Current Events > Why Most Men Don't Have Enough Close Friends.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Boys Don't Cry
https://youtu.be/vA_q1kKuo9o

https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/29/health/men-friendships-wellness/index.html

Friendships arent just about those you sit with on the school bus or play alongside on your childhood baseball team they are a core component of the human experience, experts say.
But making and retaining deep, meaningful friendships as an adult is hard, especially for men, according to research.

Less than half of men report being satisfied with their friendships, and only about 1 in 5 said they had received emotional support from a friend in the last week, compared with 4 in 10 women, according to a 2021 survey from the Survey Center on American Life.

The falling off of friendships between men begins around middle and late adolescence and grows starker in adulthood, said Judy Yi-Chung Chu, who teaches a class on boys psychological development at Stanford University in California. And those who do maintain friendships with other men say they tend to have lower levels of emotional intimacy than women report.

Boys dont start emotionally disconnected; they become emotionally disconnected, said Dr. Niobe Way, a researcher and a professor of applied psychology at New York University.
All humans have the innate capacity and desire for close, emotionally intimate connections with others. We need these relationships for survival as babies and then to thrive as we get older, Chu said.

Research has shown close friendships protect our mental and physical health, she added. And men who prioritize those relationships are fighting off one of the most harmful things to human health loneliness, said Dr. Frank Sileo, a psychologist based in Ridgewood, New Jersey.

What (men) are at risk of losing is this sense of not being alone in the world or not being alone in their experience, Sileo said. Research has shown disclosure of emotional distress improved (mens) emotional well-being, increased feelings of being understood and resulted in less reported loneliness, he added.

Just as many men strive to eat right, exercise, succeed in their careers and raise children , men should prioritize developing friendships as adults, he said.
Why its so hard

When Sileo first began conducting research on male friendships in 1995, many participants assumed his survey was about homosexuality, he said. Such stereotypes that male bonding would be, or become, sexual in nature are inaccurate, but revealed some of what may be holding some men back from deep friendships, he added.

Assumptions 27 years later might be different, but social pressures remain that make it difficult for men to express the vulnerability and intimacy needed for close friendships, Sileo said.
We are all born with two sides of ourselves: the hard side that is stoic and independent and the soft one that is vulnerable and interdependent, said Way, author of Deep Secrets: Boys Friendships and the Crisis of Connection.

The hard side has been characterized as masculine and inherently preferable, and the soft side has been seen as feminine and lesser than, Way said.
Boys receive messages that growing up and manning up mean shedding that soft side a mindset that neuroscience, social science and developmental psychology all show is harmful to them, Way said.

We gender relationships as feminine, Chu said. If thats a feminine thing, it becomes a weakness or a liability if (men) admit to needing friendships.

Characterizing the gender of these experiences has a clear impact, Sileo said. Men who were more emotionally restricted, focused on power and who scored high on surveys measuring homophobia are less likely to have intimate and close friendships, he said.

And the drive to toughen up and never show vulnerability that restricts men from friendships can lead them to loneliness, violence and anger, Way said.

We live in a culture that clashes with our nature, she said. If we raise children to go against their nature, we shouldnt be surprised if some of those children grow up to struggle.

Your partner isnt enough

Heterosexual men seeking closeness might turn to those they see as better at building relationships and feel comfortable exploring their vulnerability with: the women in their lives and their romantic partners, Way said.

It may seem like a good solution, but it works neither for the men nor the women they look to, Sileo said.

Putting everything on a romantic partner can strain a relationship, he said, whether it is going to a female partner exc

Can't answer. Yes to both men and women. I had one nonbinary friend but now officially she/her.

I'd say many of us can have several "close" friends, but only one best friend.

bsp77 posted...

Can't answer. Yes to both men and women.

No, the male female thing is you, not which kind of friends you have. So if you're male and think you do, then you would hit male, yes.

Cocytus posted...

No, the male female thing is you, not which kind of friends you have. So if you're male and thuink you do, then you would hit male, yes.

Whoops, I'm dumb :)

Responded now

I don't have any irl friends. I have maybe 3 online friends that talk with me.

Fifty years ago it was known that after 3 months boy babies are left to cry.

Get the message out to parents of boy infants. Pick that kid up.

I have a wife and kids, and I don't have the energy to maintain friendships beyond that

I understand this sentiment. For most of my life a lot of my guy friends were mostly just on a superficial level. I was always afraid of showing a vulnerable side of me. It wasn't until after I graduated from college did I start finding "real" people I can actually hang out with. What I mean by "real" friends are those we can share our problems with and ones where it isn't a circle jerk, these guys are real guys that will call me out on my BS if they find what I'm doing is in the wrong. At first it was hard to take these criticisms, but eventually I learned to take feedback much better and helped me become a better more empathetic person that I am now. Too many times in our boys childhood and adolescene years we're told to "man up" about any of our problems, which a lot of times meant hiding our problems that eventually lead to bigger mental health issues in the future.

my siblings are my only friends

Yeah, but they're all from college from 10+ years ago. I haven't really made a *close* friend since then >_> Just normal friends. The real world kinda sucks for that lol

I have 1 close friend I'd do stuff with routinely and 2 guys from college that I am in an active group chat with. My brother is close as well but lives far away.

I don't feel like I have enough close friends.

This is a very interesting topic and something that I think married people resent each other for. They think they have to abandon their friends, specially of the sex they're attracted to. Ive tried lately to reach out to some old lady friends and even make new friends and I feel better. Having someone else than your SO to talk about stuff even makes the marriage better for me.

I think Im too introverted and value solitude too much to get friends. Not that I actively avoid or spurn the opportunity. It would probably happen if I went out and did things but dont really have the time or energy yet. I have a couple close friends but since moving away we never talk so hard to define what they are.

Voted yes, though my best friend is one of my siblings.