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Current Events > Latest Discourse: Is Ghosting clear communication?

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CruelBuffalo
09/26/22 3:07:11 PM
#1:


https://twitter.com/ebonitpr/status/1574063509108842498
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TheLiarParadox
09/26/22 3:08:27 PM
#2:


That's always been my position.

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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:08:43 PM
#3:


Obviously not. It's the opposite of communication.

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TaylorHeinicke
09/26/22 3:09:33 PM
#4:


Might need context, but if we're talking about the first date or two and then someone ghosts (literally no responses to any texts or calls), that's pretty damn clear.

Immature, but clear.

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Background_Guy
09/26/22 3:10:02 PM
#5:


No that's stupid
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Temporal
09/26/22 3:10:34 PM
#6:


Arguably one of the shittiest things you can do when it comes to dating.
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rexcrk
09/26/22 3:10:50 PM
#7:




Not for people like me who are absolutely braindead at taking hints

I get why people do it, because there are absolutely guys out there who are fucking psychotic, but I would so much rather be told look, I dont want to talk to you anymore because [reason] because then Id know instead of thinking well maybe she hasnt responded because shes been busy and then forgot or something


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Ilishe
09/26/22 3:11:59 PM
#8:


rexcrk posted...
Not for people like me who are absolutely braindead at taking hints

I get why people do it, because there are absolutely guys out there who are fucking psychotic, but I would so much rather be told look, I dont want to talk to you anymore because [reason] because then Id know instead of thinking well maybe she hasnt responded because shes been busy and then forgot or something

Man if she FORGETS YOU she's not into you

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~Phoenix Nine~
~Victory needs no explanation; defeat allows none.~
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bsp77
09/26/22 3:13:33 PM
#9:


rexcrk posted...
instead of thinking well maybe she hasnt responded because shes been busy and then forgot or something
That's possible, but still the same end result. If she is busy and forgot, then she isn't interested.

Being ghosted is annoying but just gotten move on and not worry about it.

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R1masher
09/26/22 3:14:02 PM
#10:


It might mean the other person is busy, lost their phone, stuck on a roof trying to get a cat down, being held at gunpoint yes very clear

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#11
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coolpal23
09/26/22 3:14:24 PM
#12:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Obviously not. It's the opposite of communication.


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Background_Guy
09/26/22 3:14:33 PM
#13:


There's been times where I've gotten two or three texts and forget to text back so I feel like if I can ghost someone by accident then it isn't a clear communication strategy
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GuerrillaSoldier
09/26/22 3:15:07 PM
#14:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Obviously not. It's the opposite of communication.


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thx1138
09/26/22 3:15:26 PM
#15:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Obviously not. It's the opposite of communication.

totally agree
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bsp77
09/26/22 3:15:50 PM
#16:


Background_Guy posted...
There's been times where I've gotten two or three texts and forget to text back so I feel like if I can ghost someone by accident then it isn't a clear communication strategy
So you weren't actually interested...

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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:16:54 PM
#17:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I don't think ghosting is ever necessary. A crazy guy who can't handle rejection is going to react negatively to being ghosted, too.

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Irony
09/26/22 3:18:12 PM
#18:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Obviously not. It's the opposite of communication.
Actions speak louder than words

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#19
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CRON
09/26/22 3:22:24 PM
#20:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
I don't think ghosting is ever necessary. A crazy guy who can't handle rejection is going to react negatively to being ghosted, too.
The only way I could escape my previous relationship was by simply ghosting my partner. The last time we spoke she was texting me, repeatedly telling me to kill myself, calling me worthless, and spamming gore pictures.

Ghosting is 100% appropriate and necessary when the other party is unable to be reasoned with or be aware of their behavior. I don't regret it at all.
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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:22:49 PM
#21:


Irony posted...
Actions speak louder than words
The biggest issue with ghosting is the ambiguity. Did you forget to text back? Is something going on in your life that has you distracted? Is it something I said or did? Did you like me at all or was it a waste of both of our time from the beginning?

