Current Events > Im 36 never had a girlfriend and live with my grandmother

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yeah, I don't care. You actually are a great guy. I'm straight but you're pics are kind of sexy. Everyone here loves you, and wants to help. And I know you can get a girl, even if an older one like I might have. Do you desire love or sex more, Koga? Also, love Inuyasha and that name lol

Will_VIIII posted...

This uh, screams incel

The first reply in this topic and it's this. Women have their right to have their OPINION, but why is half of every post I see about people using Tinder or dating apps about how women are looking for "high value men" or some other such filter nonsense where it's like "Must be 9 feet tall, have giant wiener, make $1,000,000 a year, be able to throw objects long distances, be able to fix our own plumbing if it breaks, be able to construct own surface to air missile launching system in case country is invaded".

Like what the fuck is that? Then it's them or single mothers? I don't want to be some kids dad either. I haven't even held a girls hand yet or been on a date, I'm not ready to be a dad. Or it's women who are insane and have personality disorders? And the other .0001% is a compatible woman?

And I don't care about those degenerate fuck wits who worship Elliot Rodger. I just want a girl to like me, ask me how I'm doing and play with my hair and genuinely, unironically, want to have a relationship with me.

But even the girl who works the nearby liquor store stopped saying "Have a nice day." for a short amount of time because she thinks or thought my weird nervous occasional lack of eye contact behavior is because I come there to see her or some shit. I don't give a fuck who works at that store, I'm just there to buy goddamn energy drinks.

wanderingshade posted...

The first reply in this topic and it's this. Women have their right to have their OPINION, but why is half of every post I see about people using Tinder or dating apps about how women are looking for "high value men" or some other such filter nonsense where it's like "Must be 9 feet tall, have giant wiener, make $1,000,000 a year, be able to throw objects long distances, be able to fix our own plumbing if it breaks, be able to construct own surface to air missile launching system in case country is invaded".

Like what the fuck is that? Then it's them or single mothers? I don't want to be some kids dad either. I haven't even held a girls hand yet or been on a date, I'm not ready to be a dad. Or it's women who are insane and have personality disorders? And the other .0001% is a compatible woman?

And I don't care about those degenerate fuck wits who worship Elliot Rodger. I just want a girl to like me, ask me how I'm doing and play with my hair and genuinely, unironically, want to have a relationship with me.

But even the girl who works the nearby liquor store stopped saying "Have a nice day." for a short amount of time because she thinks or thought my weird nervous occasional lack of eye contact behavior is because I come there to see her or some shit. I don't give a fuck who works at that store, I'm just there to buy goddamn energy drinks.

In contrast, this is the type of example I can't give advice to. Aside from seeking professional help.

wanderingshade posted...

The first reply in this topic and it's this. Women have their right to have their OPINION, but why is half of every post I see about people using Tinder or dating apps about how women are looking for "high value men" or some other such filter nonsense where it's like "Must be 9 feet tall, have giant wiener, make $1,000,000 a year, be able to throw objects long distances, be able to fix our own plumbing if it breaks, be able to construct own surface to air missile launching system in case country is invaded".

Like what the fuck is that? Then it's them or single mothers? I don't want to be some kids dad either. I haven't even held a girls hand yet or been on a date, I'm not ready to be a dad. Or it's women who are insane and have personality disorders? And the other .0001% is a compatible woman?

And I don't care about those degenerate fuck wits who worship Elliot Rodger. I just want a girl to like me, ask me how I'm doing and play with my hair and genuinely, unironically, want to have a relationship with me.

But even the girl who works the nearby liquor store stopped saying "Have a nice day." for a short amount of time because she thinks or thought my weird nervous occasional lack of eye contact behavior is because I come there to see her or some shit. I don't give a fuck who works at that store, I'm just there to buy goddamn energy drinks.

Stop posting. You are embarrassing yourself. You clearly don't know anything about what women want, and are likely basing your opinion off of Instagram and Tiktok.

chaos_knight posted...

Do you desire love or sex more, Koga?

Love, by far. But I wouldn't refuse either, I suppose. Preferably one would lead to the other.

Will_VIIII posted...

This uh, screams incel

ITT - Someone makes a topic about how bad he feels for not being able to have sex, or a relationship, more posters feel enough trust to share their similar woes, some people tell them not being able to have sex doesnt make you losers then will here goes like InCeLs LuLz

chaos_knight posted...

In contrast, this is the type of example I can't give advice to. Aside from seeking professional help.

