Current Events > rate the opener of my stand up comedy routine

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've lived a really rough life

and it shows

(the joke is i look very handsome and polished)

maybe not on the outside...but the second i open my mouth, people say "oh my god...who hurt you?!"

i dont know why that's everyone's favorite phrase now

but i dont know how to answer that question...in the time allotted

i was talking about childhood trauma with a friend and he said to me "motherfucker, you had it good, you grew up in a house with 2 parents"

and i looked at him puzzled, "why are you saying 2 parents like that's a good thing...that's just double the trauma"

when i was a kid i used to pray every night for my parents to get divorced

and that's when i became an atheist. they are still together

it's always funny to me how people grow up with such different childhoods. i remember when i first moved into the dorms in college and my roommate said he felt home sick

i told him "yeah i miss my bed too, but at least you get to get away from your parents" and he gave me a funny look and said "no i miss my parents, i love them"

and i said "yeah, but only because you have to"

and he said "who hurt you?!"
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No_U_L7 posted...

(the joke is i look very handsome and polished)

I'm already laughing

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needs comedy

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No_U_L7 posted...

and that's when i became an atheist. they are still together

These two need to be flipped

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I stopped reading at rough.

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@goldenBoi45

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Turbam posted...

These two need to be flipped

Logically yes, but comedy wise no. You want the sudden contrast for shock, makes it funnier
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Nah, it's much funnier using "they are still together" as the lead in to "and that's why I'm atheist'

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Turbam posted...

Nah, it's much funnier using "they are still together" as the lead in to "and that's why I'm atheist'

i would have to work shop it and see what gets the bigger laugh from the audience
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Just go up and tell the stories you tell on CE, the crowd will definitely laugh

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Unspecified_NPC posted...

Just go up and tell the stories you tell on CE, the crowd will definitely laugh

this is just the opener, the next segment is when i move into my dating life
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Bump
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I mean, theres literally not a joke in there

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Im sorry, I dont want to be mean but these are really terrible jokes. Do people laugh at this stuff when you perform? Maybe its better out loud.

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DyingPancake posted...

I mean, theres literally not a joke in there

Shablagoo posted...

Im sorry, I dont want to be mean but these are really terrible jokes. Do people laugh at this stuff when you perform? Maybe its better out loud.

Comedy is all about timing and delivery
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I found it pretty funny tbh.

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0/10 I didn't read it.

You need to give us a recording.

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This sounds more like your personal version of the vagina monologs than anything resembling a stand up routine.

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Damn man, I actually found this amusing. Especially this line:

"but i dont know how to answer that question...in the time allotted"

Good shit lmao

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i chuckled

I've lived a really rough life

and it shows

(the joke is i look very handsome and polished)

extreme3004 energy

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Pretty funny

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Hmm seem to be getting mixed opinions now

I think if you wrote down the best stand up routines into text, it wouldn't translate to being very funny

So I'll just keep working at it and hit an open mic night when those are a thing again
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TheCodeisBosco posted...

Damn man, I actually found this amusing. Especially this line:

"but i dont know how to answer that question...in the time allotted"

Good shit lmao

I mean that isn't really a joke though... also I've seen Jimmy carr and Steve Hostetter use that same line when telling hecklers why they're idiots or, in Steve's case, after he was asked the most annoying thing people say regarding the fact he's a redhead.

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TheMikh posted...

extreme3004 energy

por key t es hatingg

No_U_L7 posted...

Hmm seem to be getting mixed opinions now

I think if you wrote down the best stand up routines into text, it wouldn't translate to being very funny

So I'll just keep working at it and hit an open mic night when those are a thing again

Like someone else said, you should post a recording of it. Vocaroo is an easy web-based recording tool.

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leverageblargh posted...

It's got potential. Are you just starting out?

yeah completely new, just been brainstorming ideas for a few years
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Joe Rogan's got some real competition here

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Shablagoo posted...

por key t es hatingg

lol, classic

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No_U_L7 posted...

and he gave me a funny look and said "no i miss my parents, i love them"

and i said "yeah, but only because you have to"

Some of the lines you posted I feel will have some audience members laughing, but also a large % also starting to hate. I'd say hecklers are coming your way.
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Notti posted...

Some of the lines you posted I feel will have some audience members laughing, but also a large % also starting to hate. I'd say hecklers are coming your way.

im used to that from CE
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Can you record yourself saying this and put it up. We might lose something by reading it .

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"but i dont know how to answer that question...in the time allotted"

Was the only part that made me laugh.

Turbam posted...

Nah, it's much funnier using "they are still together" as the lead in to "and that's why I'm atheist'

I agree with this feedback.


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I just didn't find it that funny. Just opinion I guess

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Turbam posted...

Nah, it's much funnier using "they are still together" as the lead in to "and that's why I'm atheist'

This. Otherwise you're giving the punchline before the set-up.

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leverageblargh posted...

You good with public speaking, TC?

nope, but i do it often as part of work and my top hobby lol

Tom Clark posted...

This. Otherwise you're giving the punchline before the set-up.

the last part is more of a whispered after thought, but ill experiment with what works best
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jeffhardyb0yz posted...

Youre getting mixed opinions because its you. Theres already bias from your username. People would hate regardless. should have posted it on an unknown alt. Btw I found a lot of these funny and chuckled like 3 times. Good stuff

thanks! i think a lot of it is just that jokes get lost in translation when put into text
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oh yeah, i forgot, actually i updated that joke everyone was debating the order, i expanded on it to add another laugh

now it goes:


when i was a kid i used to pray every night for my parents to get divorced

and that's why i'm an atheist

god may not be real...but satan definitely is...because my parents are STILL together!
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leverageblargh posted...

What is your top hobby?

im a pick up artist, so it involves a lot of talking, sometimes a lot of talking to groups
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I just flew in from Reno and man, I gotta tell ya I am tired

Jet lag is broots mcgoots!

(Pause for laughs)

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BuckVanHammer posted...

needs comedy

Yeah....lol.
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No_U_L7 posted...

im a pick up artist, so it involves a lot of talking, sometimes a lot of talking to groups

You are a cringe artist

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Awful.

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Post the bit about you being good with women

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No_U_L7 posted...

nope, but i do it often as part of work and my top hobby lol

Fucking dudes in the ass is a hobby of yours?

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