Current Events > Procrastination is detrimental to mental health

(+) Yeah! (+)

This is a real fundamental issue for those lost in life. It honestly takes lives, many of us are drowning and purpose is our lifeboat. I've always struggled with severe procrastination, to the point were it's almost cost me my life. We all know that guy who does nothin but play videogames all day in his mum's basement, some of us ARE that guy.

Establishing some sense of routine is imperative for the lost and the lonely. When I'm off work for instance, I really sink into the depths of despair, my insomnia spirals out of control which a factor for this. People suggest to do somethin, anythin but what is that somethin?. It feels like we're chasin time, many of us are not were we want to be in life, a feeling that's only heightened by social media, 'comparison is the thief of joy' as they say.

The token advice is obviously 'get help' or some other vague condescending bullshit. We can all relate to this crushing feeling of inaction. There's comfort in discomfort, we perceive comfort as our safe zone when actually it's a danger zone that's counterproductive to our general wellbeing.

Well, Im convinced. Im going to start taking direct, immediate action in my life.
Ill start tomorrow though, Im feeling all tired today.

There are things I procrastinate because I just dislike them and things I procrastinate because I feel miserable and don't want to rise to meet them. The former is just an annoyance and the latter is a stress. The annoyances I can set aside time to do, and usually set a schedule for them. The latter can eat away at me over time.
There's also low-stakes tasks I just put off. This year I didn't get a Halloween costume, because I kept forgetting to go online and buy the things I needed. Lucky for me, knowing my mental health state, I decided to not go to my friend's Halloween party this year. I ended up going to a concert with a friend instead, because that was much more manageable.

Rotterdammerung posted...

Well, Im convinced. Im going to start taking direct, immediate action in my life.
Ill start tomorrow though, Im feeling all tired today.

This is exactly my feeling's most day's, I always use my fatigue as an excuse and tomorrow never comes. Then when I do have energy, I get so overwhelmed with how to channel it constructively. Sometimes I'll do a job search ( because I hate my fuckin workplace) or sometimes I do some push ups but it's never enough. I have a real issue with executive functioning which is ironic considering my role as teaching assistant. I'll be consulting a CBT therapist regarding this issue that's plagued my life.

I rarely even leave the house other than work. Aside from work I never leave the house other than an appointment. As an introvert we become so isolated and detached from life. People with friends always have somethin to look forward to, fancy social events, dancing, the cinema or holidays to break up their mundane work routine. Introverts have none of that which is really impactful for mental health.

This is why I'm not on social media. Everyone just compares their lives to each other instead of finding joy and satisfaction in their own life. Get off social media >_>

NeonTentacles posted...

This is why I'm not on social media. Everyone just compares their lives to each other instead of finding joy and satisfaction in their own life. Get off social media >_>

Honestly, it's worse in real life. I don't give much a damn about people I never have any physical interaction with.

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NeonTentacles posted...

This is why I'm not on social media. Everyone just compares their lives to each other instead of finding joy and satisfaction in their own life. Get off social media >_>

ye and most of them we don't even fuckin know. It's just addictive to scroll through Facebook but it can be so triggering. Nothin triggers my lack of self worth more than an old school friend that's now happily married.

I think the mental health is the reason for the procrastination

thronedfire2 posted...

I think the mental health is the reason for the procrastination

It goes hand in hand, same applies to sleep issues. Our destructive habits become hard wired over time and becomes 'normality' to us.

I envy most people who are so proactive in life because they have an exciting lifestyle. I've never been a practical person, I just lack so much creativity. I work with people who are out in nature, pitching up tents and travelling the world. I can barely change a fuckin lightbulb tbh. A day out for me is a walk to the chippy or a trip to the dentist.

Guilt is also associated with mental health and guilt is tied to procrastination. The weight of regret of not living our life. That feeling is so powerful, which many of us with depression know all too well. I'm able to articulate this, to facilitate an open discussion of shared understanding in the community.

I'll check out that claim sometime next month.

Understandin' the impact of procrastination on mental health is vital. It's a fundamental challenge for many individuals, leadin' to a sense of bein' lost or purposeless, affectin' our well-bein' and causin' a spiral of despair, especially evident durin' periods of free time.
Establishin' a routine becomes vital for those feelin' lost or isolated. In moments of free time, especially for me, it's easy to sink into despair, amplifyin' insomnia. The suggestion to engage in 'somethin'' is common, but figurin' out what that 'somethin'' is remains a challenge. It feels like we're constantly chasin' time, which is worsened by the comparison culture on social media.

The typical advice to 'get help' can feel dismissive. Many of us understand the weight of inaction and findin' solace in discomfort, although it's counterproductive to our well-bein'. The struggle to break out of that comfort zone, often mistakenly seen as a safe place, is a significant hurdle for many.

