Poll of the Day > How would you dispose of a body?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Let's say you've committed a spontaneous, unplanned murder. So you have no time to prep the murder site or pre-plan anything, including disposal. Let's say the murder was done in a secluded location and you have 1-3 days before a missing person's report is filed. What do you do?

Nice try trying to get random GameFaqs-ers to be an accomplice to murder, TC.

https://youtu.be/qlfCKYYUobU?t=13

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If I have 1~3 days it's as good as gone... If I had like 30 minutes I'd be in a major panic, an hour or 2 certainly

Aside from TECHNICALLY the best thing to do would be to clean up and otherwise ignore the scene to avoid self-contamination... in terms of disposal the best thing would be total pulverization and then emulsified in concrete mix. If someone does find the tomb they won't think that the body IS the tomb unless some clothing didn't get fully destroyed.

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Based on what I've seen in movies. Pig farm/find a pack of wild hogs/(if in the Everglades)Alligators/(if Carole Baskin) Tigers.

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Get to munching

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enjoy jail chump

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eat it

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I'd probably panic and confess.

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Remove teeth, burn sufficiently.
Bleach and ammonia crime scene.

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I heard that you wanna remove the teeth, put yogurt in them, bury them vertically in a narrow hole, then a couple feet above them bury a dead animal.

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Raddest_Chad posted...

I heard that you wanna remove the teeth, put yogurt in them, bury them vertically in a narrow hole, then a couple feet above them bury a dead animal.

...what?

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Find a big fire ant hill

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DirtBasedSoap posted...

...what?

It's not rocket science.

1. remove teeth to make them harder to identify
2. put yogurt in the body to speed up the rate at which it will decompose
3. burying the body vertically in a narrow hole makes aerial and foot searches much more challenging
4. having a dead animal buried between the surface and the body will give any dogs a what appears to be a false positive

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Raddest_Chad posted...

It's not rocket science.

im sorry, ive just never honestly considered the logistics of actually hiding a dead body.

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DirtBasedSoap posted...

im sorry, ive just never honestly considered the logistics of actually hiding a dead body.

I didn't ass-pull that. There was some TIL meme about weird stuff and it made sense.

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DirtBasedSoap posted...

im sorry, ive just never honestly considered the logistics of actually hiding a dead body.

Dexter taught us all the logistics.

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JigsawTDC posted...

Let's say you've committed a spontaneous, unplanned murder. So you have no time to prep the murder site or pre-plan anything, including disposal. Let's say the murder was done in a secluded location and you have 1-3 days before a missing person's report is filed. What do you do?

Under those circumstances, would you need to do anything? Unless it's somebody who had a connection to you or something, wouldn't you just remove any evidence you were there and leave the body? >_>

I guess depending how they died (and maybe where they died), you could probably make it look like they died in an accident of some sort. However, all of that could be pointless depending on where they died because the body might go undiscovered anyway and if it's somewhere with regular exposure to the elements, nature will likely erase most evidence anyway.

Raddest_Chad posted...

I heard that you wanna remove the teeth, put yogurt in them, bury them vertically in a narrow hole, then a couple feet above them bury a dead animal.

You're kinda assuming that you'd need to prevent ID. If it's a spontaneous murder, you might not even know the victim so it can't be tied back to you.

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Raddest_Chad posted...

I didn't ass-pull that. There was some TIL meme about weird stuff and it made sense.

I believe it, it makes sense.

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How do you get the yogurt in the body? A turkey baster?

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Metalsonic66 posted...

How do you get the yogurt in the body? A turkey baster?

I was wondering that too. Do you feed it to them before you murder them or mama bird-baby bird style into their mouths when theyre dead?

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And also, how much yogurt? Are a few Yoplaits enough? Or do I need like enough yogurt to fill all their crevices and tubes?

Metalsonic66 posted...

How do you get the yogurt in the body? A turkey baster?

Good question. My best guess would be something pretty fucking gross... like putting PVC pipe in their mouth and butt and then pouring it in. If you can do that without vomiting, you're definitely a sociopath. Oh, and the murder part probably doesn't help.

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A secluded location? Uh... I mean, I guess it would depend on the nature of the location and what was done exactly (what forensic evidence exists, basically), and how much time I have and such.

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as others have pointed out, knowing a pig farmer makes it almost too easy.

another has pointed out a simplified version of burying the body 9 feet down and putting a pig carcass 6 foot down to get the cadaver dogs to hit a false positive.

but here's an oddly specific third option.

get a 40/50 gallon steel drum. go to any tire shop. acquire like 70lbs of lead tire weights. Lead weights are technically hazmat, so any tire shop has barrels of old wheel weights laying around they're not going to ask many questions about if you want to haul some off. put the body in the drum. cut it up if you have to, but most people folded in half will fit in the drum already. If you're killing like, Chris Christie or an NFL linebacker, you may need to cut them up to get them in the barrel, but its a rare human that isn't going to fit in one. weld the lid on if you're really paranoid.

fit a valve to the drum's cover that will let gas escape at like 30-60lbs of pressure.

now here's the tricky part. you're going to need a flat bottom boat on Long Island Sound. the closer to Norwalk or Fairfield, the better. you see, the waters off of that part of CT are fairly shallow, but have incredibly deep sinkholes. the kind of sinkers you can pull manhole-sized flatfish out of.

with a decent depthfinder or GPS you can get right over one of those 90m+ deep sink holes off the coast and toss the drum. the gas blowoff valve will more or less ensure that the body doesn't rise even in a major hurricane for about 200 years, at which point, you'll both have been so long dead that you're gucci.

if you need a navigator, i'm available, but you have to handle the cargo yourself.

