Current Events > Is it selfish to be a Loner?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Girls at work always wonder why Im not in a relationship at 30+. (My career choice has majority women) I eventually told them. Im not against having a relationship but Im a Loner. I like things being on my own terms. If I find someone that fits pretty close to how I am then Im down for it.

I got called selfish for that. I need to sacrifice more to be in a real relationship. I dont get it. If Im not in a relationship then how am I being selfish?

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It's the most selfless thing possible

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Irony posted...

It's the most selfless thing possible

What about not wanting kids? They brought that up too but that wasnt the first time Ive heard that. Ive seen that online as well from random people

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They are trying to shame you into providing your wealth and resources to a woman, whenever they claim you need to sacrifice more it almost always involves your wallet and spending stupid amounts of money to prove yourself or some bullshit.

The other popular thing is to have dinner with you and she invites friends to that dinner with you expected to pay for everyone.

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If you are in a position to have kids... Maybe you should? Idk


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RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

The other popular thing is to have dinner with you and she invites friends to that dinner with you expected to pay for everyone.

What? Lol

MedeaLysistrata posted...

If you are in a position to have kids... Maybe you should? Idk

Why should I if I dont want to?


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They're full of shit. I mean you do have to sacrifice things to be in a relationship but there's plenty of people who can make time for both themselves and their partner. Of course you probably won't find someone TC, so there's no need to think about it any further.

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You should only bring children into the world with a person you can trust, and when you want them. Providing for a child is not cheap and it takes a lot out of everyone involved.

Never let anyone pressure you into having a baby, that is a serious lasting choice that changes your life, be it for better or worse.

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BloodMoon7 posted...

Of course you probably won't find someone TC, so there's no need to think about it any further.

Thats fine. I have zero issues with that

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known2FAIL posted...

Why should I if I dont want to?

If you don't want to you shouldn't have to. But if you can, you could leave the world better off if you do it right

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Yes because someone is waiting for you to find them

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known2FAIL posted...

Thats fine. I have zero issues with that

Damn bro...

Respect.

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Veggeta_MAX posted...

Yes because someone is waiting for you to find them

That seems pretty fairy tail like and not how it works in reality

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That's really weird they would react so strongly and call you out for being selfish.

Are they single? Maybe one if them likes you.

You should ask the one who called you selfish to breed with you, until you become selfless.

That is, if you are asking for a trip to HR . Seriously don't do it.

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Depends but most the time No

Arcanine2009 posted...

Are they single?

Most arent. However, most arent married either. I dont know if they want to be or not but it could be a factor? Maybe? I dont know

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BloodMoon7 posted...

They're full of shit.

This /topic.

Here chew on this nerds: https://youtu.be/y0TsVbJYU4w

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I'm curious how the conversation actually went and not just a footnote or how you perceived it.

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They probably care for you in some sense.

You know how some people who care too much come off as pushy? They might also be old fashioned too. Are they around your age?

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No who cares. Live your life how you want.

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Arcanine2009 posted...

They probably care for you in some sense.

You know how some people who care too much come off as pushy? They might also be old fashioned too. Are they around your age?

That is fair and probably true. They are definitely around my age. Give or take 5 years or so. A few are in their early 20s but the people I had this conversation with are closer to me in age than that


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known2FAIL posted...

Girls at work always wonder why Im not in a relationship at 30+. (My career choice has majority women) I eventually told them. Im not against having a relationship but Im a Loner. I like things being on my own terms. If I find someone that fits pretty close to how I am then Im down for it.

I got called selfish for that. I need to sacrifice more to be in a real relationship. I dont get it. If Im not in a relationship then how am I being selfish?

No, it's like the least selfish thing you can do.

Some people are just weird.

I'm going to say some borderline incel shit here, but let's be real, sometimes it is like:

*Male is lonely throughout teens and onward, desperate for attention or interest, always trying to be kind but as a result is never assertive. Nobody gives him attention, he cries and is miserable and lonely, eventually his heart hardens and he resigns himself to being alone forever*
*Later*
Rando girls: Hey why aren't you ever dating?
The same guy living his life now (mostly) at peace with being alone: I'm kinda a loner now
Rando girls: That's selfish!!!

