Current Events > I need to understand why I'm in the wrong here.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Home for Thanksgiving from College. Mom is mad at me because I don't want to go to my sisters' fall party at their school tomorrow (5th and kindergarten) because I'm 21 and hanging out with a bunch of 5/6 year olds and 10/11 year olds is not my idea of a good time. It's not like my sisters would actually want to hang out with me because they have their friends they'd rather hang out with (which is perfectly fine).

I understand that I do not understand everything, so please explain why my mindset is flawed and I should want to go to a Fall party for an Elementary school.

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I'm guessing it's because it's seen as not being supportive of your little sister? Is she doing something important like participating in a play or something?
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Umbreon posted...

I'm guessing it's because it's seen as not being supportive of your little sister? Is she doing something important like participating in a play or something?

No, it's a Fall party. You know, the stuff that I assume most of us did in our Elementary schools. We sit in our classroom, eat some food, do some activities, basically, not really doing school.


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Yeah, your moms is nuts. Hanging out in an elementary school at your age would be boring at best, pedo-looking as worst. Go out and buy her a bottle of wine and tell her to calm her tits (maybe not in those exact words).
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probably more of that you need to help out and support the family

i mean if your mum is mad theres probs more to the story than that

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Parappa09 posted...

probably more of that you need to help out and support the family

i mean if your mum is mad theres probs more to the story than that

Nah, there is nothing to literally support. This is something that most parents don't go to, let alone brothers. My mom is already going so it's not like I'm needed. I'm just going to be a 21 year old, that isn't the father of anyone there, awkwardly standing around the whole time.

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I mean it's like what, an hour or two of your time? Unless you might have other plans you should go. You can't replace family.

PiOverlord posted...

No, it's a Fall party. You know, the stuff that I assume most of us did in our Elementary schools. We sit in our classroom, eat some food, do some activities, basically, not really doing school.

...why would you even be allowed at one of these?

Are you sure you're understanding what this is? It's not like some play or something followed by a little party for parents or something right?
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Your mom is mad because you should be back for Thanksgiving to spend time with family. Since your mom will be there, she wants you to spend time with with her without having to directly ask you that.

Lots of women say things indirectly -- please be mindful of that.
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KillerSlaw posted...

...why would you even be allowed at one of these?

Are you sure you're understanding what this is? It's not like some play or something followed by a little party for parents or something right?

No, it is exactly as stated.

This is just weird.

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malenz posted...

I mean it's like what, an hour or two of your time? Unless you might have other plans you should go. You can't replace family.

This tbqh
Instead of making it all about you, maybe consider that you're home to do stuff with your family. You can act like an adult for a few days

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eston posted...

This tbqh
Instead of making it all about you, maybe consider that you're home to do stuff with your family. You can act like an adult for a few days

Going to an elementary party is not spending time with family.


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lydiaquayle posted...

Your mom is mad because you should be back for Thanksgiving to spend time with family. Since your mom will be there, she wants you to spend time with with her without having to directly ask you that.

Lots of women say things indirectly -- please be mindful of that.

And if the message doesn't click? Is it the receiver's fault?

I think the important question is if your sister wants you to be there or does she not seem to care? Maybe she misses you because you are away and wants you there because she just wants to see you while you're home. If it's strictly your mother and your sister doesn't care either way, yeah that's kinda lame and i'd blow it off too.

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PiOverlord posted...

eston posted...

This tbqh
Instead of making it all about you, maybe consider that you're home to do stuff with your family. You can act like an adult for a few days

Going to an elementary party is not spending time with family.

>asks why he's in the wrong like he genuinely doesn't know why
>gets told why in a non hostile constructive manner
>"nuh uhh!"

And people say teens and early 20s aren't still kids smh

I agree with the people saying show support in most instances. But a 5th grader around her school friends isn't gonna give a shit if her brothers there. Your mom must just like having you around or something

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

But a 5th grader around her school friends isn't gonna give a s*** if her brothers there.

she might remember it as she gets older dawg. why rob her of that?

malenz posted...

>asks why he's in the wrong like he genuinely doesn't know why
>gets told why in a non hostile constructive manner
>"nuh uhh!"

And people say teens and early 20s aren't still kids smh

It was rhetorical. Name me one 21 year old male that isn't a parental guardian at these events.

My siblings could give no care that I'd be there.

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PiOverlord posted...

My siblings could give no care that I'd be there.

maybe not now, but later in life they might look back on it fondly

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I agree with the people saying show support in most instances. But a 5th grader around her school friends isn't gonna give a shit if her brothers there. Your mom must just like having you around or something

I won't even be there with my mom.

We already had a day planned, I don't have issues hanging out with family, just not at a 5th grade/kindergarten party.

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I'll be honest, sometimes logic doesn't apply to family and part of being an adult in a close family is doing a lot of shit you don't really want to do just because your family wants you to do it.

Sure I could debate with the wife for an hour and probably win and get out of going to a church event because I don't believe in god, i'm not a member of the church, and I feel like it's hypocritical to even attend church or a church event, but at times I just suck it up and say yeah, i'll go because a lot of the people there wouldn't mind seeing me show up.

It doesn't have to make sense, sometimes the right thing to do is just doing what you don't want to do to appease others.

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seems like you do have issues with hanging out with family if you aren't willing to make this small sacrifice

If she was asking you to go in a chaperone position, it'd make sense, but it otherwise sounds like she thinks you or your sister would enjoy having the other around at an event for children. That just seems like a misguided attempt at family time. It would make more sense to go out somewhere after the event.

Gakk86 posted...

Yeah, your moms is nuts. Hanging out in an elementary school at your age would be boring at best, pedo-looking as worst. Go out and buy her a bottle of wine and tell her to calm her tits (maybe not in those exact words).