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NPC posted...

Understandin' the impact of procrastination on mental health is vital. It's a fundamental challenge for many individuals, leadin' to a sense of bein' lost or purposeless, affectin' our well-bein' and causin' a spiral of despair, especially evident durin' periods of free time.
Establishin' a routine becomes vital for those feelin' lost or isolated. In moments of free time, especially for me, it's easy to sink into despair, amplifyin' insomnia. The suggestion to engage in 'somethin'' is common, but figurin' out what that 'somethin'' is remains a challenge. It feels like we're constantly chasin' time, which is worsened by the comparison culture on social media.

The typical advice to 'get help' can feel dismissive. Many of us understand the weight of inaction and findin' solace in discomfort, although it's counterproductive to our well-bein'. The struggle to break out of that comfort zone, often mistakenly seen as a safe place, is a significant hurdle for many.

Exactly, you seem like a mirror image of me in that respect. My depression can get so bad at times, especially when I'm off work like the past 2 weeks. Routine is so important, its so easy to sit on our rooms all day on our laptop and playstation, that encompasses most of our lives. Balance is everythin but for I think many of us are too laid back for our own good, myself included.

Like you say, the issue is determining what exactly we should be doing with our time. For those that lack connection, that challenge is even greater. It's often suggested to form some sort of plan of action, goals can help to achieve this. I've tried this but my goals are so vague that they amount to nothin like 'book an appointment' for instance. Regardless, these small goals are essential for self motivation. These small tasks build towards a greater goal and help to break down the task into clear, concise objectives.

Procrastination is honestly the root cause of mental health along with loneliness, the 2 go hand in hand. Idle mind is the devils workshop as they say. Procrastination is associated with a lack of belonging. Without connection in our lives, we lack meaning and purpose. This leads to destructive habits that further buries our heads in the sand which is counterproductive to self improvement.

Even posting on this forum isn't productive but at the very least, these topics highlights these issues and resonates with someone in some meaningful way. I find psychology fascinating but for now my purpose is a teaching assistant.

I'm pretty consistently depressed when I'm laying about and when I'm getting things done.

NPC posted...

TeamSilent4Life posted...

Exactly, you seem like a mirror image of me in that respect. My depression can get so bad at times, especially when I'm off work like the past 2 weeks. Routine is so important, its so easy to sit on our rooms all day on our laptop and playstation, that encompasses most of our lives. Balance is everythin but for I think many of us are too laid back for our own good, myself included.

Like you say, the issue is determining what exactly we should be doing with our time. For those that lack connection, that challenge is even greater. It's often suggested to form some sort of plan of action, goals can help to achieve this. I've tried this but my goals are so vague that they amount to nothin like 'book an appointment' for instance. Regardless, these small goals are essential for self motivation. These small tasks build towards a greater goal and help to break down the task into clear, concise objectives.

Procrastination is honestly the root cause of mental health along with loneliness, the 2 go hand in hand. Idle mind is the devils workshop as they say. Procrastination is associated with a lack of belonging. Without connection in our lives, we lack meaning and purpose. This leads to destructive habits that further buries our heads in the sand which is counterproductive to self improvement.

Even posting on this forum isn't productive but at the very least, these topics highlights these issues and resonates with someone in some meaningful way. I find psychology fascinating but for now my purpose is a teaching assistant.

Wasn't he just parodying your original post? That's how it read to me.

BloodMoon7 posted...

I'm pretty consistently depressed when I'm laying about and when I'm getting things done.

Same, I get no relief from how low I feel. When I'm off work I'm even worse as that routine is taken away from me. Clinical depression leads to 'emptiness', a void in our soul. It greatly reduces our capacity for joyful emotions, standard emotions that most people have access to. This sensation is known as anhedonia or dysthymia. My anxiety and depression can get really dark and it's often triggered by somethin. When somethin escalates it's been triggered by somethin that's fearful or reminds us of our low self worth.

Your future self will always be more composed, responsible and passionate about their life and striving towards the goals they have always wanted. Problem is that you will always be the present you, who can't give a shit to actually be the person you always wanted to be. So fuck it.

chaos_knight posted...

Your future self will always be more composed, responsible and passionate about their life and striving towards the goals they have always wanted. Problem is that you will always be the present you, who can't give a shit to actually be the person you always wanted to be. So fuck it.

Very philosophical, it's very true. It requires a radical shift in mindset to foresee these change in circumstances. Change is never easy, it represents fear. I think as we reach our 30s that's when we really feel that we're chasing time. I envy people who are married with kids and lovely holidays. They have everythin in life to be settled. I want that life so bad yet it's beyond my reach. Like most humans, all I've ever wanted is friends, a family of my own, a lovely wife, kids and fancy holidays. I have none of that.

