Current Events > brain has burnt out. guess im just waiting to die now

(+) Yeah! (+)

40-50 years give or take

i think my brain finally shut down. i am sitting here dead brained. this topic took me like 15 minutes to think out and type up. i'm done. life is awful. work is awful. the constant waxing and waning of this anxiety has run me ragged. i never know how i will feel when i wake up. sometimes i think im doing ok, getting my work in order, not feeling as anxious. then the next day im a barely cognizant mess with double a normal heart rate.

i cant even really find joy in playing games at the moment either. or my evening walks. i was playing the uncharted games this weekend then just stopped. im never gonna have a fun life full of adventure and discovery. on my walks i feel the concussive blasts of my rampant thoughts just slamming into my skull over and over

lost will to look for other jobs already. either i wont be able to live off the new job or ill hate it and those arent even mutually exclusive

im not looking for advice. anyone can insult me if they want. i just wanted to ramble
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*walks away from topic slowly*

...this is a topic I guess?

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Sorry man. Hope you feel better soon.
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it's fine. it happens to a lot of people im sure and they get by somehow
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check out space dandy
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Sorry to hear. I hope your fortune turns for the better one of these days. Hang in there
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refmon posted...

check out space dandy

I second this, tc you probably watched garbage like demon hunter that show is garbage

Same, but I have a son. I refuse to give up yet.
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you sound like a good dad
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Everything's going to be alright
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in a sense yeah. im in no threat of physical harm and my health is good afaik
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Focus your time and energy into finding something you'd enjoy and can spend your hours on. Since I've graduated from college, I've jumped so many fields looking for a job I wanted to do. That ranged from Bioinformatics (quit the first day and consequently left the US for the lack of money), radio broadcasting, to chip manufacturing, to cooking, and then to cube farm. And inbetween I constantly tried out new projects like computer graphics (the technical side, not the fun side unfortunately), to machine learning, and now crypto! I plan on looking into learning the language Solidity since smart contracts are the future and will automate so many jobs in the near future and there will be a need for blockchain engineers.

The point is, you gotta keep trying new things and keep pushing yourself forward to find something suitable that you'd be willing burn all your time on. I have Chainlink since I'm smitten with the idea of the reinvention of a contract and the creation of a trustless environment where I wouldn't get screwed over as a cook by a lazy manager who couldn't be bothered to read over the timesheets to give me my fair pay. You need to find yours.

I'd recommend you check out Creativity by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to start somewhere.
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even if i do find something that gives my life light i would feel so terrible about leaving this job because i sold myself as being here for the long haul when i interviewed
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in 30 minutes i will be on my lunch hour which will be spent either sucking down mad cigs or cry sleeping
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Pukelid posted...

you sound like a good dad

Thank you
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Pukelid posted...

i sold myself as being here for the long haul when i interviewed

I think that is a bad way to look at work. You want to be in for the long haul, but you need a satisfying life. If you are working 8 hours a day. That is a massive part of your life. It's just business if you find a new job. Your co-workers and bosses shouldn't take it personal if you leave. Not if they are professional. Also if they really need you. They might call you and give you a good offer in couple months.

Abiz_ posted...

They might call you and give you a good offer in couple months.

If i get out of this job i would sooner kill myself than i would come back. I wouldn't even have to think about it
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what exactly do you do for work, if you don't mind me asking?
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we're all just waiting to die my man

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Balrog0 posted...

we're all just waiting to die my man

some are enjoying the interim
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Sorry you feel this way, man. It sucks having these thoughts.
OTOH, ROD's melting down over this
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Hang in there and don't give up TC.

You got this!
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Youre trying to tell me a guy named Pukelid has nothing to live for?
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Pukelid posted...

some are enjoying the interim

I try not to think about them

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Goats posted...

Sorry you feel this way, man. It sucks having these thoughts.
OTOH, ROD's melting down over this

classy
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perhaps you need a well deserved break to get refreshed.

remember to leave work at work and go home to de-stress

when on vacation leave home and work where it is. on vacation, you should enjoy the moments there. try to vacation twice a year if you like working through holiday seasons. if you vacation once, you better go all out cause thats the only real vacation you get all year then burn out well before your next break

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Yeah, i'm in the same boat, kinda.

Been studying for CPA exam and I'm on my third outta four, but it's been a real slog to sit down and study. Been 5 months since the last exam, and still another few weeks away of studying hard to get ready. Still keep pushing it back.

