Current Events > CYOA: You are Merlin the Muscle Wizard

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@0AbsoluteZero0
@DrizztLink
@HotLap
@Kircheis
@teepan95
@Tsukasa1891
@WaterLink

(It's been forever, hi, if you've been tagged its from me marking down who wanted one from the last CYOA, feel free to tag anyone else that likes CYOAs)

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So lemme get this straight, says the bartender. He holds a finger up, which then starts glowing. A cup floats from the shelf behind him. With a wave of his finger, it starts to fill up by itself. ...You came into the #1 pub in the city, famous fer our majestic alcohol, just to ask fer water? he says with confusion.

You yank the cup out of the air with your veiny hand. As you bring it to your mouth, your biceps present themselves gloriously. Yes. After a 500 mile walk, its what hits the spot right now, you say with a mouthful of water.

You...walked?! he yells, nearly dropping the other cups he was levitating. I dont get it, why didnt ya just teleport?

You finish up the cup and slam it on the counter between you two. Walkings faster for me. Anyway, Im simply here to inquire about directions to Titan.

He starts levitating some towels and wipes about 7 cups simultaneously in the air. Oh him? Yer gonna want to keep going south-- Suddenly, his eyes widen and he drops all his cups. Wait, the hell do ya want with the Mad God Titan?!

Your face tightens up into a grimace under your gigantic wizard hat. He insulted my beard, you say as your fist tightens next to your beard that reaches down to your navel. Now I have to punch him.

He stares at you dumbfoundedly. You want to punch...the god of Dark magic.

You nod. I care not what he is. He must be punched--

Suddenly, the pub doors burst open with the fanfare of trumpets. A comically long red carpet rolls forward.

The numerous patrons in the bar immediately cease their banter to look at what the hell is going on.

A man with a golden robe and a large golden hat steps through, with 2 red-robed people behind him.

Make way for the Wizard Prince, Goldo! says one of the red-robed people. The fanfare erupts even louder.

You turn around, slightly confused. Pardon me, but theres already a carpeted area in the middle just for walking. No one has to make way.

The entire tavern gasps.

Goldo stomps towards you, huffing and puffing with his beardless face. You filthy commoner. How dare you speak to me that way. What is your name?!

You smell yourself. Filthy? Ill admit, Ive been walking all day, but Im not THAT filthy--

He stomps his foot even more. Listen here, its been a long day, and all I wanted to do was enjoy a nice ale from the #1 pub in Wizardcity! He takes a deep breath. Now dont make me repeat myself.

You stand up from your stool, rising far above him. I am Merlin, you say with a commanding tone that is amplified by your dominating height. With all due respect, of which there is none, please stop yelling.

He takes a step back, cowering a little. You...you dont intimidate me, commoner! I sense not even a drop of mana around you! He starts grinning, raising his hands up. His robes start fluttering and his eyes glow a very bright yellow. My magic is limitless! Do you have any last words before I execute you for disrespecting royalty?!

A) Cast Fist
B) Cast Diplomatic Speech
C) Walk out of here


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Good to see you writing again, holy shit. A

@Eevee-Trainer
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A

@fire_bolt @TheGreatNoodles

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A. All the A

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A, he needs a good fistin'

A
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Fist him in the A.

And A.

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A
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Glad to see the strong reception as always :')
A) Cast Fist

You shake your head. Ive committed no crime. Continue, if you wish to look like a tyrant.

He starts levitating as his eyes glow even brighter. Winds start to blow through the pub doors. You wasted your chance to apologize. Repent in the afterlife!

Everyone in the pub starts to fly themselves out the door. The bartender has been chanting a shield spell around himself during this entire exchange.

Goldo puts his hands together, causing sparks to start flowing through his arms. Destruction-class: Eye of the Storm!

A colossal blast of lightning explodes out of his arms, striking you with great intensity. The entire pub starts flickering. Crackles can be heard echoing even from outside the pub doors.

The light wanes, leaving Goldo hunched over and panting.

However, as his sight returns to him, all he sees is you scratching your beard nonchalantly.

So, you say as you crack your knuckles, I can take this as self-defense then? Should I also be yelling out my attacks? Ill admit its been centuries since I last had a Wizard Battle.

His jaw drops. How the--

You wind up your right-hand and ball it up. FIST!! you yell as you throw your hand forward.