These people are typically highly driven and proactive in life, its like an elite mindset of resilience they have. Yet for many others, this life has been nothin but endless suffering in some form or another. Mental health sufferers have this life on hard mode, same for addicts or anyone else who've endured nothin but mistreatment all their life. A life without love is a life without meaning.

Procrastination is a form of coping, just usually not a productive one.

mariolover2 posted...

As long as you hone a certain skill

The issue is finding the motivation to stay consistent enough to practice and hone that skill. I'm a man of many hobbies, but I'm falling apart at the seems and I don't stick with a single one. It probably explains why it's been years since I've completed a video game.

I really do believe that society is defined by how we conform to a perceived standard. Normies for instance don't experience this level of procrastination. Most don't experience significant mental health or deep loneliness. They have a support system at their beck and call, to wipe their tears and throw them extravagant birthday parties. A support system is their foundation from which to thrive upon. For the lost and the lonely this isn't the case, no one gives a fuck about the unstable one or the ugly one. Success can still be achieved of course regardless but there's a lot more challenges than what a normie would face in life.

Didn't read all your long windy posts but maybe just be thankful that you're in a position where you can procrastinate

My issue is that I'm mostly confined to my room other than work. I've always been a recluse even as a kid, I may as well be in a fuckin prison because my lifestyle is no different. Eventually, it breaks you mentally leading to serious mental health problems. Many of us love to chill in front of the laptop and playstation, but when it becomes your life then it's a serious problem. Whilst I do work, my social life is non existent. I'm years behind everyone else in my development and I'm in my 30s.

A lot of men take their lives around this age, in fact the single biggest killer in men under 45 is by suicide. Now what does that suggest, well it indicates that the pressures of men are significant. Single average men particularly have this life on hard mode. Toxic masculinity takes lives, this is fact.

As a sensitive single man with clinical depression and anxiety, I know this pressure all too well. I knew a guy who took his life because of the stigma around his sexuality, he was 28. He was a very popular guy but struggled with his demons of being gay in a society that lacks compassion and understanding. I messaged him words of support in regards to his mental health, to encourage him to be active as I suffer myself in that regard. It just shows how devastating it can be to be isolated with your own demons. There is still not enough support for mental health despite millions suffering with anxiety and depression. Men's propensity to bottle things up and a culture of toxic masculinity are serious fundamental issues in our society, this needs to change.

mariolover2 posted...

As long as you hone a certain skill

NeonTentacles posted...

This is why I'm not on social media. Everyone just compares their lives to each other instead of finding joy and satisfaction in their own life. Get off social media >_>

Yeah that can't be good to keep lookin at pictures of glitzy weddings and fancy vacations in glistening sunshine. This will only create comparison so the solution is to never use them tbh.

I used to get some thrill from procrastinating school projects/assignments.

I literally broke down today to my mum, I told her that I wish I never woke up which triggered a release of tearful emotions. This is how bad I get when I'm off work, I go to a really dark place that is inescapable for me. The issue is replacing 1 routine with another, somethin I've always struggled with.

I know I have a reputation on this forum for being a diary entry but it comes from a dark place of unworthiness. I only post to express the despair that I'm in a constant battle to internalise. I've always suffered with anxiety and depression, it's a battle that I'll never win. The best I can hope for is copes to get me through the day like work or videogames or my laptop but it's not enough. It doesn't resolve the deep rooted loneliness or the guilt that lies within.

The last 24 hours have been memorable to say the least. I was threatened again by an abusive brother who wants to 'do me in' as he bragged about the 'blade' in his pocket. He also threatened to stab his ex gf and burn her stuff as he live streams it, his exact words. He said all this to my mum and my mum's friend who didn't bat a fuckin eyelid which tells you everythin about the gaslighting, enabling environment I've been living in.

Today I basically called the police. I called Crimestoppers initially last night but followed up properly today. I'm sick with worry, I now have to go directly to the police station for a 2 hour provisional assessment about his threats and intimidation over the years. I've documented most of it and recorded some of it last night but it's not substantial. Oh and I was back at work today, so I had to somehow put on a brave face.

@ShiftBlood Comparison is the thief of joy as they say, we objectively compare our lives to our peers which never ends well. It's worse when it's someone you grew up with or use to be a loser in life and now they're have the best life ever with a loving wife and kids. Even anonymous strangers it's still triggering to see their amazing lives, for the lost and the lonely it's honestly suicide fuel.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

The last 24 hours have been memorable to say the least. I was threatened again by an abusive brother who wants to 'do me in' as he bragged about the 'blade' in his pocket. He also threatened to stab his ex gf and burn her stuff as he live streams it, his exact words. He said all this to my mum and my mum's friend who didn't bat a fuckin eyelid which tells you everythin about the gaslighting, enabling environment I've been living in.

