Current Events > How do you deal with these difficult communication tactics?

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I have a relative who constantly employs three incredibly difficult to counter communication tactics that I just can't overcome to reach a more positive dialog. My already somewhat poor social skills have taken a toll from COVID, and I'm having trouble having real conversations or a satisfying relationship with this person. Any insight anyone can offer on how to get past this would be most welcome.

1. When they want to derail a conversation or are just in a bad mood, they'll ask an endless string of overly specific questions, or sometimes literally just "why". If you don't know the answer, try and change the subject, or just stop answering the questions altogether, you're being an impatient jerk who is stiffing their "curiosity".
2. They like to engage in a monologue that consists mostly of complaining or talking about how unfair things are. If I fail to wait for a lull in the deluge of complaints to try and change the subject, I'm being a jerk and should just "let them talk".
3. Closely related to #1, if this person makes a mistake or is unhappy with a choice they made, they'll sometimes start asking for an explanation. Telling them the actual truth--that they messed up or chose to do something that they don't like in retrospect--is something they feel is bullying and, again, me being a jerk.

And no, before you ask, this person isn't elderly or suffering from dementia. There are some medical conditions that might be making their behavior a bit worse, but this is how they've acted their whole life. I've been trying hard to gain better soft skills, but none of the books I've read or the videos I've watched or the posts I've seen have addressed these lovely tactics.

Is this person a toddler?

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What's their relationship to you.. Your friend or family member?

So this person just lacks the mindset of having accountability for their actions and overall has a negative mindset/outlook on life.

I dunno.. I mean it definitely helps to listen to what that they say, but you can point out their behavior. Don't have to be an asshole about it.. But you can say, I care for you, but I notice you have a habit of doing these things. And say that yeah, life is unfair, but everyone is in the same boat and you gotta work for what you want and be accountable for your own actions when the time comes, in order to be successful in relationships and at work.

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The_Hat posted...

Is this person a toddler?

No, it's an adult, which makes the behavior even more frustrating.

Arcanine2009 posted...

What's their relationship to you.. Your friend or family member?

It's a relative. Obviously they are negative and a bit immature, but I feel like there should be a better way of handling it. I get frustrated or angry, and I want to answer all of their questions literally. I don't care much for games, and I just flat out can't stand lying to people, especially if the lying is done to suit childish behavior.

so it's your mom or dad, otherwise, why are you even talking to them?

When they want to derail a conversation or are just in a bad mood, they'll ask an endless string of overly specific questions, or sometimes literally just "why". If you don't know the answer, try and change the subject, or just stop answering the questions altogether, you're being an impatient jerk who is stiffing their "curiosity".

That is their problem. Just because they say that, does not mean it's true. Walk away.

They like to engage in a monologue that consists mostly of complaining or talking about how unfair things are. If I fail to wait for a lull in the deluge of complaints to try and change the subject, I'm being a jerk and should just "let them talk".

So let them rant. You don't need to address anything. Again, walk away.

Closely related to #1, if this person makes a mistake or is unhappy with a choice they made, they'll sometimes start asking for an explanation. Telling them the actual truth--that they messed up or chose to do something that they don't like in retrospect--is something they feel is bullying and, again, me being a jerk.

Walk away. SAY IT WITH ME NOW!

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also this person likely spends a lot of time on the "angry white conservative" websites like gab and rumble, where unfettered ranting is invited and accepted. Their lack of social skills should not be your problem. They clearly have no skill or interest in listening, so why would you offer them the courtesy of doing it?

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I dont know is always a good answer

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sabrestorm posted...

I dont know is always a good answer

no it doesn't, it invites that person to further bear down on TC and get a heightened sense of preachiness/confidence.

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