Current Events > Anyone else have experience being "the other man?"

(+) Yeah! (+)

So a girl has been cheating on her boyfriend with me recently. Its pretty fun and I like hanging out with her, but I also love not being responsible for her happiness and just enjoying each other. Something I feel bad about but helps me feel super validated is the lock screen on her phone. Its a pic of her and her boyfriend. Theres something freeing about being balls deep and then a text pops up from her bf with that lock screen.

Im the worst lol

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I did that once. Started seeing this girl who lived in the next podunk town over, and I had known her longer than her bf had. She claimed he was abusive, and nice guy Eston tried to play Captain Save-a-Hoe, but in the end she was just a manipulative piece of shit who used me to get her broke ass into a better station.

That was over a decade ago. I think she's up to four kids now and still no stable relationship. New dude every time I see her.

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Yeah. She ended up dumping him, then she dumped me.
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Most of my "relationships" have been like that.
It always felt like I was the one being cheated on though.
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i've come close. but i refuse to do it. i've been cheated on and it's a horrible feeling. i don't want to do that, even if the cheater is the one to hold accountable. i just don't want to be a part of it.
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slept with many married men

i dont do that anymore

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Bump I love these

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You're a shitty person TC.
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Dont hate tc, hate the game

Id say shes the scumbag in this sitch
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fenderbender321 posted...

That's really all I go for these days. You're either the guy getting cheated on or the guy she is cheating with. Better to be the latter. If she isn't cheating well bully for you.

This. With generation "ME" people are always looking for something better. There's 0% chance you aren't going to get cheated on eventually.

This is why I always cheat first - I go for 4 or 5/10 women who have a hard time getting a boyfriend and always cheat on them first - get the jump on the fuckers.

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Been there. When I was 21 I made a female friend. My gf was 18 and couldn't go to clubs. Her bf didn't like clubs. We started hanging out at clubs together. We were kind of like eachothers safe date.

I broke up with my gf for unrelated reasons. She pretty much wanted to sabotage her relationship because she was unhappy and she seduced me. I tried to resist but over the course of a few weeks she got me to bang her. She broke up with her dude not long after but never told him that I fucked her although I think he had some suspicions. Nothing really became of me and her but we were fuck buddies for awhile.

A few years later she did this again but decided that it was because she really wanted to be with me. We gave it a shot but it didn't work out. As far as I know she never cheated on me and I'm the only dude she ever cheated with in her life. Idk if that's true but I never suspected anything because she had no friends and didn't go out if I wasn't around. This was like nearly 15 years ago and I only run into her once every few years so it's not like shes trying to spare my feelings at this point. Wouldn't particularly feel bad about it if she did.

More recently a girl from work tried to fuck me at a Christmas party but didn't know I was seeing someone. She also was trying to torch her relationship and force herself into ending it. Would've taken her up on it if I didn't love someone else.

Tldr: I'm very attractive to self destructive women.
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Yep, I met a girl who had a boyfriend who wasn't a daddy dom and wasn't delivering what she wanted.
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Serious Cat posted...

Yeah. She ended up dumping him, then she dumped me.

Pretty much this. It was quite humbling. I thought I was hot stuff since I was able to get a girl who was already taken. Then my ego blew up when I got her to leave her guy for me. Everyone warned me it was a bad idea because if she did it to him she'd do it to me. But of course I thought "nah, it can't happen to me. I'm different. She's with me because I'm better".

Needless to say it happened to me lol. In retrospect I'm glad it did as it helped tackle that shitty attitude/ego.
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tag for stories

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No but Ive been the other woman once. He was married but I had no idea. He lied to me and said he was divorced. Then I saw signs that raised some red flags, like he seemed uncomfortable with any pda with me. Then he sent me a picture of this tiny dog on his lap. I thought it was weird to be divorced and the man would keep the tiny purse dog. So I did some googling and sure enough he was married to a super hot woman. I broke things off right then. Only saw him for a month.

Serious Cat posted...

Yeah. She ended up dumping him, then she dumped me.

Pretty much this for me, as the very condensed version. If a girl will cheat on some other guy with you, then she'll also cheat on you later if you're stupid enough to try to have a relationship with her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwurlc_1R5Y" data-time="
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Yes, although I didn't know it at the time and we got in a relationship. She randomly started getting cold real fast, I did some research and I found out she had a boyfriend overseas of 3 years. I felt hurt due to all the lies and told the guy what she was doing, 95% sure it ended things between them.
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gunplagirl posted...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwurlc_1R5Y" data-time="

lol
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I currently am, we both caught feelings and are now in a clusterfuck.
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ive been that guy twice. feels good man
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Lordgold666 posted...

gunplagirl posted...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwurlc_1R5Y" data-time="

lol

Shame all 3 parts aren't online.

It's just adultery.
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You guys need help.
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orcus_snake posted...

I currently am, we both caught feelings and are now in a clusterfuck.