Today I basically called the police. I called Crimestoppers initially last night but followed up properly today. I'm sick with worry, I now have to go directly to the police station for a 2 hour provisional assessment about his threats and intimidation over the years. I've documented most of it and recorded some of it last night but it's not substantial. Oh and I was back at work today, so I had to somehow put on a brave face.

It's a shame that he's resortin to instilling fear into people around him again. He keeps using fear as a weapon against people especially susceptible to it which has been going on for years n years which is a ridiclous sitution tbh. No one should have to put up with that mental torture for even a single day let alone decades. Hopefully the police can enforce the change needed to prevent this unforgivable, awful emotional and mental torture.

@ShiftBlood Comparison is the thief of joy as they say, we objectively compare our lives to our peers which never ends well. It's worse when it's someone you grew up with or use to be a loser in life and now they're have the best life ever with a loving wife and kids. Even anonymous strangers it's still triggering to see their amazing lives, for the lost and the lonely it's honestly suicide fuel.

The mind wants to create comparison which is ultimately meaningless tbh but the best thing to do is stay off those platforms in the first place as they are toxic beyond words. Images of vacations and car selfies on Instagram; it's all meaningless.

@ShiftBlood ye tomorrow is D-Day, I'm scheduled to be at the police station to give a statement, apparently this session will last 2 hours. Then I have to somehow put on a brave face at work immediately after. I've been sick with worry all week, I even contacted them to request a cancellation, they said it will remain on file but nothin will get done. Then I came home from work and told my mum about his threatening behaviour, how he threatened me and threatened to stab his ex and burn her stuff.

She defended him as usual, basically sayin he was pissed, I said that doesn't justify threatening behaviour. She keeps tellin me 'You can't forget about the past' which is gaslighting. This is how narrow minded my own mother is. She basically told me to 'do what I have to do' so now I'm adamant now in my mind to proceed further and give a full statement on this bastard. Years and years of fear and intimidation. It's time to end this once and for all. My mum will probably disown me after tomorrow, I'll be a target, 'snitches get stitches' after all. They'll know it's me as everyone else enables him. I'll update how it goes tomorrow, my next post will be interesting to say the least.

Today I gave a full statement to the police regarding the threats and intimidation over the years. I attended the police station and the session lasted a couple hours. I was in tears all day, I opened up directly to the school I work. I told the headmistress amongst other staff. I walked straight into rooms and poured my heart out to them regarding the abuse. They were very supportive, and I got a couple hugs from 2 staff.

After all this, the police decided to not press charges due to insufficient evidence. I only had 6 voice recordings which weren't very clear along with supporting notes. When I cam home I was shouted at and vilified by my own mother who continues to gaslight me to deflect his behaviour. I told her straight how she complete invalidates abuse because she's so narrow minded.

She repeatedly told me that 'I can't forget about the past', that I must be on the spectrum and that I need to GROW UP. Completely dismissing this evil bastard and the people around her agreed with her. This speaks volumes for how the abuse has been left to continue over many years. He could fuckin murder someone and she'd still say ' Oh u can't forget about the past'. This system is fucked, no justice whatsoever and this proves it. A slap on the wrist after all that, wtf is going on with this world.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

She repeatedly told me that 'I can't forget about the past'

Why does Mum keep sayin this? Not sure how something from years gone can justify chronic mental torture of a fellow family member?...

Whatever your brother did in the past doesn't mean he can be allowed to mentally abuse his brother and vent all of his pent up anger towards you; he can't keep bein allowed to use you as an outlet for that anger within. That's mental abuse on a chronic, vast scale that is causing negative emotions within you. That's not fair, TC.

Just because he's blood doesn't mean he can use you as an outlet to vent on. All of that abuse takes it toll on you and he can't be allowed to keep doin this tbh.

Chronic mental and emotional abuse is no joke and it needs to be stopped, TC. It emotionally imprisons people and honestly that can't keep goin on.

@ShiftBlood ye she's been part of the abuse tbh, my own mother. It's dawned on me how she has gaslighted me for years, if I dare to open up to her she completely shuts me down and invalidates my suffering. She repeatedly deflects his abusive behaviour, blames it on my mind that I'm somehow stupid due to my anxiety and depression. She guilt trips me, saying 'how can you do this knowing I'm not well' which is irrespective of abuse. She repeatedly tells me to forget about the past even when it was just the other day, then another day and another day, she's seriously deluded.

