Current Events > Introduced wife to therapist friend, she was not pleased. What to do?!

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So long story short (itll probably still be a long story) a couple months back I was really inside my own head about why the hell my wife and I hadnt been intimate with one another in about a month.

All the mental gymnastics I was playing certainly wasnt helping as my wife (married 2 years in November, together for 6) reassured me she just was feeling ill lately and having some self esteem issues as well. Of course me adding my insecurities into the mix didnt help at the time.

My wife suggested maybe I talk to someone to help me get out of my own head because I admittedly am prone at times to letting my mind spiral out of control.

So I gave it some thought and I knew a woman who was an old co-worker of mine for years who became a therapist specializing in relationship therapy/marriage counseling. Gave it a shot by reaching out to her and she was cool enough to talk to me for free.

We only had two sessions over the phone, but she really helped me let go of my insecurities and helped me look at things from my wifes perspective which helped immensely.

We got back to being intimate with one another and things have been great.

Today however just by chance we were out shopping and I saw the woman who I spoke with out with her husband and having known her for years I said hello. We only talked for maybe 5 seconds exchanging pleasantries and introducing our significant others.

We then went on about our business and everything seemed fine, but then a few minutes later the wifes demeanor shifted hard as she realized that woman was the woman I spoke to about what was going on.

She felt humiliated having met the woman who I spoke with, which I do understand to an extent, but I tried to reassure her I never said a negative word about her and 99% of the two conversations I had with the therapist was about me and how I could do better.

Yet my wife is focused on the other 1% and blowing it way out of proportion. Thats the woman that you told you have a terrible sex life, is one thing she said which is definitely not something I even came close to saying.

Closest I came to saying that was making mention of going a month without sex and wondering what could be the reason and what could I do to help my wife feel more confident with herself.

When I introduced them I wasnt even thinking oh hey let me introduce the therapist I talked to about our sex life to my wife. Honestly it had been a couple months since I last spoke to her and it had been years prior to today since I saw this woman.

To me I was just saying hello to an old friend and introducing her to my wife as they had never met. It was an honest to God mistake that I didnt think maybe my wife wouldnt like to meet the person I spoke to about our relationship.

She refused to accept my apology despite my pleas and reassurance that it was an honest mistake. I simply wasnt thinking about the therapy at all. I tried my best to let her know (and I know she knows as my track record proves over the years with her) that I would never intentionally do anything to embarrass or humiliate her.

She still refused my apology. My wife does have a bit of a harsh attitude at times and finds it hard to let things go, but I feel this is a bit unreasonable. Yes she has the right to be upset, but despite her disagreeing that I could, I do understand her point of view and why she would be embarrassed. I simply think intention plays a big part and its obvious my intention wasnt to humiliate her.

Now Im dreading her coming home because she certainly is going to cold shoulder the hell out of me and hold this over my head for however long.

Nothing I say will matter. What would any of you do in the same situation?

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CellBlock7 posted...

Yet my wife is focused on the other 1% and blowing it way out of proportion

Sounds like she is just too focused on her own insecurities.

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@JTilly
@Mistere_Man
@Lost_All_Senses

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I dunno. True love is when you want to be around eachother for an extend time without fucking.

Sounds like a keeper

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Lvaneede posted...

Sounds like she is just too focused on her own insecurities.

This I agree with and have told her as much. Especially considering nothing Ive ever said to assure her I think she is beautiful seems to matter.

I, her husband who she loved enough to marry, has an opinion about her she cares nothing about.

Meanwhile a stranger one time called her fat and old after being rejected when she was out with girlfriends after hitting on her all night and thats the opinion that matters.

Its frustrating to say the least.

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You sound like a beaten dog whimpering right before its about to be beat again dude. This is not a healthy relationship.

You did nothing wrong, you gave an apology, it's now on her to get over her irrational insecurity about it. If she continues to give you a hard time, she'd be the one in the wrong.

