Current Events > How to Beat College and Grad School (long read I wrote this)

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Education is important in the sense that society is constructed in such a way that it is difficult or even impossible to move up the capitalist food chain without fancy degrees that are essentially meaningless in terms of evaluating someone's intelligence, intellect, and overall work ethic and knowledge in a particular subject, or life in general. As a kid, I grew up hating the education system. I struggled in high school, feeling as though the system was designed to make students obedient, rather than clever and intellectual. I thought college was a scam. Professors were egomaniacs, using their PhDs to compensate for other shortcomings in life and insecurities. The fact that you actually have to pay money to prove to society that you are knowledgeable in English, History, Sociology, Political Science, and other departments of thought is mindfuckingly barbaric. But even if higher education was free, there are still fundamental problems in the overall structure of academia. Professors often care more about their research than their students, and school in general is a toxic environment full of hormonal immature children that probably needed more spankings in their youth. But I digress. School in contemporary society is a necessary evil. We all want to be rich. We all want to pursue our interests in life and unfortunately, school is usually the only way to do it. In this essay, we will discuss the shortcomings of our education system, building an understanding of how to get a degree without losing our sanity and even freetime.

Chapter One: Teachers are Assholes
There is no profession I have less respect for than educators. This could be a high school teacher or a supervisor in a PhD program. They are all assholes. They have no redeemable qualities as human beings and the world would be better off if they all just disappeared. Something that has to be taken into consideration is that having a PhD or some other form of graduate degree doesnt necessarily mean youre smart. When I was in the 10th grade, my health teacher brought in her brother, who is a lawyer, to lecture us on law. Why this was relevant to a health class is beyond me but I was excited as I had an interest in law and public policy and I wanted to hear what he had to say. Part way into his lecture, he began telling us about the difference between state laws and federal laws. He then showcased his stupidity by telling the class that he actually didnt know there was a difference between the state government and the federal government until his second year of law school. The fact that this man is an actual lawyer and not working in a toll booth or as a garbage man is completely beyond me. But this happens. Having a degree says a lot less about your intelligence and a lot more about your worth ethic and determination to accomplish your goals. When I was in high school, I idolized professors. I thought professors were these high and mighty figures that shined a bright beacon of hope in an otherwise dark world. I was wrong. Professors are literally some of the most pathetic people I have met in my entire life. I have met homeless drug addicts that I genuinely have more respect for than most of my professors in both undergrad and post grade. Most professors were nerds in high school. They didnt have a lot of friends and were usually bullied as a kid for having niche interests that nobody actually cares about. These were determined people, hoping to prove everyone wrong about their self work. These losers actually sayed in college until their mid thirties just to get a fucking degree. On top of that, they then decided that they liked school so much that they would actually stay in education as professors. Professors are usually mean and condescending, and oftentimes flat out wrong about their worldview but no first year student is going to tell them that. Or at least, they wont listen. These people are going to hate you because you remind them of the kids who bullied them in middle school and high school. Their self worth and personal identity is completely wrapped around their standing in academia. This stupid degree and tenured teaching position is the only thing that gives their lives any meaning. They obviously arent getting laid and spent most of their time reading books by political dinosaurs such as Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky. The first thing you have to remember when you enter a class is that the professor is the enemy. They/She/He is the only thing standing in your way from success. The goal of every class is to find weaknesses in both your professor and the rubrics. ALWAYS read the rubrics. If you cant flat out cheat, use the rules of the class against your professor and find ways to make the structure of the class work to your advantage. We will talk more about rubrics and classroom settings later, but the point of this chapter is to establish that your professor and supervisors are your enemies. You are waging a war that you cannot lose. Do not just become your enemy, but become the environment of your enemy. Figure out the weak spots in your professor, and the class in general. Another rule of thumb is to never worry about kissing ass. Find out your professor's world view and conform to it. Too often as a student I used to fight these moral battles with teachers I was repulsed by, especially in high school. This is a mentally draining exercise and not particularly important in the grand scheme of things. All that matters right now is that you need an A in this class. No one will remember you several years from now, or even a semester later. When I was working on my Masters degree, I took an international relations class with a professor who was clearly center-right politically. I could tell he wasnt too keen on me for my pro-palestinain views. Instead of fighting a silly war with a silly man, I found ways to impress him without even trying. I wrote a policy paper using a book titled, The City and Man by Leo Strauss, the creator of neo conservatism. This blew my feeble minded professor away, leading him to treat me with a lot of respect going forward. In the long run, fuck that guy. But as long as I get my A+ were in good shape. Professors with strong political views can be difficult to work with. Going back to the idea that most professors were bullied as kids, a lot of this overlaps with politics as well. Liberal nerds who grew up in a midwestern suburb usually get it pretty hard in high school. This means that as adults, if a professor has a conservative student, they will try to get back at their past by making that students life a living hell. Professors are some of the most insecure people in the world, and at the end of the day, we must pity them. As Kant would argue, these are very unfortunate people. In conclusion, play the game, but play to win the game. There is light at the end of that tunnel.

