Current Events > Girlfriend has a "reasons to break up" list

(+) Yeah! (+)

She should break up for any reason on the list

He should break up for the list existing

She should break up for posting lost on a social board to a video games web site.

Which ones are true and which arent?

I cheated once almost two years ago. This was after she had hooked up with my friend so I consider it a scratch.

NEVER told her not to talk about mental health issues. She chooses not to and I dont like it to ask multiple times because I understand it can be touchy.

I dont belittle her. I make jokes that maybe she was offended by but it was never with that intention.

I bring her food all the time. I make dinner 90% of the time either of us cooks and really Im not responsible for making sure she eats. Shes an adult. Thats silly.

Her friends and family that is her choice. Not mine.

The toilet thing I dont even know what that means. I look at my phone when I use the restroom. I didnt think that was wrong.

I dont get why people are upset I posted this. None of you know who she is or have anyway to identify her or myself.

Posting private thoughts is only relevant if you know who theyre from. Stop with the fake outrage.

Yes you do. You just didnt write it down.

Youre posting it here instead.

I might not be perfect but I would never compile a list of everything wrong with a partner.

Thats pretty fucked up.

Her friends and family that is her choice. Not mine.

What's fucked up about it? You remember that episode of Breaking Bad where Walt was making a pros and cons list of whether he should free Krazy 8 or kill him? That's just how some people organize their thoughts so they can think logically/critical about a decision they're trying to make, especially an important one like whether to stay in a relationship or break up. Many therapists also suggest this exercise for people dealing with depression or trauma. Mine back in the day suggested I write a letter to my step dad, and then not actually send it just to put my thoughts out there, it's a valid thing to do. She probably didn't intend for you to actually see it

Just my opinion but I dont sit there and think about everything I dislike about a person. That could be friends, family, even people here.

If you need to write a list of why to break up then maybe you should just break up. She didnt follow through with the actions so now Ive seen it and were in this weird place.

Either write it down and address these issues to me or write it down, internalize the thoughts and destroy it. Its not the end of the world but I just dont think thats right to do. Ive never compiled a list like that.

Regardless of everything else, the fact that she doesn't talk with her friends and family about you is HUGE. Now that doesn't necessarily mean you have done these things to make her feel this way, but something is massively wrong. I don't know if it's you or if it's her or just something about the two of you together. But this is not okay, and if a resolution can't be made about this part, this should be over.

My gf talks about me all the time, and I do about her, and if it wasn't that way, I would end it.

I dont understand that part at all. We hang all the time. She came on vacation with my family and I just a few months ago. This list may have been written prior to that but its 100% her choice not to include me in that part of her life.

Things are a little different now and I hang with her friends occasionally but I havent seen or spoken to any of her family in like a year. I hoped getting her close to my family would resolve that but maybe not.

Stayed over last night and my watch fell right next to her nightstand. This was under the nightstand.

The fact that youre this upset about her making a list and acting like thats the biggest problem here tells me that everything she wrote on the list is correct

And this kind of thing is exactly why she should break up with you.

Sounds like she should leave you 100% honestly

Also, This sounds way suspect. Like, "I don't trust her at all and was rummaging through her shit and then took photo's immediately, or i downright stole it." That alone should be reason for her to leave you.

I'm guessing she didn't just hand this to you to keep either way?

I dont get why people are upset I posted this. None of you know who she is or have anyway to identify her or myself.

Posting private thoughts is only relevant if you know who theyre from. Stop with the fake outrage.

But seriously wtf is with the toilet seat thing

So you need to talk with her. As you said, what if that list is really old at this point?

But seriously, if she is hiding you from her family in any way, resolve this or end it.

I gotta be honest man, I take it as an indication that you don't really respect her. You weren't meant to see this, but here you are sharing and discussing it with a bunch of random people on the internet. It's not really relevant whether we know her or not

Thank you for an actual reasonable perspective. I might not be perfect but I would never compile a list of everything wrong with a partner.

