Current Events > Don't ghost people. Grow up and be straightforward with them

(+) Yeah! (+)

SRR Capdown posted...

From the original post, it seems like they had a short 30-60 minute coffee date, tentatively agreed to a second one in a week and then he just waited to hear back from her about her schedule, with no effort to keep her engaged or getting to know her in the mean time.

I know the onus shouldn't always be on one party to maintain the conversation, but it basically sounds like a mutual ghosting. He stopped speaking to her as much as she did him and he's just being a whiny baby about it.

I did a week of night shifts, which I told her about and why this week was communicated in trying to set up a second date.

No need to analyze this that hard my guy. This one time ghosting isnt the focus of this topic.

But youre right. The onus isnt on one person to maintain conversation and interest.


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Gladius_ posted...

In the dating game most people assume you have multiple prospects in mind. Too many dates don't fall through to only focus on one person at a time when you are pursuing a relationship.

This. I always assume that I'm not the only girl he's talking to.

Is it really a fantasy land when it's so common? Most guys when told "No thanks" throw a fit in some form. People suck at taking the words "No" in stride. It's why "No means no." Is on bilboards, posts, and is a common phrase. It's common because people don't like to listen to the word "No."

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codey posted...

Lol what

If a woman blocks you, there is pretty much zero chance of any further interaction unless you're a stalker in which case, yeah, she was right to drop your ass.

The fuck did blocking come into this conversation? Ghosting and blocking are two wildly different responses. If you do both to someone youve had pleasant interactions with, youre an unhinged weirdo.

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I would never ghost a partner and have been ghosted myself. Didn't seem like that big of a deal.

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SwayM posted...

The fuck did blocking come into this conversation? Ghosting and blocking are two wildly different responses. If you do both to someone youve had pleasant interactions with, youre an unhinged weirdo.

Again, maybe YOU had pleasant interactions with HER, but it obviously wasn't pleasant on her end, or else she wouldn't have ghosted you.

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SierraDawn posted...

Again, maybe YOU had pleasant interactions with HER, but it obviously wasn't pleasant on her end, or else she wouldn't have ghosted you.

This is where I roll my eyes at any relationship discussions on the internet.

I really dont get the need to try so hard to make so many assumptions in order to take the side of someone who isnt present. Think what you will, but I was there for all the interactions. I know exactly how pleasant they were. I also made my intentions clear I wanted to see her again. If she had as obviously of a terrible time as you feel compelled to assume, she wouldnt humour the possibility of a second date.

it kinda makes me chuckle. This whole topic is about straightforward communication and how easy it is when no one hides their feelings or intentions. And yet you sooooooo desperately want to overanalyze what isnt said or interactions between two people you dont know from a hole in the ground.

This such a foreign concept that you cant literally imagine how the words you chose to tell someone are more important than hints and assumptions.

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Gladius_ posted...

As the male the onus

This whole post is red flag central.

Youre saying be needier and more desperate. No thanks.

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Sorry you got ghosted TC. It's never a good thing to do to someone unless they are being intrusive, creepy, etc. If your account of how things went is true, you definitely did not deserve it.

Ghosting shows someone is willing to sacrifice another person's feelings so they can squirm out of an uneasy social situation. It shows a lack of respect for a fellow human being. I know this is cliched but it's true in this case - not a great quality in a prospective partner.

That said unfortunately this kind of behavior is common and as evidenced by some of the replies here, defended and encouraged. So you gotta let it roll of your back. The reality is, people do it because they've been on the recieving end.

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tcs outfit on the first date



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Protopet posted...

Sorry you got ghosted TC. It's never a good thing to do to someone unless they are being intrusive, creepy, etc. If your account of how things went is true, you definitely did not deserve it.

Ghosting shows someone is willing to sacrifice another person's feelings so they can squirm out of an uneasy social situation. It shows a lack of respect for a fellow human being. I know this is cliched but it's true in this case - not a great quality in a prospective partner.

That said unfortunately this kind of behavior is common and as evidenced by some of the replies here, defended and encouraged. So you gotta let it roll of your back. The reality is, people do it because they've been on the recieving end.