In the very next second, all that the bystanders at the pub entrance could see was a golden blob spring out of the doorway, smashing into the wall of another shop across the street.

The red-robed guards that came with him run up to you and summon floating icicle spears all around you. Halt! You are under arrest for harming a member of the royal Wizard family!

You sigh. I see that the royal Wizard family has lost all reasoning over the years. Fine, Ill accept the consequences.

They escort you out of the pub, leaving the spears pointed right at you.

The bartender lets out a sigh of relief and waves his finger, summoning a bell that rings out.

The patrons that flew out immediately fly back in. 5th time this week, huh? says one of the patrons.

-

As the three of you walk to the imposing stone castle in the center of the city, you take in the sights.

Nearby, you see an old lady waving her hands around like a conductor. She levitates clothes around her, as well as conjuring water to wash them, all without breaking a sweat.

Three kids fly past you with the speed of an eagle. They appear to be playing tag in the air, whizzing through the numerous brick houses and shops.

You look down and notice that the robed guards arent even walking anymore. Theyve been levitating a while back.

You scratch your head. Curiouser and curiouser. Why is it that everyone is wasting magic so liberally? Isnt it exhausting?

The robed guard brings a spear closer to you. Dont make any sudden movements. And what kinda question is that? Were the Wizard race! Magic comes as easy as breathing!

You dart your eyes around in confusion. Out of all the people around you, you notice one key thing: their arms and legs look like twigs, even from the largest people. Almost like theyve been bedridden their whole lives.

-

The jail cell doors close on you, leaving you in a dark, murky room painted with the grey of stone.

Both of your trials will be soon, says the robed guard as he twirls a ring of keys around. May the Ether bless your soul.

With that, he levitates up the stairs, vanishing into the darkness.

Well aintcha a big fella, a voice says in the corner. He steps into a less dimly lit part of the room, revealing his short yet stout figure. In a gesture to handshake, he extends his hairy arm, which complements his big, bushy beard.

I am Gundilf the Black. Master o Blackpowder magic, he says with a wide grin.

You return his handshake. Merlin. Uh, Master of none?

He chuckles. So what brings ya here? Victim of the royal familys short temper, I take it? Cuz Im here for that too.

You nod. As am I. Pardon me, I havent been keeping up with the latest trends, but what is Blackpowder magic?

His chin perks up smugly. I dont expect ya tknow, cuz I invented Blackpowder magic. Id show ya a thing or two but He walks towards the bars and points at the object lying against the wall across your cell.

Youve never seen anything like it before. Its a metallic staff of sorts, angled at the bottom and ornate with wood.

That right theres my prized 12-gauge Wizard Staff, Gundilf says with pride. Cant do a lick of magic without it, sadly. Theyre unfairly keeping me away from my baby, dangit!

You nod solemnly. The royal Wizard family certainly has been strangely unfair. What could have changed?

He takes a seat on the creaky bench in the room. Beats me. Always been this way as far as I know.

You squint your eyes in thought.

A) Cast Fist on the bars and escape the city
B) Investigate the King directly at the trial


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A, while giving the guy his staff back and asking him to show you his magic
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teepan95 posted...

A, while giving the guy his staff back and asking him to show you his magic

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I pick A again because surely all our problems can be solved with FIST.
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B

teepan95 posted...

A, while giving the guy his staff back and asking him to show you his magic

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Oooh this looks good.

A

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A

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A) Cast Fist on the bars and escape the city

Oh well, you say as you approach the bars and wind up your right hand. Im not one for breaking the law, but right now the law is failing us. FIST!!!

The bars explode, curling away like broken fingers.

Gundilfs eyes widen. Hot damn. I thought you were master of nothin!

Some footsteps start approaching the stairs. That certainly wasnt a quiet action.

Uh oh, says Gundilf making a beeline to his Wizard staff. He grabs it and cocks back an odd mechanism attached to the metallic part of the staff, sounding with a satisfying click. Ill lead the way brother! Lets get outta here!

You nod. The two of you book it up the stairs, with you following closely behind Gundilf.

The moment you reach the top, two robed guards intercept you.

One of them points a spell-filled hand towards you. Where do you think youre going?!--

Gundilf hops over the guard with his dwarf-like body. In mid-air, he turns around and points the staff against the back of the guards head. Just getting some fresh air, he says as he pulls the trigger on his staff.