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nfearurspecimn posted...

No who cares. Live your life how you want.

This. They are unsatisfied with their lives if they push agendas on you.
Do your own thing.

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bulletproofvita posted...

This. They are unsatisfied with their lives if they push agendas on you.
Do your own thing.

I wouldn't jump to that. Could just be them not being a free thinker and just falling in line with the status quo without questioning it.

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known2FAIL posted...

Girls at work always wonder why Im not in a relationship at 30+. (My career choice has majority women) I eventually told them. Im not against having a relationship but Im a Loner. I like things being on my own terms. If I find someone that fits pretty close to how I am then Im down for it.

I got called selfish for that. I need to sacrifice more to be in a real relationship. I dont get it. If Im not in a relationship then how am I being selfish?

Actually I think what they're getting at is that when you enter a relationship you should expect to make sacrifices and do things to make the other person happy (and vice versa). Relationships are 100/100 not 50/50 or 100/0.

That said, you aren't selfish for not wanting to be in a relationship nor should you go out to find one if you aren't up to it.
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joe40001 posted...

Male is lonely throughout teens and onward

This quote right here is very interesting to me. I was very outgoing until I moved for the first time as a Freshman in Highschool. I moved across the country. Everything was uprooted for me for the first time in my life. I went into major depression. After 2 years, I moved again across the country again. I stopped trying to make friends then and fully concentrated on my academics. I moved again a year after that.

That might be why Im like this now. Who knows

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That's not selfish, no. If you were in a relationship, then yeah that would be selfish. Maybe that's what they meant? That you will have a hard time in a relationship if you only care about your needs.

known2FAIL posted...

This quote right here is very interesting to me. I was very outgoing until I moved for the first time as a Freshman in Highschool. I moved across the country. Everything was uprooted for me for the first time in my life. I went into major depression. After 2 years, I moved again across the country again. I stopped trying to make friends then and fully concentrated on my academics. I moved again a year after that.

That might be why Im like this now. Who knows

WTF? Why was your family making such huge moves so often? That would be annoying as hell

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NoxObscuras posted...

That's not selfish, no. If you were in a relationship, then yeah that would be selfish. Maybe that's what they meant? That you will have a hard time in a relationship if you only care about your needs.

Yea but of course Im aware of that. I guess I didnt explain it well enough in the conversation. I was trying to say that if the person Im in a relationship doesnt value being alone like I do then it probably wont work. Im perfectly willing to sacrifice. I just dont want being alone being considered a sacrifice. That sounds stupid so I hope it makes sense.

NoxObscuras posted...

WTF? Why was your family making such huge moves so often? That would be annoying as hell

Just job changes. People always asked if my parents were in the military. They werent. My Dad is an Engineer and the plant he worked at for many years shut down. So we moved to California. I guess the job was pretty good but a better opportunity came up in Florida so we moved there. Then we moved to Georgia after that

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known2FAIL grindset key

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You were uprooted a lot, your dad might have made great career choices but you kinda got fucked over by it.

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I've been a loner most of my life and I want to add life isn't fun by yourself. Sure you get peace and quiet, but it's so much more boring without friends or someone to hang out with--not to mention you learn a ton of things just conversing with people vs just staying home and being in the internet or videogames all day. And your social skills wane and you will be awkward and feel resentful and only care about yourself.

Life goes by fast man. Hard to believe it's been almost a decade since I graduate college. People come and go, but humans are social animals and it really isn't worth living by yourself.

That's my two cents


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RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

You were uprooted a lot, your dad might have made great career choices but you kinda got fucked over by it.

Yea thats a possibility but mg dad always did what he could for me so I wont blame him for those decisions.

Arcanine2009 posted...

I've been a loner most of my life and I want to add life isn't fun by yourself. Sure you get peace and quiet, but it's so much more boring without friends or someone to hang out with--not to mention you learn a ton of things just conversing with people vs just staying home and being in the internet or videogames all day. And your social skills wane and you will be awkward and feel resentful and only care about yourself.