Seriously, what did I do? I notice how women act or behave around me even if some of it is in my head, and I genuinely feel pre-judged by a vast majority of them. Like they think I'M THE GUY who is gonna corner them in an alley and sexually assault them. But I haven't even done anything.

Then I see stories about how women have boyfriends that drug them to forcefully have anal sex with them, or tell them they have "womanly duties", or tell them they don't want their kids learning about Cree culture or whatever because it "isn't in the Bible" and I'm like "how long did this skin walker fake being human in order to enter long term relationships like this, when I haven't seemed to have met a girl who even likes being around me".

I've tried to talk to girls from my school in the past to get to know them, but then I talk myself out of it convincing myself it's pointless, that it will end poorly and I'd "waste her time" if I was to some how convince her to have a relationship with me. I've even convinced myself it was a good thing I bombed trying to get to know my Highschool crush because "What if I caused her to never meet her current husband if I actually succeed? What if I ruined her life?".

I'm literally on anti-anxiety and depression pills, but what the fuck do I need therapy for? I just don't want to be treated like some lunatic criminal before anyone even gets to know me.

wanderingshade posted...

Seriously, what did I do? I notice how women act or behave around me even if some of it is in my head, and I genuinely feel pre-judged by a vast majority of them. Like they think I'M THE GUY who is gonna corner them in an alley and sexually assault them. But I haven't even done anything.

Then I see stories about how women have boyfriends that drug them to forcefully have anal sex with them, or tell them they have "womanly duties", or tell them they don't want their kids learning about Cree culture or whatever because it "isn't in the Bible" and I'm like "how long did this skin walker fake being human in order to enter long term relationships like this, when I haven't seemed to have met a girl who even likes being around me".

I've tried to talk to girls from my school in the past to get to know them, but then I talk myself out of it convincing myself it's pointless, that it will end poorly and I'd "waste her time" if I was to some how convince her to have a relationship with me. I've even convinced myself it was a good thing I bombed trying to get to know my Highschool crush because "What if I caused her to never meet her current husband if I actually succeed? What if I ruined her life?".

I'm literally on anti-anxiety and depression pills, but what the fuck do I need therapy for? I just don't want to be treated like some lunatic criminal before anyone even gets to know me.

This is a much more sympathetic post. Your assumptions about women in the previous posts are wrong though, at least if your assumption is that it is the majority of them.

I have generally only had positive encounters with women from dating apps. Yes, some do ask for waaaaay too much, but that is an entitled subset.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


that I get. But using incel as an insult where people are sharing vulnerability about exactly that (not being able to have sex or a relationship) is a bit tone deaf at best, if not just mean intentioned.

its like that scene in game of thrones where Jamie Lannister is having a heart felt conversation with Brienne about him not being the king slayer kind of person anymore, how he is not such a terrible person in reality, etc, and then as soon as he collapses she goes like help the king slayer!

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


The internet is a hyperfocused, over generalized lens of specific interactions, but it still seems common enough to happen frequently even if it isn't the majority. Where exactly did I say "OH WOW ALL WOMEN WANT BIG DICKS AND TALL MEN FUCK ME WHERE IS MY BANG MAID"? Even amongst the semi-successful it feels like they have stories where they have to navigate dating apps for choosy pick me's or some other nonsense.

My point is with the shift of dating going from happening somewhere in real life to OVERWHELMINGLY online, it feel like such a nonstarter with someone such as myself, with such infinitesimally small experience with socializing with women in general to even bother, when more NORMAL people have to deal with that, or women who unmatch because you say "Hey" and want you to be funny or try to use a pick up line or type a long sentence to introduce yourself (which after all I said and done they're going to judge you based on your profile picture and bio anyway), or any number of disqualifying things that seem to make online dating a living hell. That's not even to get into a lingering anxiety of mine that my first relationship might just be with someone who abuses me. But it seems like you guys are having fun coming to conclusions over here.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Without saying what you think the therapy should be for, you make it sound like it's to protect them from the current me like I'm going to stick them in a well and ask them to put the lotion on the skin.

wanderingshade posted...

women who unmatch because you say "Hey" and want you to be funny or try to use a pick up line or type a long sentence to introduce yourself (which after all I said and done they're going to judge you based on your profile picture and bio anyway), or any number of disqualifying things that seem to make online dating a living hell

When you have a match, message enthusiasticly with something on their profile, ask a question and tease (but don't completely answer your own answer). If they like traveling:

"Hi Anna! What is your favorite place you have ever traveled to? Last year, I went on a European River Cruise which was a lot of fun." (I didn't say where or if my favorite)

Hopefully she responds (admittedly like 50/50 for me). If she responds, ask a question at the end of every single message.