After all that he gets a 'slap on the wrist' due to 'insufficient evidence'. My mum basically lied to the officer to downplay his abuse, using alcohol as an excuse, saying it won't happen again. This makes an absolute mockery of living in fear for years. He could murder someone and she'd still turn round and tell me that 'I can't let go of the past'.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


The police basically told me that they can't proceed with charges as his threats were indirect and there's no evidence to suggest otherwise. The few I had were very unclear but surely they have forensics to amplify the clarity of the audio, I've even seen documentaries were they enhanced the audio of a muffled recording, then all of a sudden you could clearly hear the abuser threatening to kill the victim. I regret not recording sooner, I only recorded some of sunday's audio which didn't really capture the threats, except for 1 were he reveals to be 'carrying a blade'. The officer told me at the station that she can hear that 1 clearly yet they still refused to press charges. This whole justice system is fucked and this proves it.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

@ShiftBlood ye she's been part of the abuse tbh, my own mother. It's dawned on me how she has gaslighted me for years, if I dare to open up to her she completely shuts me down and invalidates my suffering. She repeatedly deflects his abusive behaviour, blames it on my mind that I'm somehow stupid due to my anxiety and depression. She guilt trips me, saying 'how can you do this knowing I'm not well' which is irrespective of abuse. She repeatedly tells me to forget about the past even when it was just the other day, then another day and another day, she's seriously deluded.

After all that he gets a 'slap on the wrist' due to 'insufficient evidence'. My mum basically lied to the officer to downplay his abuse, using alcohol as an excuse, saying it won't happen again. This makes an absolute mockery of living in fear for years. He could murder someone and she'd still turn round and tell me that 'I can't let go of the past'.

The police basically told me that they can't proceed with charges as his threats were indirect and there's no evidence to suggest otherwise. The few I had were very unclear but surely they have forensics to amplify the clarity of the audio, I've even seen documentaries were they enhanced the audio of a muffled recording, then all of a sudden you could clearly hear the abuser threatening to kill the victim. I regret not recording sooner, I only recorded some of sunday's audio which didn't really capture the threats, except for 1 were he reveals to be 'carrying a blade'. The officer told me at the station that she can hear that 1 clearly yet they still refused to press charges. This whole justice system is fucked and this proves it.

The fact that he threatened to write your own name in blood as he carries this knife about tells you everythin you need to know tbh.

I think the staggering thing is that this abusive behaviour has been going on for literally years now completely uncheckd. That kind of prolonged mental abuse can cause seriously bad side affects and it's no wonder you suffer with chronic insomnia and anxiety.

He's literally just running amok and yet your Mum is downplayin it even tho you know in yourself the fear it is instilling in you when he's doing it. That is all the confirmation you need; your own feelings. It's comin from a deep place, it's comin from inside you and this is where the truth lies. Mum can try to invalidate thatall she wants but your own emotions are a reflection of the abuse you're experiencing.

Top ten reasons to procrastinate
1.

@ShiftBlood He threatened me again tonight, he came round after 3 drinks and turned nasty again, warning me "DON'T YOU EVER RING THE POLICE AGAIN YOU FUCKIN WORM". He called me a "FUCKIN PRICK", said I need to be sectioned and told mum he would "fuckin leather me" if stress ever finished her off. I'm considering a restraining order.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

@ShiftBlood He threatened me again tonight, he came round after 3 drinks and turned nasty again, warning me "DON'T YOU EVER RING THE POLICE AGAIN YOU FUCKIN WORM". He called me a "FUCKIN PRICK", said I need to be sectioned and told mum he would "fuckin leather me" if stress ever finished her off. I'm considering a restraining order.

Guy's just completely running amok mentally abusing you. This can't keep going on as it's literally emotional torture.

And I think the baffling thing is how they both of them don't recognize that this aggressive intimadating behaviour is causing mental anguish for you.

They can't keep fobbing it all off as if it's to be brushed under the carpet. It's literally emotional abuse yet they want you to just put up with it for the next 30 - 40 years as if it's nothin. Just the fact that's he uses a knife for intimadation is beyond forgivable.

@ShiftBlood Today was the 1st time my abuse has been validated by someone other than a professional. My mum's muslim friend really spelt it out to her that she is enabling his abuse. The lady acknowledged my abuse and said I did the right thing going to the police. She told my mum that it's wrong for her to gaslight and invalidate me.

I made it clear to my mum that I'll do it again if I have to. Even if I was threatened to be stabbed, shot, you name it, as long as I've spoken out against the abuse then I don't give a fuck. I told them I don't need anyone's permission and my feelings are valid, yet this bastard had the nerve to still threaten me again the other night. We explained coercive behaviour which is a known trait, they basically threaten then the next day they'll do a bit of shopping or help out to mask their abusive behaviour. It's this pattern that maintains the abuse, it's the behaviour of a true sociopath to threaten serious threats of harm then the next day 'all is well' just because you've washed a few pots.

