Current Events > Profit: if you don't want your bag searched exiting a store, keep a sex toy

(+) Yeah! (+)

Just let it float around on top.

I could see a security guard freaking out and calling the cops on you for "sexual harassment " though

Zikten posted...

I could see a security guard freaking out and calling the cops on you for "sexual harassment " though

Then they shouldnt have perused my bag, its my property. Im allowed to carry around the fist of Adonis if I want.

Yes that's why I have a 12" horse dildo in my backpack. No other reason.

Kakapo posted...

Then they shouldnt have perused my bag, its my property. Im allowed to carry around the fist of Adonis if I want.

You are. But that won't stop them. I watch alot of videos on YouTube about interactions with karens. This situation sounds like many stories I have heard

The cops may or may not be mad at the guard when they arrive but you'd have to stick around until they got there. Which you probably wouldn't like

Zikten posted...

You are. But that won't stop them. I watch alot of videos on YouTube about interactions with karens. This situation sounds like many stories I have heard

The cops may or may not be mad at the guard when they arrive but you'd have to stick around until they got there. Which you probably wouldn't like

Sweetheart, I'm carrying around a sex toy in my bag for funsies.

At the very least it's a detournement of the sanctity of one's own property, where the horror and embarrassment at the potential invasion of privacy is held instead by the security guard.

When I was young, I was strip-searched more than once, and I have never stolen a single thing in my life. Since then I've developed something of an allergy to overweening wieners with a fake badge. I'm quite prepared to ride this strange rocket to the moon.

I agree with you. I'm not saying you can't do it. I'm saying a guard will think you can't. They might lie on the phone too when they call

Just TODAY I watched a video about a karen who walked into someone else's house while the owners were taking a bath together. And the husband got out of the tub right as the bathroom door opened and the Karen screamed and called 911

She then told the cops that it was HER house and that a naked man was assaulting her and sexually harassing her

Do your thing if you want but I'd try to minimize contact with police if I could. Even if the cops say you did nothing wrong, and even maybe arrest rhe guard instead.... it's still a hassle

Depending on which store you get arrested in, watch them accuse you of being a sex predator and looking to molest kids.

Zikten posted...

I could see a security guard freaking out and calling the cops on you for "sexual harassment " though

Sounds like a lawsuit that the customer would probably win as long as the object was decently concealed. Still wouldn't stop jerk ass employees from gossiping and talking shit though.

Zikten posted...

I agree with you. I'm not saying you can't do it. I'm saying a guard will think you can't. They might lie on the phone too when they call

Just TODAY I watched a video about a karen who walked into someone else's house while the owners were taking a bath together. And the husband got out of the tub right as the bathroom door opened and the Karen screamed and called 911

She then told the cops that it was HER house and that a naked man was assaulting her and sexually harassing her

Do your thing if you want but I'd try to minimize contact with police if I could. Even if the cops say you did nothing wrong, and even maybe arrest rhe guard instead.... it's still a hassle

This is a hill I am quite prepared to die on. If said hill is vaguely rubbery and has suction cups, all the better.

It is a condition of entry that upon request, I will present my buttplug/bags for inspection.

It's all classist anyway. I can do the most perfect received pronunciation/classical BBC English imaginable, even in 'Straya that's met with obeisance and obsequy when I'm out and about. If I'm speaking in 'Strayan and sound like the common or garden Bogan, my bag is checked each time.

"Would you like to like to check my bag?"
versus
"Woujja like ta check me bagg?"

Same with the way you're dressed. The most recent instance where classist bullshit came into play was going into the local Tiffany. There was a piece my wife had been wanting for a while, so I went into the Tiffany's in the city to get it. I was dressed in my weekend gear, which was a decent pair of black jeans, the obligatory solovairs and a band tee. The manageress absolutely, completely and utterly ignored me when I tried to get her attention to buy it. I'd have just gone "all the nope" there and then, but my wife really liked that piece. So, I went in on the Monday, in my corporate bitch best. She ignored another person who was in there to ask if she could help me, and I was liek "nah thanks, I'm just lookin'" and waited until one of the more junior staff were free. Then, I got her to sort out the purchase and ring it up. Commission sales, yo. I guess I'm just a petty shithead like that.

MFW I check a bag and see a DP sex toy

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/6/6/AAJHVqAAEAlW.jpg

Number090684 posted...

Sounds like a lawsuit that the customer would probably win as long as the object was decently concealed. Still wouldn't stop jerk ass employees from gossiping and talking shit though.

They can talk shit about me as much as they want, to be honest. I'm sure they'll remember me when I swing by in 12 months' time.

Dildo in your handbag
???
Profit

MabusIncarnate posted...

Dildo in your handbag
???
Profit

Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

yeah sure, im just gonna walk around with a dildo all day...

ZevLoveDOOM posted...

yeah sure, im just gonna walk around with a dildo all day...

If you're worried about storage space, you could go with a buttplug?

What if it's in the sex toy store?

FatAnimeBooty posted...

What if it's in the sex toy store?

That's why you Always Keep The Receipt

Kakapo posted...

That's why you Always Keep The Receipt

That's too many steps

What about hiding the merchandise inside said sex toy?

MrResetti posted...

What about hiding the merchandise inside said sex toy?

If you're carrying a sex toy in your bag at this point you might as well just shove the stuff you're stealing in your ass

Irony posted...

If you're carrying a sex toy in your bag at this point you might as well just shove the stuff you're stealing in your ass

The objective in all this was never to steal things, it was to present a deterrant to bag raiders.

Put the bag in your ass

Irony posted...

Put the bag in your ass

My bum-bum isn't that capacious.

If they go to stop and check you, just keep violently coughing.

Apologize and say "sorry, I got that plague thats going around as you dig for the receipt

Etna posted...

If they go to stop and check you, just keep violently coughing.

Apologize and say "sorry, I got that plague thats going around as you dig for the receipt

Nah, I have a pretty snazzy mask with decent filters I wear when I go shopping. I'd just be coughing unnecessarily into that.