After just like 5 or 6 messages each, ask her out: "I am really enjoying chatting with you and would like to continue the conversation. Are you available to meet for happy hour after work next week? I am open Monday, Tuesday or Thursday?"

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Maybe because beyond bullying I've literally had girls tell me to "Go away/over there, and stop talking to me". I've had people tell me I "seem creepy" and that if anyone would shoot up the school, it would probably be me (no idea why they said that). I've had a girl intentionally leave facetious love notes making fun of the shape of my head, I had a girl I was temporary friends with say our relationship was like that of "distant cousins" and that it would be weird if we ever dated... date a Nazi who told her he wasn't (even though he definitely was) who eventually became too old to go to that school, I had a girl I liked randomly talk about the size of her boyfriends penis around me for seemingly no reason, and in a conversation I don't remember who started heard a girls response to if she would ever date me be "Oh god no". I've also heard some girls from my class wonder exactly who I was because I was "quiet" and "didn't seem to ever talk". Oh and there was one girl who said "Stop looking at me" in the middle of class, but I was in fact kind of looking at her.

Quake-64 posted...

completely different, you moved back in to take care of them. At least in my book this is highly respectable and different from living with them because of other reasons

Her wreck did happen to coincide with life falling out from under me, and it took me a year to get the job I have now, but things have looked up since then.

whats your job? I am curious, since youre legally blind

Software developer. COVID was a real blessing, as I felt so guilty and like such a burden having family drive me to and pick me up from the office, and then I was allowed to work from home and that guilt went away. Now theyre trying to make us go to the office 2 days a week starting October 1, and Im trying to use my inability to drive to get an exemption for the telework program, which typically requires you to live 50 miles from the office. I live 15 miles away, but without being able to drive, it may as well be 150 without burdening someone else with it.

relationships are not for everyone I feel. Nothing wrong with that

Ive always wanted one. Its just hard to have one when you never get out to meet people. Here, Id basically have to have a family member drive me out anywhere, which seems like it would kill any attempt to meet a woman dead. Ive tried online dating, but I sent out dozens of messages and never got any responses, so that was very disheartening.

Turned 30 three months ago, never had a girlfriend, live with my mom (although hopefully within a couple years, might be getting my own apartment, who knows).

I've had success maybe because I'm decent looking but I have still had some of the same feelings of hopelessness, impression I was unwanted, etc. Mostly because I tried to be the best possible bachelor in every way, groom myself, workout, stylish clothes. If there was a thing that was said to make you more attractive to women, I did it.

I think what killed my drive was how low I had to drop my standards in order to succeed. Forget ever being with a gorgeous girl, let alone an average girl. Heck a chubby girl sounds like a dream come true. I had to scrape the bottom of the barrel and only get go for the most obese women and that was after forking out money for tinder plus and swiping right on almost every girl for months and getting rejected or ghosted dozens of times. Even then it felt like gambling and my chances were about as good as the lottery, so I only managed to attract somebody once every 1-2 years.

I have a long distance girlfriend at the moment but that doesn't mean I don't forget how difficult it was to get there. It shouldn't be this hard just to get I to a relationship, I feel for guys who are socially awkward like myself. I envy how easy it is for women to attract interest no matter how flawed they are.

deoxxys posted...

I have a long distance girlfriend at the moment but that doesn't mean I don't forget how difficult it was to get there. It shouldn't be this hard just to get I to a relationship, I feel for guys who are socially awkward like myself. I envy how easy it is for women to attract interest no matter how flawed they are.

I didn't know that. Congrats!

I have to ask though if you have actually met her in-person. I had always assumed yes, but a few CE posters have talked about relationships where they have never met.

bsp77 posted...

I didn't know that. Congrats!

I have to ask though if you have actually met her in-person. I had always assumed yes, but a few CE posters have talked about relationships where they have never met.

Thank you.

Yeah we have met. I flew out to see her around Valentine's Day.

deoxxys posted...

Thank you.

Yeah we have met. I flew out to see her around Valentine's Day.

Awesome. How did you meet?

PraetorXyn posted...

Her wreck did happen to coincide with life falling out from under me, and it took me a year to get the job I have now, but things have looked up since then.

Software developer. COVID was a real blessing, as I felt so guilty and like such a burden having family drive me to and pick me up from the office, and then I was allowed to work from home and that guilt went away. Now theyre trying to make us go to the office 2 days a week starting October 1, and Im trying to use my inability to drive to get an exemption for the telework program, which typically requires you to live 50 miles from the office. I live 15 miles away, but without being able to drive, it may as well be 150 without burdening someone else with it.