The guards head is blasted clean off. The recoil from the blast sends Gundilf flying back, slamming the blunt wooden end against the other guard and knocking him unconscious.

Gundilf lands gracefully. Lets keep going! he says as he starts running down the stone-walled corridor.

You follow behind. That Blackpowder of yours was certainly impressive. But, was it necessary to take his life?

I do what needs to be done, he says as he cocks his staff. Besides, the King woulda probably executed him for not doing his job anyway.

Before you could reach the end of the corridor, more guards show up to block the path.

Gundilf points his staff forward.

That wont be necessary, you say as you run to the wall on your left. FIST!!

You punch open a hole, revealing a kitchen with food and cooks. They start screaming.

You run forward tipping your hat at them. I am terribly sorry about this.

Gundilf follows behind you, yanking a loaf of bread from the table. And Im quite thankful for this!

You punch another hole open, revealing another room. And you punch another hole at the end of it, leading to more rooms and holes. Where in blazes is the outside of this castle?!

You punch into another room, except this room is much bigger than the others. As the smoke from breaking the wall clears up, you see a room brightly lit from sunlight shining through the ornate windows, and lavishly decorated with banners on the sides.

In the center sits a golden-robed man with a golden hat as large as yours, and a silver beard to match. He stands up from his golden chair, looking down upon you as though you were subhuman.

Well, metaphorically looking down on you, since you are much taller than anyone in this room.

He clears his throat. You are brave to face me, King Goldius, Grand Wizard of Lightning! He shouts as he claps his hands together, striking lightning into them.

A staff forms where the lightning was. He twirls it around and points it at you two. Now give me one good reason why I should not execute you where you stand.

Hmmmffmf, Gundilf mumbles. Then he gulps. Im currently eating bread.

The three of you stand in silence. Though, that silence is populated by the sounds of chewing.

Gundilf burps after taking the last bite.

King Goldius blinks a few times. It would seem your one reason is now gone--

Hold it! Gundilf exclaims as he rummages through his back pocket. He pulls out another loaf of bread. Skipped out on breakfast ysee.

"King Goldius, can you not see how unreasonable you are acting right now?" You say.

He frowns harder. "It seems pretty reasonable given that you've ruined my castle walls. The moment your friend takes his last bite, you two WILL be smited."

Gundilf chews slower and louder.

A) Wait for Gundilf to finish eating THEN cast Fist
B) Cast Fist now
C) Escape by casting Fist through the window


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A again.
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A. A man deserves his bread

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We gotta run, C

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uwnim posted...

A. A man deserves his bread

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uwnim posted...

A. A man deserves his bread

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A, no need to let perfectly good bread go to waste.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa


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A) Wait for Gundilf to finish eating THEN cast Fist

Gundilf is down to about 3 more bites of his bread. Meanwhile, the sounds of footsteps can be heard from the holes youve punched through. Looks like the guards are about to arrive.

He takes another bite.

You crack your knuckles.

Another bite.

Goldius tightens his grip on his staff. The footsteps get even louder.

*MUNCH*

The room illuminates with a golden hue as Goldius slams his staff to the ground. He closes his eyes and starts chanting. Heed my call, Thor! I beseech you to smite--

FIST!!! you yell after charging forward.

In the next second, Goldius is embedded into the wall just behind his throne.

Gundilf burps. Ill be damned, guess you can take the King after all. He then flourishes his staff and turns around. Ill take care o these assholes then!

You slowly walk up to Goldius amidst the constant sounds of blasting.

The King coughs as gravity peels him off the wall like a wet rag. What...what the FUCK was that?! Who are you?!

I am Merlin. Im awfully curious why you waste your time chanting your spells.

He coughs again. Are you daft? Typical from a commoner with no mana like you to not know the basics of magic. He slowly gets up with the aid of his staff, then closes his eyes again. Destruction-class--

FIST!!! you yell as you send him into the wall again, enlarging the cracks on it. He coughs up blood.

You crack your knuckles. Ill admit, yelling out a spell certainly feels good, you say as you walk up right to his face. Youll have to pardon my bluntness as Ive not kept up in centuries, but why are you so weak? Do they let anybody take the Grand Wizard positions these days?

His eyes become bloodshot. WEAK?! ME?!

