Poll of the Day > Just realized Ive been avoiding meeting with a coworker because she is a she

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ive been having 1 on 1s with various team members to get their thoughts and feedback. One of the team members I dont know as well because she is fairly new to the team. So I havent met with her specifically nor do I talk to her as much.

I generally dont because I dont want to make her uncomfortable or have her think Im a creep. Which I wouldnt do if she were a guy.

It doesnt help she is quiet, I had a much better working relationship with the person she replaced who was also a woman but very vocal. Not that this working relationship is bad its just not the same.

Whelp, time to schedule.

Anyone else have experience like this?

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most creepy men dont stop to think whether theyre being creepy or not so youre probably fine

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I would be very careful with how you proceed. While I understand your hesitation (I actually really dont because I work 1 on 1 with women all the time and have never had a problem), but what you are actually doing is discriminating against her because of her sex/gender. Seeking input and feedback from men while ignoring the only woman is not a good idea.

Also, why would she think you are creepy? Are you a creep? Do you say weird shit to women in the work place?

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Are you attracted to her or something? I only get self conscious about that kind of thing when I know I'm attracted. I mean, I don't think I'm a creep, and I know to keep it professional, but who knows what kind of subconscious tics might occur. And as someone who gets self conscious a lot, I think you don't have anything to worry about here

Jesus fucking Christ, just talk to her like a human being. Pathetic.

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What a society we live in when men has to worry if they're creepy towards a woman even when they're just doing normal human things like having a conversation or just working.
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Kanatteru posted...

most creepy men dont stop to think whether theyre being creepy or not so youre probably fine

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kangolcone posted...

I would be very careful with how you proceed. While I understand your hesitation (I actually really dont because I work 1 on 1 with women all the time and have never had a problem), but what you are actually doing is discriminating against her because of her sex/gender. Seeking input and feedback from men while ignoring the only woman is not a good idea.

Also, why would she think you are creepy? Are you a creep? Do you say weird shit to women in the work place?

Its not a big deal, Ill just schedule something. I just thought it was a good thing to be aware of that I wasnt before.

And Im not meeting with everyone so it isnt only her, I just realized that I really had no reason other than that.

And I dont think Im a creep but I have no idea what people think of me. Ive been surprised by other things so I figure its better to be safe than sorry. Also, Im overweight so I assume people take my words uncharitably.

CoorsLight posted...

Are you attracted to her or something? I only get self conscious about that kind of thing when I know I'm attracted. I mean, I don't think I'm a creep, and I know to keep it professional, but who knows what kind of subconscious tics might occur. And as someone who gets self conscious a lot, I think you don't have anything to worry about here

Yep, I know to keep it professional, I dont think Im a creep, but Im worried about unconscious tics.

Ive never had a bad experience, Im well liked and get positive feedback. But you can never know what you dont know.

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Blade_Trinity posted...

Jesus fucking Christ, just talk to her like a human being. Pathetic.

I will do that

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She's a she? That means she's a she! And that means...

idk, in the age of #MeToo, any 1-on-1 interaction between a male boss and female worker is fraught with peril, so your reluctance is perhaps a little understandable. You can probably get around them -- and the idea that you're treating anybody differently -- by recording the conversations, so people are less likely to try something if they get a performance review they dislike and want to get even or something.

CoorsLight posted...

I mean, I don't think I'm a creep

>_>


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LeetCheet posted...

What a society we live in when men has to worry if they're creepy towards a woman even when they're just doing normal human things like having a conversation or just working.

Except it's not societies fault, it's the TC.

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LeetCheet posted...

What a society we live in when men has to worry if they're creepy towards a woman even when they're just doing normal human things like having a conversation or just working.

Zeus posted...

in the age of #MeToo, any 1-on-1 interaction between a male boss and female worker is fraught with peril, so your reluctance is perhaps a little understandable

Some great posts here

Zeus posted...

