Current Events > Fiance wants to end it

(+) Yeah! (+)

_____Cait posted...

Uh

So did you do anything as well? Unless this was abuse or cheating, i think you should also look at yourself i stead of just blaming her. Could be you made some mistakes as well, and if you want it to work, you might need to change something.

I didn't wanna be this guy, but it does sound from the way you talk about her that you're not doing the best things yourself. If she's trying to improve her life and you're being stagnant, why wouldn't she want to leave?

I could be way off but saying she's selfish fot not wanting to be with you, saying she worked on "her not us", letting yourself be rushed into an engagement and a vasectomy. Iunno, I feel like you need to take a look at your own actions.

I'm open to suggestions on how to work on myself.
I've read some stuff to help with our communication. I'm in couples therapy with her. As far as personally, I work on my weight a lot cause I'm thin.

pedro45 posted...

Her family life growing up was crap. She was raised by her grandparents as her parents until like 9. Then living with her biological mother and step father was pure toxic.

As for others thinking she has someone, i really don't think so. She's just not that type. Plus, she has some physical things going on that would kind of prevent her from cheating anyways.

That doesn't really explain why she doesn't trust you now. I mean she trusted you enough to be in a 6 year relationship, but what happened? Or was there never any trust?

unless she actually stated problems with you and your actions, there's nothing to "work on," at least not to "fix" anything. if you really feel the need to work on something, then what you need to work on is letting go and accepting that change can happen without reason or problems. learn to end the relationship without hating anything, without blaming anyone, without making it bad.

but what i think is more important that you need to figure out, like i said before, is what you want other than this relationship. first off, why do you want this relationship? because you want a family in the future? or because you just enjoyed feeling close to someone? take into consideration that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, so if this is true, what do you want? you should figure that out and look for it, either within yourself or with someone else that isn't her.

pedro45 posted...

I got a vasectomy recently despite our sex struggling.

why is that?

It feels like it comes down to her not wanting a relationship anymore because she doesn't want to trust someone else.

Did you cause the trust issues or is this from past experiences prior to meeting you?

Break up with her.

I have two friends (male and female) whose partners felt like their relationships weren't going anywhere. Instead of trying to fix the relationships, my friends broke up with them and found new compatible partners.

She's scared. We really talked this morning and our counseling is in like a week.
While she may have been unhappy, she recognizes things have improved since they've been brought up. She's talking more about how she's been unhappy a while but hasn't said anything. While discussing solutions, it made her really happy.
She's going through so much. Birth control did a number to her system.
As far as her therapist goes though, maybe I'll make sure that is brought up to our counselor

Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved

pedro45 posted...
She's going through so much. Birth control did a number to her system.

Birth control can really fuck with some people, make them behave erratically. Think that's relevant?

pedro45 posted...

I'm open to suggestions on how to work on myself.
I've read some stuff to help with our communication. I'm in couples therapy with her. As far as personally, I work on my weight a lot cause I'm thin.

End the relationship, download tinder, and get yourself some fresh meat.

That sounds like pretty serious hemming and hawing from her and youre not married or with kids from what I saw in the thread.

Which means that she likely physically or at least emotionally cheated on you already and is basically egging you on to end the relationship anyway so she can look like the good guy to her family or anybody else that asks.

If you were married or had kids, itd be different, but its probably time to just give her what she wants - a firm break up. Leaving a fianc doesnt really matter today like it mightve used to.