The fact of the matter is girl was clearly not interested and dude feels entitled to a courtesy even though it is irrelevant. This is not a family member or long time friend, this is a complete stranger. Who knows how the woman interpreted their first encounter? The reality is she does not like him enough to give him any respect AT THIS TIME. It is a silly thing to throw a fit over because lots of things happen to people. For all he knows this girl got hit by a car and is in a coma at the hospital, but for some odd reason he believes she read the message and chose not to respond...

TrollTrace posted...

The fact of the matter is girl was clearly not interested and dude feels entitled to a courtesy even though it is irrelevant. This is not a family member or long time friend, this is a complete stranger.

this goes for anyone though, anyone, you deserve basic decency for your humanity, you're a human being with feelings, just like they are, everyone does

Gladius_ posted...

You would rather us be wrong, you be right, and lose the game. Your choice.

Its nothing to do with what Id rather. I believe in basic human decency and I dont have the time or patience for games. Youre absolutely wrong in my eyes.

All this is, is a discussion about ghosting. Not an invitation for you to over analyze interactions with strangers. You clearly dont understand that.

Theres nothing to be gained or won, and someone who ghosts me is never worth my time. But I dont need yall to tell me that.

Just remember we explained how it works, why it happened, what the clues were, and where it all went wrong. I am married but apparently have no idea what I am talking about whereas you are single and posting in a video game message board about how you were ghosted.

Well that answers that. Married people often give the absolute worst dating advice youll ever hear.

Rather than waiting a week for a response you should have already had a date set up and if she refused to set one up or didn't respond you should be ready to follow up on other prospects. This is literally the opposite of being desperate! Lol You have been acting desperate and entitled the entire thread!

I absolutely do not need to listen to your shit advice. Ill give as much time and effort into people and interactions as I feel they needbecause I understand the context of my interactions. I dont need to prove value to you in my interactions, I do that with the people Im interested in. If they dont reciprocate, thats life.

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Oubliettes posted...

tcs outfit on the first date

The Brony in this topic is the one defending ghosting btw.

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Drrobotniks posted...

this goes for anyone though, anyone, you deserve basic decency for your humanity, you're a human being with feelings, just like they are, everyone does

Not a hard concept. People get really mad about being called out on it though.

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You getting ghost is your own fault, TC. You should have saw the obvious hints and you doing too much.

- Sierra and Gladius

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I got ghosted once. It did suck. But i dated hotter girls so i got over it.

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imo if you've gone on a date and the other person was respectful then you shouldn't ghost them

if you haven't gone on a date then it doesn't matter as much

SwayM posted...

I did a week of night shifts, which I told her about and why this week was communicated in trying to set up a second date.

No need to analyze this that hard my guy. This one time ghosting isnt the focus of this topic.

But youre right. The onus isnt on one person to maintain conversation and interest.

So you still didn't speak to her for a week, regardless. Just because you worked nights doesn't mean you didn't have time to at least out a little effort in.

As I said, you ghosted her as much as she did you. For all we know, she was disappointed you didn't even try to put any effort in to keep in touch.

How can you honestly believe that you deserve anything after a short coffee date and not speaking to her for a week afterwards other than to ask when the next date was?

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SRR Capdown posted...

From the original post, it seems like they had a short 30-60 minute coffee date, tentatively agreed to a second one in a week and then he just waited to hear back from her about her schedule, with no effort to keep her engaged or getting to know her in the mean time.

I know the onus shouldn't always be on one party to maintain the conversation, but it basically sounds like a mutual ghosting. He stopped speaking to her as much as she did him and he's just being a whiny baby about it.

so tc needs to bombard her phone and dance for her 2 maintain her amusement.

jesus u people dont understand how awful u have made dating

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WarfireX posted...

so tc needs to bombard her phone and dance for her 2 maintain her amusement.

jesus u people dont understand how awful u have made dating

lol right? And then the have the balls to try and offer me advice I didnt ask for, play detective in a relationship that doesnt matter because she fucking ghosted me and clearly isnt worth my time, and THEN talk about hints and assumptions and all this shit.