She's a she? That means she's a she! And that means...

idk, in the age of #MeToo, any 1-on-1 interaction between a male boss and female worker is fraught with peril, so your reluctance is perhaps a little understandable. You can probably get around them -- and the idea that you're treating anybody differently -- by recording the conversations, so people are less likely to try something if they get a performance review they dislike and want to get even or something.

>_>

Depending on where he lives, you have just instructed this person to commit a crime.


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This sounds like an underlying personal issue for you, TC. Some kind of anxiety or something. You might want to look into that.

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faramir77 posted...

This sounds like an underlying personal issue for you, TC. Some kind of anxiety or something. You might want to look into that.

I wonder if he also avoids speaking to black people for fear they think hes a racist.

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I used to be very creepy as a teen (mostly due to lack of experience/guidance on the matter) and I would like to think I have fixed a lot of my bad habits, seeing as I have female friends and get along great with female coworkers now, I'm at least a lot better and trying to still improve. Even in my creepy years though I never got accused of harassment or anything like that because I wouldn't touch, make sexual remarks to, or harass anyone, like I'm not sure why that's so hard to figure out

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kangolcone posted...

I wonder if he also avoids speaking to black people for fear they think hes a racist.

This seems to have really struck a chord with you, would you have rather I never bring this up and try to fix it? I dont understand why trying to correct mistakes gets so much backlash.

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DrPrimemaster posted...

This seems to have really struck a chord with you, would you have rather I never bring this up and try to fix it? I dont understand why trying to correct mistakes gets so much backlash.

I work in an environment with almost exclusively female coworkers. I have supervised female interns and female employees. Never once has something even remotely come up like this. And I dont know what mistake you are making since apparently she isnt the only person you dont talk to.

I see it (maybe you arent, but some of the responses lean this way) as just another way to blame the victim because she might think Im a creep and accuse me of something. My suggestion, from a decade of working with women, dont be a creep and they wont accuse you of being a creep.

I do think its a relevant question though. Would you let fear of being called a racist keep you from interacting with a black coworker/supervisee/teammate?

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DrPrimemaster posted...

This seems to have really struck a chord with you, would you have rather I never bring this up and try to fix it? I dont understand why trying to correct mistakes gets so much backlash.

He's not even being mean, it's a legitimate assumption. You have a unnatural fear of this co-worker for no reason other than she's female.

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You should kick her ass

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CoorsLight posted...

Some great posts here

CoorsLight posted...

I don't think I'm a creep,

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Yep you quoted a thing I said I sure feel owned now

kangolcone posted...

Depending on where he lives, you have just instructed this person to commit a crime.

I'm trying to think of one place where it's illegal to let somebody know that the conversation will be recorded, but I can't think of your fantasyland. However, I look forward to your batshit crazy idea that cops are busting down doors of companies that say "This call may be monitored or recorded..."

I can only guess that you're stupidly conflating it with somebody *not* knowing that they're being recorded, which is the exact opposite of what I said. Because otherwise you're suggesting that every security camera is the world is breaking the law because... you know, it's so much easier just to call your shitpost stupid.

kangolcone posted...

I wonder if he also avoids speaking to black people for fear they think hes a racist.

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Zeus posted...

I'm trying to think of one place where it's illegal to let somebody know that the conversation will be recorded, but I can't think of your fantasyland. However, I look forward to your batshit crazy idea that cops are busting down doors of companies that say "This call may be monitored or recorded..."

I can only guess that you're stupidly conflating it with somebody *not* knowing that they're being recorded, which is the exact opposite of what I said. Because otherwise you're suggesting that every security camera is the world is breaking the law because... you know, it's so much easier just to call your shitpost stupid.

Lmfao. So the best way for this guy to convince people he isnt a creepy weirdo, in your opinion, is to start telling people that he records all his conversations.

Because thats not weird and alarming.


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You didn't say anything about telling the person they're being recorded. Also, telling someone you record all your meetings is a great way to get them to think you're a weirdo.

Edit: Re-reading it I guess you kinda did but I interpreted it more as having leverage after the fact than having them pre-consent. But it's some paranoid freak shit regardless

True equality will never be realized until your base model woman EXPECTS to be uppercut and is on guard against that throughout her daily routine. -Frank Langella

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kangolcone posted...

