bisexuals. He didnt believe we exist and often quoted a 2005 study out of Northwestern University that couldnt document a bisexual arousal pattern. (That study has since been disproven.)

Savage also said the majority of younger bi men use the label on their way to gaytown, just as he and many other gay men have done for decades. Because of this, it follows that one should be skeptical of a young bi man who comes out.

Also, being Dan Savage, he would say these disparaging things about bisexuals in a matter-of-fact and condescending manner. Its his tone and the fact that he sometimes has a tendency to overstate claims that still infuriate bisexuals and make Savage such a polarizing figure.

But Savage has since apologized to the bisexual community, stating that bisexuality does indeed exist. And weekly, in his podcast, he helps bisexual individuals embrace their bi identity, encouraging them to come out to folks when its safe to do so. Nevertheless, many bi activists and members of the community consider him the devil.

Interestingly, Ive noticed a hypocrisy in those who hate him. The same people who dont fault Hillary Clinton for being opposed to same-sex marriage who in fact praise her for her growth on the issue dont extend the same courtesy to Dan Savage. Truthfully, Im not sure why this is the case. Savage was wrong. He has admitted he was wrong and that his view of bisexuality was egocentric. He has since changed his perspective and has been doing great work for the bisexual community, among others.

I myself have consistently said that a number of gay people, particularly men, use bi as a stepping stone label. Ive discussed how much this confused the living hell out of me. I thought I must be gay, too, because my four or five male friends in college who claimed the bi label revealed they were actually gay within three months.

No one has ever clocked me for saying these things. One, because Im bisexual. But also because I discuss it on a more personal level. Those people who used the bi label as a stepping stone actually hindered my ability to embrace being bisexual.

If we claim this doesnt happen often when it so clearly does, that hurts our credibility as bisexual people. Its fine to make the claim that many men use a bisexuality label as a pitstop to gay, but many dont. And theres no benefit in telling someone he must actually be gay when he claims to be bisexual in his teens or early 20s. Just shut your mouth and be supportive. If he comes out as gay later in life, so what? And if he continues embracing the bi label, you did him a huge service by respecting him and not denying him his sexual identity.

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Author of that article is stanning some guy everyone forgot about, how pathetic
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PatrickMahomes posted...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Savage
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Dan Savage has also received flack for saying that bi people have a moral obligation to come out as bisexual.

During a recent talk with George Stroumboulopoulos, Savage describes it as a moral imperative:

You have a responsibility to be out, he says. You have a moral responsibility to be out. It means not being out is a moral failing, but no one can compel you. If you dont want to be out, you should own that as a moral failing. All of us in our life are guilty of moral failings. Its not like because you have the moral failing you should be dragged out behind the barn and shot. But you have to own it. You have to eat it.

I dont agree that coming out is a moral responsibility, but I do see the reasoning behind his sentiment. Also, because hes not insane, he makes crystal clear this moral responsibility does not extend to individuals who would be in emotional or physical danger upon coming out. He only believes those who are in a safe position to do so possess this moral obligation.

I do agree that it behooves the bisexual community for all bi people to come out. Visibility is necessary. I also think its crucial to illustrate how diverse the bisexual community is. I agree with Savage that its especially important to come out when youre bisexual and in a monogamous relationship. Thats why I appreciate the Still Bisexual campaign, which does great work in dispelling the notion that ones (bi)sexual identity disappears because youve chosen to commit yourself to one person.

I agree its upsetting the data collected from Pew Research in 2013 indicated a mere 28% of bisexuals said most or all of the important people in their lives knew about their sexual orientation, compared to 71% of lesbians and 77% of gay men. Numbers were especially small among bisexual men: Only 12% said they were out to that degree, compared to one-third of bisexual women who said the same.

I think what rubs bi people the wrong way about Savages statement is that he seems to be trivializing the effort, strength and courage required to come out as bisexual. He makes it appear, through his tone and language, that its as simple as snapping your fingers. In reality, bisexual people can tell you thats far from the case.

At the end of the day, Dan Savage may not be perfect. But Ive been listening to his podcast consistently for a year now, and I can safely say that he is doing a lot more that benefits the bisexual community than most gay men. So while its still necessary to still challenge if he missteps or overstates a claim, I think its high time we forgive him.

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gunplagirl posted...

Author of that article is stanning some guy everyone forgot about, how pathetic

Has Dan Savage's track record on trans issues gotten any better? I think I remember he was pretty bad about that.
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This part I bolded sticks out to me because I agree that it's very important for bi people to be open about their bisexuality even if they're in a relationship. I don't want to be one of those people that Dan Savage describes here who drifts away from the LGBT community after getting in a monogamous relationship:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2sIf_sVYuc" data-time="

I want to stay a part of the LGBT community no matter what.
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Hard to forgive someone who I had never heard of until this point.
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once someone has been canceled we should never give them another chance
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Funkydog posted...

Hard to forgive someone who I had never heard of until this point.

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I feel like he gets put on too high a pedestal among LGBT folks when he's basically the community's equivalent of a Bill Burr or Joe Rogan. He's had good, open-minded opinions that have been thought-provoking against social norms and then may make some fearless, but bad personal opinions too.

The dude is only human and people should take it or leave it really.
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Funkydog posted...

Hard to forgive someone who I had never heard of until this point.

He's a pretty major LGBT activist here in the states. You've heard of "It Gets Better?"
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hyperpsycho posted...

Funkydog posted...

Hard to forgive someone who I had never heard of until this point.

He's a pretty major LGBT activist here in the states. You've heard of "It Gets Better?"

Well, not from the US and don't keep up much with their activists tbh.

I've heard of that phrase, but it is a pretty common one used for when one is a kid and being bullied too.
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Has he apologized for supporting the Iraq War?
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Antifar posted...

Has he apologized for supporting the Iraq War?

Yikes I didn't hear about that. I don't think he has.
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https://eoinhiggins.com/dan-savage-on-politics-just-no-f460d5bc727a

Oh I guess he did apologize for supporting the war on Iraq.
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I used to read him in a local weekly many years ago, but at some point it changed into standard advice column with a gay slant.
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If a guy is in a relationship with a girl, hes logically risking too much to come out as bi. Its not like hes asking for an open relationship. There really is no point.
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masticatingman posted...

If a guy is in a relationship with a girl, hes logically risking too much to come out as bi. Its not like hes asking for an open relationship. There really is no point.

Which is why it's important that they come out. Visibility is important. If someone refuses to stay with you because you're bi they weren't worth keeping to begin with.
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Good for him for apologizing and changing I guess. Even if he didn't change he'd still just be another person who is ignorant about bisexual people. There's a lot of them.
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