Same with work. I keep pushing work back and back. Doing nothing in the meantime and feeling shitty about it, but I keep doing it and feeling shitty about myself.

I lost motivation a while ago and I don't know how to get it back.
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Turns out its a cigs and cry lunch
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Pukelid posted...

Turns out its a cigs and cry lunch

Dont your co workers suspect something when you come back to work with red swollen eyes ?

Have you tried writing a book?

ToPoPO posted...

Have you tried writing a book?

That's funny

EliteC posted...

Dont your co workers suspect something when you come back to work with red swollen eyes ?

Classy rod
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I can't focus on games 90% of the time. I just gotta find pockets when I can, and accept when I can't. Last night I kept turning on my game and losing interest 20 minutes later. Normally Id try to force it but instead I just did something else and felt way better. I feel like I never know what I want to do and Im always just trying shit out until something clicks. It sucks but Ill figure it out. I can get to the end of nights and realize I never found anything I enjoyed. But there's always the next day to try again.
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Pukelid posted...

ToPoPO posted...

Have you tried writing a book?

That's funny

EliteC posted...

Dont your co workers suspect something when you come back to work with red swollen eyes ?

Classy rod

1) not Rod
2) its not an attack. If you cry at lunch they may find out? Its not good for your job

Enough rod
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Mr_E_Man posted...

Same, but I have a son. I refuse to give up yet.

Yeah, my daughter keeps me from doing anything too drastic.

Anyway, TC, at least you have an awesome username. I love it and am jealous.
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Thanks
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You need to get out of claim dude, it has a high turnover rate in general so don't feel like you're letting anyone down

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What do you think of the phrase it's the journey not the destination
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BignutzisBack posted...

You need to get out of claim dude, it has a high turnover rate in general so don't feel like you're letting anyone down

Yea I know. The turnover for claims at my company is really low though so that's part of the shitty feeling I have about leaving

ViewtifulJoe posted...

What do you think of the phrase it's the journey not the destination

Garbage
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Do you have a destination
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I have an idea of how you feel. All I can say is, try not to give up because things can always potentially get better. I know, its not some deep sage wisdom, but sometimes you just have to ride out the storm before you reach the rainbow. Its way easier said than done, and the rainbow isnt even always guaranteed...but at least give yourself time to find out. Life is often just a series of highs & lows anyway.
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ViewtifulJoe posted...

What do you think of the phrase it's the journey not the destination

Life before death
Strength before weakness
Journey before destination

;D
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ViewtifulJoe posted...

Do you have a destination

grave

superman 2000 posted...

I have an idea of how you feel. All I can say is, try not to give up because things can always potentially get better. I know, its not some deep sage wisdom, but sometimes you just have to ride out the storm before you reach the rainbow. Its way easier said than done, and the rainbow isnt even always guaranteed...but at least give yourself time to find out. Life is often just a series of highs & lows anyway.

in my experience it has been a series of lows. there are no rainbows. but i appreciate you taking time
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superman 2000 posted...

I have an idea of how you feel. All I can say is, try not to give up because things can always potentially get better. I know, its not some deep sage wisdom, but sometimes you just have to ride out the storm before you reach the rainbow. Its way easier said than done, and the rainbow isnt even always guaranteed...but at least give yourself time to find out. Life is often just a series of highs & lows anyway.

This dude said "rainbow". Everything you said has value...but you still said rainbow.
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Okay I can't seem to write it without it being a huge paragraph.
You sound like you'd resonate decently well with sad/bleak fiction or those kinds of historical events. If you go indulge in that and you can relate/get invested, you can break down what responses and questions it gets out of you. That'll give you something to build on or look up next.
I suggest this because the problem you came with in the original post is that your escapism isn't working for you any more.

On another note, if you're in that mood don't force yourself to go for a walk or you'll just be stuck with it plus the task of heaving yourself around. All that'll typically accomplish is turning you against the idea of evening walks.
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people are noticing the lack of soul in my eyes today
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Pukelid posted...

people are noticing the lack of soul in my eyes today

When Im on a good amount of pain meds I wonder if people see that in me too. Sometimes I feel completely dead emotionally. But being less emotion helped my anxiety so eh.
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Pukelid posted...

people are noticing the lack of soul in my eyes today

count dracula did it.... the vampire's coming for us all.
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kingdrake2 posted...

Pukelid posted...

people are noticing the lack of soul in my eyes today

count dracula did it.... the vampire's coming for us all.

im so sick of your stupid insane random comments

so sick of them
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