Lmfao. So the best way for this guy to convince people he isnt a creepy weirdo, in your opinion, is to start telling people that he records all his conversations.

Considering that recording one-on-one meetings isn't a terribly unusual practice, that doesn't really factor into anything. And keep in mind performance evaluations very frequently come into lawsuits (and was a major part in BOTH of the lawsuits I almost got stuck serving jury duty for).

But, in general, there are a LOT of workplaces where most conversations are recorded. Even some white collar jobs go way overboard with recording devices, and I don't even mean hedge funds like Bridgewater.

kangolcone posted...

Because thats not weird and alarming.

All of your posts are weird and alarming.

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People at my work do not record 1:1s

Zeus posted...

Considering that recording one-on-one meetings isn't a terribly unusual practice, that doesn't really factor into anything. And keep in mind performance evaluations very frequently come into lawsuits (and was a major part in BOTH of the lawsuits I almost got stuck serving jury duty for).

But, in general, there are a LOT of workplaces where most conversations are recorded. Even some white collar jobs go way overboard with recording devices, and I don't even mean hedge funds like Bridgewater.

All of your posts are weird and alarming.

Im going to need a source for there are a lot of places where most conversations are recorded. You presenting unsubstantiated anecdotes about the number of industries and employers who engage in this practice is not convincing. Moreover, hes never even specified what industry he is in therefore your claim is even more of an assumption. He never mentioned this as part of a performance review. He simply said he doesnt talk to her or seek her feedback.

You are speaking of businesses and industries where that is standard practice. If that isnt the case for his job and industry, I again reiterate being the only person in a company to demand all your conversations are recorded would be wildly alarming.

Lastly, if you have to resort to personal attacks, thats fine. Im sorry you cant just have a discussion without insults.


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kangolcone posted...

I work in an environment with almost exclusively female coworkers. I have supervised female interns and female employees. Never once has something even remotely come up like this. And I dont know what mistake you are making since apparently she isnt the only person you dont talk to.

I see it (maybe you arent, but some of the responses lean this way) as just another way to blame the victim because she might think Im a creep and accuse me of something. My suggestion, from a decade of working with women, dont be a creep and they wont accuse you of being a creep.

I do think its a relevant question though. Would you let fear of being called a racist keep you from interacting with a black coworker/supervisee/teammate?

Ill acknowledge it as a problem that I have. I think others may also have it, which is why I brought it up. I noticed a behaviour I wasnt aware of and I am course correcting and want others to do the same.

I did not really experience this problem in the past on majority female teams so that is a good point.

Also, I definitely dont think Id ever get accused of something, It is more their opinion towards me.

And Im not worried about racism, I dont think that situation is the same. If two people of a different race go into a room alone together it isnt looked at the same way as two different genders. There is no potential misunderstanding.


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I get it. But you have a few things going for you. As somebody said, creepy weirdos do not recognize their creepy weirdness or do it intentionally. You are neither so thats a good start.

Im just tired of Mike Pence like men saying they cant be in a room with a woman alone. Thats weird. Most women arent interested in your wiener. Dont make weird comments about how they look or dress. Dont touch them too long or too much. Ya know, all the stuff you probably do with your male coworkers.

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Maybe have another person in the room with you guys? When I had a male gynecologist, he always brought in a nurse too.

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LeetCheet posted...

What a society we live in when men has to worry if they're creepy towards a woman even when they're just doing normal human things like having a conversation or just working.

Does anyone kind of get some incel-ish vibes from Leet when he says stuff like this?

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Sarcasthma posted...

Does anyone kind of get some incel-ish vibes from Leet when he says stuff like this?

Yes

Pee on her to show dominance

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kangolcone posted...

Lmfao. So the best way for this guy to convince people he isnt a creepy weirdo, in your opinion, is to start telling people that he records all his conversations.

Because thats not weird and alarming.

Zeus has a board where he records his great ideas and talks to himself. Hes the textbook definition for weird and alarming.