The headmistress also checked in on me again today, she pulled me out of the classroom. Quite the juxtaposition from supporting children to then update my headteacher about the abuse. She's a lovely kind lady and didn't judge. Yesterday I had to run out of the classroom crying because I received a text from someone to inform me that the police are around my mums and she is in pieces. There's real strength in suffering, it doesn't seem so but it can make you stronger as a person. I'm now more fearless after taking a fearful action of calling the police and giving a testimony at the station. Apparently the officer just came round and laughed and giggled with him, even offering him support which tells you everything how fucked this justice system is. But that won't stop me from reporting further if that fucker ever dares to threaten me again, I was close last night but instead turned to Victim Support who told me to keep reporting as they open a new case file for each case closed.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

@ShiftBlood Today was the 1st time my abuse has been validated by someone other than a professional. My mum's muslim friend really spelt it out to her that she is enabling his abuse. The lady acknowledged my abuse and said I did the right thing going to the police. She told my mum that it's wrong for her to gaslight and invalidate me.

I made it clear to my mum that I'll do it again if I have to. Even if I was threatened to be stabbed, shot, you name it, as long as I've spoken out against the abuse then I don't give a fuck. I told them I don't need anyone's permission and my feelings are valid, yet this bastard had the nerve to still threaten me again the other night. We explained coercive behaviour which is a known trait, they basically threaten then the next day they'll do a bit of shopping or help out to mask their abusive behaviour. It's this pattern that maintains the abuse, it's the behaviour of a true sociopath to threaten serious threats of harm then the next day 'all is well' just because you've washed a few pots.

The headmistress also checked in on me again today, she pulled me out of the classroom. Quite the juxtaposition from supporting children to then update my headteacher about the abuse. She's a lovely kind lady and didn't judge. Yesterday I had to run out of the classroom crying because I received a text from someone to inform me that the police are around my mums and she is in pieces. There's real strength in suffering, it doesn't seem so but it can make you stronger as a person. I'm now more fearless after taking a fearful action of calling the police and giving a testimony at the station. Apparently the officer just came round and laughed and giggled with him, even offering him support which tells you everything how fucked this justice system is. But that won't stop me from reporting further if that fucker ever dares to threaten me again, I was close last night but instead turned to Victim Support who told me to keep reporting as they open a new case file for each case closed.

You gotta keep speakin out against what your brother is doing because this isn't a tenable situation for your mental health and emotional stabillity. You've already got severe problems on that front without his bloody antics. You can't keep livin under this abuse. One day is too many. Yet this has been goin on for f***in years.

At least that lady is telling your mum how it is but I just hope that your mum bloody listens rather than the usual trying to brush it's serious side under the carpet of family.

She doesn't want to face the issue head-on because of the sheer friction it will initially cause by calling out your brother but this can't keep bein allowed to continue. Speak out and shout it from the rooftops. The headmistress is even showin sympathy that's 2 people now IRL they have shown support. Continue to ride this wave and talk with people around you about what he is doing because he's needs sortin out right f****in now.

There's nothin more soul destroyin as a lonely man than seeing your peers now happily married. I should avoid Facebook altogether because the temptation is always there to peer down the rabbit hole and see how what your childhood friends are getting up to.

I just clicked on a childhood mate's profile and realised that he is recently got married. His photo's paint the rosiest picture of a life I could only dream of. Trips to Disneyland etc with his beautiful wife.

Meanwhile I'm contemplating my entire existence. Last week I reported someone for domestic abuse at the police station. I hate my job and my depression is only getting worse. I remain as lonely as ever and got dumped by someone in January. On that basis, I wish someone would just put me out of my fuckin misery, take me to the back of a barn like a deadbeat horse.

My life has been fucked since the day I was born, plagued with mental health and abused by my own family.

@ShiftBlood ye I just wish I ceased to exist tbh, some people weren't meant for this life and I'm 1 of them. I have no comprehension of how to live my life. I've been plagued with mental health and abused by my own family. Those 2 flings I had were the closest I've ever been to happiness. I really feel like social media is detrimental to mental health, seeing your peers living life at your miserable expense is soul destroying. Everyone around me is happily married with kids and fancy holidays. A day out for me is a trip to the dentist or to a job I despise. I honestly wish I never woke up because my life isn't worth a damn. I'm proud of my work as a TA, I guess that's somethin..

TeamSilent4Life posted...

There's nothin more soul destroyin as a lonely man than seeing your peers now happily married. I should avoid Facebook altogether because the temptation is always there to peer down the rabbit hole and see how what your childhood friends are getting up to.

I just clicked on a childhood mate's profile and realised that he is recently got married. His photo's paint the rosiest picture of a life I could only dream of. Trips to Disneyland etc with his beautiful wife.

Meanwhile I'm contemplating my entire existence.

