Poll of the Day > We can't bust heads like we used to.

(+) Yeah! (+)

But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to CE. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called CE in those days. So I tied an controller to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an controller on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white controllers, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

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I used to know this kid in elementary school. I think his name was Alan, but I can't remember for sure, to be honest. Anyway, Alan was pretty flamboyant for a third-grader. People would often hurl homophobic insults at him as a result. I don't know if he was actually gay, but that's not really relevant to this story.

Alan really liked the idea of having a gap between his two front teeth, because he thought it would be "cute" and whatnot. So everyday during recess and lunch he'd take an unfolded paperclip, force it between the space between his two front teeth, and then rub it up and down, usually until his gums were bleeding. He called it his "spacer" and was very proud of it.

I'd say that's where our story begins, but Alan was hit by a car and died tragically young. So this is actually where the story ends. The End.