It seems like no matter what I write about these days, be it the destruction of a nature preserve in Stafford or a police raid on the newspaper in Marion, the conversation in online comments always seems to turn to Hunter Bidens laptop as in, Why dont you ever write about that?
The answer, of course, is that I am primarily a local and regional columnist, and theres usually plenty going on in Wichita and Kansas to keep me plenty busy.
But, I like to respond to readers, so today, I am going to write about Hunter Bidens laptop.
Its actually more interesting than it sounds like, because Hunter Bidens laptop is arguably the worst laptop Apple ever made. It was such a hunk of junk that it eventually cost Apple a $50 million settlement (more about that later).
If you havent been following this, Hunter Biden is a guy who made a lot of money and took a lot of drugs sort of like Kid Rock without the hat.
Hes also the son of President Joe Biden, or no one would give a flyin fig about his laptop.
...
So lets take a deep dive into Hunter Bidens laptop.
The laptop in question is an Apple MacBook Pro, which, according to Justice Department records is serial No. FVFXC2MMHV29.
Before I started researching this column, I didnt know there are websites around the world where you can plug in an Apple serial number and get back the specs.
According to Techable.com, Hunter Bidens laptop is a 2017 MacBook Pro, with a screen size of 13 inches, an Intel Core i5 processor with a CPU frequency of 2.3 gigahertz and eight gigabytes of RAM.
Not the best specs, but more than adequate for most users. Industry reviewers mostly gave it a 4 out of 5, praising its Retina display screen and thinness of the overall package.
But that thinness was to be the laptops downfall. To get there, Apple used what are called butterfly keys on the keyboard.
Most keyboards use scissor keys, where the internal mechanism is shaped like an X; butterfly keys are more like a V.
Butterfly keys were an elegant solution in a design lab in Cupertino, California. Problem was, most people dont use their laptops in a design lab in Cupertino.
They use them at home, at job sites, in restaurants and a whole lot of other not-so-clean environments, and butterfly keys became notorious for going negative-function if you got any dust, crumbs or other daily detritus in them.
A class-action lawsuit was filed and to settle it, Apple agreed to spend up to $50 million to reimburse customers who had had their keyboards or keys replaced at Apple stores and authorized dealers.
As usual in such scenarios, the company admitted neither wrongdoing nor putting a defective product on the market. Customers who had their computers fixed by someone other than Apple were out of luck, and those who were eligible had to actually apply for compensation before the settlement was finalized.
But the lawyers who brought the suit cleaned up on legal fees, so thats something, I guess.
Overall, I cant say Id recommend Hunter Biden laptops.
...
So there you have it. My story on Hunter Bidens laptop.
To my frequent online commenters, you can now quit complaining about my alleged dereliction and maybe engage on local and Kansas issues that I write about regularly.
And to the rest of my readers, when you have your Labor Day picnic and crazy Aunt Agnes whose lifestyle mainly consists of watching Newsmax all day starts going off about Hunter Bidens laptop, youll be able to wow her with a bunch of facts that she doesnt know.
So this column isnt a wretched waste of space after all.