Current Events > Dad yells at me at my own house. Am I the fuck up?

(+) Yeah! (+)

My parents (who live in a different state) gave me $30k to help them buy a house. My wife and I use our credit, time, and our money (in addition to theirs), to find a house, buy it in our name, and prepare the house for move in (replacing locks, cleaning, small repairs, etc.).

My parents came to my house tonight, as they are going to move in tomorrow. My dad said he's too cold, because he's soaking wet. I gave him a towel. He then asked me to turn off the ceiling fans. I turned it off. Then he got really pissed off, saying my attitude is a problem when I was turning off the ceiling and giving him a towel.

I tried to explain myself that I was extremely tired and stressed, because I had a 13 hour day at work, but he wouldn't have it. He continued to yell at me, saying I disrespected him, and who am I to disrespect him (i.e. saying that he's my dad, I should always respect him and never be angry).

He said I should pay him back for everything he's ever done for me, and that I should be even thankful for having a father like him.

I bit my tongue the entire time. Until he said "sell that house, I don't care". That made me furious, because of all the crap that my wife and did to get that house. I almost told him to get out of my house and to go to the other (empty) house or to a hotel. But my wife pinched me hard, because she knew what I wanted to say.....

So... Am I the fuck up here or what? I tried to be as neutral as possible in this post.

/blogfaqs

---

No, it sounds like your Dad is having some anger/stress issues. Was he always like this, or is this a recent thing? Maybe he's dealing with something you don't know about. Or maybe he's just a jerk.

It doesn't sound like it's your fault. At a certain point, your Father should show you respect and treat you the way he would want to be treated. Just because he's your father doesn't mean you have to put up with that shit.

---

At least you have a father, mine went to get milk or cigarettes and died a war hero

---

AlCalavicci posted...

No, it sounds like your Dad is having some anger/stress issues. Was he always like this, or is this a recent thing? Maybe he's dealing with something you don't know about. Or maybe he's just a jerk.

It doesn't sound like it's your fault. At a certain point, your Father should show you respect and treat you the way he would want to be treated. Just because he's your father doesn't mean you have to put up with that shit.

He recently became this way, about a couple years ago. But it never culminated to this, where he would be screaming at me, to the point he was trembling in anger.

---

Next time he does, start giggling. Not a full on laugh, but giggle. he'll end up saying something he regrets and when he does, remind him of it anytime he does it again. He'll learn to stfu.

---

Well if you know why I guess it explains it, but otherwise maybe hes dealing with something incredibly stressful

Though, that does suck - hopefully you guys can reconcile in some way though

No, that's unacceptable behavior from anyone.

---

RedJackson posted...

Well if you know why I guess it explains it, but otherwise maybe hes dealing with something incredibly stressful

Though, that does suck - hopefully you guys can reconcile in some way though

I have no idea why. My mom just keeps telling me to calm down and say he's right, and to apologize to him for my attitude when I turned the fan off.

---

Fight him

---

Punch him.

---

So they gave you 30k to buy a house for them? Then you payed for the rest of it?

Abiz_ posted...

So they gave you 30k to buy a house for them? Then you payed for the rest of it?

We paid for the rest of it to get to 20% down payment, then took out a mortgage. Now we have two mortgages.

---

So what you're saying is you basically bought him a house, and he's acting like you're ungrateful?

---

Is your father by any chance a Trump supporter too?

beat his ass

IdiotMachine posted...

He recently became this way, about a couple years ago. But it never culminated to this, where he would be screaming at me, to the point he was trembling in anger.

Recently? I hope it's not something serious like the beginning signs of dimentia.
---

BakonBitz posted...

Recently? I hope it's not something serious like the beginning signs of dimentia.

Oh shit, I didnt think of that. My grandmother got aggressive when her dementia started in. She was the nicest lady I knew amd then she started shoving people..

---

IdiotMachine posted...

I have no idea why. My mom just keeps telling me to calm down and say he's right, and to apologize to him for my attitude when I turned the fan off.

Sounds like your mother has some stockholm syndrome going on. Someone needs to crack into whatever is getting him so enraged. Anger problems suck - I've had them pretty much my entire remembered life. Next time he does that, the best thing you can do IMO is avoid putting up any kind of aggressive or combative reaction, and as calmly and empathetically as you can, ask probing questions on why he's actually angry.

---

Sounds like he's starting to get Alzheimer's. I know someone with it. It's very hard to get along with them, but I try my best.

---

BakonBitz posted...

Recently? I hope it's not something serious like the beginning signs of dimentia.

Kajagogo posted...

Sounds like he's starting to get Alzheimer's. I know someone with it. It's very hard to get along with them, but I try my best.

Huh... I never thought about that. How would I know this?

---

Humble_Novice posted...

Is your father by any chance a Trump supporter too?

I have this question as well

---

He sounds like a real wet blanket

---

FrankGoreHOF posted...

I have this question as well

He was a Trump supporter for 2016, but now is a Biden supporter for 2020.

---

IdiotMachine posted...

Huh... I never thought about that. How would I know this?

Unfortunately getting help is a bit difficult, as a doctor/psychiatrist relied on both the person and person's family to provide details for a diagnosis. The biggest issue might getting your dad to go, he may say "Nothings' wrong with me" etc = your best bet might be to first discuss this change in behavior with your mom to see if she recognizes it too,,

Ruvan22 posted...

Unfortunately getting help is a bit difficult, as a doctor/psychiatrist relied on both the person and person's family to provide details for a diagnosis. The biggest issue might getting your dad to go, he may say "Nothings' wrong with me" etc = your best bet might be to first discuss this change in behavior with your mom to see if she recognizes it too,,

Oh yea. My dad doesn't think depression or mental illnesses are a real thing, so it'll be borderline impossible for him to go.

---

My dad doesn't even know about me yet this kid stressing over having his dad in his life.

Kid sounds like his social skills are not worth a damn too.

Wonder how this guy got a wife.

Just shows you as long as you can talk you can get a wife. doesn't take much skill

---

Reggie is so fucking weird lmao

---

ReggieBush09 posted...

My dad doesn't even know about me yet this kid stressing over having his dad in his life.

Kid sounds like his social skills are not worth a damn too.

Wonder how this guy got a wife.

Just shows you as long as you can talk you can get a wife. doesn't take much skill

lol stop whining about someone who has a nice life

just because someone has it bad doesn't mean everyone else can't have it bad otherwise your bitching would be negated by starving children in Africa.

---

ReggieBush09 posted...

My dad doesn't even know about me yet this kid stressing over having his dad in his life.

Kid sounds like his social skills are not worth a damn too.

Wonder how this guy got a wife.

Just shows you as long as you can talk you can get a wife. doesn't take much skill

Are you intentionally trying to be dense?

This reminds me do much of how my dad behaves. I hope he was just stressed and it doesn't continue.

---

IdiotMachine posted...

Oh yea. My dad doesn't think depression or mental illnesses are a real thing, so it'll be borderline impossible for him to go.

Sorry to hear that - I'd say starting with your mom would still be a good point, plus any siblings or very close family members you might have. This of course helps you see if it's just your perception of your dad (always possible) but more importantly helps in building a support system for whatever might come next.

lol.

---

It's time to stand up to your dad. Tell him if he's going to be rude and ungrateful, he can go buy a trailer to live in, and you can sell the house you bought for him.

---