Thats pretty fucked up.

I agree. I was wondering why anyone even cares about you posting it

I already spoke to her. She said the list is old but some of that stuff is kinda hard to just brush over. Dont see a future past a couple years. Dont want marriage or kids. That seems like stuff that isnt subject to just change. You either feel that way or dont.

People are mad at me about this list but nobody is saying how thats wrong. Even IF I had done all that stuff shes making the choice to be with me while also saying she doesnt see a future. That is wrong. If you dont see a future then why are we wasting our time?

So you gonna ask her about it or not?

I already spoke to her. She said the list is old but some of that stuff is kinda hard to just brush over. Dont see a future past a couple years. Dont want marriage or kids. That seems like stuff that isnt subject to just change. You either feel that way or dont.

People are mad at me about this list but nobody is saying how thats wrong. Even IF I had done all that stuff shes making the choice to be with me while also saying she doesnt see a future. That is wrong. If you dont see a future then why are we wasting our time?

People are mad at me about this list but nobody is saying how thats wrong. Even IF I had done all that stuff shes making the choice to be with me while also saying she doesnt see a future. That is wrong. If you dont see a future then why are we wasting our time?

MrDrMan posted...
I could have instantly blown up or gotten others in our lives involved and didnt.

And this just sounds like victim blaming.

This is another line that tells me that she should run far, far away from you

I have a right to be upset just as much as she does. It sounds like being a fucking human being. She is not a victim. She can walk away at any time.

Dont even say that shit when there are people who are real victims and dont have a choice.

I brought it up. I didnt ask her anything because theres really nothing to ask. I just said hey I saw your list and honestly that kind of hurt me. I know it wasnt your intention so Im not upset.

That was it. I let her know that I saw it and Im not mad but also I cant just act like everything is all good. She said she doesnt even remember whats on it. That was it.

I agree. I was wondering why anyone even cares about you posting it

So which is it?

The fact that youre this upset about her making a list and acting like thats the biggest problem here tells me that everything she wrote on the list is correct

who gives a shit if it's anonymous or not, it's called having respect for your partner and not posting their private thoughts on the internet

like many others said, tc's time is better used talking to his gf about the list instead of us

This is another line that tells me that she should run far, far away from you

Really? Seems like the opposite to me I mean, hes saying thats not something he would do Which seems like something you would want out of an SO

It seems everyone is just saying break-up. But that doesnt really make sense. First of all, we have no idea if the list is even about him specifically. Second, we have no idea how their actually relationship is. It could be good other than this. Third, talking about this before just breaking up would make a lot more sense

Maybe not, though. If the biggest problem in their relationship is this list that may not even be about him, then maybe their relationship is good since a non-existent problem is their biggest problem Depends on how you look at it

Being anonymous makes a big difference, though. Especially on a site with not that many people. Shed
Probably never know. Its really not a big deal. And its still her private thoughts. Nobody knows her, so it honestly doesnt matter. Thats the point. Its anonymous. If we knew him or his girlfriend, things would be different. But we dont And apparently, he did talk to her. But sometimes, its also good to get an outsiders perspective. But it would be way worse to talk to people who know her

Really? Seems like the opposite to me I mean, hes saying thats not something he would do Which seems like something you would want out of an SO

You dont see how now, I COULD do this very bad thing to you, but I wont. Youre lucky that i wont do that. is a bad and manipulative thought process?

The list is about me. 100%. Not saying its true but these are her feelings about me.

You dont see how now, I COULD do this very bad thing to you, but I wont. Youre lucky that i wont do that. is a bad and manipulative thought process?

Do you see a future with her beyond the next couple of years? Or should I say, do you want to see a future with her beyond the next couple of years?

Got no reason to lie. I didnt look through her shit. It was right there.

Whether she handed it to me or not is irrelevant. Glancing at a list is not wrong. It wasnt hidden anyway it was literally at the bottom of the nightstand on the floor.