Board 8 > I just had to have my cat put down and I'm completely devastated

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This is such a stressful time in general, but this hit me hard. I've never lost a pet before, and I'm not normally an emotional person, so it hit me like a sack of bricks.

She was my first "real" pet (sorry, but I never really counted fish as being that important), and I had her for over half my life. I had known for about the past year that she was getting less and less robust and probably wouldn't last very long; she had become really lethargic and was eating a lot less, so I had been accepting that this day would come for a while. But I still wasn't prepared. Maybe it was because she was still very affectionate and seemed to be doing well over the year, or maybe you just can't ever really brace yourself for it. It was only really in the past two weeks that her behavior changed in a significantly worrying way. I had taken her to the vet (really difficult, considering that was about the same time the quarantines started to ramp up), and they put her on medication. It was last night that she really began looking awful, and while I guess it had been building up, in my mind if felt like it just suddenly came out of nowhere. I know it really wasn't, the signs were all there, but it feels like it just jumped from her just being a little tired to her completely suffering...

This was the first time I ever had to have a pet euthanized, and it was so difficult. I know that it's better to be with the pet so that they can be comforted in their final moments, but holding her in my arms and watching the exact moment she died just tore me apart. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. I've lost family members and friends, but I never was in the same room with them when they've passed. I just hope I kept her happy in her last breaths. She was so out of it, she didn't really do much besides rest against my chest. But she looked at me once, so hopefully she knew she was being loved.

When I was thinking about this day over the past year, I had these random dumb thoughts about what I'd like to do for her to prepare her for the end. I imagined that maybe I would have time to plan things in advance. That I would take the day off work and spend the entire day spending time and paying attention to her, and do something like buy some turkey breast and cook some just for her (she LOVED turkey). ...That didn't really end up happening. Partially because of how it feels like it blindsided me, partially because of the lockdowns, partially because of how busy I've been (I've still had to work during the quarantine), I didn't do anything like that. My only consolation is that yesterday at least I think I gave her a slightly better day than most. I still had work, but because of how ill she looked when I got home I spent the night fawning and caring for her. She was really dirty (she had been having trouble using the litter box these past weeks), so I had given her a bath. She doesn't really like baths, but it meant I spent a lot of time pampering her when I washed and dried her. She didn't want to eat her usual food, so I gave her treats instead. No turkey, but she scarfed down the chicken fillet treat which was nice. For the past couple of weeks she hadn't been sleeping with me like she normally did, she seemed too weak to jump up and down on the bed anymore. But because she seemed to have a lot of trouble resting last night, I placed her on the bed and lied down with her until she fell asleep. And then I fell asleep too. I didn't do this before because I was worried she wouldn't be able to get down from the bed in the middle of the night if she needed to, but I decided to make an exception that night. So at least for her last night I was able to sleep with her like we used to do. It wasn't the perfect day like I planned, but I hope it was enough.

I remember when I first got her. She was a rescue cat my godfather found. On the day I first got her, I remember spending so much time petting her. She was the first pet I ever had, so I just wanted to feel her and kept on petting her over and over. I was doing it for so long, and I didn't know if she was still enjoying it, so I asked my godfather how I would know when to stop. He told me that it was up to her and she would let me know when I should stop. When I was holding her in my arms tonight, petting her as the doctor was waiting for when I was ready to put her down, I still didn't know when to stop. When my godfather gave her to me as a kid, he lectured me saying that she was going to be a big responsibility, and that since cats can live for about 20 years that I should be prepared to take care of her for that long. I remember thinking back then how that didn't sound long enough. It really wasn't long enough...

Sorry for rambling on. I just really needed to get all of that off my chest. Thank you so much if you read all that. Here are some pictures to remember her. (I'd post more, but in retrospect I've discovered that the majority of my pictures of her show off my embarrassingly messy room):


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I read all of it, sorry man :(
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Sorry to hear about your kitty. She's a cutie.

It really hurts to have your pet to be put down. The toughest decision.

My condolences, bud.

She's a pretty cat.
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TexasZea posted...

I read all of it, sorry man :(

I could not even do that, I've had to go through this 3 times already. And recently the cat that grew closest to me the most, ran away.

So I share your emotions there. My condolences.
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:(

Losing pets fucking sucks. I remember being on my way to campus when my dad called to tell me that they had to put down one of my childhood cats and I just turned around, went back to my apartment and cried.

Remember that by rescuing her you made her life way better!

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Had to put my cat down last week myself. My first time losing a pet as well. Had him since I was a teenager and I'm 31 now. It was the most horrible thing I've ever done. I empathize with you completely and all I can tell you is the first few days suck but you'll get past it. Just remember you gave your kitty a great life and you'll never forget her and I'm sure she loved you very much.

I felt like I was finally getting past my cat but reading this ripped the wound back open. Losing a pet feels awful and in some ways worse than a human family member because there is no real closure and no real goodbye. All the pet knows is it's in a scary place and then the sense of going to sleep. It's so damn hard and I wish I was a lot less of an emotional person because of it.

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My condolences to you, and MikeTavish. It's really hard losing a cat, and I completely understand about how you end up 'mentally preparing' for the inevitable parting, but how terrible it feels when it finally does happen.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry if what I wrote brought up some troubling memories for others who have lost pets. I was a bit concerned if it would be too much, but I needed to let it out.

LordoftheMorons posted...

Remember that by rescuing her you made her life way better!

This actually made me feel so much better. I actually smiled and couldn't stop. Thank you so much for saying that.

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My condolences. She's a beauty.

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Hug. Sorry to hear -- your cat looks a lot like my first cat as an adult.

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My deepest condolences to you and MikeTavish. This is an immensely difficult thing to go through, and I won't lie, I'm still sobbing a little as I type this. On the other hand, I think it's evident that you both gave your cats terrific lives and will keep their memories alive. That's something to be proud of.

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I've done the whole thing where I held my cat when he was put down. It was years ago and I still can't think about it easily; it's the right thing to do but that's no consolation. Sorry for your loss, I'm sure she was a great cat.

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Sorry for your loss. Ive lost a couple pets in my life and its always terrible. It really does hit you so hard when you have to put one down. Its like the worst feeling in the world for a while

Thanks for the kind words folks, didn't expect anyone to actually read my post other than TC. Much appreciated.

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Yeah, I completely sympathize and can relate. We had to put our family cat down right before Christmas in 2018. It was so sudden. I very rarely cry, but I let it all out in the car before I walked into the vet hospital, then in the room, and afterward. Watching my cat that I'd grown with since 2001 get euthanized was rough. I think about the experience from their perspective and the whole ordeal is just... something else.

Your cat's cute. I'll go hug my current cat for her.

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That sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that Kirby, and to you as well Mike.

There's no "easy" way to lose a pet, I'm sure you did all you could for them and that they were happy being with you one last time.

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Sorry for your loss dude. RIP cool kitty

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that sucks sorry

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My sincere condolences

I've lost a few cats in the past 5 years. One in the beginning of this year

You can never get used to it. For what it's worth it sounds like you did everything right, man. She loved you

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And yea, I'm getting teary after reading this as well. But let that go to show you that it means we can relate. We know what you are going through and we can see our loved pets through your story and your actions. Like I said, you did a everything right

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