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I would suggest maybe she talk to someone to help her get out of her own head because if you ask me she seems prone at times to letting her mind spiral out of control.

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CellBlock7 posted...

So long story short (itll probably still be a long story) a couple months back I was really inside my own head about why the hell my wife and I hadnt been intimate with one another in about a month.

All the mental gymnastics I was playing certainly wasnt helping as my wife (married 2 years in November, together for 6) reassured me she just was feeling ill lately and having some self esteem issues as well. Of course me adding my insecurities into the mix didnt help at the time.

My wife suggested maybe I talk to someone to help me get out of my own head because I admittedly am prone at times to letting my mind spiral out of control.

So I gave it some thought and I knew a woman who was an old co-worker of mine for years who became a therapist specializing in relationship therapy/marriage counseling. Gave it a shot by reaching out to her and she was cool enough to talk to me for free.

We only had two sessions over the phone, but she really helped me let go of my insecurities and helped me look at things from my wifes perspective which helped immensely.

We got back to being intimate with one another and things have been great.

Today however just by chance we were out shopping and I saw the woman who I spoke with out with her husband and having known her for years I said hello. We only talked for maybe 5 seconds exchanging pleasantries and introducing our significant others.

We then went on about our business and everything seemed fine, but then a few minutes later the wifes demeanor shifted hard as she realized that woman was the woman I spoke to about what was going on.

She felt humiliated having met the woman who I spoke with, which I do understand to an extent, but I tried to reassure her I never said a negative word about her and 99% of the two conversations I had with the therapist was about me and how I could do better.

Yet my wife is focused on the other 1% and blowing it way out of proportion. Thats the woman that you told you have a terrible sex life, is one thing she said which is definitely not something I even came close to saying.

Closest I came to saying that was making mention of going a month without sex and wondering what could be the reason and what could I do to help my wife feel more confident with herself.

When I introduced them I wasnt even thinking oh hey let me introduce the therapist I talked to about our sex life to my wife. Honestly it had been a couple months since I last spoke to her and it had been years prior to today since I saw this woman.

To me I was just saying hello to an old friend and introducing her to my wife as they had never met. It was an honest to God mistake that I didnt think maybe my wife wouldnt like to meet the person I spoke to about our relationship.

She refused to accept my apology despite my pleas and reassurance that it was an honest mistake. I simply wasnt thinking about the therapy at all. I tried my best to let her know (and I know she knows as my track record proves over the years with her) that I would never intentionally do anything to embarrass or humiliate her.

She still refused my apology. My wife does have a bit of a harsh attitude at times and finds it hard to let things go, but I feel this is a bit unreasonable. Yes she has the right to be upset, but despite her disagreeing that I could, I do understand her point of view and why she would be embarrassed. I simply think intention plays a big part and its obvious my intention wasnt to humiliate her.

Now Im dreading her coming home because she certainly is going to cold shoulder the hell out of me and hold this over my head for however long.

Nothing I say will matter. What would any of you do in the same situation?

Your wife might be cheating.

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I keep getting @ ed to topics I know nothing about.

Sorry tc but what you have is a no win situation. I mean she said talk to someone, and is now mad you talked to someone. It could be because it is a women you talked to and she feels she may be judging her, or something, but definitely do not bring this up to your wife as if the doubt wasnt there this will plant that seed which you do not want to do.

On another bad note if you never said your sex life was terrible to your wife or the therapist your wife may be thinking it is. So she could feel she is failing you, or that you are failing her. I cant say which as only she knows for sure.

Not much you can do in such situations as words only arguing only makes it worse. You could try actions like a romantic dinner with flowers, and gifts as a way to apologize. Granted you did nothing wrong Imo, but still if your wife is mad apologize even if it isnt your fault. Like in the movie meet the Robinsons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jihOPQ97J9c

Remember I am just some person on the internet. You know your wife and the situation better than I do so take any advice I give with a grain of salt as they say.


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