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Chapter Two: Only Losers Take School Seriously
It is important to establish that school is a bad joke. A hundred years from now, people will look back at higher education in America and laugh hysterically. There are always these students who are the teacher's pet, with deep aspirations of going to grad school and being a success someday. These kids are snobby towards other students, tend to take over group projects, and overall have vaginas that smell like rotten tuna. You can be successful too, even going to to attend graduate school, but you dont have to be a total dweeb about it. The first thing I always do when I take a new class is figure out the attendance policy. If there is literally no attendance policy, figure out the reading materials and learn the subject from home. Unfortunately, a lot of professors are rather strict with attendance, but there are ways to get around it. The question that must be asked is what actually constitutes being present in class? Usually there wont be a policy on bathroom breaks. You are an adult and can come and leave whenever you want. Take extended breaks if you think your professor doesnt notice. Maybe you just ate some bad Taco Bell and needed extra time on the toilet. You could spend this 20 minute break smoking weed, chatting with girls, going on a walk, and so many other things that will keep you sane this semester. As long as you are counted as present, there isnt really any way they can say you didnt attend class. In terms of homework, you should never do the entirety of a reading assignment unless you think it is absolutely necessary. Sure maybe you are in an interesting class and got sucked into a book that was assigned to you, but Im guessing that is not the case. When I was a student at the Evergreen State College during my undergrad years, we were expected to read a full book a week, along with other reading assignments. Obviously I wasnt going to do this. We were, however, expected to discuss these readings during seminar. My solution? Read at most a single chapter of said book, and then discuss what you read with the other students. No one can prove you didnt read the entirety of the book, and hell you get seminar participation too. A lot of times you can just read the introduction and conclusion of a book, following that up by searching for the book online to read thoughts and reviews by other academics. Do not do more work than you actually have to. If there are extension policies on homework, fucking use them. As long as everything is turned in by the end of the semester, who cares? You just need to pass your classes. You arent going to change the world with that paper about the 1999 WTO movement. Keep it simple, everything is better simple.

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Chapter Three: In Defense of Online Education
So we are in the 2020s as this essay is being written. Everything is digital now. Instead of going to the movie theaters, people watch netflix. Instead of going to bars, we meet on Tinder. So why the hell cant we get our education online? Sure, there are some for-profit scams that should be totally avoided, but there are plenty of respectable online education systems that will get you a job once you get the degree. When I was an undergrad at The Evergreen State College, no one I knew personally thought I would eventually get a Masters Degree. My grades were horrible (I graduated with a 2.5 GPA). I had literally no professors who would write me a letter of recommendation, much less three letters of recommendations, and there was a fat chance of me getting a decent score on the GRE. I was never worried. I didnt really care that my professors werent impressed with me, and I figured to hell with the students that doubted me. I chose to get my MS in Political Science online from Southern New Hampshire University. SNHU has existed longer than the internet (or at least the modern internet) and has a physical campus that thousands of students attend. They started offering an online program in 1995. This graduate program does not require you to take the GRE, and they do not request letters of recommendation from previous professors. Even with my 2.5 GPA, I was conditionally accepted and placed on academic probation for my first two terms. Before you knew it, academic probation was a thing of the past, and I was fully accepted into SNHUs graduate program. This experience was fantastic. I didnt have to worry about attendance, there were no annoying students screaming at me for using the word dumb because dumb is ableist, and my relationships with my professors never had to be particularly close. This made me wonder, why didnt I go to school online in the first place? People love to talk about the college experience, and honestly, I think it is bullshit. I could have done LSD and fucked random whores without going to college. Trust me, your fellow students are all idiots, and I have made it clear what I think about your professors. Get the degree online. Southern New Hampshire University and Arizona State University are great online programs, among many others. Screw the experience, screw living in a dorm, screw campus life, just get it online. All we are trying to accomplish here is obtaining a literal piece of paper so you can get a decent job and buy that house in the suburbs. The last thing you want is to actually interact with other humans.

