Current Events > Ok, I take it back CE, you actually did give good advice once. Braindump. Sorry.

(+) Yeah! (+)

So, as none of you may remember, a fair few months ago I made a topic about how I'd come to the rather belated realisation that I was in fact non-binary. This was, as you probably won't remember was complicated by the fact that I'm happily married with two amazing children. I waxed lyrical about this and that and probably mentioned Brian Molko. At one point, people got a bit too hung up on a throwaway line about me being a goblin person, which was a self-deprecating joke but not joke. I'm hideous to behold sometimes. Things were derailed slightly.

Anyway, I digress. People here suggested I bring this up with my wife. These suggestions varied in force from "maybe you should..." to basically "why the fuck haven't you, you're a horrible, sewage marinated piece of filth for not bringing this up...", with a few more encouraging "she probably already knows"

A few weeks ago, I did, and it was a bit of an accident. After work, I'd come home and started bitching to my wife about a coworker who was bitching about non binary people using they/them pronouns, and while I was venting to my wife I accidentally dropped the bomb that if I was 20 years younger now, I'd love that this was a possibility, and would in all likelihood use they/them pronouns.

It was stupid and I was tired, I'd had to wake up at some ridiculous hour to get to work ridiculously early in order to induct a new hire. In that moment, I'd sort of assumed my wife got where I was coming from. She sort of did, but very much didn't. I don't think I explained myself properly or what me being "non binary" actually entailed. Once again, tired as fuck.

Afterwards, there were a few afternoons I came home to the feeling in the air many people in a relationship may associate with "you really fucked up, in a massive and utterly big way, you just don't know it yet". We're talking coming home to that you should have pre-bought the "I'm sorry I fucked your sister/brother bear" and the biggest bunch of roses possible from the florist to make up for things vibe. After a fairly awkward, stilted afternoon and evening, the kids would go to bed and my wife would finally initiate a fairly terse conversations about what me being "non-binary" would mean, what exactly I meant, how I viewed myself, etc. I'd think it was sorted, until a few nights after. etc. It took a few afternoons of coming home and wondering if I'd accidentally cheated on her with a member of her immediate family, from the reception I was getting.

We were just nibbling at the issue?

Finally, we had the right conversation, I guess. The big takeaway was that she felt betrayal, and that I was hiding fairly major things from her. I will admit, I didn't take that particularly well at first, particularly when my wife mentioned "I had no problems with you being bisexual..." To be perfectly honest, she's about the only person I've ever been completely honest with when it comes to who I am and who I perceive myself to be, so it really, really stung. I understand completely where she was coming from, but it still stung. I was very much wishing I'd kept my mouth well and truly shut. Anyway, after another "I am actually far too tired to conduct a rational conversation" conversation I finally articulated myself properly and we reached a position of mutual understanding.

Then this week she surprised me with a non-binary pride flag ring. I know I've already made a topic about it, but that really hit me in the soft and vulnerables.

Sorry, brain dump.

So yeah, I completely accidentally ended up following CE's advice, and it turned out well. Thank you but also not. At the very least this is an opportunity for the spreadsheeters to update, if I'm worthy of spreadsheeting.