Suddenly, electricity surges through his body. His aura summons winds around him that break the windows and tears down a few of the banners. Eventually, it blows away your hat--

You slam your hand right against his throat, knocking the breath out of him.

Immediately, all killing intent he had dies down along with his aura as he starts shaking in fear.

Yes, you damned deaf cur. Weak. You grab him out of the wall. Ive been honing my powers for over a millennium now, after being sealed in the solitude of a tower. You slam him into the ground, causing him to cough up more blood. You then squat down to meet his weary gaze. ...And now that Ive broken free, all Im met with is pathetic disappointment.

He slowly tries to raise his hand with all his might, wearily gathering mana to it. Th...Thor, heed my--

You squeeze his mouth, making it look like a fish. Shut the hell up. Cmon, I know you can do this without chanting. Come on!

His hand shakes even more; volatile electricity surges around it. You...insolent

You squeeze his mouth harder. Come on!!! Youre angry, are you not?! Show me the power of a Grand Wizard!

He grits his teeth as his hand gathers a sudden flux of energy. He then screams as he punches your face with a fist full of lightning.

You put on a grin full of bloodlust as you slap his hand away. Much better. But, you grab his neck then throw him into the wall once again. You have the arms of an infant!

He has another coughing fit of blood. Tears start streaming down his cheeks. Please...what is it that you want? Riches? My head? Whatever it is, just get on with it, you demon!

You sigh, then tighten your fist--

Whoa brother, Gundilf says as he slaps your hat back onto your head, You uh, you okay?

Your eyes widen. I...what? You look at your hands, then look behind you to see the corpses of robed guards. Your eyes dart back to King Goldius, who continues to sob loudly. My...my apologies, I--

Apologies?! Goldius yells in exasperation. What the FUCK is wrong with you?! Youve killed my men, my castle, and my honor! And now you *cough* wanna apologize?! He sobs again. Please...just end it already.

A) Cast Fist
B) Let Gundilf do the honors
C) Just leave


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If we're allowed alternatives: D, take him hostage. Maybe we can make him useful, somehow.

If not, B. Let Gundilf have some glory.

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Alternatives are fine (within reason, pls no waluigi), I'll count your vote as D

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C, maybe he'll learn from this humiliation and get buff if we let him live.
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Note to self: Do not remove Merlin's hat

Anyways,
Eevee-Trainer posted...

If we're allowed alternatives: D, take him hostage. Maybe we can make him useful, somehow.

If not, B. Let Gundilf have some glory.

This sounds fun. I'll go with D

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C

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D
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Give him the D.

A, we don't want him causing problems later on

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nikko004 posted...

pls no waluigi

;-;

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bump

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This is hilarious and awesome.

D

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Short update today due to low creative juices and a headache, but the show must go on!
D) Take King Goldius as a hostage

Gundilf crosses his arms while looking out a broken window. Whats the plan, brother? I see a huge army rushing into the castle right now.

You ponder with your eyes closed. Id rather not spill more blood than we already have. You open your eyes and yank King Goldius out of the wall, holding him over your shoulder and also holding your hat in place. He seems to have passed out.

Gundilf nods. Aye, fair enough. This ways better than letting him announce our treason. Though...escaping might be a wee bit difficult like this.

Worry not. Well be out of here in the blink... You charge towards the window, hoisting Gundilf onto your shoulder, then squat down in preparation.

...Of an eye! you yell, springing out through the window with a jump thats almost able to let you touch the clouds.

Gundilf wiggles his legs while screaming. By the gods! Are you trying to kill us?!

Its simple really! Well do our best not to die! you say grinning with the adrenaline rush of being high in the bright sunny sky.

He continues screaming. Do our best to what now?!--

You fall through a thick grove of trees, which kills your momentum. But just before you enter, you curl up and keep Gundilf and Goldius close to minimize any damage to them. After an endless stream of ruffling leaves, you pop out of the bottom of the leaves with a few scratches to your arms.

Miraculously, you land on a horse-drawn wagon of a random trader. Whats fascinating to you is that this entire wagon is levitating, making the horse look like its galloping on air.

Startled, the trader looks back and meets your eyes. He blinks while taking this all in. Are you folks here to rob me?

You shake your head. Gundilf shakes his butt to decline as well, since his face cant be there to do that.

He glances at the other person youre holding. Is that King Goldius, Grand Wizard of Lightning?

