Current Events > Bisexual people are actively discriminated against in the queer community...

(+) Yeah! (+)

...and it pisses me off to no end. And by bisexual I mean all those who fall under rhe bi umbrella. In my case it would be gynesexual, but it's easier to tell people I'm bi for clarity and ease of understanding.

I started noticing this when I was a young queer. Most gay men just wouldn't fuck with me because they felt we were "sluts who would cheat on me" or "secretly gay" or "actually gay but not realized it yet" or other such nonsense. Those that would give me a chance would quickly give me bigoted bullshit reasons for why they wanted nothing to do with me and that was that. I want to clarify that this wasn't ALL gay men, but it was most of them. I also heard similar horror stories from bi women in regards to lesbians that made me realize this was not an isolated thing. I used to go to Boystown very often and was active in the community, but after that treatment I just stopped going and swore off gay men for the most part. I just couldn't deal with the bigotry from people who were supposed to be my comrades-in-arms. I'm sure many of them would be fuming or rolling their eyes if they found out I married a (bi) woman.

Later on, I thought that trans women--probably the most vulnerable of our sisters in the community--would be more understanding. That they would understand what I was going through with other queers and sympathize. NOPE! "Bi men are gross" or "Sorry, I don't date bi men" or something along those lines. The one that really made me laugh in her face was when I got told, "I want a STRAIGHT man". Bitch, most men who identify as straight wouldn't touch you with a 10-foot pole. Many others would accuse you of "trapping" them and get violent for your making them question their sexuality, too. And yet you have the gall to say bullshit like that?

I could go on and on with examples, but most of what I've seen from my fellow queers really does make me think that there's really no place for us in the community. We really are too straight for the gays, and too gay for the straights. And it's maddening.

Any other bi people here who can sympathize?

Xenogears15 posted...

bi umbrella

ella, ella
ey, ey

The bigger the spectrum becomes, the more the people will fall through the cracks. Or perhaps have to prove themselves?

It's almost like an inevitability.

Pretty much. I mean, if some ignorant straight person says some dumb things like that I can just roll my eyes, but when it comes from within the community, it hurts because they should know better. Like seriously, I don't get what's so hard to understand about some of us liking more than one group of people. I think it's a relative minority that acts this way though at least.

SrRd_RacinG posted...

The bigger the spectrum becomes, the more the people will fall through the cracks. Or perhaps have to prove themselves?

It's almost like an inevitability.

Regardless of who someone likes to fuck, they're all still humans and humans love to feel superior to others. The bigger the spectrum, the more opportunities people have to point and say "you're not like us."

I think there's a weird misconception in society where you can't be a bad person if you're a minority/disabled or whatever

You're gonna get awesome people and assholes in every section of life

I'm straight, but my son who is bi- has had similar experiences.

I remember dating a girl who would saying "oh I could never date a bi guy. They'd have too many issues they'd have to work through"

The implication being bi people are inherently confused and still have a side they'll have to pick eventually

I remember thinking internally "okay I guess I'm never gonna reveal true vulnerability around you" and lost a lot of respect for her

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Please explain.

bisexuals and asexuals get a lot of hate

Finally an honest topic about this.

It just goes to show that the entire supergroup of LGBT people are not a hive mind. You may feel like they are "like you" but they are just people who have a whole spectrum of their own thoughts and opinions, some of which can be shitty. And although being aggresive towards someone is not generally nice I think it's ok for people to have whatever preferences they want. If yours don't align it's unfortunate but most peoples' preferences aren't lesser. It's just what happens when you throw so many different unique individuals under one umbrella that consists of a single aspect of who they are.

viewmaster_pi posted...

ella, ella
ey, ey

i just wanted to say i appreciated that joke

Bi people get it from both ends, too straight to be queer according to gay people and too queer to be straight according to straight people.

I've noticed over the course of ten years that there's an ongoing reactionary movement in the queer community that takes the same shape and form every time, just swapping out the identity. First, bi people were "hetero invaders" who just wanted to weaken the queer community and hurt gay people. Then it was asexual people, who weren't queer enough and supposedly didn't face the same hardship as queer people and were thus appropriating queer struggles. Then it was trans women, and now it's trans men.

But to that end, we now recognise a subset of supposed progressives who are virulently transphobic and end up having more in common with your hardcore "conversion camp" conservatives. People who see themselves as progressive, but who are so fucked up and gung-ho about throwing vulnerable people under a bus because they refuse to acknowledge the legitimacy of their experiences and their allyship under the queer umbrella. And we know that those people don't speak for the whole queer community, nor do they represent the whole of a specific identity they claim to be. TERF horseshit has gotten lesbians identified as larger transphobes than other identities, and it's turning the queer community against each other.

The best we can do is work together to cultivate a stronger, healthier queer community without the baggage and horseshit of transphobes, biphobes, aphobes - queerphobes in general. Fuck the haters, we ball.

Is that a bisexual orientation? Because me too then I guess. Except I'm not really into fully transitioned transmen. Just too much masculinity and hair.

@shockthemonkey

Are we going to pretend that most cishet men wouldn't want to date trans women, and that a fair amount of violence against them comes from cishet men who feel their masculinity threatened by them?

