Board 8 > Am I the jerk here

(+) Yeah! (+)

I work one on one with students as a second job. Our branch of the company just shut down, and I have a couple of students who weren't done with the program. One of them paid in advance and we reached an agreement with my boss and the mom to let me work with him for a few weeks more. Since the place is closed now though, the task at hand is to find a new place. I am not super comfortable with the idea of going to their house, even though I doubt they'd do anything weird. A library is the obvious choice but looks like the only one they're willing to do is one that's farther away. The office was already kinda a hike for me (40-60 mins from my day job, hour and a half plus setup session, 20-30 back to my home), but I was ok with it because I liked the job. Client seems to live on the other side of the former office and has a tight schedule with multiple kids, so she's not able/willing to go very far. She shot down the library by me and the one that's about halfway between us. I found some that are like 75-25 in her favor but I expect she's going to veto that as well, leaving just their house and the library on the far side of their town. I like the kid and the mom and would like to work it out but ehhhhhh that's (a bit) more driving on top of a drive I already wasn't thrilled about. I CAN do it but I'm not sure I really want to but I have a hard time saying no. It's not all that much farther and it's just for a couple weeks but there's something demoralizing about work shifts that are shorter than the driving time to get there and back but they're already getting kinda screwed a bit but that's also not my fault.

tl;dr: is it okay to say no to an extra 10-20 mins of commute both ways if that's the only way I can keep working with the kid

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I'd hate to screw anyone over, even if it means I get screwed over. I'm probably not the one to ask.

No you arent being a jerk. Youre doing something really nice for them and the mother should be more interested in compromising.

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Not a jerk
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StifledSilence posted...

No you arent being a jerk. Youre doing something really nice for them and the mother should be more interested in compromising.

Well no, she doesnt have to, as long as she is understanding about not being able to reach a compromise and not blaming Tom for it.
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woo thanks

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Tom I don't think you could ever be the jerk in any situation

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Not a jerk. With that long a commute I wouldn't do it either.

(The mom isn't necessarily a jerk either, if she has a tight schedule then maybe she's offering you the best she can. But that doesn't mean you have to take it.)
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XIII_rocks posted...

Tom I don't think you could ever be the jerk in any situation

also this
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Not a jerk, the fact that it's weighing heavily on you shows you have a good heart.

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And no, it's absolutely fine. It was voluntary and at a certain point it becomes too much of a timesink

I'm a completionist with these things so if it was only for 2 weeks I'd do it just to tie it up, but it certainly does not make you a jerk to decide it's too much of a journey. And yeah, agonizing over it like this rather than rejecting it out of hand speaks to your character.

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The company plans fell through and you tried to compromise. If both of your schedules don't work, then she will have to understand that it's over. It's basically that simple. People can't expect you to go completely out of your way for them.
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Gatarix posted...

Not a jerk. With that long a commute I wouldn't do it either.

(The mom isn't necessarily a jerk either, if she has a tight schedule then maybe she's offering you the best she can. But that doesn't mean you have to take it.)

Right, basically whoever gets mad at the other person about this situation is a jerk

if no one gets mad, no ones a jerk

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the jerk store called

nobody's buyin' the tombo model
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Not a jerk, but you're not gonna win the saint awards either
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UltimaterializerX posted...

r/AmITheAsshole

I thought about posting there actually but I was like eh

I think we figured out a compromise :D now we are doing timeslots that aren't my favorite but a location that is better for me than before

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I wouldnt go so far far as to call you a jerk, but.....

Its two weeks. For a kid. Who is getting screwed if you bail on them. If it were me, I man up and suck it up for two weeks without thinking.


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Not a jerk.

Mom should be more willing to help since you are going out of your way to help even though you aren't obligated to. (Company should refund the money if they shut down). Or the mom should offer to compensate your extra commute to help Tudor her child.
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Obellisk posted...

Or the mom should offer to compensate your extra commute to help Tudor her child.

So is the kid gonna have 6 wives

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XIII_rocks posted...

Obellisk posted...

Or the mom should offer to compensate your extra commute to help Tudor her child.

So is the kid gonna have 6 wives

And he's going to divorce/kill all of them.
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People are saying you are being nice for working with them but....

This is a job right? You are being paid for this? And they paid for this service?

If you guys shut down after they paid you it's kinda on you guys to make things work
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presumably they'd get a refund on the remainder but that's on the owner

come to think of it I think I'm doing the owner more of a favor than the kid >_>

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Yes, you are the jerk. A big mean evil jerk. I officially revoke your right to be called fluffy, you cad.

No, you're not
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Man, most people wouldn't have even offered to keep helping. You don't have to bend over backward here. You've tried, if she can't give an inch you shouldn't feel bad for not giving a mile.
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