You shake his butt to decline.

The merchant shrugs and puts his eyes back on the road. This might as well happen, I guess. Just dont cause a ruckus.

A) Stay in the wagon
B) Travel on foot instead


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A

This has a very Robert Rankin or Tom Holt feel to it!

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A

fuck it yolo

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A

nikko004 posted...

Short update today due to low creative juices and a headache, but the show must go on!

All good man, no need to push yourself. Feel better soon; your stuff is worth waiting for. :)


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A

Eevee-Trainer posted...

Feel better soon; your stuff is worth waiting for. :)

This too!
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A.

A

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Lmk if this part is too info-dumpy. I hate huge infodumps and I wouldn't want to subject yall to that in the future
A) Stay in the wagon



Minutes pass as the wagon steadily treks through the thick grove. Apparently the trader is headed to a city in the south, which matches where youre supposed to go anyway.

So, Gundilf says taking a bite from a loaf of bread he took from the wagon, Whats your story, brother? Seems like you got a load a problems.

You adjust your hat. I, along with my mana, was sealed by the Mad God Titan for over a thousand years, you say while opening your hand to conjure a fireball, only for it to fizzle out with an ember. He trapped me in a tower encased with a magic barrier.

Your eyebrows turn into a frown. But most dire of all is that he insulted my beard. Now Im on my way to punch him. To regain my dignity, and my mana.

A moment of silence and chewing.

Thats rough, brother. Howd ya break out? Gundilf asks.

You ball up your hand. I punched it.

He stops chewing. You...punched a magic barrier? And it broke?

The secret is punching it really hard. But I had another secret. One that no Wizard had ever honed due to their reliance on mana. And that is you tighten your fist, causing a faint blue glow around it, ...Chi.

He scoots closer, curious about the odd glow. Chi? Ill be damned. It feels nothin like magic.

Oh, but it IS magic. You spread your arms out. Magic is just changing energy. And we have a whole lot of it around us. Thats Mana.

You punch your knuckles together, causing a small blue spark. But we also have energy deep within. Thats Chi. And it doesnt play well with Mana. They cancel each other out.

Gundilf snaps his fingers. Ah! So ya used Chi to punch away the Mana-filled barrier?

You nod. A thousand-years worth of Chi, to be precise.

He scratches his beard. Interestin. I cant use much Mana myself. Hence why I hadta create Blackpower magic. But this Chi thing seems mighty useful too.

You chuckle. Tis certainly an interesting solution to losing the Mana lottery. You adjust your hat again. What shall you do from here?

He waves around his Wizard Staff. Been tryin to spread the glory of Blackpowder. Seems like youll be travelling a fair bit if youre aimin for Titans head, so Ill stick around for that.

He pokes Goldiuss butt with the barrel of his staff. And what about you, sir Grand Wizard?

MMFFFGHH!! King Goldius mumbles, struggling to get a word out. Though, that would be thanks to the cloth you tied against his mouth to shut him up.

Gundilf nods. Ah, I see I see. And how does that make you feel?

HHHMMMGHH!!!! he yelps, struggling even more while wiggling his body. He would probably have smited you two by now if you didnt tie his hands behind him.

Gundilf chuckles and takes another bite of bread. Haha, yeah. Me too.

Suddenly, a small blast of fire erupts in front of the wagon, causing the horse to act up.

A group of 3 hooded bandit-wizards emerge from the trees, readying more magic at their hands.

Their leader steps forward. Now heres quite the catch. The Grand Wizard of Lightning himself! Tied up and ready to be served on a silver platter! He bounces a fireball on his hand. I hope you dont mind if we take him for ourselves.

The trader calms the horse down, then stares down the bandit leader. Back off you ruffians, I have a Royal Chit! He takes out a small golden piece of paper. If you mess with me, I'll have the backing of the Royal Family!

The leader puts a finger on his chin. Aint that the Royal Family himself back there?

Exactly, so you better--wait a minute. The trader looks behind him to see the King wiggling like a worm. The trader then drops the Royal Chit. Ah fuck.

A) Cast Fist
B) Let Gundilf handle this
C) Throw King Goldius over to them


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A

It was fine, not info-dumpy at all
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Definitely not info dumpy, is great!

A

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A

There is no problem that can't be solved with a good fisting.

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A as usual.
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A.