Current Events > TFW when she finally comes on to you after 2 months, and you ruin the mood

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i just dont know what to say or do. Like shes brought up multiple times that shes stressed about her period getting her in a week or two because of how Ill react, if we havent had sex yet.

like years of me being shitty arent going to be erased with a single promise. Actions speak louder than words.

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Well therapy is to help you two come to an understanding, and impart upon you the techniques needed to communicate and mediate. It's not going to undo every bad thing that happened but it will equip you to mitigate the damage and ideally find some peace

lww99 posted...

i just dont know what to say or do. Like shes brought up multiple times that shes stressed about her period getting her in a week or two because of how Ill react, if we havent had sex yet

are you constantly complaining to her about lack of sex or something?

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not constantly, but I admittedly get fixated on it. And then all I can think about it is the fact that its not happening.

Sometimes I get stuck in this train of thought for literal days, and it takes a huge toll on our relationship.

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You might not want to hear this, and you already recognize it, but it sounds like you're putting a lot of strain on the relationship in doing that. Well, you've said as much, but maybe it'll mean more coming from an outside party

I'm not gonna start posting details, but she's been hurt by you in the past iirc, and more recently went through severe trauma. You should try to develop some techniques to ease up so you're not taking frustrations out on her, esp with how vulnerable she is. I'm not sure what your options are. You going to therapy of your own volition may demonstrate to her you recognize your problems and are giving an honest effort to change, but I don't know. I really hope you guys work through it

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All good, I know this is exclusively my doing. I dont expect anyone to sugarcoat that.

ill bring it up to her and see what she thinks about going

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lww99 posted...

All good, I know this is exclusively my doing. I dont expect anyone to sugarcoat that.

ill bring it up to her and see what she thinks about going

Yes, bring it up to her but also make it clear that you'll go on your own if she's uncomfortable doing couples council. Show her you have identified problems with yourself that you intend to get help for and fix

Beating a dead horse here but I can't recommend it enough

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yeah from reading you it does seem to be almost entirely your fault, good thing is you have some sort of control over that, therapy should help a lot but basically you need to start not giving a shit about not having sex

if shes not in the mood and youre too horny and cant stop thinking about sex just masturbate and move on to something else

Masturbation does nothing to stop me from wanting it unfortunately. Even if I masturbate literally every single day, Id still want it.

i cant use that as a fix, just need to work on my mindset/temperament.

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lww99 posted...

Masturbation does nothing to stop me from wanting it unfortunately. Even if I masturbate literally every single day, Id still want it.

i cant use that as a fix, just need to work on my mindset/temperament.

the entirety of your libido is psychological?

I dont agree with you taking all the blame here. She clearly has issues about sex and isnt looking to get them resolved either. Its not normal for sex to be painful, and especially not normal to cry after, especially when you deny your SO for months at a time. I definitely understand the miscarriage affecting her, but she has been this way a very long time from your posting history.

Has she seen a doctor or therapist? Does she just expect you to put up with a sexless relationship? Its very normal to feel sexually frustrated when you have a healthy sex drive and the other does not.

theyre just two totally different things for me. Masturbation might clear blue balls, but its not going to fill a void like sex does I guess.

i should probably find new ways to express feelings and intimacy.

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The thing is, it wasnt always this way. During the first two years, we were going at it multiple times a day.

i understand why she feels this way now

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Said shes only had a handful of positive sexual experiences in 7 years.

i clearly dont know anything about what she wants

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Have you asked her what you can do? Is it an issue of fundamental incompatibility, or what?

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