Outta their damn minds.

SRR Capdown posted...

For all we know,

This right there is where you need to take a step back. You dont need to know shit. All this is, is an example of what not to do. It doesnt need your input. I honestly dont care what you think.


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WarfireX posted...

so tc needs to bombard her phone and dance for her 2 maintain her amusement.

No. That would be trying too hard. However, keeping up general contact is expected.

jesus u people dont understand how awful u have made dating

No, you need to understand that women are not men and communicate differently. Men who are successful with women are able to pick up on our cues. Men who are not will sit and cry about being ghosted when we likely gave them a dozen hints that we weren't that interested and were only being polite to avoid conflict.

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SwayM posted...

lol right? And then the have the balls to try and offer me advice I didnt ask for, play detective in a relationship that doesnt matter because she fucking ghosted me and clearly isnt worth my time, and THEN talk about hints and assumptions and all this shit.

First of all youre the one who posted about all of this. If you wanted to keep private things private, or not get relationship advice, don't post about your relationship (or lack thereof.)

"She isn't worth my time." Classic coping mechanism for someone who's been rejected.

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SierraDawn posted...

No. That would be trying too hard. However, keeping up general contact is expected.
No, you need to understand that women are not men and communicate differently. Men who are successful with women are able to pick up on our cues. Men who are not will sit and cry about being ghosted when we likely gave them a dozen hints that we weren't that interested and were only being polite to avoid conflict.

pick up on our cues
gave them a dozen hints
only being polite

The actual ego on someone to think its mens job to figure you out because you cant grow the fuck up and talk to someone like an adult.


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SwayM posted...

Canadian. We had thanksgiving a month ago.

Canadians are anti social

Especially here in Vancouver

As a 130 lb girl its probably safer to ghost than risk a guy trying to argue/negotiate another date

SierraDawn posted...

No, you need to understand that women are not men and communicate differently. Men who are successful with women are able to pick up on our cues. Men who are not will sit and cry about being ghosted when we likely gave them a dozen hints that we weren't that interested and were only being polite to avoid conflict.

To be fair, you're being pretty direct here with how you feel about his behavior. You're communicating quite well in a way I and the tc can understand to say you disagree with him. You don't seem to need to rely entirely on hints here, so why in dating?

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SierraDawn posted...

First of all youre the one who posted about all of this. If you wanted to keep private things private, or not get relationship advice, don't post about your relationship (or lack thereof.)

"She isn't worth my time." Classic coping mechanism for someone who's been rejected.

youre crying about this on a video game forum

classic coping mechanisms

Sure really want to tell me how to feel huh? Anything to take the side of a random girl who ghosts people.

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Drrobotniks posted...

this goes for anyone though, anyone, you deserve basic decency for your humanity, you're a human being with feelings, just like they are, everyone does

Basic human decency for a TEXT MESSAGE? I understand if you are hungry and have no food, or are homeless and have no shelter etc...but a text? Dude is putting way too much stock on it. Like i said, she could be in acoma right now or her mom died or something, why is it folks do not get a response and immediately assume the person read their post and intentionally chose not to respond? The heck is wrong with people?

SwayM posted...

pick up on our cues
gave them a dozen hints
only being polite

The actual ego on someone to think its mens job to figure you out because you cant grow the fuck up and talk to someone like an adult.

No, men are direct, or they're supposed to be.

Women are more circumspect. For several reasons too long to list here, but they're both learned and genetic.

If I see a cute guy, I don't walk up to him and tell him I like him. All I do is initiate eye contact and smile. After that, the onus is on him to initiate conversation. If he doesn't, I assume he wasn't interested or already is taken. But if a guy approaches me who didn't get the "go ahead" eye contact and smile, it's creepy. That's what a lot of inexperienced guys get wrong. They're told to "approach women," but they don't know when or how to do so.

Similarly, to avoid confrontation, either verbal or physical, I don't directly reject men. Instead, I give body language clues and other hints to let them down easy without bruising their fragile egos. I'm sorry that you're too inexperienced to understand basic dating language, but that's not her fault.

