Current Events > My brother would have been 40 years old today

(+) Yeah! (+)

My older brother killed himself in July 2020. We had an unusual relationship. I grew up the oldest child until I was around nine or ten and we all found out my dad had a kid from before he was with my mom.

He came to live with us for a while and it was cool to have an older brother. Eventually he moved back with his mom because he had less rules with her. He was out of our lives for a few years and that was a tough adjustment for me.
We didn't hear from him again until he reconnected with us again in his early 20s (my memory isn't the best with years).

Through the years he got married a couple times and had four kids. He had a few different jobs but never seemed to have much direction in life. We were about as close as you might expect family that no longer lived together and had the past we did might be. Saw him on birthdays and holidays. At a point, he moved away a few hours from us and saw him less.

By accounts, he had been drinking a lot more toward the end of his life. It makes me sad to think he must have felt he had no one to turn to or talk to that he felt he wanted to end his life.

We still see his oldest son (my nephew). He's in high school and lives in the area with his mom. I wonder if we'll ever see the other three kids again. They live across the state and their mom almost immediately shacked up with another guy. No one really liked her much (that's all another story).

Not sure why I'm finally putting this out here, but today has got me feeling down.

im sorry to hear. it doesnt matter how long it has been because its always hard to lose family members.

That sucks, shit aint easy

Sorry man, lost mine the same way. I'm usually around if you ever feel like dropping me some thoughts.

sorry to hear that, TC. losing a sibling is fucking tough and it stings for a long time, especially with circumstances like those. i was in a similar boat 15 years ago when my younger brother offed himself.

It sounds like he had a tough road and tried his best.

~Learn from him.
He taught you a lot.

Im sorry TC its hard not to feel guilty or like you couldve done something but dont beat yourself up

Thank you for the kind replies and taking time to read my random thoughts.

Spiderman23J posted...

Im sorry TC its hard not to feel guilty or like you couldve done something but dont beat yourself up

There is a small aspect to this, but what I feel worse about is that I haven't made the effort I would have liked to connect more with my nephew. I'm happy that my dad and him are spending a lot more time together these last couple years and it's been really positive for both of them.
My dad has always been more personable and better at making genuine connections with others than I have.
I know it's still not too late to build a more meaningful relationship with my nephew and I owe him and my brother that.

Sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine. I'm sure you've heard this before, but don't blame yourself. There was no way for you to know anything was wrong.

But yeah, it has to be tough. Go ahead and grieve and take your time. There's no shame in that.