Yup... same here.
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I have and I won't do it again.
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No it's a shitty thing to do.
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yeah once with this girl that really was into me in high school but started dating another boy because i wouldnt return her affection. but at the time i only kinda knew she was dating him.

we ended up being together for years, into college even. i saw the guy (who had been my friend in hs) while i was at a college party WITH HER and we dapped up like it was nothing.

then a year or 2 later she dumped me and now she has a kid with some other fool.

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Yep.

No sex. No touching. No kissing.

Just a woman who likes to fix men, realized she was getting nowhere with her boyfriend, then turned to me while remaining with his high-school-educated never-around emotionally-stunted ass.

We started as friends. I told her I wanted more like a month in. She said no let's be friends. I was lonely so I accepted it. Over the next five years she kept getting gradually closer and closer. Not telling her bf (later fiance) that we were spending time together. Telling me how much she loved me. We would go on trips together. We would just hang out at my place for hours just not doing anything. On the surface and to others we were "best friends", but at the end of the day, I was the man she preferred spending time with, and she was the only woman giving me attention.

Again, I was lonely. She gave me what I thought I wanted. She was attentive, caring, supportive, and she even challenged me to better myself.

I thought things were okay until I knew the degree to which she was not telling her fiance about what we were doing. I mean... that's cheating. It's not cheating in the classical sense, but if you're hiding things from your SO, it's cheating.

Things started coming to a head in the last few months when she took off her engagement ring and told me I "could do no wrong by her physically" (her words). We've talked before about getting too close and this was her response. I used to think that meant she would stop me if I tried to do too much. Now I realize what she was saying is she was willing to commit to just about anything if it would mean we would stay "best friends".

I realized that I couldn't continue this up to her wedding this October. She even asked me to be her man-of-honor, and dummy me accepted, mostly because I thought she was happy with her intended marriage, but when I realized she wasn't, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand next to her at her wedding and give my blessing for her to enter a marriage I knew she wasn't happy with.

So rather than doing something stupid and "romance novel" of trying to sweep her away from her fiance, in June I told her I needed to spend time away from her and that I couldn't be her man-of-honor. I explained why and my motivation was partially for my own mental health, and partly so she could look at her own relationship without me being a factor. She said she'd respect my wishes about staying out of contact.

That lasted a month. We were supposed to take a trip to DC together in early July (basically meet up there) and I went anyway without her because I'd paid for the ticket and wanted to see DC again. As soon as I'd posted pictures from DC on FB, she texted me basically saying how dare I still go there without her and that the past month without me was one of the worst of her life because I wasn't there to support her. I didn't reply because we were supposed to be not contacting, but given the dire tone of her messages, I tried to get in touch with her mom.

She showed up at my door two Fridays ago. 10PM. Saying she wants back a sketch she drew for me and basically chewing me out for going to her mother instead of her, and abandoning her "like all the other men in her life". Needless to say, I wasn't emotionally ready for her to just show up and chew me out. Hurtful things were said by both of us, and I'm pretty sure we're done for good.

More than ever before, it became obvious to me that she was just using me to compensate for failings in her own legit relationship.

I've been in therapy to help come to grips with this whole junk situation. It's going to be some time before I get back to trusting someone.
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Yep! And what a wild ride it was

She cheated on me with 2 of her boyfriends, one after another - I was 19, she was 17

Got my first ever blowjob from her in a movie theatre as well. I even recall kissing her neck while she was texting her boyfriend and honestly, it might be a weird thing to say but it felt pretty powerful

I got with someone else after a while but one of my mates was going through a pretty bad break up so I gave him her number, told him to give her a call and she fucked him too

She said that she loved her boyfriends but she just got bored

*shrugs*
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Damn Cyric it sounds like she wanted you to make a move.

Sorry about all of it:(

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Shablagoo posted...

Damn Cyric it sounds like she wanted you to make a move.

Sorry about all of it:(

I'm 99% sure she did. I wasn't going to be that guy and make it physically complicated just so I could get some sex. I do have some ethics with regards to this situation.
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I don't do the sneaking around mess, but I've been a third to a married couple for a bit where they both fucked around.
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I'd only take that role if I knew for sure her man was a legit scum bag. I care about people's mental health, and I understand how being cheated on can fuck someone up.
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CyricZ posted...

high-school-educated never-around emotionally-stunted ass.

Goddamn, dude. Was that really called for? Do you actually look down your long snout at people who didn't go to college/trade school/whatever?
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i started living with friends and had sex with them (together) but then they also started to persuade me behind each others back. though they agreed on only doing stuff together so they definitely wanted me to be the other man and cheat. never did it as i didnt want drama and their relationship was already questionable, seeing them interact daily. eventually drama still came i got kicked out then screwed one of them anyways. it wasnt revenge sex i just didnt care anymore. they is still texting me periodically but i do have a good heart and keep telling them they should just stick with each other. so much for monogamous relationships lol
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Dyinglegacy posted...

CyricZ posted...

high-school-educated never-around emotionally-stunted ass.

