Current Events > Can't find my girlfriend brother....

(+) Yeah! (+)

Clickbaity title but ok.

My girlfriend's brother lives with us. My girlfriend is out of town right now.

So he turns 18 today and I come home to find him drunk, with his girlfriend there trying to take care of him. She's not drunk and I take her home and leave him on the couch.

I get back to my place and he's freaking gone. I call him and he tells me he's at a friend's house, so I tell him to give me the address, but he refuses to. Now he won't pick up my phone calls.

Like, wtf is this.
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Sounds like a sloppy kid. Hopefully he gets the party bug out of his system early.

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Like, this is a big deal right? I should be worried?
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emblem boy posted...

Like, this is a big deal right? I should be worried?

no

emblem boy posted...

Like, wtf is this.

An 18 year old. I disappeared on people all the time when drunk and 18. Didn't sound like he explicitly tried to be disrespectful. Just careless

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Continue to search for him. Bang on everyone's door.

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malenz posted...

emblem boy posted...

Like, this is a big deal right? I should be worried?

no

Lost_All_Senses posted...

emblem boy posted...

Like, wtf is this.

An 18 year old. I disappeared on people all the time when drunk and 18. Didn't sound like he explicitly tried to be disrespectful. Just careless

I guess I'm not seeing it. It's one thing if he let me know where he's at or the persons number, but right now, I have no idea. I just go to sleep and hope he's back home tomorrow?
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I mean probably. You could ask your girlfriend what she thinks should be done.

emblem boy posted...

I guess I'm not seeing it. It's one thing if he let me know where he's at or the persons number, but right now, I have no idea. I just go to sleep and hope he's back home tomorrow?

What would you do with the number or information?

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He's 18, he's legally accountable for his own actions now.

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

emblem boy posted...

I guess I'm not seeing it. It's one thing if he let me know where he's at or the persons number, but right now, I have no idea. I just go to sleep and hope he's back home tomorrow?

What would you do with the number or information?

Let me know where he is if he doesn't show up tomorrow morning. People do stupid shit when drunk.

LordFarquad1312 posted...

He's 18, he's legally accountable for his own actions now.

Just called my gf. That's pretty much what she said.
I swear I don't get this idea of " you're 18, not my problem anymore". Man, that shit wouldn't fly with my Nigerian parents
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emblem boy posted...

Let me know where he is if he doesn't show up tomorrow morning. People do stupid shit when drunk.

That's not what I asked tho. I asked what would you do with it? Not how could you use it. 18 year old just don't want to feel leashed man. I really don't think you having his number is gonna be the difference between life and death. Just let him be a teenager. Throw lil lines at him when he's around about how you feel worried at times, without over doing it. Cause you're acting like a father figure when acting like a friend is probably a better route to your goal. Dude ain't your kid.

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theres nothing you can do if you have no idea where he is exactly

hopefully he will snap out of his drunken state tomorrow


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Lmao let the guy live damn

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If you're that worried and don't know where he is, the only thing you can do is call the cops or hope he comes back. Cops likely won't do shit til he's been gone for a full day or better at least, unless you mention he was crazy drunk which opens up a new can of worms with his being 18(pending on where you are, I guess).

That said, a kid partying himself shitless isn't too uncommon. Unless you have reason to think something happened, I would wager the best bet is to ride it out.

He'll wake up hungover and come back to sleep more. Sounds like time for chores

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

emblem boy posted...

Let me know where he is if he doesn't show up tomorrow morning. People do stupid shit when drunk.

That's not what I asked tho. I asked what would you do with it? Not how could you use it. 18 year old just don't want to feel leashed man. I really don't think you having his number is gonna be the difference between life and death. Just let him be a teenager. Throw lil lines at him when he's around about how you feel worried at times, without over doing it. Cause you're acting like a father figure when acting like a friend is probably a better route to your goal. Dude ain't your kid.

I'd agree, but the kid has no leash as is. Just tell where you're at at the minimum.

He'll probably miss school tomorrow. Not like he's passing his classes even
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R_Jackal posted...

If you're that worried and don't know where he is, the only thing you can do is call the cops

Have fun repairing the relationship after that lol. At 18 Id be on some "fuck you for life" shit over that. You never did a drug in your life huh? Not judging. I respect clean life more than my own route. There is just a certain perspective can't access when you never dipped a toe. This feels like that

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Na, I wouldn't call the cops, that's just overboard.
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emblem boy posted...

I'd agree, but the kid has no leash as is. Just tell where you're at at the minimum.

He'll probably miss school tomorrow. Not like he's passing his classes even

You seem to not be able to accept this is pretty much out of your hands. All you can do is give him his space or maybe never have his respect. Decide what's more important, I guess.