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Sarcasthma posted...

Does anyone kind of get some incel-ish vibes from Leet when he says stuff like this?

Yup. Tried telling him he needs to reevaluate but hes p sure hes figured it all out. I feel bad but its his funeral.

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And there's that word again.
You can't even slightly complain about anything without being declared an incel these days.

It's just a dumb buzzword people use to rile people up when they say something they don't agree with.

I've been so unfairly judged and being called names my whole life.

When I met my girlfriend, her mother began judging me long before I actually saw her in person.
She only needed to knew my name and how old I was before she started saying bad things about me.

She didn't even give me a bloody chance to get to know each other before writing me off.

I'm so sick of this shallow shit.
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Leet isn't hateful or mean enough to be an incel

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leave the door open
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LeetCheet posted...

It's just a dumb buzzword people use to rile people up when they say something they don't agree with.

you clearly do have a really poor view of women though

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LeetCheet posted...

And there's that word again.

Again? How often are people calling you an incel?

I'm not saying you are one, but if the people around you keep saying that, you might want to do some self-reflection.

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Mead posted...

You should kick her ass

This shouldn't be as funny to me as I found it.

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Kanatteru posted...

LeetCheet posted...

It's just a dumb buzzword people use to rile people up when they say something they don't agree with.

you clearly do have a really poor view of women though

I've always been socially awkward so... and besides, who wouldn't be if they've barely even interacted with either boys or girls while growing up?
It fucking sucks being alone and you can't work on your social skills when you're constantly afraid of everyone.

I just want more people to be aware of the problems men face that are getting largely ignored by the media.
Both women and men suffer but men are usually just taught to suck it up and be a man when facing problems.

I don't hate men or women. I hate assholes who don't give a shit about others or those who discriminate others for being the wrong gender or race.

Sarcasthma posted...

LeetCheet posted...

And there's that word again.

Again? How often are people calling you an incel?

I'm not saying you are one, but if the people around you keep saying that, you might want to do some self-reflection.

No it's just that I see that word everywhere these days and many people doesn't even care what it actually means and are just spouting it out because it's a word they've heard people commonly use to demean men.

And it's technically a gender neutral word and it's saddening to see that only men get called that when women can also be in a involuntary celibacy.
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DrPrimemaster posted...

Anyone else have experience like this?

Not really. Im pretty outgoing and try to talk to all my co-workers. And try to get to know them. Doesnt matter the gender

LeetCheet posted...

You can't even slightly complain about anything without being declared an incel these days.

Except the reason they are getting incel vibes isnt only because of the complaining. Its more than complaining. But you jump to conclusions every time you see that word
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"Women are just going to get you in trouble" is a very incel thing to say. Like 99% of the time a guy says that he is either:

- Rich/famous and thinks he's trying to get exploited
- Trying to make excuses for his lack of intimate relationships
- Actually doing creepy and inappropriate shit and doesn't realize it

Leet it sounds like you fall in the second one. It's okay to struggle with women, and okay to be upset about it, but don't project your struggles on them.

People jump to conclusions when using that word as well so.
And many people seem to like to lump together men that actually sexually assault others and men that has experienced a less fortunate life by using that word.
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It actually fits you and your behavior well.
Like how you blame any and everything except yourself for your lack of social skills.

Like the last topic, I'm not dunking on you, this is just the actual facts based on the evidence you presented.

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I've always blamed myself my whole life though, and people have always failed to notice me when I've not been well.

It's so damn rare to get to hear something simple like "Hey man, how ya doing?"
Simple stuff like that can be so refreshing to hear and you get energy to get stuff done.
But apparently even simple compliments or just asking how someone's doing is just too much to ask for sometimes.

That's why my self-confidence is so shit.
I always try as hard as I can but it's never enough and everyone forgets my existence anyway.

I try to not be so bitter but I see so much misery all around the web and it's just so sad to see.

I've already talked about this in another recent topic, so I'm not going to continue on with this.
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Ffs tc just have a witness when you talk to her and just talk to her normally.

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