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Chapter Five: Playing to Win the Game
So at this point, reader, you are asking: I get that professors are idiots, I get it can be fun sometimes to skip class, online education has its perks, but what is your gameplan in terms of me actually passing classes? My gameplan is pretty simple, never play to lose. Writing and Mathematics are skills you acquire over time, not natural abilities you are born with. The reality of the situation is that in order to get an education, you are going to have to do a certain amount of work. My personal philosophy is that you can party hard Friday night, party hard Saturday night, and still get your homework done Sunday afternoon. But the trick is you HAVE to get your homework done Sunday afternoon, and you still have to be in class monday morning. In terms of the actual coursework, it is important to never get overwhelmed. The best thing you can do as a student is to take large problems, and break these problems down into smaller problems. Always look at the rubric for loopholes. Figure out what assignments are more important to your overall grade, and focus on them. A lot of this depends on what you want the outcome to be. If this is a class for a Masters program, you obviously have to maintain a decent GPA to avoid getting kicked out. If this is just an undergrad program, and all you want is that BA or BS to impress your loser parents, Cs and Ds get degrees. As stated before, online grad school is always an option, and if that is what you wish to pursue, grades in undergrad arent really that important. But on a more serious note, get as much help as possible. Take papers to the writing center and work on making them better. Find a cheat sheet for your tests, and maybe actually cheat on the test entirely if it is actually possible. In closing, you dont have to do a good job, you just have to do a job. I mentioned before that you should try to skip class whenever possible. This is good advice, but at the same time make sure you are doing the bare minimum to pass. The point of this essay isnt to say you can just screw off and become successful, it is to say, rather, that you can take shortcuts and still have the same result as other successful students. At the very least get high before class and sit in the very back, nodding off during the lecture. Find things to make you stay sane during the semester. Take shortcuts, dont worry about burning bridges, but survive.

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You think people are actually going to read that wall of text?

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Chapter Six: Conclusion
So there we have it. College is a gigantic fucking scam that should be avoided at all costs. It will totally destroy your mental health, ruin your life, and put you in tremendous debt. But there are a lot of good things about college too. You can potentially lift yourself to a higher economic class, having the chance to work a job you are actually slightly interested in. The final point to be made (which has been echoed previously) is that having a degree has nothing to do with your intelligence. Earning a degree is really about your overall willpower and inner fight. If you really want a degree, you will get one. Just remember that there is no dark side of the moon, as a matter of fact its all dark.


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bump

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read CE

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Shut up dude

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This is a topic.

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Took me a year and a close friend to realize the freshman friend group I've been in are terrible emotionally unstable people who should not be independent yet and drag my life down, and that I've been trying to "make it work" and thought that was normal for someone like me

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Godnorgosh posted...

Where is Chapter Four

dude numbers are a social construct

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Godnorgosh posted...

I would counter that college isn't actually strictly necessary if your focus is money. We see examples of this in unusually successful YouTubers and Twitch streamers but we also see them in ordinary IT workers who've studied for certain certifications or pursued specific skills.

If your goal is just to take shortcuts, then there are ways to eschew college altogether (not that I would recommend this for everyone). I also think that if you are going to make the commitment to go to college and in some cases even put yourself in debt, then you should try not to take shortcuts. Try to get as much out of the resources you are paying for as you can.

I respect this insight. I wrote this days after finishing my Masters Degree in June and wanted legit feedback on this nonsense. I respect you for actually reading it.

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Paragraph and line breaks are a thing.

Use them.

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"I graduated from college 1 month ago and now I am the UTMOST authority on the usefulness of college in your life and wrote this accompanying 15 page document on it for your perusal"

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M8, ill read later if I remember, and I like you, but pretending that a degree (especially a graduate degree) in English, history, philosophy, etc doesnt demonstrate and require a higher content knowledge than the layman possesses is just blatantly false. And sorry you had bad professors but seriously? No profession you respect less than educators? Come on.

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Godnorgosh posted...

I would counter that college isn't actually strictly necessary if your focus is money. We see examples of this in unusually successful YouTubers and Twitch streamers but we also see them in ordinary IT workers who've studied for certain certifications or pursued specific skills.

If your goal is just to take shortcuts, then there are ways to eschew college altogether (not that I would recommend this for everyone). I also think that if you are going to make the commitment to go to college and in some cases even put yourself in debt, then you should try not to take shortcuts. Try to get as much out of the resources you are paying for as you can.

if you want a white collar job you are fucking yourself over without a BA (or at least an Associate's). Even if you have (for example) all the IT skills in the world, a million certs, and decades of experience, your resume is going to go directly into the trash for most jobs because there will be some HR requirement that you need a BA or equivalent degree

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