They say that the people that run these Social Media sites don't let their own kids use them; that really says it all about how toxic they are for the mind.

You've literally gotta take that Facebook account and delete it and never look back. You'll be emotionally far better off.

My life has been fucked since the day I was born, plagued with mental health

@ShiftBlood ye I just wish I ceased to exist tbh, some people weren't meant for this life and I'm 1 of them. I have no comprehension of how to live my life. I've been plagued with mental health and abused by my own family. Those 2 flings I had were the closest I've ever been to happiness. I really feel like social media is detrimental to mental health, seeing your peers living life at your miserable expense is soul destroying. Everyone around me is happily married with kids and fancy holidays. A day out for me is a trip to the dentist or to a job I despise. I honestly wish I never woke up because my life isn't worth a damn. I'm proud of my work as a TA, I guess that's somethin..

At least you are literally helping raise other people's kids on a daily basis as opposed to bein chained to a desk as a cog for the greater bank balance of the higher ups.

There's much pride to had in bein a valued part of the Community which is reflected in how especially the head mistress is nowshowin support for you during these crazy times.

She really has surprised me as I didn't think she would be that understanding. Plus gettin hugs in relation to that stress is always a kind gesture.

I think you've gotta get out of this awful environment at home first tbh cos it's toxicity is holding you back. You need a base of strength to start with first and only then can you hope to get all your other aspects of your life in order.

If your livin in fear in a toxic environment it's 100 times more difficult to be productive compared to a stable place of relaxation.

ShiftBlood posted...

At least you are literally helping raise other people's kids on a daily basis as opposed to bein chained to a desk as a cog for the greater bank balance of the higher ups.

There's much pride to had in bein a valued part of the Community which is reflected in how especially the head mistress is nowshowin support for you during these crazy times.

She really has surprised me as I didn't think she would be that understanding. Plus gettin hugs in relation to that stress is always a kind gesture.

I think you've gotta get out of this awful environment at home first tbh cos it's toxicity is holding you back. You need a base of strength to start with first and only then can you hope to get all your other aspects of your life in order.

If your livin in fear in a toxic environment it's 100 times more difficult to be productive compared to a stable place of relaxation.

ye I was surprised because it's not a normal circumstance for a headteacher to be dealing with. A school prides itself on integrity and here I am knockin on the headmistress door to inform her about the abuse I deal with. I literally walked into that school directly from the police station, knocked on the headmistress door and told her I had just come from the station, no fucks given. She sat me down in her office and expressed sympathy. She told me that they think a lot of me at the school which meant somethin, although I did think they've got a funny way of showing it in regards to the ignorance and hostility from most staff.

I then poured my heart out to some staff in the staff room, walked in and told them where I've just been. It was fuckin anarchy, the headteacher even had to cancel her meeting with the teachers as it was a more pressing concern for the school. I really worried them as I was shaking and crying in front of the school staff and you know what, it was fuckin liberating. I was even told I'm brave for what I did from some genuine staff (although most are still ignorant) which is more than my gaslighting mum. A moment like that really highlights who is genuine and who is not.

That day was an experience and life is about experiences. From being at the police station for 2 hours confiding to an officer followed by the events at school and the aftermath of what had just transpired. The bastard still got away with it due to insufficient evidence of direct threats but it was liberating regardless.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

ye I was surprised because it's not a normal circumstance for a headteacher to be dealing with. A school prides itself on integrity and here I am knockin on the headmistress door to inform her about the abuse I deal with. I literally walked into that school directly from the police station, knocked on the headmistress door and told her I had just come from the station, no fucks given. She sat me down in her office and expressed sympathy. She told me that they think a lot of me at the school which meant somethin, although I did think they've got a funny way of showing it in regards to the ignorance and hostility from most staff.

I then poured my heart out to some staff in the staff room, walked in and told them where I've just been. It was fuckin anarchy, the headteacher even had to cancel her meeting with the teachers as it was a more pressing concern for the school. I really worried them as I was shaking and crying in front of the school staff and you know what, it was fuckin liberating. I was even told I'm brave for what I did from some genuine staff (although most are still ignorant) which is more than my gaslighting mum. A moment like that really highlights who is genuine and who is not.

That day was an experience and life is about experiences. From being at the police station for 2 hours confiding to an officer followed by the events at school and the aftermath of what had just transpired. The bastard still got away with it due to insufficient evidence of direct threats but it was liberating regardless.

You've shown that all these fears can be broken down and that you can be honest & real in front of others and it won't lead to the end of the world.

To be in literal tears infront of coworkers and rather than it be a negative experience which you would have predicted; it was actually quite a beautiful moment.

People respond to such a trauma and I think take that as a positive outlook goin forward. The head mistress and some of the staff didn't have to show that amount of understandin....... but they did.