Life goes by fast man. Hard to believe it's been almost a decade since I graduate college. People come and go, but humans are social animals and it really isn't worth living by yourself.

That's my two cents

Yea thats probably true. I had 2 really good friends that were my coworkers. 1 went into the Army and the other got an Administrator position and moved on. I still text them every few days or so but thats about it. They are across the country or world now


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Not settling for someone that doesn't bring what you want to a relationship isn't selfish. If anything compromising what you want just to be in a relationship is selfish because you are less likely to be in a relationship that you both can enjoy to its fullest.

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It depends. Sometimes, some person need to be alone to hold and succeed. But succeed to go in relationship.

I don't think it's socially acceptable to stay alone. How could someone do that. Hercules person can do that and this mean these person should do their part in their Groups. Which is selfish.

It's good to make note that with God and even The Universe, being no correct is what need to be done. So.

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Are you happy about being a loner?

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I'm also 30+ but the only woman concerned/curious about my relationship status is my mom.

Anyway I don't think it's selfish. You can't be selfish toward a non-existent partner and kids. Once those relationships are established though and you neglect them, that's selfish.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Are you happy about being a loner?

Happy? Happy isnt the right word I dont think. Indifferent sounds more correct. Im sure getting into a great relationship would be good but Im perfectly fine with myself if that doesnt happen. I dont have many relationships with people in general. I have a hard time with that even when its clear that someone is trying to build something.

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I dont get it. Are they looking to set you up with a friend or something? If not, then why is it their concern?

known2FAIL posted...

Im sure getting into a great relationship would be good but Im perfectly fine with myself if that doesnt happen

if currently happy with what you have now. i wouldn't change a thing imo.
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My gf and I don't sleep in the same bed, keep our own rooms and our own hours. We get along great but I've got severe sleep apnea and need a lot less sleep in general. So in that way we're both kind of loners who like our alone time, and our own spaces and things. It'd be hard to go the other direction with a new partner tbh.

It's just preferences. She likes a good morning routine, I don't, I prefer to get straight into the day if I have something to do and use every moment available to get more sleep. Roll out of bed, dress, do the work.

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I work with mostly women too. I've been asked many times when I'm going to 'settle down.'

I've been living with the same partner for 11 years now, but what they mean by settle down seems to be get married (neither of us wants to) and have kids (I can't).

toyota posted...

I dont get it. Are they looking to set you up with a friend or something? If not, then why is it their concern?

Ive been thinking about this. I think I its more about learning more about me. Im a very closed book. I rarely give up information about myself. In fact, lets say we hire a new coworker. It is common for them to have worked there for months and know nothing about me except that I work at the same company as them and Im a Saints fan. (I wear Saints gear) Thats it.

I dont give out anything else for a very long period of time. I didnt realize this until a girl I have worked with for a few years seemed very shocked and interested when I said that I liked Seafood when someone asked me what I food I liked. She was in awe like she finally learned something. She stated asking me all kinds of stuff like what restaurants I like. What other types of food do I like. Have I been to this restaurant or this restaurant. It was weird. She wasnt super interested in that topic until I said something that she didnt know about me. I guess Im just a mystery to people.

I clamped back up right then lol. It feels way easier to talk to random people on the internet behind a username than to talk to people I know.

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I don't have anything to offer women tbh

I gave up on my dream girl cause I knew she could easily do better than me

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I'd say it depends, but usually, yes. It especially depends why though. However, not only are you contributing less to society as a whole but you're very likely diminishing the happiness of those around you.

If you could be even just as happy while stopping being a loner, that difference is going to easily change the lives of the people that care about you a lot and more than make up for it through the happiness in others. On top of that, even more happiness can be found in that and what may come from it.

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Only if you refuse to help people when you know you should.

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Ignore and carry on with your life.

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Seems far more selfish to wrap other people up into a life you don't really want to be living just cause you feel like you should

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