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TrollTrace posted...

Basic human decency for a TEXT MESSAGE? I understand if you are hungry and have no food, or are homeless and have no shelter etc...but a text? Dude is putting way too much stock on it. Like i said, she could be in acoma right now or her mom died or something, why is it folks do not get a response and immediately assume the person read their post and intentionally chose not to respond? The heck is wrong with people?

I mean, Whats more likely? Shes in a coma, her mom died or shes immature and cant send a simple text message?

Its pretty basic. But whatever the case is, its over and done with now.

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Mibahlzitch posted...

To be fair, you're being pretty direct here with how you feel about his behavior. You're communicating quite well in a way I and the tc can understand to say you disagree with him. You don't seem to need to rely entirely on hints here, so why in dating?

That's completely different, and you know it. I'm not going to get stalked, raped and murdered for being too direct to the wrong guy on Gamefaqs.

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Fluttershy posted...

like the fact that you demand explanation but don't accept that you could possibly be more perceptive says it all. righfully ghosted. look at how you're handling it -- bitching about it on a video game forum. that's the adult thing to do, right?

Yes, it is the adult thing to do because we are here talking about it. Thats what adults do. Hes not waiting outside her house and jumping out of the bushes when she gets off work.

Some of you guys are just trying to normalize this ghosting nonsense. And that dude saying these people have horror stories. If its traumatizing Im pretty god damn sure they wouldnt still be on social media dating apps looking for hookups.

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If you're getting ghosted after several months of dating, I get being annoyed with it. But one date? She doesn't owe you a single thing. She didn't enjoy your date, get over it.

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SierraDawn posted...

No, men are direct, or they're supposed to be.

Women are more circumspect. For several reasons too long to list here, but they're both learned and genetic.

If I see a cute guy, I don't walk up to him and tell him I like him. All I do is initiate eye contact and smile. After that, the onus is on him to initiate conversation. If he doesn't, I assume he wasn't interested or already is taken. But if a guy approaches me who didn't get the "go ahead" eye contact and smile, it's creepy. That's what a lot of inexperienced guys get wrong. They're told to "approach women," but they don't know when or how to do so.

Similarly, to avoid confrontation, either verbal or physical, I don't directly reject men. Instead, I give body language clues and other hints to let them down easy without bruising their fragile egos. I'm sorry that you're too inexperienced to understand basic dating language, but that's not her fault.

This post has to be trolling. Right? Like no one can seriously believe this and post this In this topic without a hint of irony or awareness?

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codey posted...

If you're getting ghosted after several months of dating, I get being annoyed with it. But one date? She doesn't owe you a single thing. She didn't enjoy your date, get over it.

If someone tells you they want to see you again. You take that opportunity to let them down. Thats it.

Dont waste peoples times.

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SwayM posted...

This post has to be trolling. Right? Like no one can seriously believe this and post this In this topic without a hint of irony or awareness?

I'm sorry that the truth bothers you.

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SwayM posted...

I mean, Whats more likely? Shes in a coma, her mom died or shes immature and cant send a simple text message?

Its pretty basic. But whatever the case is, its over and done with now.

You are missing the point though. If you approach circumstances that do not imply a persons phone is not the center of their universe i think you would be a lot happier. At the end of the day you do not know why she did not respond.

Appropriately, the right thing to do would be to text something like this after enough time has reasonably passed:

Reaching out to see if you are ok? You had expressed interest in scheduling a 2nd date, i am worried something might have happened to you because i did not hear back from you in a reasonable time. I hope nothing bad happened. Love [insert name].

...do you understand why this is a better approach than assuming she is a good for nothing text ghoster? Expressing concern for someone demonstrates empathy and selflessness, something every human values.

Your welcome.

Jesus Christ at all the people in here trying to dissect your specific date when you've explained repeatedly that your issue is with the normalization of ghosting in dating in general.