I think healthy communication is a crucial component of a breakup. Dating has gotten so fucking adversarial lately, it's like nobody remembers that love and relationships are serious matters that some people need to muster a lot of courage and energy to even attempt.

My wish is for everybody to acknowledge that we're dealing with human beings, here. These people you're talking to have feelings and live their entire lives with those feelings. If you ghost somebody and leave them guessing, it tends to fuck people up and heighten their insecurities. It's an extremely shitty thing to do.

---
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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:23:41 PM
#22:


CRON posted...
The last time we spoke she was texting me, repeatedly telling me to kill myself, calling me worthless, and spamming gore pictures.
Did you communicate at any point that you were no longer interested in continuing the relationship?

---
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pauIie
09/26/22 3:24:55 PM
#23:


maybe it sends a clear message. but it's literally the lack of communication

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#24
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CRON
09/26/22 3:26:08 PM
#25:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Did you communicate at any point that you were no longer interested in continuing the relationship?
I couldn't. I was terrified of standing up for myself and speaking up because she would constantly threaten to harm herself (and sometimes me) over the dumbest possible shit. She had severe BPD and used it as an excuse and crutch.
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ChocoboMogALT
09/26/22 3:26:38 PM
#26:


Gobs blaming victims again because he feels attacked.

It's obviously not good communication, but is sometimes necessary.

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#27
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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:27:20 PM
#28:


CRON posted...
I couldn't. I was terrified of standing up for myself and speaking up because she would constantly threaten to harm herself (and sometimes me) over the dumbest possible shit. She had severe BPD and used it as an excuse and crutch.
I honestly wouldn't call that ghosting. I'd call that escaping.

---
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#29
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bsp77
09/26/22 3:30:14 PM
#30:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yeah, I don't think ghosting after a single date is a huge deal. It's happened to me and I just moved on. For myself, I always communicated to women when not interested, but they have all responded politely. I know women have had many not-so-polite reactions.

And I don't even consider it ghosting if messaging simply stops before a date has even happened.

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NoxObscuras
09/26/22 3:30:26 PM
#31:


Lmao It's not clear communication in any way whatsoever. She's just trying to justify ghosting people. Like, I get it, some guys are crazy as hell, but it's still annoying to deal with.

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BlueTigerLion
09/26/22 3:32:19 PM
#32:


The problem is the other person could have legit issues going on. Like got arrested, dropped phone it broke and they dont remember anyones phone number so they lost all contacts. Or maybe they caught COVID and was hospitalized.

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MrDrMan
09/26/22 3:35:58 PM
#33:


I dont see a problem with ghosting. If someone doesnt want to talk anymore then just take the hint. They could have a million different reasons for why.

Someone you may barely know doesnt owe an explanation to you. Take the hint and keep it moving.

I also dont see why youd even care for the why behind someone ghosted you. Save yourself the pain and just move on.

---
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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:38:04 PM
#34:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

It's one thing to escape a longterm abusive relationship, and something else to go out on a date or have a nice conversation with someone, and then abruptly stop responding.

If this is the case:

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Then ghosting has the same risk as saying "sorry, I'm not interested in dating you," then maybe entertaining a few responses and answering questions before tapering off and calling it a day.

I think the difference is... empathetic communication and respect can go a long way to encourage someone's progress as a decent human being. If you spend the time to communicate, you have a reasonable chance of preventing bitterness over the situation.

If 95% of guys react negatively, then block them having told them that you're not interested. At least they know. Shouldn't the 5% who are reasonable (by your estimation) get the respect of a goodbye?

---
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Evening_Dragon
09/26/22 3:38:34 PM
#35:


You don't ever actually know if it's ghosting, is the thing. It is inherently unclear.

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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:40:56 PM
#37:


Evening_Dragon posted...
You don't ever actually know if it's ghosting, is the thing. It is inherently unclear.
Yeah, this is the point. Even if your last words to them are "I have absolutely no interest in you, romantically or otherwise, leave me alone" at least they know.

You don't have to be nice about it, but at least have the decency not to leave someone to wonder about a hundred possible reasons why you stopped answering.

---
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But I am definitely not a furry.
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bsp77
09/26/22 3:41:23 PM
#38:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Wait, I just noticed this. I find that stat hard to believe.

