Current Events > As a 33 who has never been with a girl I'm broken in the romance department

(+) Yeah! (+)

I was head over heels for I girl I met in high school and got to know during my 1st year of college
I failed at hooking up with her because I'm socially awkward and it destroyed me

For the next several years I flirted around only to get rejected/girls showing little signs of interest and nothing felt the same

12 years later I find a girl at work who is the perfect combination of Sweet, Adorable, Beautiful, Attractive, with just enough sassy humor I fell hard for her but one day she left for other (and hopefully better) endeavors

But it just leaves me lost, in pain, with no hope

fuck having aspergers

Just hire someone to get over the initial hump

Women and girls are people. Start treating them as people or humans in general, then a relationship will naturally start if it's meant to be.
you can try to force a relationship, but that usually leaves people stuck.

the age old advice is best: just be yourself. Too often it feels like guys expect women to like them and be more forward than they're being.

You accept rejection and that's good. That makes it all the easier.

Never too late

I'm on the spectrum too

You need to just throw yourself at whoever will accept you so even if you don't work out you gain some experience.

pedro45 posted...

Women and girls are people. Start treating them as people or humans in general, then a relationship will naturally start if it's meant to be.
you can try to force a relationship, but that usually leaves people stuck.

the age old advice is best: just be yourself. Too often it feels like guys expect women to like them and be more forward than they're being.

You accept rejection and that's good. That makes it all the easier.

Well for the girls I was most drawn to I never felt deserving of them

One is currently married and while I don't know her husband personally I sincerely hope he's helped make her life better than I ever could have dreamed of
She was severely injured and almost died in car accident 16 years ago when we were in high school where 3 others ended up dying. The fact that she has had a second chance at life and is able to start a family is nothing short of a miracle

The girl I fell for at work is a black muslim girl, and while I wasn't as close to her as the former there was just little I could offer her to begin with. It really has made all the racism and prejudice in the World turn my stomach more than it did before. She's such an unbeliveably sweet a girl that deserves so, so, so, so, so, soooooooooooo much better than what society has to offer. But me, I was never a good a match for despite how she gave me all kinds of feelings.

You'll get over it pretty quickly, I have confidence in that. I'm 37. The first time I had any sort of relationship was 27 and that barely lasted a couple months. Didn't experience the next one until I was 34. Some people just end up being that way. I'm working on a relationship now, but it might not go anywhere and I let her know that up front, because I just graduated college and may get job offers outside of province, and if that happens I'm taking them as they all pay far more than I get paid here. Everyone finds things at different parts of their life. Just work on being the best you that you can be, and I have faith that you'll find someone that melds well with you and your lifestyle.

Ivany2008 posted...

You'll get over it pretty quickly, I have confidence in that. I'm 37. The first time I had any sort of relationship was 27 and that barely lasted a couple months. Didn't experience the next one until I was 34. Some people just end up being that way. I'm working on a relationship now, but it might not go anywhere and I let her know that up front, because I just graduated college and may get job offers outside of province, and if that happens I'm taking them as they all pay far more than I get paid here. Everyone finds things at different parts of their life. Just work on being the best you that you can be, and I have faith that you'll find someone that melds well with you and your lifestyle.

I wish I could believe that but all I've ever known is failure and ineptitude

Take the girls off a pedestal, dude.

If you don't feel deserving of women you do like, what's that say about the kind of women you feel deserving of?

If you don't think she's a 10, then what's the point? You'll always be looking at that 10 and be left wondering

The fact that your aren't blaming women or playing the victim here shows you have a good attitude unlike the incels (which you are not because you aren't an extremist and its a label for extremists only). You will find the right one. Be yourself. Someone will love you for it.

No one can control who they are attracted to or not attracted to and neither is anyone's fault.

pedro45 posted...

If you don't feel deserving of women you do like, what's that say about the kind of women you feel deserving of?

If you don't think she's a 10, then what's the point? You'll always be looking at that 10 and be left wondering

You need to be realistic though.

My friend is the same age as him and in the same scenario never having a girlfriend and he looks at these babes on Instagram all day and has a standards way too high.

just become a pick up artist, problem solved

All that gamefaqs karma you got, I find this hard to believe

GS4Life posted...

I wish I could believe that but all I've ever known is failure and ineptitude

your preaching to the choir. I've failed in nearly everything I attempted. I've been to college 5 times, only finally graduating last year. Got a work term, great work term and then got told I had to get chemotherapy because my cancer came back. Parents went on vacation 2 weeks ago and now I got Covid, despite them being extremely careful where they were (they went to see my grandmother who didn't have covid and barely went anywhere in her town). I got turned down for EI support, had to sell my house so I don't end up homeless.

But I still keep the faith. This isn't a race my man. This is a marathon. Just because one little pebble trips you up, don't let it keep you down. Work on things piece by piece and everything else will fall into line.

pedro45 posted...

Take the girls off a pedestal, dude.

If you don't feel deserving of women you do like, what's that say about the kind of women you feel deserving of?

If you don't think she's a 10, then what's the point? You'll always be looking at that 10 and be left wondering

The two I am talking about I have viewed as beyond a ten and inspired me the most and try to be a better version of myself but at the same time I can't help but think of how much better they can do and deserve than a meek person such as myself

Not every girl I've flirted with I felt that way about but it all comes back to my shortcomings.

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Why? I've considered it myself and I'm even older than he is.

Just keep moving dude. As long as you are out and about, you'll find someone. It helps with the social skills and cues

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Why not?

I'm not saying he should go all Andrew Tate but TC obviously has some barriers to creating relationships and there are probably sex workers that are available to help him with those issues, the social stigma around sex work is falling and people with physical and mobility barriers are contacting sex workers, why shouldn't someone with aspergers be able to do the same?

deoxxys posted...

You need to be realistic though.

My friend is the same age as him and in the same scenario never having a girlfriend and he looks at these babes on Instagram all day and has a standards way too high.

That's super shallow, like immensely. That's why he's single.
There's more to a babe than instagram posts.
My lady is just as, if not more, beautiful inside than outside. She's obviously adorable, but then she talks and is immensely bright. You can't post that, you gotta experience it.

pedro45 posted...

the age old advice is best: just be yourself.

Maybe that's the problem?

I never liked this advice. Some people are naturally awkward with stale personalities. Or complete assholes. No one wants to be around these sorts of people. Sometimes people have to work at revamping themselves or live as hermits. I say this as a natural socially awkward asshole.

If you're too anxious to just try and ask them out to lunch or tell them you like them, you might want to look into medication or therapy.

Instead of becoming fixated on 'perfect' women who are almost certainly unattainable (and therefore 'safe' in many ways), just try being friendly with women you like.

Keep it low key, low stakes and see what develops. Take the pressure off yourself.

I know the feeling, I'm 39 and in a similar situation. No asperger's though, but other issues that make it difficult.

It really feels like most other people can't comprehend how much it builds up and gradually wears someone down.

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He could fuck a million hookers and become a sex daddy master but still feel too socially awkward for it to really help