Can you guys not acknowledge at all that even if it's the norm, maybe it doesn't need to be? And maybe, just maybe, in some circumstances, it's rude to ignore people you know? And that even if you don't owe a person anything, it's still a cool thing to be nice? I swear to god people's "I got mine" attitude is exhausting.

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This is what I call a CE Classic.

The CE Classic begins with someone (like TC) making a post observing something.

Step 2 is for someone to question that someone (TC) into elaborating on their point.

Now this is where it gets crazy. Step 3 is multiple posters coming out of the woodworks to try and debate that someone (TC) on different parts of their elaboration.

Because each poster is approaching with a slightly different argument, that someone (TC) attempts to answer all the accusations and critique.

That someone (TC) honestly doesnt have that much emotional investment in their original post. They are simply defending their stance since the multiple posters will be very quick to attack the someones (TCs) character, intentions, or dating life. Despite having nothing to base it on.

Because that poor someone (TC) was simply not ignoring every critique (such irony), it appears that they have been not getting over it for the entire topic. Successfully being gaslit.

This, ladies and gents, is the CE Classic.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Now this is where it gets crazy. Step 3 is multiple posters coming out of the woodworks to try and debate that someone (TC) on different parts of their elaboration.

It's what I call semantics arguing. Some of y'all just needs to be right or the world might just end.

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Ghosting is the best way to handle rejecting someone.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

This is what I call a CE Classic.

The CE Classic begins with someone (like TC) making a post observing something.

Step 2 is for someone to question that someone (TC) into elaborating on their point.

Now this is where it gets crazy. Step 3 is multiple posters coming out of the woodworks to try and debate that someone (TC) on different parts of their elaboration.

Because each poster is approaching with a slightly different argument, that someone (TC) attempts to answer all the accusations and critique.

That someone (TC) honestly doesnt have that much emotional investment in their original post. They are simply defending their stance since the multiple posters will be very quick to attack the someones (TCs) character, intentions, or dating life. Despite having nothing to base it on.

Because that poor someone (TC) was simply not ignoring every critique (such irony), it appears that they have been not getting over it for the entire topic. Successfully being gaslit.

This, ladies and gents, is the CE Classic.

This post should be pinned to the front of CE for eternity.

Grade A stuff. Couldnt agree more. Happens all the time on Reddit too on subs like relationship advice and Am I the Asshole

There is such an unbelievable need people have to play judge, jury and executioner with other peoples lives, and gaslight them in the dozens, or thousands in the case of Reddit.

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Its all a numbers game tbh if I was a girl I'd do it too. If I'm talking to like 10 guys and settle on one Im definitely not wasting time getting back to the other 9 lol

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I can understand it may be polite for her to send a simple "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested text". But I'm not so sure that I would really consider the first "date" ghosting. You two met one time for a cup of coffee.

If you two had been on several dates already (and/or even slept together or messed around) and THEN she just ignored you, I would consider that being ghosted and would agree she should at least say something.

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Fony posted...

Ghosting is the best way to handle rejecting someone.

Here is the problem with today's society, they don't know how to communicate.

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Ghosting serves a purpose. Some people are too damn dramatic for me to waste my own time dealing with them. But mostly, yeah, it's quicker to just get shit done with and said clearly.

Lol, sure. Because random bitches with inflated egos love to hear you don't want to see them again because they're only good for sex or that you can frankly do better than them for a girlfriend and they aren't as smart, pretty or interesting as they think they are. They'd love to hear that you're not that pussy starved moron who has to blow smoke up her ass for hope at a chance to sniff some booty.

Losers like TC are totally fine hearing that girls have no sexual attraction to them at all and are even slightly repulsed, that she was using him for time filler and food, that he was too boring and killed any tiny sliver of interest within the first 20 minutes, that her interest in him faded out during their weeks long pen-pal bullshit and she does this to everyone except the guys she gives her address to right away because her pussy is throbbed upon seeing their picture.

Yea, it's much better for the fragile losers of today to hear the truth instead of being let down easy, sure.

The soft lies no longer work in today's entitled world of morons who won't take no for an answer. It is best to just disappear.

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