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So easy, a caveman could do it!

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DirtBasedSoap posted...

eat it

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What about the bones? You eat those too or you find another use or method of disposal?

JigsawTDC posted...

What about the bones? You eat those too or you find another use or method of disposal?

A hot enough fire.

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SunWuKung420 posted...

A hot enough fire.

not an open air fire, you're talking "smelting iron" or better levels of heat if you want to be thorough.

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WhiskeyDisk posted...

not an open air fire, you're talking "smelting iron" or better levels of heat if you want to be thorough.

Not difficult.

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SunWuKung420 posted...

Not difficult.

not as such. it can be done with a stack of cinderblocks and some discarded rebar, but traces of RNA still have a way of surviving even in fine white, powdery ash.

its just easier to dispose of the body efficiently while whole than it is to try and obliterate it entirely. remember, its way easier to hide evidence until you're dead than it is to destroy it entirely. scientists have eaten Mammoth steaks and we have bugs in amber and bones laying in museum basements from 350M+ years ago.

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toss it into the neighbors yard

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What's funny is my buddy's friend we used to hang out with a lot when we were teenagers had a pig farm. He got nonstop murderer jokes and just eyerolled at them. But maybe feigned nonchalance was the perfect cover!

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Norse funeral

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Raddest_Chad posted...

What's funny is my buddy's friend we used to hang out with a lot when we were teenagers had a pig farm. He got nonstop murderer jokes and just eyerolled at them. But maybe feigned nonchalance was the perfect cover!

or maybe there's just a reason you don't fuck with pig farmers...

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You know that thing where you sort of break a thing, but then put it back together haphazardly so the next person has to deal with it? You remember the Weekend at Bernie's films? I would most certainly not use these, some hapless person I don't like, nor any such suggestions - no, no, no...

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Remove their teeth (and clothes, other forms of identification; just make sure you're wearing gloves) and throw 'em in a goddamn sinkhole somewhere. Quicksand. Bury the body 12-15 feet underground, vertically. Find a dead animal, and bury it above the human 6ft underground. Find some endangered plants and plant them all around the crime scene, and some poison ivy if the terrain (etc.) is right.

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Hook electrodes to the body and make your very own Frankenstein monstee

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Definitelyhuman posted...

Remove their teeth (and clothes, other forms of identification; just make sure you're wearing gloves) and throw 'em in a goddamn sinkhole somewhere. Quicksand. Bury the body 12-15 feet underground, vertically. Find a dead animal, and bury it above the human 6ft underground. Find some endangered plants and plant them all around the crime scene, and some poison ivy if the terrain (etc.) is right.

half of this idea was already mentioned here, the false positive decoy above the actual body...

but the rest of this plan is complete horseshit. despite every cartoon you've watched as a kid, quicksand is certainly not the common problem we'd all been lead to believe, let alone as permanent as you'd think. throw a body in quicksand, it dries up as soon as the aquifer its on flows freely, and it'll rise the next time that patch goes fluid.

if endangered plants were that easy to find and replant, they wouldn't be endangered. actually planting poison ivy intentionally is more difficult than disposing of a body, and it sure as hell isn't going to scare off a backhoe.

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WhiskeyDisk posted...

half of this idea was already mentioned here, the false positive decoy above the actual body...

but the rest of this plan is complete horseshit. despite every cartoon you've watched as a kid, quicksand is certainly not the common problem we'd all been lead to believe, let alone as permanent as you'd think. throw a body in quicksand, it dries up as soon as the aquifer its on flows freely, and it'll rise the next time that patch goes fluid.

if endangered plants were that easy to find and replant, they wouldn't be endangered. actually planting poison ivy intentionally is more difficult than disposing of a body, and it sure as hell isn't going to scare off a backhoe.

Bold: I said teeth.
Italics: fair, next


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This topic has a lot going on in it, but I think the cannibals are the most disturbing.

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IronBornCorps posted...

This topic has a lot going on in it, but I think the cannibals are the most disturbing.

Ah. I see the necrophiles and psychopaths haven't arrived yet.

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Lmao, necrophiles no not yet. Psychopaths, I'm not so sure.

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IronBornCorps posted...

Lmao, necrophiles no not yet. Psychopaths, I'm not so sure.

Okay, I haven't made it obvious yet.
O
Fuck, I just did.

don't read vertically as that was some random bullshit


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Om nom nom

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pig farm

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I read as my body and bender picking up his arms came to mind.