I think one of the most helpful attitudes to arise in the community as of late is "if I see someone twisting different communities against each other, I'm going to assume they're a fed". Not a literal fed, as in a cop trying to infiltrate a movement to turn it in on itself, but someone who's doing the work that a fed would do and might as well be one.

"Bisexual people just want to hurt gay people by breaking their hearts and leaving them for a straight relationship"? On one hand, I do feel sorry if that happened to you. On the other hand, it's a common rhetorical point to paint bi people as monsters and it exists alongside rhetoric that paints bisexual people as promiscuous. The experiences of a minority of shitty people, who exist regardless of sexuality, do not paint the actions of an entire sexual orientation and I don't appreciate the assertion that they do. In short, shut the fuck up, fed.

To add another comment, it just shows there's ignorance and bigotry in every kind of community. I used to work with both a gay men who hated lesbians and a lesbian who hated gay men and were there at the same time. They just avoided each other. Again, they're a minority in the community.

Xenogears15 posted...

@shockthemonkey

Are we going to pretend that most cishet men wouldn't want to date trans women, and that a fair amount of violence against them comes from cishet men who feel their masculinity threatened by them?

I understood what you meant, but I think you may not have put it in the best way.

MrMallard posted...

I think one of the most helpful attitudes to arise in the community as of late is "if I see someone twisting different communities against each other, I'm going to assume they're a fed". Not a literal fed, as in a cop trying to infiltrate a movement to turn it in on itself, but someone who's doing the work that a fed would do and might as well be one.

Probably a pretty good rule of thumb. There's always going to be people wanting to divide us.

I worked at a place where a soft masculine lesbian and a rather effeminate gay guy hung out on lunch breaks and were kinda friends. I thought it was kinda funny.

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I'm not even going to deny that I could have worded it better from all those years ago, and that it was shouted back at her in a fit of pique. But it's also sadly true. Most cishet men don't understand the concept of gender identity and see transwomen as men when they aren't.

I reject the accusation of transphobia, but I will agree that it was shitty of me to say that.

@southernfatman

I understood what you meant, but I think you may not have put it in the best way.

Not denying that. As a young, angry queer, I didn't care about what I said in that situation. In that moment I wanted to hurt her more than anything, but also show her how ridiculous the position is.

I quoted myself as best I could from memory to try and drive the situation home, but again, it was definitely a shitty thing to say.

MrMallard posted...

I think one of the most helpful attitudes to arise in the community as of late is "if I see someone twisting different communities against each other, I'm going to assume they're a fed". Not a literal fed, as in a cop trying to infiltrate a movement to turn it in on itself, but someone who's doing the work that a fed would do and might as well be one.

"Bisexual people just want to hurt gay people by breaking their hearts and leaving them for a straight relationship"? On one hand, I do feel sorry if that happened to you. On the other hand, it's a common rhetorical point to paint bi people as monsters and it exists alongside rhetoric that paints bisexual people as promiscuous. The experiences of a minority of shitty people, who exist regardless of sexuality, do not paint the actions of an entire sexual orientation and I don't appreciate the assertion that they do. In short, shut the fuck up, fed.

I haven't really been active in the community in a long, long time. If this is indeed the more common attitude of late, then it gives me a lot of hope. It's coming from the younger, Zoomer queers, isn't it?

Yeah there are sadly some lgbt people who are ironically very bigoted and closed minded about some things

As a gay man, I've never had a satisfying encounter with bisexual men. >_>

Granted, it's only been one, but I wish he'd leave me alone and go fuck his wife or something...

Chappelle did a whole joke on this and its what led to the start of his downfall.

It was actually pretty funny until he doubled down during his next special.

Search out The Alphabet People riding in a car but he did.

Remember, guys. There is always a hierarchy in any kind of community. And people commonly lack empathy. I've suffered so that means you need to suffer as well. It's only fair.

HylianFox posted...

As a gay man, I've never had a satisfying encounter with bisexual men. >_>

Granted, it's only been one,

bruh

A very high number of people only care about causes that affect them. Some to a finer degree of division than others.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/2/5/2/AAdlC_AAEzb0.jpg

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Accepting the invalidation and demasuclation of someone due to their sexuality? That's a huge yikes from me.

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You were backing up/excusing what she said to me all those years ago when it came from a place of hate and want to invalidate my sexuality and my manhood at a time when I was in a very fragile place.

Fuck off.

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Then humor me: what even was the point of that post?

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My bigotry? OK.

You also seem to think like you know what I said, where I was coming from and decided to double down on your own end. I don't think we're going to agree here. Let's just agree to yikes each other and move on.

Xenogears15 posted...

Then humor me: what even was the point of that post?

That guy likes to show up and spam chud nonsense for the like three days he's not in Purgatory.

The point of all of their posts is irrelevant.

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I do, actually. I just used it like a script of how that encounter went back then. Would you like me to delete that, if it would make you feel better?

And no, I'm not trying to be smarmy here, just honest. I don't want to cause any distress.

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That's gonna be a cringe from me.