Poll of the Day > Are lack of common interests a deal breaker for relationships?

(+) Yeah! (+)

My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year. (Long distance.) We love each other. We talk every day, spend time together, the usual crap. But we still struggle to find some common activities to bond over. It's kind of starting to bug me. I'm wondering how other people deal with it. I don't have much experience with the issue.

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We would at least have to like something together just like any other relationships. I'd imagine if we have nothing in common it would get boring fast.

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No.

We watch similar shows and like similar music. She isn't into video games, beer, bowling or bowls like I am. We share a passion for great tasting, freshly made, healthy foods.

I'm curious. What attracted you to each other TC?

UnknownNobody posted...

No.

We watch similar shows and like similar music. She isn't into video games, beer, bowling or bowls like I am.

As I understand it the TC has nothing in common with his GF. It's ok to not share the exact same interests.

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No. But it also kind of depends. Lack of common interest sounds like you have some, but very few. Which is fine. You still have some. The best situation would be to see if you two can bond over something new together. Whether it's onw of you sharing you interest with the other person, or you both finding something new together. Of course, long distance can make that harder. But, like any relationship, it takes work...
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not as much as long distance, but yes
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not a deal breaker.... but I'd wonder how we'd even meet in the first place given that

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On one hand... What even attracts me to that person?

On the other hand...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3flv5nWZgII

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Depends on how much you consider to be a lack and what type of interest it is. Like if you date someone who always wants to travel and you don't, that's going to be a bigger deal than if they have ten different hobbies they do around the house that don't interest you. I think as long as you can spend a decent amount of time together it's fine. You don't even need to be doing the same things when you're together but some amount of common interests is necessary.

Kotenks posted...

It depends on what you both want the relationship to be. There are people for whom their relationship is a partnership and they do everything together. They're like Batman and Robin. Others are more separate. They do couple things together like have a date night, go away on a vacation, but their hobbies are separate. One likes hiking, the other likes staying inside. These relationships can work if both people are satisfied. It really comes down to how you and your partner view it.

they dress in tights and masks, and slide down poles into a cave?
kinky
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It's ideal honestly.
I have my hobbies, she has hers. She will go hunting or fishing on a Saturday, and I get to stay home and play video games all day. Time apart is a great thing.

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It's not great but it's not bad either. However, if you can't find anything in common with your partner, then there's something really wrong with at least one of you.

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I'm gonna say yes

I do everything with my wife and while we may have things that one of us like doing more than the other, a relationship is about learning how to enjoy those new things with a person you care about

If you don't like being around your partner and want a relationship where you do seperate activities... I would start to think about exactly why you are with that person at all instead of upgrading to someone that you love so much you never want them gone <_<

I voted "no" but I guess I shouldn't have. You do need at least a certain amount of things you enjoy doing together but the number can be quite low and the common interests can be entirely manufactured (ie, starting a hobby together that neither of you did before). My wife didn't/doesn't really have any particularly active hobbies but over the course of our relationship we've taken up various forms of exercise (hiking, swimming, badminton, etc) and we both love baseball so it's fine.

ReggieTheReckless posted...

If you don't like being around your partner and want a relationship where you do seperate activities... I would start to think about exactly why you are with that person at all instead of upgrading to someone that you love so much you never want them gone <_<

This sounds so childish. Obviously if you're often wishing your partner would leave you alone then something isn't right but "upgrading to someone that you love so much you never want them gone" sounds like how a teenager imagines marriage.

In a lot of ways having separate interests can make your relationship stronger.

Of course you want to spend time together doing whatever it is you both enjoy, but it can be equally important to the overall health of each person and their relationship to spend time apart from one another.

My wife and I both enjoy traveling, dining out, visiting museums, going on hikes, going to the beach, kayaking, cycling, etc

But she enjoys watching medical dramas like ER or Grey's Anatomy, which I don't care for. And I enjoy kung-fu flicks and video games, which she doesn't care for. So maybe one night a week or so we'll each do our own thing.

Once in a while it's nice to put aside your differences and try to enjoy each other's interests. Sometimes I'll watch a couple episodes of ER, or she'll play a few rounds of Mario Kart with me, just to spend some time together.

You can't always be a stick in the mud. It's good to be open to new experiences, and allow yourself to enjoy them. Don't go into it holding a grudge and starting off on the wrong foot being miserable from the jump. Be open-minded and look for things you do enjoy about her activities. Even if you don't enjoy them 100% you may find some part of the experience enjoyable and you can focus on that if you ever do it again.

You may be able to discover some facet in shared activities and that you can relate to other activities that you both might enjoy.

Let's say one of you like hiking but the other doesn't. Maybe try geocaching and seeing if you have a better time of it

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If there are truly no common interests, that's going to be a problem, since it dramatically limits your ability to do things together. It's not necessarily a dealbreaker per se, but relationships do benefit from being able to spend time together other than cuddling/sex/other such intimate activities.

That said, don't confuse that with a need to have significant overlap between hobbies. You don't need to have fun together all the time, and in fact, it's generally good for the relationship to spend some time enjoying your own things. If you're able to maintain a long-distance relationship, you probably do have enough overlap of interests, since there's not a lot to do long-distance except talk about stuff, and you couldn't enjoy talking with her if you didn't have at least some interests in common.

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Everyone needs their own space and their own time now and again, regardless of how solid the relationship is.

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I don't think it's so much a need to have common interests as much as to be willing to engage and support each other's interests, whether that leads to mutual interest or not.

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More important than the things you like to do together are the values you share - especially if you have kids. You need to be able to stand together on what is right & wrong for your kids as far as behaviors. If you have two different value systems and one of you is fighting the other about what is or isn't appropriate it can make you hate each other really quickly.

Tough Question...I dunno, if she's 'heavy' into some activies (like being super Religous or a Heavy Drug User) then I don't think a Serious Relationship would work out.

But if it's something simple like me being into Video Games and her being into Reality TV Shows, then maybe...

It shouldn't be. If each person does his or her own thing, it makes it less likely that they will get sick or bored with each other. They should still find time to spend with each other and something meaningufl that they have in common, though.

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Alright, yeah. A lot of this sounds familiar to how things are between my girlfriend and I. It hadn't occurred to me that enjoying separate activities could be a benefit to our relationship. We can enjoy some time together. But also some time apart. That could be great actually!

We already share a lot of common beliefs, goals, viewpoints and experiences. So maybe I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. We really care about each other and that's what matters. I'm willing to explore the things she likes. And she'd do the same for me.

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JCvgluvr posted...

I'm willing to explore the things she likes. And she'd do the same for me.

That's really the most important bit. Even then nothing says you have to be involved in her hobbies, but you at least need to be supportive of them.

Like, I'm never gona go murder Bambi with my girlfriend, and she's never going to spend 6 hours on the couch with me while I play video games. But we're both interested in eachother enough that we enjoy sharing our experiences with our individual hobbies.
I'll ask how her hunt went because I enjoy seeing her become animated and excited about it even if it's not something that would excite me.

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Voted Yes, they should like some of your common interests to a certain degree. It's great to share such a common passion with someone. Or you support one another on the other hobbies. You still need time apart from one another, don't forget that.

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I've never had a good relationship but I would think you at least need something in common

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No, but I still want acceptance of uncommon interests.

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