Poll of the Day > America explained to non-Americans

(+) Yeah! (+)

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Pretty much yeah. I love being a California redneck. The difference between us and regular ones? We go surfing, skateboarding, play on the beach, fly the rainbow flag instead of the confederate flag, and only drink all natural beer.

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I was gonna say this feels like peak early 2010 humor, then I realized it's an Oatmeal comic, and I haven't seen or heard of one since 2013.

In America we have a party advocate for freedom by shouting down anyone who doesn't adhire to an impossible moral standard and a party advocating for hate by fighting for freedom of speech. This may make one party sound better than the other but in reality they both are pretty terrible and will result in nightmarish dictatorships and the only hope American's have is to make them fight each other so much that they can never get anything done. Despite that we consider this to be the best form of government and believe the entire world should be engaged in massive infighting in all its governments. One portion of our population believes in global warming and that we should all become vegans and the other portion believes it's a lie despite several years of record-setting heatwaves but thinks you should be able to eat a hamburger without being guilted six different ways about it. Half the country wants to murder the other half but which half that is changes regularly and based upon who you talk to. One group despises traditional marriage yet believes LGBT people should be allowed to have it while another reveres it yet then proceeds to steer sharply towards things like marrying their sister. Half the country doesn't know history and things the Civil War was about freeing the slaves while the other half doesn't know history and thinks it wasn't and any historians who actually know the answer get shoved aside. Despite being the fourth largest country by area and third most populated country only four cities (LA, New York, Chicago, and either Portland or Washington depending on the month) ever seem to actually matter. They basically control the vote in their states. Then they complain states like Montana have too much voting power. We have people who own enough guns to outfit entire platoons handily and more guns per person than some nations in the middle of wars. Despite this we act shocked every time there is a shooting. We have employers who can hire and fire people at will then act confused as to why employee morale is so low. You need to go to college to get a career but if you go to college you'll almost certainly spend your whole career in debt unless you major in economics or law. We talk about how terrible education is yet haven't changed how schools function since the 50's and pay teachers garbage while ignoring core problems. Our current generation gets more education from indian guys on Youtube and Assassin's Creed games than school and CGP Grey probably has helped more people graduate than any program.

Despite this we're the only nation that's been to the moon, will likely be one of if not the first nation on Mars, and will somehow keep on the cutting edge of technology. SOMEHOW.

America feels like, ever since the Cold War ended, it self-destructed and China's trying to be the rival America needs but America's just like 'it's not you. It's me.'

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Wow, finally a comic that encompasses the greatness of the USA in all it's glory.

USA!
USA!
USA!

Unbridled9 posted...

In America we have a party advocate for freedom by shouting down anyone who doesn't adhire to an impossible moral standard and a party advocating for hate by fighting for freedom of speech. This may make one party sound better than the other but in reality they both are pretty terrible and will result in nightmarish dictatorships and the only hope American's have is to make them fight each other so much that they can never get anything done. Despite that we consider this to be the best form of government and believe the entire world should be engaged in massive infighting in all its governments. One portion of our population believes in global warming and that we should all become vegans and the other portion believes it's a lie despite several years of record-setting heatwaves but thinks you should be able to eat a hamburger without being guilted six different ways about it. Half the country wants to murder the other half but which half that is changes regularly and based upon who you talk to. One group despises traditional marriage yet believes LGBT people should be allowed to have it while another reveres it yet then proceeds to steer sharply towards things like marrying their sister. Half the country doesn't know history and things the Civil War was about freeing the slaves while the other half doesn't know history and thinks it wasn't and any historians who actually know the answer get shoved aside. Despite being the fourth largest country by area and third most populated country only four cities (LA, New York, Chicago, and either Portland or Washington depending on the month) ever seem to actually matter. They basically control the vote in their states. Then they complain states like Montana have too much voting power. We have people who own enough guns to outfit entire platoons handily and more guns per person than some nations in the middle of wars. Despite this we act shocked every time there is a shooting. We have employers who can hire and fire people at will then act confused as to why employee morale is so low. You need to go to college to get a career but if you go to college you'll almost certainly spend your whole career in debt unless you major in economics or law. We talk about how terrible education is yet haven't changed how schools function since the 50's and pay teachers garbage while ignoring core problems. Our current generation gets more education from indian guys on Youtube and Assassin's Creed games than school and CGP Grey probably has helped more people graduate than any program.

Despite this we're the only nation that's been to the moon, will likely be one of if not the first nation on Mars, and will somehow keep on the cutting edge of technology. SOMEHOW.

America feels like, ever since the Cold War ended, it self-destructed and China's trying to be the rival America needs but America's just like 'it's not you. It's me.'

hey everybody look

a manifesto

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Unbridled9 posted...

In America we have a party advocate for freedom by shouting down anyone who doesn't adhire to an impossible moral standard and a party advocating for hate by fighting for freedom of speech. This may make one party sound better than the other but in reality they both are pretty terrible and will result in nightmarish dictatorships and the only hope American's have is to make them fight each other so much that they can never get anything done. Despite that we consider this to be the best form of government and believe the entire world should be engaged in massive infighting in all its governments. One portion of our population believes in global warming and that we should all become vegans and the other portion believes it's a lie despite several years of record-setting heatwaves but thinks you should be able to eat a hamburger without being guilted six different ways about it. Half the country wants to murder the other half but which half that is changes regularly and based upon who you talk to. One group despises traditional marriage yet believes LGBT people should be allowed to have it while another reveres it yet then proceeds to steer sharply towards things like marrying their sister. Half the country doesn't know history and things the Civil War was about freeing the slaves while the other half doesn't know history and thinks it wasn't and any historians who actually know the answer get shoved aside. Despite being the fourth largest country by area and third most populated country only four cities (LA, New York, Chicago, and either Portland or Washington depending on the month) ever seem to actually matter. They basically control the vote in their states. Then they complain states like Montana have too much voting power. We have people who own enough guns to outfit entire platoons handily and more guns per person than some nations in the middle of wars. Despite this we act shocked every time there is a shooting. We have employers who can hire and fire people at will then act confused as to why employee morale is so low. You need to go to college to get a career but if you go to college you'll almost certainly spend your whole career in debt unless you major in economics or law. We talk about how terrible education is yet haven't changed how schools function since the 50's and pay teachers garbage while ignoring core problems. Our current generation gets more education from indian guys on Youtube and Assassin's Creed games than school and CGP Grey probably has helped more people graduate than any program.

Despite this we're the only nation that's been to the moon, will likely be one of if not the first nation on Mars, and will somehow keep on the cutting edge of technology. SOMEHOW.

America feels like, ever since the Cold War ended, it self-destructed and China's trying to be the rival America needs but America's just like 'it's not you. It's me.'

Sweet manifesto. Damn Mead ya beat me to it.

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Unbridled9 posted...

only nation that's been to the moon

What about the Soviet Union?
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Jesus fuck, @Unbridled9 .

Throw some more line breaks in there.

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