Poll of the Day > Topic about weekend woes or something.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I finished some sort of writing project last Sunday or whatever. It was the only thing that really kept me going through the work-week. Now, I have nothing. I don't know what makes me happy anymore, etc. Everything feels like background noise at this point. I finally have my own apartment, like I always dreamt of. It's great, and all; definitely an improvement over living at home with those insufferable family of mine. All these years, I had dreamt of getting as far away from them as possible. That was partly why I went to college. I had thought at the time that I could not be appealing to employers without a college degree. I had had no actual plan for what to do with my education. I only thought of leaving, escaping that crazy state where my family lived. Now that I have, I'm starting to remember more and more about why I hated it there. I don't feel like going into more details than I have already. In any case, I'm just stuck here, I guess, without a plan or goal anymore. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I just cannot see the point. It's this effectively endless cycle of going to work, going home, going to sleep, and then doing that whole dumbass cycle over again like a bloody hamster. Sometimes, I think of my life as a hamster wheel, where I run endlessly in-place without really going anywhere. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I don't know what makes me happy. Thinking of the things that used to makes me sad. The act is a hassle, an exercise in exacerbating my depression by reminding myself that the mere prospect of those former hobbies is enough to make me groan and sigh. The things that the co-workers talk about are of no interest to me. I don't really feel like joining in when I hear something I am interested in; that would be rude, of course. Sometimes, I feel like I'm an alien when I'm around them. I feel different from them in ways that are beyond either my understanding or ability to explain. I've never needed friends before. I definitely do remember some people calling me one at one point. I had not taken them seriously. I could not relate to anyone then; the same holds true now. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm sick of this.