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MrDrMan
09/26/22 3:43:46 PM
#39:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Yeah, this is the point. Even if your last words to them are "I have absolutely no interest in you, romantically or otherwise, leave me alone" at least they know.

You don't have to be nice about it, but at least have the decency not to leave someone to wonder about a hundred possible reasons why you stopped answering.

I feel like this is a narrow minded way of thinking because there are many people such as myself who would rather be ghosted.

I dont care about the why. Its irrelevant. Id honestly rather not know than hear about why said person has found me less than desirable.


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GuerrillaSoldier
09/26/22 3:44:15 PM
#40:


the point of the topic isn't whether or not it's something that should happen in any given situation. the question is whether or not it's clear communication.

it's obviously not clear communication.

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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:45:23 PM
#41:


MrDrMan posted...
there are many people such as myself who would rather be ghosted
I find that strange.

MrDrMan posted...
Id honestly rather not know than hear about why said person has found me less than desirable.

Not the sort who wants to actively learn and grow as a person, I take it?

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NoxObscuras
09/26/22 3:46:16 PM
#42:


bsp77 posted...
And I don't even consider it ghosting if messaging simply stops before a date has even happened.
Maybe if you're only a few messages in. I still consider it ghosting if it's after we've already planned the first date though. And that's happened to me twice so far.

I don't get mad or anything, but most of the women I match with, put emphasis on how important communication is to them... so it's kind of like "practice what you preach?" lol

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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:48:23 PM
#43:


NoxObscuras posted...
most of the women I match with, put emphasis on how important communication is to them... so it's kind of like "practice what you preach?" lol
Let's be real, "communication is important" usually stands in as code for "You need to answer every question I ask, and respond to my messages immediately... but I won't do the same, because I'm shy/private/busy"

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Temporal
09/26/22 3:48:39 PM
#44:


I consider myself pretty thin-skinned and I'd rather be told straight up than ghosted and have to play out a million scenarios in my head as to why.

Obviously, there are different reasons and perspectives - but I think it's pretty damn cruel.
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#45
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bsp77
09/26/22 3:52:35 PM
#46:


NoxObscuras posted...
Maybe if you're only a few messages in. I still consider it ghosting if it's after we've already planned the first date though. And that's happened to me twice so far.

I don't get mad or anything, but most of the women I match with, put emphasis on how important communication is to them... so it's kind of like "practice what you preach?" lol
That's fair

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I have simply never experienced this negativity myself and have never done this to another. I also do think they are average people, as almost everyone I know has done online dating at some point.

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Gobstoppers12
09/26/22 3:52:53 PM
#47:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Then say "it's not up for debate, I'm just giving you the courtesy of an honest rejection." And then block them or stop responding. Giving any kind of clear, concise signal that you're done is much better than randomly disappearing.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Good to know that you view human beings like a roulette wheel.

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bsp77
09/26/22 3:53:53 PM
#48:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Good to know that you view human beings like a roulette wheel.
That's unnecessarily harsh

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silverpine
09/26/22 3:55:32 PM
#49:


it's pretty rude to stand people up, i'm not talking about that. if you make plans with someone and you change your mind you should let them know.

but ghosting people rocks and it's honestly so fucked up that it has a bad reputation. like why the fuck are you trying to manipulate someone into talking to you when they don't want to? it's fucked up and disgusting.
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MrDrMan
09/26/22 3:56:18 PM
#50:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
I find that strange.

Not the sort who wants to actively learn and grow as a person, I take it?

I dont need a person that Ive known maybe a few weeks to tell me who I am. I know who I am. Im open to constructive criticism but I dont need their opinion to move on with my life in peace.

I am unapologetically me. I will never change that just to find love. The people that like you for you will be there and the people that dont wont.

Same way I dont get hung up on what people here think too much. Everyones not gonna like you and everyone isnt worthy of your time and energy. It is what it is.

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Just_a_loser
09/26/22 3:57:02 PM
#51:


Even if a girl says she has a boyfriend and you know or think it's not true, it still means she isn't interested.

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