Ive always wanted one. Its just hard to have one when you never get out to meet people. Here, Id basically have to have a family member drive me out anywhere, which seems like it would kill any attempt to meet a woman dead. Ive tried online dating, but I sent out dozens of messages and never got any responses, so that was very disheartening.

I think youre a cool dude. And very honest too

Quake-64 posted...

I think youre a cool dude. And very honest too

Agreed

Quake-64 posted...

ITT - Someone makes a topic about how bad he feels for not being able to have sex, or a relationship, more posters feel enough trust to share their similar woes, some people tell them not being able to have sex doesnt make you losers then will here goes like InCeLs LuLz

I seem to have triggered you

honestly someone in there 30s or 40s that is hung up on sex/relationships could probably gain confidence by hiring a sex worker a few times. obv that isn't a relationship but it will give you experience and confidence and you won't see sex as nearly as big of a deal.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I will concur. Fun in the moment, then a lot of Why did you do that?

andel posted...

honestly someone in there 30s or 40s that is hung up on sex/relationships could probably gain confidence by hiring a sex worker a few times. obv that isn't a relationship but it will give you experience and confidence and you won't see sex as nearly as big of a deal.

Personally, I think that would make things so much worse for me. It's not any type of solution to the root problem at all. It might temporarily treat a symptom, but I feel that over time that would eat away even more than having not done it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


just the experience of having sex will eliminate the over emphasis people with no experience will have on it. if someone is in their 30s-40s and has given up on themselves and reject any advice and don't go out and try to talk to women, it would make it easier for them to view sex and interacting with women as not a big deal, because it really isn't a big deal.

you seem to reject all advice itt and just want these people to do nothing? realizing that women are just people like they are and that sex isn't a big deal is a great segway to talking to women and gaining confidence.

there was a time in my late 20s after a bad relationship i went over a year without approaching any women or sex and was really low on confidence and myself in general. one of my friends bought me an hour with a sex worker and it gave me a spring in my step and restored my confidence massively

Will_VIIII posted...

I seem to have triggered you

lulz men should be valued for their ability to obtain sex

KogaSteelfang posted...

Personally, I think that would make things so much worse for me. It's not any type of solution to the root problem at all. It might temporarily treat a symptom, but I feel that over time that would eat away even more than having not done it.

that could be true, you definitely know yourself better than i do. i just know when i was in a slump it gave me a big confidence boost and weeks later i was talking to girls again

I really can't imagine telling a potential partner that I paid money to lose my virginity

Will_VIIII posted...

I really can't imagine telling a potential partner that I paid money to lose my virginity

it's good to have a buddy to throw under the bus if you end up telling them. i didn't lose my virginity to a sex worker but i have frequented them a few times throughout the years. drunkenly telling your gf that you got a two girl special at a casino is a bad idea with no setup to soften the blow. telling her that your buddy paid and they showed up to your room makes it looks a little less trashy and avoided an argument

andel posted...

that could be true, you definitely know yourself better than i do. i just know when i was in a slump it gave me a big confidence boost and weeks later i was talking to girls again

Sure, I get that, but how would it have felt if buying someone's time was the only option? Would you feel bad if all that confidence got you nothing, and you had to keep resorting to buying people? If you had never managed to find someone on your own? If your friends buying you an hour with someone was all you ever got?

Would that be the same boost to the confidence that you got, or would it hit differently?

Quake-64 posted...

lulz men should be valued for their ability to obtain sex

You're defending a guy who made gross generalizations.

Nice MAGA meltdown

wanderingshade posted...

Seriously, what did I do? I notice how women act or behave around me even if some of it is in my head, and I genuinely feel pre-judged by a vast majority of them. Like they think I'M THE GUY who is gonna corner them in an alley and sexually assault them. But I haven't even done anything.

Then I see stories about how women have boyfriends that drug them to forcefully have anal sex with them, or tell them they have "womanly duties", or tell them they don't want their kids learning about Cree culture or whatever because it "isn't in the Bible" and I'm like "how long did this skin walker fake being human in order to enter long term relationships like this, when I haven't seemed to have met a girl who even likes being around me".

I've tried to talk to girls from my school in the past to get to know them, but then I talk myself out of it convincing myself it's pointless, that it will end poorly and I'd "waste her time" if I was to some how convince her to have a relationship with me. I've even convinced myself it was a good thing I bombed trying to get to know my Highschool crush because "What if I caused her to never meet her current husband if I actually succeed? What if I ruined her life?".