I told my mom I wasn't having a curfew once I turned 18. But I let her know where I was at a lot of the time because she raised me and I respected her already. But even then, I usually gave half truths that were evasive. Now that Im older I tell her the times I did stuff I didn't tell her. Cause I still respect her. She never pushed me away by trying to over parent me in my adult life.

But that's my mom. You're fuckin this dudes sister AND trying to put him on a leash. Lol, you got balls.

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I think his problem isnt this kid partying for one night because hes 18 but rather that he seems like partying kid who doesnt give a fuck about anything and is going nowhere

this isnt one event but rather a disturbing pattern of a series of events?

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Have fun repairing the relationship after that lol. At 18 Id be on some "fuck you for life" shit over that. You never did a drug in your life huh? Not judging. I respect clean life more than my own route. There is just a certain perspective can't access when you never dipped a toe. This feels like that

Never once, but I do understand the situation well enough simply because I've experienced it from the outside at least. Just using what I said as more of a "there's no point worrying if there's nothing you can do" rather than "you should legit call the cops."

With no information the options tend to be nuclear or stand aside with these things depending on perceived severity.

R_Jackal posted...

Never once, but I do understand the situation well enough simply because I've experienced it from the outside at least. Just using what I said as more of a "there's no point worrying if there's nothing you can do" rather than "you should legit call the cops."

With no information the options tend to be nuclear or stand aside with these things depending on perceived severity.

True. I guess that's part of the reason Im trying to drag him to one side. Cause the other seems drastic in my head. You can't force a person to respond how you want, so drastic is the only other option there.

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SwordMaster13X posted...

I think his problem isnt this kid partying for one night because hes 18 but rather that he seems like partying kid who doesnt give a fuck about anything and is going nowhere

this isnt one event but rather a disturbing pattern of a series of events?

He's staying with us for a reason. His brother didn't want him a staying with him anymore.
He's been in juvy when he was younger. He hasn't shown that he can make the best decisions. I don't feel comfortable him out and about when drunk. If he was sober, it'd be different, and I haven't cared in the past when he's stayed out late.

I'm not saying he gets drunk regularly or anything, weed sure, by not alcohol.
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

emblem boy posted...

I'd agree, but the kid has no leash as is. Just tell where you're at at the minimum.

He'll probably miss school tomorrow. Not like he's passing his classes even

You seem to not be able to accept this is pretty much out of your hands. All you can do is give him his space or maybe never have his respect. Decide what's more important, I guess.

I told my mom I wasn't having a curfew once I turned 18. But I let her know where I was at a lot of the time because she raised me and I respected her already. But even then, I usually gave half truths that were evasive. Now that Im older I tell her the times I did stuff I didn't tell her. Cause I still respect her. She never pushed me away by trying to over parent me in my adult life.

But that's my mom. You're fuckin this dudes sister AND trying to put him on a leash. Lol, you got balls.

What leash man. Me wanting to know where he's drunk at is not a leash.
This whole "I'm 18 so I'm an adult" mindset is one I've never really agreed with. Both when the kid says it, or when the adult is all like "you're 18, you're on your own now"
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emblem boy posted...

Like, this is a big deal right? I should be worried?

huh? no, don't be worried

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I sympathize with how you feel, but playing around with alcohol and weed at that age is pretty normal. Unless he's hanging out with gangsters or committing crimes (apart from drinking alcohol and smoking weed), I doubt you should try to do much at this point unless you notice a troubling pattern. You aren't his dad and he's 18 and he doesn't seem to be bringing over sketchy people or paraphernalia.

I said my peace...piece? I said the things that I said. I have no dog in this fight.

How old are you btw?

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

I said my peace...piece? I said the things that I said. I have no dog in this fight.

How old are you btw?

I'm 29.
I get what you're saying and I don't disagree on a whole. I'm just saying I don't view wanting to know where he's at, as having him on a leash. He's got no curfew regularly or anything like that.
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emblem boy posted...

I'm 29.
I get what you're saying and I don't disagree on a whole. I'm just saying I don't view wanting to know where he's at, as having him on a leash. He's got no curfew regularly or anything like that.

I just talk dramatically here sometimes. Just read the jist of what I say, don't get hung up on words like leashed. I just know at 18, there is no way Id react favorably to my older sisters bf trying to keep tabs on me. Keeping tabs is a much more valid expression than the leash one. In fact, I was always cool with my sisters bfs cause it was the exact opposite

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He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

I keep one in stock at the house, so that was fine I guess
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emblem boy posted...

He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

I keep one in stock at the house, so that was fine I guess

Be sure to ask him who's it for, then report here.

No reason, just to keep the topic alive.

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emblem boy posted...

He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

I keep one in stock at the house, so that was fine I guess

See, very responsible. And you were worried.