Stfu, he would be attending an event for a sibling not randomly hanging out
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MabusIncarnate posted...

I'll be honest, sometimes logic doesn't apply to family and part of being an adult in a close family is doing a lot of shit you don't really want to do just because your family wants you to do it.

Sure I could debate with the wife for an hour and probably win and get out of going to a church event because I don't believe in god, i'm not a member of the church, and I feel like it's hypocritical to even attend church or a church event, but at times I just suck it up and say yeah, i'll go because a lot of the people there wouldn't mind seeing me show up.

It doesn't have to make sense, sometimes the right thing to do is just doing what you don't want to do to appease others.

This isn't some husband/wife relationship where I'm making a sacrifice for my kid. Can you honestly say you would do this when you were 21 for siblings who would not care at all.


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idk if i'm just a bad family member, but i don't understand why anyone would want you at this party in the first place. i have 3 younger brothers, and i love hanging out with them every time that i do. but i'd never want them to be clinging to me, and i certainly wouldn't want them to invite me to their school parties. you gotta do your own thing.
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Your mom is being unreasonable. You have no business being at a 5th grader's party.

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PiOverlord posted...

Going to an elementary party is not spending time with family.

You would be spending time with your mom, who you already said is going

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Its a mom thing, my mom would probably do the same thing. When I was your sister's age and our school made us sing in front of our parents in a school choir, I actually didn'twant them to come. It was stupid, most people didn't want to do the choir but they made us, and people's voices sounded bad.

Point is your sister probably doesn't care who comes. Make a deal and say you'll go to a more family oriented event next time.

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Gakk86 posted...

Yeah, your moms is nuts.

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PiOverlord posted...

This isn't some husband/wife relationship where I'm making a sacrifice for my kid. Can you honestly say you would do this when you were 21 for siblings who would not care at all.

If the result was getting into it with my mom, yes I would go. Your mom and my mom are likely two completely different people who react differently so it's hard to even say. I was just offering perspective, and asking if it's worth the argument with your mom to get out of having to go somewhere for a couple of hours.

Regardless, I wouldn't say you are in the wrong in this situation. I wouldn't say you are in the right either.

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I get where you are coming from (to an extent), but would say to go - even if you think you'll be bored and your sister isn't actively asking you to come. I was a bit younger (19) when my sister was that age, and though events like this weren't that memorable at the time, we still talk about them two decades later. On a more personal note, I still feel bad about times I *didn't* go and just sat at home playing video games/TV.

MelzezDoor posted...

And if the message doesn't click? Is it the receiver's fault?

It's no one's fault. People communicate differently. Just be mindful of that.
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PiOverlord posted...

This isn't some husband/wife relationship where I'm making a sacrifice for my kid. Can you honestly say you would do this when you were 21 for siblings who would not care at all.

No, this is a mother/son relationship where the son is making a sacrifice to spend time with his fucking mom -- who only gets to see her son a few times a year.
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PiOverlord posted...

It was rhetorical. Name me one 21 year old male that isn't a parental guardian at these events.

My siblings could give no care that I'd be there.

Why are you still quibbling over this? The ACTUAL POINT isn't to watch over your sister. Your mom wants you to be there to have mother/son quality time. THAT is why she's actually angry.

You're basically telling her -- "I know you have to do boring shit like watching over my little sis, but I value my time over yours, and I'd rather watch TV or hang out with my friends, than spend time with you."
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your mom is being a fucking weirdo no offence
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lydiaquayle posted...

PiOverlord posted...

It was rhetorical. Name me one 21 year old male that isn't a parental guardian at these events.

My siblings could give no care that I'd be there.

Why are you still quibbling over this? The ACTUAL POINT isn't to watch over your sister. Your mom wants you to be there to have mother/son quality time. THAT is why she's actually angry.

You're basically telling her -- "I know you have to do boring shit like watching over my little sis, but I value my time over yours, and I'd rather watch TV or hang out with my friends, than spend time with you."

post #20 makes it sound like his mom won't be there.
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You are if your sister wants you there. If she doesn't you aren't. Pretty simple. Just fucking ask her and then let your mom know her answer if she doesn't

Well, your mom won't need to go if YOU'RE going instead.
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You could just ask your mom why she wants you to go so badly.
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Ryuko_Chan posted...

your mom is being a fucking weirdo no offence

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Just tell her you need to study for finals in ~ 2 weeks

pauIie posted...

post #20 makes it sound like his mom won't be there.

Post #6 made it sound that she is.

My mom is already going so it's not like I'm needed.
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You're basically telling her -- "I know you have to do boring shit like watching over my little sis, but I value my time over yours, and I'd rather watch TV or hang out with my friends, than spend time with you."

that's bullshit and the mother of all guilt trips. dude is a grown ass man. she should respect his wishes, if he should respect hers. that street goes both ways. sorry.

if there's anything to infer she just wants company because it's gonna suck for her too, i would think.
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...maybe his mom doesn't want to be on her own there? If it's gonna suck for TC, it's gonna suck for his mom too
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Pancake posted...

that's bullshit and the mother of all guilt trips. dude is a grown ass man. she should respect his wishes, if he should respect hers. that street goes both ways. sorry.

His mom is entitled to her feelings, don't you think? It's not like she's using violence to force you to go. That is already respect.
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His mom is entitled to her feelings, don't you think?

and he's entitled to his, and neither are entitled to weaponizing them. fucking yikes dude.

and no, i would not call 'having the restraint to not use violence' a show of respect. are you kidding me? i don't think she's being manipulative here, but your argument was.

so tc. i don't know how close you are to your mom, but my mom would've wanted me to go with just we could've shot the shit. nothing so sinister as the previous few posts would imply.
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looking back on it I actually wish I went to more of my sisters functions
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