Current Events > So anyway Journey to the West just keeps going

(+) Yeah! (+)

Demon: Exists
Wukong: I'm about to end this yao guai's whole career

Jade Emperor: You can't defeat me! I'm immortal, I have immortal generals and immortal sold- what u doin
Wukong: Your immortal dudes are in a pile over there, thanks

Laozi: So anyway don't take one of my immortality pills or eat one of my immortality pears
Wukong: I ate every pill and pear

Tang Sanzang: Wukong, Buddhism is all about peace and respe-
Wukong: So anyway I kicked everyone's ass

Jade Emperor: Ha! Time to put a check mark next to your name in the BOOK OF THE DEAD
Wukong: Yeah I erased that before I ate all your immortality pills and Laozi's immortality pears
Jade: Guards! Sie-
Wukong: So anyway you need new guards.

Death: (exists)
Wukong: yeah I don't think so

Tyranthraxus posted...

Death: (exists)
Wukong: yeah I don't think so

Laozi: Check this shit out. It's a fire vase that burns with infinitely hot fire and will even burn out all the immortality pills and pears and whatever. Put him in it for a few hours.
Jade Emperor: Ok, burn him for like a month.
(One month later)
Jade Emperor: OPEN ZE POT!
Wukong: THANKS FOR THE LASER EYES, DORK

Aren't yuo gais fallout bears

Ocean: Good thing I have this thing here plugging up this hole.
Wukong: that looks cool I'm taking it

Tyranthraxus posted...

Ocean: Good thing I have this thing here plugging up this hole.
Wukong: that looks cool I'm taking it

Dragon: No seriously that pole is like 18,000lbs and is the only thing preventing the entire ocean from draining into that hole.
Wukong: That's cool, got any armor to go with it?

Tang Sanzang: Peaceful negotiations with [demon of the week] are going nowh-
Wukong: Oh so sad. LET'S GO, BA JIE MY BOY
Ba Jie: IT'S PORKIN' TIME

Wise daoist monk of the taozi garden: Did you just fucking eat one of my extremely holy fruit
Ba Jie: Actually I don't even remember what the first tasted like so I'm gonna eat another

Divine Goddess Guan Yin: The journey will be long and cross many mountains and blah blah blah blah
Wukong (disappears)
Divine Goddess Guan Yin: Blah blah blah many tribulations
Wukong (appears)
Divine Goddess Guan Yin: Where'd you go?
Wukong: I took my Turbo Cloud all the way across the world to say hi to my monkey friends and then came back.
Divine Goddess Guan Yin: You can't take Tang Sanzang on that cloud
Wukong: Oh come the hell on

Fire Kid: There's one of you and I have like five guys!
Wukong: Now there are 20 Wukongs
20 Wukongs: Hi! (x20)
Fire Kid: What the fuck

DarkRoast posted...

Demon: Exists
Wukong: I'm about to end this yao guai's whole career

They also recycle stories where the only difference is the demon's appearance.

Also, every two paragraphs it goes into a poem that recounts what the previous two paragraphs were about.

Only thing that breaks it up is his weakness to water and smoke. When he runs into a water demon, either Ba Jie or Wu Jing has to go in and chase the demon out of its river so Wu Kong can finish it off.

DarkRoast posted...

Divine Goddess Guan Yin: You can't take Tang Sanzang on that cloud
Wukong: Oh come the hell on

One benefit of having footnotes. Physical objects and mortals are too heavy for the cloud. Spirits, gods, and divine objects are light enough to stand on clouds, so they are light enough for the cloud to carry.

If Sun Wu Kong tried to carry the monk, both he and the monk would fall through the cloud.

Wukong could find a way to cloud him

He does carry the monk at one point in the story. He can't use the cloud though because that would be skipping the journey.

Do they ever make it to the West? Or is the West the friends they made along the way?

Accolon posted...

Do they ever make it to the West? Or is the West the friends they made along the way?

Yes, then Buddha tells them they didn't work hard enough so they have to go back

Accolon posted...

Do they ever make it to the West? Or is the West the friends they made along the way?

Buddha is like "I'll give you props if you can jump out of my hand" and Wukong is like "pft easy I'm just gonna jump to the end of the universe" and then Buddha is like "lmao dumbass the entire universe is in my hand" and Wukong is like "fuck" and then Jade Emperor is like "ngl that was pretty fucking cool anyway you should come chill with us"

Literally No One:
Wukong: ORAORAORAORAORAORA

Wukong: So I am the strongest
Bhudda: Oh yea?
Wukong: yep, sorry Bhudda
Bhudda: :(

OPM: Hi

wukong dies

"In the beginning there was a peaceful waterfall and everything was chill, and eventually the waterfall carved out a giant rock egg"

Rock egg: KABOOM
Wukong: IT'S HAM TIME