I'm literally on anti-anxiety and depression pills, but what the fuck do I need therapy for? I just don't want to be treated like some lunatic criminal before anyone even gets to know me.

You need therapy because you seem to instinctually believe that everyone around you thinks youre an insane criminal. if your first thought upon meeting someone for the first time is oh fuck they probably think im going to hurt them then something is WRONG and you should get help

KogaSteelfang posted...

Sure, I get that, but how would it have felt if buying someone's time was the only option? Would you feel bad if all that confidence got you nothing, and you had to keep resorting to buying people? If you had never managed to find someone on your own? If your friends buying you an hour with someone was all you ever got?

Would that be the same boost to the confidence that you got, or would it hit differently?

it's hard to say imo. i know before i ever had a gf or sex i put both women and sex on a pedestal. after i realized that women have the same insecurities and self esteem issues that guys do. after a significant amount of time without a gf or sex i started regressing to be less confident and self assured and even after a transactional encounter it really did help my perspective and self esteem.

i think if you just get sex out of the way a few times it would help you with confidence in approaching women. remember, there are definitely plenty of women out there that would be happy to date you regardless of your situation. there are plenty of women in the same kinds of situations and they can have self esteem and confidence issues just like any guy.

if you put yourself in situations to meet people in general like through a hobby your chances of meeting a woman who could have common interests go up a lot.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Ok, say I fight through this feeling and decide I am worth being with. What would that do? I'd still be alone?

You have to love yourself first.

If you don't see yourself as a person worth being with, how the hell is anyone else supposed to?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


it isn't meant to be the only solution, it's just to get past the hurdle of not having sex and building confidence and realizing that sex isn't that big a deal and women aren't that much different than men.

everyone is different but there have definitely been dudes that have paid for sex and used the confidence gained to talk to more women and put themselves out there more

I'm nearly 30 and forever alone

CrashLightning posted...

I'm nearly 30 and forever alone

its only bad if you think its bad IMO

mybbqrules posted...

If you don't see yourself as a person worth being with, how the hell is anyone else supposed to?

Just another reason it won't happen.

ssb_yunglink2 posted... You need therapy because you seem to instinctually believe that everyone around you thinks youre an insane criminal. if your first thought upon meeting someone for the first time is oh fuck they probably think im going to hurt them then something is WRONG and you should get help

It's not something that happens "after the first time I meet someone". I wasn't treated very kindly by a bunch of different girls in public school. College was a different matter, it was mostly part time, but I felt invisible. I had no attachment to other students. A girl approached me in the lunch room and I had no idea what to make of it, all she did was ask me questions about what I was going to school for. I tried to talk to a girl in my course who was actually a cousin of someone I knew from public school and she ignored me. I think college was a time I had a nearly severe problem with maintaining eye contact. I think there was also a time during the first year where if I heard people laughing near me I used to assume it was about me.

Hmm, I think I'm going to ask my psychiatrist if I can get therapy for PTSD.

bsp77 posted...

Awesome. How did you meet?

Through a friend I met on the Taimi dating app.

It saddens me that people equate having a girlfriend with being successful. When will society get to a point where its not considered weird to be someone who just isnt meant for a relationship?

I guess because I learned at a fairly young age that dating wasnt really for me, Im comfortable being in my mid-30s and not being in a relationship. Its not the best hand in the world, but its the one I was dealt, and Ive made peace with it and am honestly much happier now than I ever was when I was pursuing a relationship, or certainly when I was IN a relationship Its all been miserable experiences for me.

rexcrk posted...

It saddens me that people equate having a girlfriend with being successful. When will society get to a point where its not considered weird to be someone who just isnt meant for a relationship?

I guess because I learned at a fairly young age that dating wasnt really for me, Im comfortable being in my mid-30s and not being in a relationship. Its not the best hand in the world, but its the one I was dealt, and Ive made peace with it and am honestly much happier now than I ever was when I was pursuing a relationship, or certainly when I was IN a relationship Its all been miserable experiences for me.

this is a good post.

some people would end frustrated and angry over not being in a relationship, which in turn affects their mental health. Instead youre happy and doing great. Its all about mindset

Don't Worry Brother you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Everything can change quicker than you know it.

Take up coding and Software Engineering and you can make a very high income and easily get out of your Grandmother's House

And a relationship can come when you least expect it too.

Ronaldo posted...

Taking care of your grandmother is not pathetic.

This