Current Events > Remember that time in Harry Potter they gave a teenager a literal time machine?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Because she had good grades so manipulating time itself could allow her to take more classes?

In a world of magic and fantasy, that's possibly the stupidest thing. The literal government endorsed it.... After back to back years of Voldemort fucking around in the school. Imagine if he got that doohickey off Hermonie's corpse.

He could just rewind time and kill Dumbledore while he's on the toilet.

Wizards don't go to the toilet, they shit on the floor and magic it away.

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

He could just rewind time and kill Dumbledore while he's on the toilet.

He couldn't do that though, as time travel in Harry Potter was deterministic, or at least it was until the Cursed Child retconned that bit.

Or what about the time Harry's kid goes back in time to save perennial good-guy Cedric Diggory from dying, and instead Cedric becomes a death eater?

It's a kids book. Stop overthinking it.

Remember when Harry Potter threatened to kill Malfoy over the magic orb that helps him remember stuff?

ViewtifulJoe posted...

Remember when Harry Potter threatened to kill Malfoy over the magic orb that helps him remember stuff?

But Malfoy STOLE it!

Kinda fucked up how she had a time machine and didn't even attempt to stop Hitler

Even worse was its usage in Cursed Child

Proto_Spark posted...

But Malfoy STOLE it!

He said "Give it here Malfoy or I'll send you plummeting to a painful and untimely demise" not "Please return that object to its rightful owner lest I deliver unto you some rough and tumble."
He wanted it for himself and would go to any length.

DeadBankerDream posted...

Wizards don't go to the toilet, they shit on the floor and magic it away.

There was a bathroom in Chamber of Secrets.

Hayame_Zero posted...

Even worse was its usage in Cursed Child

What happened there?

NeonOctopus posted...

What happened there?

Proto_Spark posted...

Or what about the time Harry's kid goes back in time to save perennial good-guy Cedric Diggory from dying, and instead Cedric becomes a death eater?

And some other things, where it basically says "killing this teenager is the best choice for like, the entire world"

-Unowninator- posted...

There was a bathroom in Chamber of Secrets.

That wasn't a bathroom that was the entrance to the secret snake fortress.

-Unowninator- posted...

There was a bathroom in Chamber of Secrets.

The architect had a toilet fetish.

-Unowninator- posted...

There was a bathroom in Chamber of Secrets.

iirc there's something like "in the past, before plumbings reached the wizardry world, wizards just pooped their pant and magically removed the evidence" by the publishing company.

Why don't they just go in the corner like animals?

just stick the wand right up there and vanish it at the source

JE19426 posted...

He couldn't do that though, as time travel in Harry Potter was deterministic, or at least it was until the Cursed Child retconned that bit.

We don't mention that.

-Unowninator- posted...

There was a bathroom in Chamber of Secrets.

The bathroom was added later by a very convenient relative of Salazar Slytherin working as a plumber during renovations.

Back_Stabbath posted...

just stick the wand right up there and vanish it at the source

Read a fanfic once where pleasuring yourself with your wand was a bad idea because wands are connected to you and it just created a feedback loop where the wand wouldn't stop without outside interference.

You just know there is going to be an entire field of magic cosmetic surgery (or lack therefore)

I think The Witcher did it.

JE19426 posted...

He couldn't do that though, as time travel in Harry Potter was deterministic, or at least it was until the Cursed Child retconned that bit.

Nah, it was mentioned that future selves have killed past selves in the past. So not only was it non-deterministic, but it straight up ignored major paradoxes...I guess because, magic?

pegusus123456 posted...

Read a fanfic once where pleasuring yourself with your wand was a bad idea because wands are connected to you and it just created a feedback loop where the wand wouldn't stop without outside interference.

Why were you reading Harry Potter erotica?

BurmesePenguin posted...

Why were you reading Harry Potter erotica?

It's been a while, but I imagine it was for masturbation purposes.

I also could have just read that summary and had to know what the fuck was going to happen there.

BurmesePenguin posted...

Why were you reading Harry Potter erotica?

To find new biscuit recipes.

Why do you think he was reading it? Same reason anyone reads erotica.

And she never has to apparate the hundreds of thousands of miles the earth traveled when she went back in time. M

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

To find new biscuit recipes.

Why do you think he was reading it? Same reason anyone reads erotica.

for the story?

HovaRex posted...

And she never has to apparate the hundreds of thousands of miles the earth traveled when she went back in time. M

I mean to be fair, it's literally magic.

I don't mind stuff like that in a story about magic.

"The magic to go back time but then you instantly die because of the movement of the Earth" wouldn't make for a good story.

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

I mean to be fair, it's literally magic.

I don't mind stuff like that in a story about magic.

"The magic to go back time but then you instantly die because of the movement of the Earth" wouldn't make for a good story.

That's what the M was supposed to say, but it posted too fast lol.

tri-sapphire posted...

Nah, it was mentioned that future selves have killed past selves in the past. So not only was it non-deterministic, but it straight up ignored major paradoxes...I guess because, magic?

https://youtu.be/sQDQC4Z7GmU