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emblem boy posted...

He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

Did you high five him?

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HagenEx posted...

emblem boy posted...

He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

I keep one in stock at the house, so that was fine I guess

Be sure to ask him who's it for, then report here.

No reason, just to keep the topic alive.

His gf

PatrickMahomes posted...

emblem boy posted...

He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

Did you high five him?

Na

Lost_All_Senses posted...

emblem boy posted...

He got home around 11 today.

He then asked for a ride to the store to get some Plan B...

I keep one in stock at the house, so that was fine I guess

See, very responsible. And you were worried.

Sure
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emblem boy posted...

Sure

Not gonna lie, that was tongue in cheek. But, this is still normal behavior for 18 year olds around here.

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Not gonna lie, that was tongue in cheek. But, this is still normal behavior for 18 year olds around here.

I'm going to throw my two cents in, both from working in therapy/social services for a decade and lots of personal stories from friends.

Just because you feel it's normal behavior (and I'm not sure I'd be OK with pregnancy scares being normal) doesn't mean we/TC can't address it in a more direct manner than "I'm your buddy". For better or worse, the adult (still with a child's mind) is living with him, and TC and his gf seem to have taken on the caregiver role.
By no means am I saying TC should call the police on him for staying out late, but discussing rules/expectations is perfectly reasonable while the brother is staying at his place. The intention is to help build awareness of the importance of following rules/laws to get what you want in life, but delivered through the immediate vehicle of rewarding positive behavior ("You get to keep staying here")

On a related note, I've seen soooo many personal stories of what you say - "I'm 18, eff off, you can't tell me what to do" and it's been tough to say how they'd end up. One (25) is now in big boy jail on drug distribution charges.. another (31) is finishing a dentistry residency...

Ruvan22 posted...

I'm going to throw my two cents in, both from working in therapy/social services for a decade and lots of personal stories from friends.

Just because you feel it's normal behavior (and I'm not sure I'd be OK with pregnancy scares being normal) doesn't mean we/TC can't address it in a more direct manner than "I'm your buddy". For better or worse, the adult (still with a child's mind) is living with him, and TC and his gf seem to have taken on the caregiver role.
By no means am I saying TC should call the police on him for staying out late, but discussing rules/expectations is perfectly reasonable while the brother is staying at his place. The intention is to help build awareness of the importance of following rules/laws to get what you want in life, but delivered through the immediate vehicle of rewarding positive behavior ("You get to keep staying here")

On a related note, I've seen soooo many personal stories of what you say - "I'm 18, eff off, you can't tell me what to do" and it's been tough to say how they'd end up. One (25) is now in big boy jail on drug distribution charges.. another (31) is finishing a dentistry residency...

I co-sign most of this. If he was the actual parent and not someone fuckin his sister, my whole take would be completely different. But you should know how young adults feel when even a step dad comes in at that age. Their default is usually "fuck this guy and everything about him". And this is even under that. He's someone barely older. I do agree that him taking him in under his roof should warrant home some respect. But the kid probably sees it more so as his sister taking him in and TC just being there too.

I do admit, that I lost my stride in my last few posts, cause it got later in the night. I smoked and lost a lot of my seriousness.

But as I see it, it's not like the kid is shitting on him while he's actually there. He's just not trying to be held down by TC. If anything TC should talk to his sister and she should have the conversation with him. She might have his respect more than TC does. I could be bias, since I grew up with 3 sisters myself that I barely ever got confrontational with. Or that could be legit experience giving me a better take. I only got one potent perspective like everyone else.

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I think the most important question to ask at this point is why tc did you not high five him?
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

I co-sign most of this. If he was the actual parent and not someone fuckin his sister, my whole take would be completely different. But you should know how young adults feel when even a step dad comes in at that age. Their default is usually "fuck this guy and everything about him". And this is even under that. He's someone barely older. I do agree that him taking him in under his roof should warrant home some respect. But the kid probably sees it more so as his sister taking him in and TC just being there too.

I do admit, that I lost my stride in my last few posts, cause it got later in the night. I smoked and lost a lot of my seriousness.

But as I see it, it's not like the kid is shitting on him while he's actually there. He's just not trying to be held down by TC. If anything TC should talk to his sister and she should have the conversation with him. She might have his respect more than TC does. I could be bias, since I grew up with 3 sisters myself that I barely ever got confrontational with. Or that could be legit experience giving me a better take. I only got one potent perspective like everyone else.

Appreciate the honesty - and you are right, TC and the sister should be on the same page about what they want for the brother. I've worked with/know a lot of young adults (or even 16/17 year olds) who (as you say) have that default already developing.. sadly it often externalizes to the world around them. It sounds like it didn't with you, which is great :)