Current Events > I'm a man who was abused by a woman

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How come as a man when I say I was in an abusive relationship Im just told to man up and get over it or how I must be a wuss to have trauma from an emotional and on one occasion physically abusive relationship? Like the emotional trauma still sits with me half a decade later and I still highly doubt Ill ever date again.

I'd care but I'm 100% sure this is a shitpost
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0xDEFECADE posted...

I'd care but I'm 100% sure this is a shitpost

So is that why I self harmed for the first time in my life in my mid twenties because I had an emotional breakdown after I got the courage to leave the relationship?

totalnerdken posted...

sonichu posted...

How come as a man when I say I was in an abusive relationship Im just told to man up and get over it or how I must be a wuss to have trauma from an emotional and on one occasion physically abusive relationship? Like the emotional trauma still sits with me half a decade later and I still highly doubt Ill ever date again.

No one says "man up" un-ironically nowadays except for boomers.

Ive been told a handful of times to be a man because it still sits with me everything she did to me and how Im supposed to just magically move on and forget all the emotional trauma she caused me.

sonichu posted...

0xDEFECADE posted...

I'd care but I'm 100% sure this is a shitpost

So is that why I self harmed for the first time in my life in my mid twenties because I had an emotional breakdown after I got the courage to leave the relationship?

don't feel shame for self harming. what happened to you isn't fair and hurt you bad
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0xDEFECADE posted...

sonichu posted...

0xDEFECADE posted...

I'd care but I'm 100% sure this is a shitpost

So is that why I self harmed for the first time in my life in my mid twenties because I had an emotional breakdown after I got the courage to leave the relationship?

don't feel shame for self harming. what happened to you isn't fair and hurt you bad

She used me for money, emotionally manipulated me to get her way, everything I did was never enough. Hit on other men behind my back which I found out about afterwards, my life had to revolve around her or else she wasnt happy. Would put me down in front of others and then told me I was too sensitive when I would tell her in private how that upset me etc. One night she actually punched me then told me how it was all my fault that her arm got sore from it.

Im not shitposting. This all happened and I have plenty of friends who are women these days but I just cant date. To say Im terrified of dating is an understatement. I just dont believe in love anymore and even 5 years later it still eats at me that I let myself be manipulated.

What happened to you is horrible TC, I'm sorry. The fact that you're a man and she was a woman does not make the abuse any less damaging. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.
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Best advice I can give (which could be horrible advice as it is from me)

Dont worry about what others say they arent you. Oh they would just blahblahblah well f them they arent you, and only you know how you feel how much it hurt you.

Yes others can help you work through things, but not the suck it up crowd imo. Maybe see a therapist or just find a friend that wont pull the suck it up crap, and can just listen. The therapist would be easier to find imo.

Imo not that it is worth much but maybe think about focusing that pain and trauma into a hobby like writing, or painting, or music. Just make sure it isnt into violence towards others please. Too much of that these days imo.
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start to realize she was toxic and how she made you feel about yourself was wrong. get support on this, because while I can say this now, you need people that care about you enough to give you reassurance
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Man up you fucking baby.
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trappedunderice posted...
enjoy your suspension
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trappedunderice posted...

N/A

Shut the fuck up
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sonichu posted...

How come as a man when I say I was in an abusive relationship Im just told to man up

Because boys and men can be victims of sexism too.

The phrase "man up" is out-dated sexist rhetoric because it's pressuring a person to accept uncomfortable and sometimes abusive conditions merely based on their gender. It's basically telling them "yeah we know this is hurting you, oh well, you're male so get back in there and take more punishment ". It's sexist and discriminating in the same way as shaming girls/women into "acting more lady-like". Sometimes it helps to encourage boys and young men to buck up and pull up their bootstraps to face adversity, but there's plenty of healthier ways to do it besides straight up shaming them into submission (which can still steer them into a self-destructive direction anyways).

When this type of authoritative pressuring is taken to the extreme, it can be cruel and suffocating towards an impressionable youth's actual needs. When the frustration and depression of boys/young men goes unheard, it's a guaranteed ticket to dysfunction and lashing out emotionally, because what's really bothering them is only being covered up for the sake of conformity and not being effectively addressed. It's society's fault (and very often the families) for dropping the ball, not the boys/young men.

Many LGBTQ boys, men, and trans folk are very familiar with this kind of toxic rhetoric because it was often used on them by abusive family members to enforce heteronormative conformity on their LGBTQ children. This is often excused as tough love, but what each parent considers tough love can vary drastically and there's a lot of cases where it's actually just straight up abuse (emotionally and physically).

It's especially ignorant to tell LGBTQ people to conform to gender norms with phrases like "man up", because many people in our communities grew up in abusive homes where resentful parents preached those very phrases every time they unleashed abuse...
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