Goddamn, dude. Was that really called for? Do you actually look down your long snout at people who didn't go to college/trade school/whatever?

If that's the implication I'm giving, I apologize. I tried to distill in a few words what is a rather complex pattern of lack of motivation on his part.

What I'm trying to imply is that the man actually has no aspirations. He works in hotels as part of hospitality, which largely involves setting and striking. I'm not saying that he's unskilled or that he doesn't do good work. It's just that's all he does with himself. When he's not working, he's watching gaming videos online. Has no friends, and anything that he and her do is motivated by her desire, not his. She's the one who has spent the last several years pursuing college and a grad degree.

I'm also largely convinced he doesn't actually want to be a father to the children she wants, and is only going along with it because he feels he has to.
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CyricZ posted...

If that's the implication I'm giving, I apologize.

It's all good. I just read it that way.

I get what you're saying.
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yes, my freshman year of college i was the other guy with a girl i was friends with back in HS.

she invited me out of the blue to hang out, one thing led to another and we started hooking up, even tho she had a long term boyfriend. i knew it was wrong but honestly i didnt really care, i got swept up in it all, the whole situation felt taboo/exciting/etc. it was kind of dramatic for me since i hadnt really had any significant romantic relationships until then and i kind of perceived the girl's bf as the antagonist in the whole situation, it was clear they had grown apart.

she ended up breaking up with the guy and we started dating for a while. it was my first "real" relationship and it was a mess but i didnt really have the maturity or perspective to know at the time. we stayed together for way too long, even as we both grew apart in many ways, until finally she cheated on me with a dude from work & we broke up. the irony is not lost on me

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I wonder what the women in these situations would share on here if they had the chance. Every experience has two versions, most often different perspectives.

Done it, would not do it again though. While it makes you feel powerful in the moment all the sneaking around made me feel terrible.
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@Kazuma_Yagami

She is banging a third side dude fyi.

How does thay make you feel?

FrozenXylophone posted...

@Kazuma_Yagami

She is banging a third side dude fyi.

How does thay make you feel?

Doesnt bother me. Shes not my girlfriend and Im not insecure.

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CyricZ posted...

Yep.

No sex. No touching. No kissing.

Just a woman who likes to fix men, realized she was getting nowhere with her boyfriend, then turned to me while remaining with his high-school-educated never-around emotionally-stunted ass.

We started as friends. I told her I wanted more like a month in. She said no let's be friends. I was lonely so I accepted it. Over the next five years she kept getting gradually closer and closer. Not telling her bf (later fiance) that we were spending time together. Telling me how much she loved me. We would go on trips together. We would just hang out at my place for hours just not doing anything. On the surface and to others we were "best friends", but at the end of the day, I was the man she preferred spending time with, and she was the only woman giving me attention.

Again, I was lonely. She gave me what I thought I wanted. She was attentive, caring, supportive, and she even challenged me to better myself.

I thought things were okay until I knew the degree to which she was not telling her fiance about what we were doing. I mean... that's cheating. It's not cheating in the classical sense, but if you're hiding things from your SO, it's cheating.

Things started coming to a head in the last few months when she took off her engagement ring and told me I "could do no wrong by her physically" (her words). We've talked before about getting too close and this was her response. I used to think that meant she would stop me if I tried to do too much. Now I realize what she was saying is she was willing to commit to just about anything if it would mean we would stay "best friends".

I realized that I couldn't continue this up to her wedding this October. She even asked me to be her man-of-honor, and dummy me accepted, mostly because I thought she was happy with her intended marriage, but when I realized she wasn't, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand next to her at her wedding and give my blessing for her to enter a marriage I knew she wasn't happy with.

So rather than doing something stupid and "romance novel" of trying to sweep her away from her fiance, in June I told her I needed to spend time away from her and that I couldn't be her man-of-honor. I explained why and my motivation was partially for my own mental health, and partly so she could look at her own relationship without me being a factor. She said she'd respect my wishes about staying out of contact.

That lasted a month. We were supposed to take a trip to DC together in early July (basically meet up there) and I went anyway without her because I'd paid for the ticket and wanted to see DC again. As soon as I'd posted pictures from DC on FB, she texted me basically saying how dare I still go there without her and that the past month without me was one of the worst of her life because I wasn't there to support her. I didn't reply because we were supposed to be not contacting, but given the dire tone of her messages, I tried to get in touch with her mom.

She showed up at my door two Fridays ago. 10PM. Saying she wants back a sketch she drew for me and basically chewing me out for going to her mother instead of her, and abandoning her "like all the other men in her life". Needless to say, I wasn't emotionally ready for her to just show up and chew me out. Hurtful things were said by both of us, and I'm pretty sure we're done for good.

More than ever before, it became obvious to me that she was just using me to compensate for failings in her own legit relationship.

I've been in therapy to help come to grips with this whole junk situation. It's going to be some time before I get back to trusting someone.

Damn, I commend you on going for therapy and hope you can get it sorted out.
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