I couldn't be more impressed with how they have acted and after that emotional experience of being open you are now a better person and you felt the chains briefly lift in that moment of pure honesty. You've braved the storm to show that on the other side of it you can just be completely honest and the world won't end, TC.

Maybe you might want to consider stayin at that school now after seein some of the responses knowing that despite the outward bahaviour towards you, when it's a time of profound stress they showed a compassionate stance. Not every every Head Mistress would have gone the extra mile like that tbh.

@ShiftBlood Thanks, I just wish they continued that compassion but since then it's back to the same old bullshit of ignorance. Most of them don't even say a word to me, some have barely said 2 words to me since I started over a year ago. I did have 1 positive chat with someone in the break room, with the lady who overseas the school finances. It was such a nice meaningful chat and she acknowledged me, unfortunately I don't work with her directly as she is rarely seen out of her designated office. There was another lady who was like this, and there was a cleaning lady who had my back, but they both left, I had the most deep chats with them. People like that are like fuckin goldust in a poisonous fish bowl of piranhas.

If only the other staff were like this, most of them treat me like I'm nothin. I don't understand their issue with me, maybe it's because I'm short and have a big nose. Those factors along with my social anxiety are definitely factors, if your perceived indifferent your treated as such. I do believe that but then I have a nice meaningful chat with the finance lady which suggests otherwise. Most of them are honestly the most ignorant people I've ever worked with which says a lot. There's a lot of stuck up people in schools put it that way. 1 of them had the nerve to hug me to appear 'kind hearted' before continuing to ignore me as usual.

TeamSilent4Life posted...

@ShiftBlood Thanks, I just wish they continued that compassion but since then it's back to the same old bullshit of ignorance. Most of them don't even say a word to me, some have barely said 2 words to me since I started over a year ago. I did have 1 positive chat with someone in the break room, with the lady who overseas the school finances. It was such a nice meaningful chat and she acknowledged me, unfortunately I don't work with her directly as she is rarely seen out of her designated office. There was another lady who was like this, and there was a cleaning lady who had my back, but they both left, I had the most deep chats with them. People like that are like fuckin goldust in a poisonous fish bowl of piranhas.

If only the other staff were like this, most of them treat me like I'm nothin. I don't understand their issue with me, maybe it's because I'm short and have a big nose. Those factors along with my social anxiety are definitely factors, if your perceived indifferent your treated as such. I do believe that but then I have a nice meaningful chat with the finance lady which suggests otherwise. Most of them are honestly the most ignorant people I've ever worked with which says a lot. There's a lot of stuck up people in schools put it that way. 1 of them had the nerve to hug me to appear 'kind hearted' before continuing to ignore me as usual.

It's a shame that the cleaning lady left as she was always easy to have small talk with which can't be said for 98% of all the other staff onsite at that school tbh.

In a time of crisis some of showed great compassion and we have to give them respect for that, though overall the usual are just gonna revert back to type which is disheartenin.

I'm really not sure whether you should leave for a new job nowor not tbh.... on one hand you have a certain amount of stability but on the other you have all the injust isolation tactics. And it is likely to be the same in many other work environments as that is what places are like it's jus pot-luck whether they'll be nicer in the new job.

At least you've got a few weeks off for Xmas in about a month but then the downside to that is that too much time off can actually be a negative thing in the long run if you're mentally not in a good place. I think just get to The Christmas break and then just go from there tbh take each day as it comes.

@ShiftBlood ye and I get that it's because of my nose more than anythin, like seriously with a nose like mine it can be considered a deformity. From the front I'm a handsome lad but the side is another story. I may as well be a fuckin pelican.

I know for a fact this is the main reason why I've never fitted in anywhere. My shyness and short stature are also a factor but my nose is the main reason. With such a glaring imperfection, people will judge you regardless of what they say otherwise. Even kids have commented on my nose, that's how bad it is. It's worth mentioning that selfies are not a true reflection as our imperfections always look so much worse up close. And it didn't stop me from having 2 passionate flings as well as some one night stands with various women. That's a lot more than some men get in a lifetime tbh, I'm referring to the incel community in that respect, literally 40 year old virgins who I do sympathise with. I'm all too familiar with that feeling of loneliness.

I've considered rhinoplasty but that South Park episode puts me off tbh. You also get black eyes and a swollen face for weeks after the procedure which is fucked up. I ain't paying 10 grand for that. The fact I've never fitted in anywhere tells you everythin how judgemental of a society we live in. That is clear evidence of prejudice; height, nose, shyness all these factors. It's almost sacrilege to be a sensitive man in this toxic masculine society, I've always been very in tune with my emotions. I don't feel comfortable around tall alpha's, I don't interact with them, I avoid them at all costs.